I would like to still refer to the log that is in our eye. Do not think that I'm going to tell you something about the position of Holy person and perfect mother. I'm normal, like you. And this rake I was advancing and advancing itself. Something I know but can't always apply. Something know and apply. Surely there is something else what I think later. Let me tell you about my mistakes that I notice, like my mom's. About your not only about her, okay?Detonation-antichnosti
From the Vedic treatises it is clear to us that the family is created for the birth and upbringing of children. More precisely, a worthy and pious descendants. Of them will be our world tomorrow, and it is important to understand that the moment we raise our babies.But in modern culture there are few children. In a small family. And children are the center. All for the kids. Everything for children.
On the one hand it is good – more thought – convenient ramps, and races for wheelchairs, playroom, again themselves strollers, slings, toys. On the other hand it turns out that children grow up selfish consumers. If they are in the midst of a family relationship, like a deity on the altar, otherwise it will not work.
In China, where most families raise only one child, there is even a name for it – "Little Emperor."
This is just about the generation of children, whom he loved for all of who are unable to give birth. We tried to give everything that could give a greater number of children.
Italy was formerly very fashionable, this approach – when the children – centered family, and everything adjusted for them. But it caused a lot of problems later. And created special institutions for the revival of family culture, to help families determine the right place for children.
In most world countries now, too, it happens. All for the sake of the kids, all for children. In shopping centers, almost half of the stores – baby. Mother will not buy a new dress, but will buy three toys for the child. I did just that.
In the center of the family needs to be certain principles, laws that we serve. And the most important person, which we adapt – to be a husband and a father. The second important person – mom. And we are not under children adapt, and they are embedded in. Do not refuse for them from their dreams, and fulfill your dreams with your children.The entertainment industry
Once we ourselves entertained. I remember myself walking in the yard with one and a half years. Under the window, but she. And we are looking for a fun. There was then the opportunity to make us plastic houses so we have built the house themselves in the bushes. Hang fleece blankets brought from home, arranging sticks, leaves. Stick in General has always been multitasking. She could be a horse, and a sword, and a Desk, and the door... Easier said than she couldn't be.
Now the children are ready. Want to play store? Here's cash, paper money, plastic fruits. Want to be a nurse? Here's suit, syringe, hammer. It's not bad, but more often it leads to the fact that the imagination works not as could be.And in all this the entertainment industry we, as parents, play an important role.
We are trying to entertain children. To them it was not boring, to them it was useful to waste time is not lost. Children are drawn into our way of thinking, and then really can't play themselves, can't think, they're bored. So we lose the opportunity to engage with them about their business, and they are losing their freedom and imagination.
Kids get bored with ourselves,
and this is the main problem of the generation of children's entertainers. If we change this concept and realize that parents don't have to entertain the kids and occupy them, how much time and effort freed up the parents? And what is the scope of opportunities that would allow for children?
Try not to go especially the children a place where they entertain, it seems that they are interested in, and you're bored. Try to join in the adventure that will appeal to you, which will make you happier. And you will see how to change the feeling of your children. Most kids have no interest zoos, circuses and entertainment centers. They are much more like to be with their parents, having fun together.
So we go on pilgrimage together. We give a discount for children and dosing all the places, the time spent in them (as physically tired even adults). But India with cows and pigs, monkeys and peacocks in the streets, gives them more memories and emotions than any zoo. None of the zoo they don't remember, and miss India. Because we have allowed ourselves to be happy with them?"For the sake of putting them with my life"
That is, abandon themselves to their passions and interests. Live fully with them and for them. Secretly hoping that one day the bill will be paid. Say for that we thank you? Or will feel a hindrance in our path, those who prevented us from becoming happier?Motherhood really changes us and transformerait. But what? It forces us to learn to respect the other person's needs.
Teaches us to rebuild his regime and habits, to learn to belong to another. And it teaches us to become reacquainted with yourself. If we don't get acquainted with him again, if we ourselves are not interested, then no transformation. And so nothing useful to children, we can not give.
Motherhood can change our lives. It can help us to reconsider habits and attachments, to change, realizing that children will copy our behavior and habits. Therefore it is necessary to clean your life from all that we would be his children did not want to. It a little weird to smoke in the kitchen, a cigarette, and then to instruct the daughter that she never ever did. Strange to tell my daughter about respect for men when your husband called you by name and constantly complain about it all. It is strange to force a daughter to wear only dresses, if she does not come out of jeans.
At the same time children copy the good habits. When they see that mom finds time for his Hobbies and needs, and they are this allows. Not only in childhood but also when they themselves become mothers and fathers. When they see that mom's life interesting, and the mother in this life happy, they want to create a family, and live your life to the fullest.
Yes, motherhood is associated with victims of personal sacrifice. But not with the abandonment of his soul, not the betrayal itself. The victim is a sleepless night. Sacrifice is giving to the child of his time. Sacrifice is self-education for his future. Such sacrifices he needs. And our escape from his life in his life – no.I want to live as beforeOften tension arises when we want to get back your usual life, with its pleasures immediately after birth
. To get the same to do the same. That is, unlike the previous case, not ready to any victims. In this case, the child is perceived as a kidnapper and devourer of our time and effort. Not as an investment but as a mindless waste. We are very sorry for it all – time, strength, beauty, attention.
I remember well this is the state when the eldest son was grown. When he didn't want to sleep without me, and when I woke up – he started to cry. Lying next to him seemed to me a luxury, although in reality that's exactly what I needed. To stop running and relax. The less he slept during the day, the angrier I was. I wanted to make my super-important things he prevented me to do so. I envied the husband who went to a friend's wedding a few months after birth.
He had fun, and was sitting at home angry. Remember how I wanted to quickly give a child in kindergarten or at least the nanny for a couple of hours to get to work, to go somewhere to "rest".This internal struggle with the child and the changes it has brought to my life, I spent a lot of energy.
Incredibly much. More than all the household chores together. It looked like a car at idle burns fuel to nowhere. And I usually became even angrier.
Instead enjoy a period of life that will never happen again, which will one day end that can change me and my soul, I desperately held on to his habits and his selfishness. Not changed, become grumpy, and even created around the gloomy atmosphere. And be able to relax, to pause all other things of the world, who will not run away, and the world will not collapse. It would be possible to lie with him, to watch him, to rejoice, as it grows, not counting the minutes till it's laying to be with him in his games and discoveries. To be near him, touch him, feel him. This would give a huge amount of strength, which I lacked. And would save all the energy that I burned in vain.Quickly grow up!Many parents know the desire "to quickly he started to do this." Quickly sat down, went, went, talking. It is expected that this will be easier.
If you sit, you will sit by himself and play. If you will crawl, will crawl itself, and I will make your case. If you start to go, it will run around until I do business. If you start to speak, then I won't have to guess why he yells. And so on – probably went to kindergarten, hurry to school...And so we slip away from our life quietly the sweetest moment.
It is not immediately understand. Here I lie sometimes with a third son, watching him, and I can't remember, and did so to his brethren? Of course, I have no time to watch it. I all somewhere in a hurry and was in a hurry....In fact, the process of the growth of the child is doping for mom.
We just don't know it and treat it lightly. Although the game and observations of schA kids can give more energy than a massage and shop. Just at this time, you need to completely surrender to the process and nowhere to run...
We want to facilitate maternal work, which is constantly trying to make a baby grow up. Required from him as from an adult. Sit tight. Eat cleanly. Go slow. Clean after yourself. Just eat it. Tell clear. And we are missing the most important thing – their eyes, smiles, tenderness and the first-the first manifestation skills. This time then do not return, again not survive, dolyubit, not doobies. Alas. Then why so hurry?Control over their studies
We often deprive children of the main joys of childhood, considering them dangerous, costly and inconvenient. How many times have I seen on the grounds of the kids dressed in beautiful and white. Which is prohibited on this site, not to get dirty. One can only stand like a Christmas tree, decorating the space. But life is boiling around. Childhood is only once.
When I was growing up, every year would definitely buy rubber boots because of the puddle it's all for the baby. How to pass and not to measure its depth? As it is not running in the rain? As it is not to knead feet dirt? How to do a porridge-Malasha? Surely our parents were saved by the fact that we were allowed to walk themselves, and they then saw only the final result, grubby and happy children. A five minute wash and good as new.
And we with children are walking by themselves, in the cities of the children to release some dangerous. And so we look at all this – and for some reason interfering.Do not go, do not touch, do not go, do not jump.
But as a world to explore without all this? Immediately become an adult and serious guy? Uncle that not a single puddle is not measured and never got into the dirt on the domes? It is then for the life of this guys boring and ridiculous?
With each child I it is easier to loosen the grip – all details will not follow. And do not need it.Understand the senselessness of such control.
Childhood once. And now my children are in pools of light – even without rubber boots. But on scooters. Legs are all wet, pants are wet, covered with splashes of not so clean water. But rosy, happy, and inspired – not to pull out!
Passing by the crocodiles — that is, grandmother gasped and groaned that children get sick, the kidneys are an evil, mother-echidna, not ashamed. Well, that already know how to pass all this by. Learned to see the thing, learned to allow children to live their childhood years. I look at myself and smile.And the baby sitting in the grass, chewing on all the sticks, the same grandmother selected the extracted ranetka, they say, it worms and bacilli.
As my husband said then — you, grandma, wasn't worms was not there. I just carried the baby into another clearing, not to be deprived of childhood and stuff. How else is he going to learn this world, when he was a year? Only through the mouth, through the tastes, the smells. Scansorial everywhere, touching everything, trying everything, all licking. And by the way, so the immune system is strengthened.There is a wonderful film "Kids" — must see it. Filmed in it's infancy four children – one lives in Japan, one in America, one in Mongolia and one in Africa.
Life is one full of technology and is devoid of nature, life is full of other "horror" from the point of view of urban mothers such as animals, stones in your mouth. Take a look and you will see which children are more happy, and which constantly rolled concerts. I have this movie once sober, allowed to understand that kids need all sorts of fancy things, but a common child with the opportunity to explore this world in all ways. For example, lying in the snow, swim in a puddle or mud, climb trees, eat sand, crawl in the grass, climbing fences, running around open spaces, to have a lot of contact with different animals, together with their parents "adult" things – to plant fires, to wash dishes, pick apples... Development at any cost
In the modern world, mothers are not only participating in one race "Who has time most cases in 24 hours", but in the mass of the other. For example, "Who will manage to work and child raising". Or – now leading in the number of participants "Development at any cost".
After three late. Will not cram up to three years will remain ignorant, and all the rest will grow up to be geniuses. This can not be allowed, so be sure infants have to carry it in early development, buy a bunch of cards to learn, to teach. Okay mom liked it. There are, I know them personally, but they are very few. Most do it because "Must" and "now".
The majority of these moms, who consider themselves very smart in their three years English was studied and up to one hundred could not count. And read do start, by modern standards, very late – 7 years, already before going to school. Strange, isn't it? For us it was not later, normally. Developed after all, not stupid, in life have achieved something. And for children later.If in three years not reading – guard and panic.
If English is not spoken, then its future can already be put a cross. If Chopin Schubert does not distinguish disaster, he's five!
And it turns out that we are adding to his already difficult life with additional stress. To reduce the child back and forth, to get to this section, to take this club. At home to do all homework. Cut the new card. To buy new manuals. Work out – even if he doesn't. Then collect, clean, sort...Instead of trying to have a baby and get pleasure from it mutually, we are trying every minute to take advantage.
To develop. To become a genius. Again, there are studies that say that children who are so actively developed, lose interest in learning. Because the school the information they give wrong and wrong. And indeed training and development for them becomes synonymous with the word "interesting", it falls into the category of "need".The child is by nature curious.
It is interesting from birth all. And if interest in it, not to crush their stacks of manuals and plans, he can learn much more than you wanted. Importantly, we can give a child, in my opinion, is to keep his curiosity and interest in life. Then he'll want to learn, to grow and develop
. In that way, which is personally more interesting and enjoyable.
Yes, here many of our plans may fail, because it may be that Mozart is not included in the circle of his interests. But there is some reason you receive the structure of machines and robots. Or he will never begin to speak English, because the languages are not inclined. But it will be fun to breed different flowers on the windowsill and collect snakes.Attempt to develop a child from infancy is also a form of our parental control.
When we think we can create a desired future together. But can we really? And if the child is three years old learned the English word, does this mean that he will speak English when you grow up?
Of course, I as a mother have made other mistakes. A lot of mistakes – big and small. I'm sure that in ten years, when the children have grown, I find something new I don't even think. But children have taught me a lot. Through our mistakes and their consequences, I had to change a lot within themselves – their values, their habits, their understanding of life and the world.And the energy that was released when I ceased to control them, began to come true in books. And it turned out that so much energy can be spent in vain, even from your sofa!
I'm not talking about other relationships with children... posted
Author: Olga Valyaeva
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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