Emotional burnout mom Bashny.Net

This happens to every mom, though, and gets us all in different ways, at different times. But I have yet to meet a women who wouldn't be touched. There are those who pretend that he is alien, there are those that are still in the euphoria and believe that with them, too, this happens. This topic is largely taboo to discuss is not accepted, especially openly. Because if you're in such admit — you'll be accused that you're a bad mother, and even such labels we love to throw right and left.

Mom waited nine months a miracle, while it grew in her stomach. And maybe waited even longer, because the miracle wouldn't come. And here it is near on hand. But what's going on with her? She is crying for no reason, doesn't want to approach the child, his crying causes anger and depression. She's even afraid to cause him any harm in the heat of passion.





One girl told how the first six months fighting the urge to throw the baby out the window. I was afraid to talk about such private thoughts to her husband, and then came to his female doctor. And the first question she heard:

"Well, how are you? Already covered you? The window was about to throw?"

"Yes," shyly admitted the girl shocked. She thought that she was crazy and bad, just she is on my mind.

"I also wanted the first few months, my husband still doesn't know," smiled the doctor.

And, according to this young mother, she immediately felt better, she stopped blaming herself for this feeling for these strange thoughts. "I'm not the only one".

Not all of this happens immediately after birth. With the first baby it usually happens in the first year, for example, when your child is already 2 or 3 months. With the second, third and so on – it depends. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. Sometimes repeatedly, in the coming periods. Often happens such crisis in two years – if you sit at home with my kids and not working. This is called emotional burnout mom. We can say that this syndrome of complete devastation and the loss of power, loss itself and the earth beneath your feet. Again, I don't know women who would not have experienced this in one form or another – in a particular age.

About the emotional burnout as such say a lot, but usually in another context – about office workers, for example, employees of creative professions and intellectual fields. But few people says that the same thing can happen with a normal mom in the decree that will make her life a living hell.

Sometimes I see women with a distorted angry face, and with such hatred they roll and shake the stroller, which lies screaming little man. I see moms who fall into this depression that ceases to take care of myself, live on the machine, with a completely blank stare. I see those who are indifferent and empty view (and this is the worst in the entire process), pulling hand kapriznaya kids about a year and a half. I know, and those who are in a hurry from kids to get rid of in any way, giving their nannies and grandmothers – not to go to work, but only because they no longer can see them. Each of us is trying somehow to deal with it in their own way.

I also remember the confession of one mom who gave birth to twins after IVF and three years of painful treatment. She said, "I'm such a terrible mother, I'm not a mother, I'm just the incubator. For a reason we could not get pregnant and give birth! There was no need to do anything, and me and children would be better. Why I gave birth to them?". But she and her husband of three years dreamed about it, the kids looked pained but the pleasure they have left.

I also remember the powerlessness, when the eldest son of the first half shouting for days, as I echoed him and shouted: "what do you want from me?"! I remember terrible thoughts in my head — why am I even getting into this? Would have lived, and happy! Why I made myself this huge problem? Where is all the happiness? When does it start? They say it will get easier, but it only gets harder.

I remember when I was covered when he was two. I thought that now I should receive their own time, their own Affairs. But he absorbed all my powers, drank me down, not told me it was impossible to understand what he wanted, and it plunged me into despair. I didn't want him to see and hear, sometimes I could hide from him in the bathroom and quietly listening to him cry.

I remember his terrible tantrums when training camp outside in the winter – for about an hour, and about the same after returning. As I was counting the hours and minutes until the night when he finally falls asleep, and I will be able to recover. I begged my husband to take him somewhere to see and hear him (and my husband was working almost from the morning until late at night). As I sobbed from powerlessness and guilt in cushion, apologized to him when he slept.

Covered me with the second and third child, however, much later – a year or two. And again I was hiding from them somewhere in the corner and waited, when this is all over.

In many respects it was easier – I knew that it would end. But still, this repeatedly happened to me. Let less, though not as deep, but it happened.

Much easier to women who grew up in a large, close-knit traditional family, where many are willing to help them. When the house is an atmosphere of mutual support and love. When childhood is the picture of family relations, upbringing of children, when the family she serves. Then why do you need separate housing if together so well and conveniently? And sleep during the day will give, and will help to prepare my husband's dinner. But who of us has the rear? Unit. So we have to deal with it the burnout.

What is it?

In that few recognized. Is condemned. You have no right to treat their children, they're defenseless and small, and you're a mom, you have to take care of them at all costs! Even at the cost of his own life. But somehow, the whole body shaking, to see them you do not want to hear. And the guilt is killing all the other desires.

Burnout is when you know what to do to the baby to appease, to give the breast, to hold, to hug, but physically can't bring myself to do it. You can just a few minutes to do it. But not in any way to transcend yourself, your body and your whole being resists this contact.

This condition, when mothers admit that they would throw the child out the window, to jump out themselves or were afraid to hurt him, when loving with all my heart mom yelling at the baby almost Mat when you throw kids in bed or rocking in a frenzy. And I'm not talking about some antisocial elements, I quite affluent families, and what happens inside when no one sees. When there is no camera shutters, no audience and stage. There is only you and your child. And you very hard with him. But everyone is silent about this, because the worm of guilt and virus "you're a bad mother" gnaws and haunts.

Burnout is when you have nothing to give the little man, and he cannot exist without you and your energy. He needs your milk, your smell, your hands. You're all in one piece. And you – empty. Unfortunately, empty.

Where it comes from?

A lot of reasons. I will list just a few. The more of them you find yourself, the more likely that you would be concerned. Or rather, burnout is such a thing that does not concern you gently with his wing. It is like a bulldozer, you passing, sweeping away everything in its path, breaking and maiming.

Health

I often say that birth rejuvenate. And always add – if you allow this to happen. If you do not go immediately to the machine will not do useless feats. In this case, the body will put you forced to lie down, to still send power to recover. You will get sick, will feel that the body is falling apart. So after the first birth within the first year had ten times, all of what is possible, and it was joyless. Disease takes a lot of effort especially when you have a small child, which you still need to take care of. Add to this a bad dream that complain the majority of young mothers – and you will get an interesting bouquet, which is so easy to sneak fading.

Your body has done a tremendous work in the 9 months of pregnancy. He needs time to recover, to recover. Then it really will rejuvenate. But if the car is not time to change the oil, what will happen? How fast it goes down? The same with our body. Health care is never superfluous, especially for moms.

Being in four walls

Where a young mom? Mostly at home. Even if you walk in the child two or three times a day, still more often they are home. You are responsible for cleaning, washing and cooking. And sometimes you want to lie down with your child. In addition in many places of our country there are months when leaving the house impossible. In some regions of constant rain and mud, in others, severe frosts, in the third – unreal heat. Where to hide? Home.

And well, if a house favorite and exciting. And if not? If it is a small room, which hasn't made repairs? If in the bath to lie down is impossible, because the bath is old and rusty? If the house many different people, the relationship between which is difficult?

Even if you adore your house, the constant presence within four walls – especially with a baby – is detrimental to anyone. I remember my mother told me that with me in the winter and in the summer she lived on the street for the whole first year, because I was always yelling and on the street – almost always slept, and she had someone to talk to.

The lack of communication

Before the birth moms are more mobile – we meet with friends here and there, shops, cafes and cinema. After childbirth – it's different. Someone to chat do not want someone who is too far and inconvenient. Everywhere a child is not dragged – and afraid of bacteria and viruses, and the pleasure it is questionable. What remains? The phone do not leave most moms, social networks, other moms in the sandbox and relatives. And Yes, even the screaming child, which is still itself does not know what he wants. But she wants to. Is it always this communication enough? Is it always such communication is beneficial for us? Whether it fills us?

Monotonous life

Groundhog day. To survive, we create yourself and your child a mode in which it is easier for us to live. Plan day understand when and how to do that. But every day is the same – sooner or later boring as hell. On this basis, a fall with criticism upon her husband, saying, ceased to be pampered and taken care of.

But the husband does. The reason is how we manage their time, what are our priorities.

In the list of priorities not of itself

And Yes, in this list we may have children, a husband, a home, the opinion of mother-in-law and girlfriends. But if there is no me, to which I will come sooner or later? It is perfect if I have myself in the first place (after God, but I would have reacted the same here). If I understand that the first thing after waking up you need to make yourself beautiful and good, and then take care of everyone. If I'm in a store, choosing between a dress for myself and another suit for my son, choose yourself – and your dress. If I'm cooking for dinner is not only the fact that I love my husband and children, but also what I love. If I find the time for myself to do what I love, even at the cost of dirty dishes.

Of course, here, too, there are excesses. But if you take care of yourself, and realizing that you'd give it all up close – this is not selfishness, but a real concern for those whom we love.

No knowledge about children

Yes, it's very sad. But we read heaps of books about how to seduce men how to become super-successful, how to achieve their goals. Get a higher education in various areas. And don't know anything about child psychology, their age-related crises, health, characteristics and needs. It us always busy and not particularly interesting. Alas.

But knowledge in this case is power. And it could significantly facilitate our lives.

In addition, many of us have experience with young children. More or less we understand what to do with a child of three years. And toddler? Not everyone in the age grow younger brothers and sisters. Them or not, or the difference is too small, is to remember.

It turns out that we have ideas about what the children are taken from nowhere and completely inappropriate reality. And inevitably in this case – frustration, the feeling of loss and helplessness.

A lot of pressure from the outside

If everyone around know you have and who is little to motivate personal growth. Some moms trying to please mother-in-law, and my mother and husband in your motherhood. Listen to all advice, do as they say. And the answer most often again I hear the same diagnosis: "what was your mother like that!". Throw in social networking, where so many "successful mom", they're so vanilla and beautiful! Next to them, any normal mother feels a little flawed.

 

This may also include media, advertising, information flow, an infinite number of knowledgeable grandmothers and mothers on every corner, a huge number of decisions that mom needs to take, whether she wants it or not. And the fact that the responsibility for the early years of a child often on her alone. Dad works, its mission is to provide. And all the rest is mom. Sometimes the husband becomes the main critic, outraged that the child still does not speak, does not go on the potty and doesn't sleep all night. Well, when he finally ally and assistant, but if not?

You can add other factors – living with parents in terms of the paramilitary situation, the financial difficulties of the family, given the absence of her salary, constant voltage stress...

It is difficult, if you go from the decree in the new decree. It is difficult in a time when the child lost daytime sleep. It's hard when children get sick. Difficult climb if they have teeth, and they have trouble sleeping at night. Difficult if you are breastfeeding, but it has long been not happy. Difficult if you yourself can't organize. Difficult if you have no support. A lot of different factors, aggravating our condition.

Is it any wonder that mom is "blown"? No, surprisingly, she did this all survives and struggling still trying to do something. It's amazing how we come back from that – sometimes without the aid of itself.

What to do?

It can't last forever

The realization that it held treats. How fast? Depends on how intensely you're going to fill itself.

It's not your fault

This is probably the main thing to understand. It's not you're a bad mother. It is now period for you when you need to rest and re-gain strength. Millions of women have held it before you, millions will be late.

More likely to get out of the house

Within the four walls of the burnout happens faster, so leave. Change your walking routes, arrange for a child with small forays into the cafes with friends, museums. All is possible if to try and look for opportunities.

Chat

Search for inspirational communication. Cut off the one that empties you. A simple rule, which is sometimes difficult to implement. One of my friends solved the issue just went to yoga with a child close to home. There he met with moms with similar interests. They lived not so close as those in the same sandbox, but to communicate it more pleasant. So they began to walk together, at the same time and mileage of trips increased. Now a lot of opportunities for a search friends. Invite them to visit you, go to him. When we lived in Irkutsk, I had girls with babies the same age as Dan. We met on a forum, became friends. And once a month we were ready to go across town to spend the day together. At such gatherings we rested.

Take care of your health

Allow yourself to sometimes just lie down. Take the opportunity to sleep at least sometimes — even at the expense of the home.

Sleep during the day, diorite husband and I take turns in the crib, invite once a week at night and mother to sleep. Slept mom is already half of success.

And Yes, parallel to and revise your diet, physical activity, and mode. If your main day trip – the wilds of the Internet, the health will not improve. But if you start to run or walk briskly at least half an hour a day – the result is quite different. Drink more water, eat more fresh fruits and vegetables, limit artificial sweets (they have no benefit, only a temporary happiness effect), walk, change the mode of the day.

If the child is a morning person, and you're a night owl, and it's really bad (I remember his eldest son), try to change your habits. If you'll be the first to get up and go, strength will be more than – checked. I'm twenty years considered himself a night owl, and now five years without an alarm clock get up not later than six in the morning, and feel this wonderful.

Asking for help

Ask the husband and grandmothers. If you want to – grab a sitter for a couple of hours a day. I know that it is very successful it is this experience just a couple hours a day when mom is resting and doing her business, and in the time watching someone else. And for the money it's not so expensive (especially if not every day), and the result pleases.

We nurses don't use, helps me husband is giving me every day at least an hour on my business.

At the same time see that the help was too much. One girl complained of depression because of long-awaited grandson flew all relatives, leaving her nothing. She and a son to feed, could not, they quickly moved it to the mixture (to mom not to torture) themselves put themselves walked. And she felt out of place.

Personally, my option is to take help on the farm, not delegating children. Sometimes invite a girl who will clean house, all will be ironed and clean. It gives me a lot of nerves and forces.

The child is your salvation

Remember that oxytocin is a very necessary hormone? And in childbirth, and in terms of energy, but also helps to cope with burnout. Therefore, mothers in the first months of fatigue do not feel even if awake. Oxytocin creates euphoria. So, when you contact a mom with a toddler, if this contact is her joy, release more oxytocin. In huge doses. Therefore it is very important to admire the sleeping angel, to hug them, not in a hurry, lie down with them, smiling this huge and bottomless eyes.

Imagine that it is your duty at least an hour a day to spend with the child so that you from this was good, forget about everything else. To find the contact form that you. Together to swim in the bathtub, for example. To do baby massage. Just lying together and chat. To dress up the baby. To photograph him. For example, for me when it comes to something, I immediately start to photograph children – they wear matching pajamas, arrange a photo shoot. And it gives them joy, and me easier. So when the father leaves on business for a week or two, we told him every day helmet these pajama photos.

Make the diversity

Wherever can. Cook different and new dishes, simple. Even just new types of salads. Wear different clothes, do different hairstyles yourself, change routes, change tablecloths, curtains, napkins. Change usual care and a home. Change the rituals. Read with your child books. Change perfume, lipstick, color of nail Polish. Introduce traditions, for example, every Wednesday – swimming with your baby, and every Saturday – family outing to the Park (and they can walk in a new Park).

Pay attention to yourself!

Say this over and over again. Find a hobby – knitting, embroidering, sawing jigsaw, writing selling texts, drawing, modeling. Try different types of work, if you find it difficult to decide. Mind your appearance – masochki, samomassaj, baths, manicures and pedicures, hair masks...

For moms, especially those in the acute stage of burnout, it is especially important not to forget about it, not throw yourself in the closet!

And Yes, motherhood is great happiness, if taken as a whole. There are difficult periods, burnout, fatigue, illness. But how much of this joy, happiness, sense! When you pass the acute phase of burnout, you will be able to see all of these small joys, which are collected by droplets in a huge ocean.

And if you ever walk the path from burnout to filling yourself and understand how it works, it will be easier to handle.

For your child you are the best mom. Mother, who need him. And that's what counts. published

Author: Olga Valyaeva, Chapter from the book "destiny to be a mother" P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: valyaeva.ru/emocionalnoe-vygoranie-mamy/