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Wicked word hurts more than it seems
Bashny.Net
To listen to the stream of insults is to obtain the hail of blows to the head. And this is no exaggeration – our brain, as shown by computed tomography, sees no difference between physical violence and verbal aggression. How to protect yourself?
"Many people live for years in an atmosphere of verbal violence, but did not suspect that something is wrong because of the insults and humiliation have become part of their lives," says Patricia Evans (Patricia Evans), author of "Verbal aggression: how to recognize and defeat".
However, this style of relationship is a serious blow to the psyche, the brain, experiencing verbal aggression as physical violence. "CT scan of the brain of a man who hears the angry insults in his address, and the pet of a person who just got hit on the head, look the same," says Evans.
Two serious consequences of verbal aggression constant humiliation erode our self-esteem and distracted, we are scattered, we find it difficult to focus.
Verbal aggression – not necessarily rude language, insults and threats. Endless comments and "joking" insults, requests in the form of orders hurt no less. Here are a few examples of verbal aggression, which is worth knowing.
Refusal or silence. As the aggressor says: "I Have what you need and I can give or not to give it to you. So I control the situation". Or: "If I don't answer to you, refuse to answer, I can be sure that everything will remain the same. I don't need to ask your opinion. I'm not saying no not saying Yes. You're on the hook, and I risk nothing".
Opposition. Acting contrary to your requests and desires, the aggressor is convinced: "I can think and make decisions for both of us. You think wrong and I'm right. If I force you to doubt yourself, it will be easier to control you".
Depreciation. Don't attach importance to your words and actions, calling them "nonsense", "nonsense", "nonsense", the aggressor insists that the last word should always remain with him. "I can cheapen your words and actions, but I am beyond criticism and not accountable to anyone. I make a decision. When you see how you're insignificant/negligible, it would be easier to control you."
"Playful" insults. Calling insults "only" a joke, the aggressor has in mind: "it gives Me such joy to see how hurt you with my words, I'm not going to stop. I believe that my words should be taken with humor. I can say what I want. I am in control".
A flagrant suppression. Abruptly interrupting the conversation, ignoring your words, the aggressor says: "I don't have to respect your opinion and reply to you, you inadequate personality, so I can end the conversation whenever you want – I decide".
Charges. Stating that you are to blame in that it offends you, the aggressor wants to make you think: "it's your own fault/own fault that you're hurting, and that I'm with you so talk and treat, and generally in all that is not the way I want, so I don't have to change their behavior."
Condemnation and comments. Condemning and criticizing, the aggressor will have another opportunity to enslave our will: "When I tell you that you do not think so do, I start to control you."
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF
1. Listen to yourself.
"If you constantly feel close to a man on pins and needles or suffer from feelings of inferiority ("I Always do everything wrong"), mocked, most likely, you are subjected to verbal aggression," explains Evans. Listen to how you talk. You say (decide for you) what kind of person you are, what you want in life? No one but ourselves can know and decide what we want, what you think you feel. First of all, trust your feelings, rely on them.
2. Stop trying to blame yourself.
"We need to realize that aggression is not your fault, but a problem of the psyche of the one who offends you, stresses Evans. All that he needs total control over you." If someone from your environment lays the blame for the behavior of the aggressor to you, don't blame yourself. "I once counseled a woman whose husband had a habit of yelling at her for no reason, and her mother thought she was partially responsible for this crazy behavior of a spouse, says Evans. – It is absolutely wrong opinion, and it causes great damage to the psyche".
3. Resist.
There is no need to explain and make excuses – instead, start to set boundaries: "I don't want to hear it, Stop. Stop this now".
4. Find a support group.
It is important to find someone with whom you can discuss the situation, share what's on my heart – it could be someone from the family, friends or a trustworthy therapist.
The love of the father: the scenario of the FATE of your daughter
If love is "too tight", so it's not your size
5. Do not try to change the aggressor.
People can change for the better, if you really want to, but you can't change it for him. But you can treat yourself with respect and take care of yourself.published
Author: Ksenia Tatarnikova
Source: www.transurfing-real.ru/2016/11/blog-post_689.html
"Many people live for years in an atmosphere of verbal violence, but did not suspect that something is wrong because of the insults and humiliation have become part of their lives," says Patricia Evans (Patricia Evans), author of "Verbal aggression: how to recognize and defeat".
However, this style of relationship is a serious blow to the psyche, the brain, experiencing verbal aggression as physical violence. "CT scan of the brain of a man who hears the angry insults in his address, and the pet of a person who just got hit on the head, look the same," says Evans.
Two serious consequences of verbal aggression constant humiliation erode our self-esteem and distracted, we are scattered, we find it difficult to focus.
Verbal aggression – not necessarily rude language, insults and threats. Endless comments and "joking" insults, requests in the form of orders hurt no less. Here are a few examples of verbal aggression, which is worth knowing.
Refusal or silence. As the aggressor says: "I Have what you need and I can give or not to give it to you. So I control the situation". Or: "If I don't answer to you, refuse to answer, I can be sure that everything will remain the same. I don't need to ask your opinion. I'm not saying no not saying Yes. You're on the hook, and I risk nothing".
Opposition. Acting contrary to your requests and desires, the aggressor is convinced: "I can think and make decisions for both of us. You think wrong and I'm right. If I force you to doubt yourself, it will be easier to control you".
Depreciation. Don't attach importance to your words and actions, calling them "nonsense", "nonsense", "nonsense", the aggressor insists that the last word should always remain with him. "I can cheapen your words and actions, but I am beyond criticism and not accountable to anyone. I make a decision. When you see how you're insignificant/negligible, it would be easier to control you."
"Playful" insults. Calling insults "only" a joke, the aggressor has in mind: "it gives Me such joy to see how hurt you with my words, I'm not going to stop. I believe that my words should be taken with humor. I can say what I want. I am in control".
A flagrant suppression. Abruptly interrupting the conversation, ignoring your words, the aggressor says: "I don't have to respect your opinion and reply to you, you inadequate personality, so I can end the conversation whenever you want – I decide".
Charges. Stating that you are to blame in that it offends you, the aggressor wants to make you think: "it's your own fault/own fault that you're hurting, and that I'm with you so talk and treat, and generally in all that is not the way I want, so I don't have to change their behavior."
Condemnation and comments. Condemning and criticizing, the aggressor will have another opportunity to enslave our will: "When I tell you that you do not think so do, I start to control you."
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF
1. Listen to yourself.
"If you constantly feel close to a man on pins and needles or suffer from feelings of inferiority ("I Always do everything wrong"), mocked, most likely, you are subjected to verbal aggression," explains Evans. Listen to how you talk. You say (decide for you) what kind of person you are, what you want in life? No one but ourselves can know and decide what we want, what you think you feel. First of all, trust your feelings, rely on them.
2. Stop trying to blame yourself.
"We need to realize that aggression is not your fault, but a problem of the psyche of the one who offends you, stresses Evans. All that he needs total control over you." If someone from your environment lays the blame for the behavior of the aggressor to you, don't blame yourself. "I once counseled a woman whose husband had a habit of yelling at her for no reason, and her mother thought she was partially responsible for this crazy behavior of a spouse, says Evans. – It is absolutely wrong opinion, and it causes great damage to the psyche".
3. Resist.
There is no need to explain and make excuses – instead, start to set boundaries: "I don't want to hear it, Stop. Stop this now".
4. Find a support group.
It is important to find someone with whom you can discuss the situation, share what's on my heart – it could be someone from the family, friends or a trustworthy therapist.
The love of the father: the scenario of the FATE of your daughter
If love is "too tight", so it's not your size
5. Do not try to change the aggressor.
People can change for the better, if you really want to, but you can't change it for him. But you can treat yourself with respect and take care of yourself.published
Author: Ksenia Tatarnikova
Source: www.transurfing-real.ru/2016/11/blog-post_689.html
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