"My son is 14 years old. He became aggressive and out of control. What do I do?"
Question desperate parent counseling. The answer was not long in coming:
"It would be surprising if, in adolescence, your son showed a different behavior". Funny smiley at the end.
Maybe he had to convince mom that the aggressiveness of a teenager is a normal, ordinary.
BEYOND NORMALITYShould we then began to wonder when the younger generation is aggressively responds to their comments, not only verbally, revealing all the charm of obscene language, but also physically.
Videos posted by teenagers in YouTube, evidenced by the egregious facts of manifestation of teenage aggression. They are capable of much:
to hit an elderly man punched in the face, to spit at him, make fun of, fell to the ground and stumbles to death (grandfather did not give in to smoke and tried to lecture me on the dangers of Smoking);
to torture, mutilate stray cats and dogs ("so what? Do they need someone? Relieve society from animal waste...");
to mock the homeless ("They're the dregs of society, let them know their place!");
to beat their teacher ("Grandmother senile, and teaches gymnastics!");
outrage over a classmate ("he's a major, so we rinsed in the toilet school toilet, not to show off");
to take revenge on a former lover (one of the girls with a group of friends were beaten and humiliated) or a sweetheart (for example, the teenager suffered multiple stab wounds to his "wrong Juliet").
Aggression and aggressiveness of children goes beyond all limits. Are we going to consider "normal" teenage behaviour?
WHAT IS the AGGRESSIVENESS of thePsychologists distinguish between the concepts of aggression and aggressiveness.
Aggression in Latin means "attack", "hostility". Under the aggression, first of all, understand actions.
Some analysts consider aggression as a continuation of the death instinct, the desire to destruction, as described by Freud.
Austrian scientist Konrad Lorenz in his monograph argued that aggression is not evil, but a natural instinct that promotes survival of the species, and not aimed at its destruction.
Researcher of aggression A. bass defines it "as a reaction, as a physical action or the threat of such action by one person which reduces the freedom or genetic fitness of another person, causing the body of another person receives painful stimuli".
Aggressiveness — the property of a man, manifested in a readiness for aggressive behavior. And a certain predisposition to aggression can be perceived by the individual, and the unconscious. Psychologists distinguish several types of aggressive behaviour:
1. Direct physical
4. Resentment, jealousy, hatred
7. Verbal aggression
As you can see, the different faces of aggression, it can be directed at other people, the environment and themselves.
So, aggression is, on the one hand, a consequence of aggressiveness, on the other, arises in the process of social learning.
to Be aggressive now fashionable. It is believed that aggression is a kind of mechanism of psychological protection of the individual from the influences of the outside world. Not to be passive, dependent, unable to defend their own interests and goals, you need to be aggressive.
Mom in the sandbox is happy that her baby stole other kid's bucket.
— Well done, able to achieve their goals! In insult will not give...
Other on the way to kindergarten teaches:
— If you push, you give delivery.
Daddy girl in three years to martial arts, writes that she was able to stand up for themselves.
It is clear that parents are led by good intentions, however, do not see that teach children aggressive behaviors and are not taught other ways of interacting with others, other ways of solving problems. Personally often raise monsters and then not know what to do with them.
In adolescence, the child we "harvest", "are reaping what they have sown" in the field of education. The aggressiveness of the teenagers is one of the most common and painful consequences of wrong education.
When parents, teachers becomes unbearable and the usual methods do not work, they run for help to psychologists.
METHODS for studying the
Aggressive behavior of modern psychologists are studying with the help of different methods: conduct surveys, observe the manifestations of aggression, reveal aggressiveness tests. The most common in psychological research: evaluation of aggressiveness in relationships (test A. Hassinger), diagnostics of aggression (questionnaire bass-evil Durka), 16 PF questionnaire (test Katella), Luscher test, test "Hands" (B. Bricklin, Z. Piotrowski, E. Wagner).
However, no one type of research does not give answers to all our questions about the aggressiveness of adolescents. It is recommended to use several methods simultaneously and to take into account the fact that in most cases manifest some stable personality traits, not changing in different situations.
HOW TO COPE WITH AGGRESSION?
You will be offered a variety of methods. For example, will ask you to redirect your aggression from a socially unapproved course in cultural. This helps the sport or on target to hang pictures of people you hate and get pleasure from running by arrows.
Mainly given General advice: in the family where there is love and sex, not aggression, scandals and quarrels.
The replacement objects (or entities) aggression does not solve underlying problems, only leads to temporary relief, nothing more. Inner tension, frustration and remain a devastating impact on the psyche of the aggressor. In addition, the real-life examples indicate that some adolescents, despite the family love and understanding, show aggression towards classmates, teachers, etc. Why is this happening?
, you Can settle for the immediate withdrawal of aggressiveness, go through a long and probabilistic diagnosis, but you can use the achievements of the system vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
To deal with aggressive behavior, you first need to understand its root causes. Without knowledge of yourself and your innate tendencies it's impossible.
System accurate method of identifying congenital vectors, the level of their sophistication, their degree of implementation allows to do it.Teenage aggression is beginning to take clear shape, if not to generalize, but viewed through the prism of the eight vectors.
Generalized cause teenage aggression — against the backdrop of puberty teenager opposes adults, proves its independence and sovereignty is clear: we understand why every child lives adolescence differently, why do some children have some forms of aggression, others — other, why do some situations cause some adolescents aggression, while others react to them calmly.
MYSTERIOUS AGGRESSIVENESS ADOLESCENTSno child is born initially cultural
, he comes archetypal and beast becomes man in the full sense of the word with the proper education.
Man is a biosocial creature, and part of the biological component is aggressiveness. It link mechanism to survive. Hence the original roots of hatred we feel towards one's neighbor. Competition, the desire to survive, to get the best conditions for life. In the process of education the child learns to love others and to hate he knows himself.At the wrong upbringing of children,
ie, when parents and teachers educate at random, "touch", not knowing the inherent properties of Chad, first, they do not develop in them the nature potential, their lack of understanding, inappropriate to the specific child methods of trying to educate, and inspire aggressive behavior, and secondly, the child remains archetypal.In adolescence, which is the transition from childhood into adulthood, failures of parenting are most obvious.
Urethral teen shows aggression anger in the case of injustice against his flock, the infringement of his free, unrestrained person, appeal to him not by rank, from top to bottom (e.g., praise).
His anger manifested clearly, it knows no boundaries, limits. Urethral vector is not content with half measure. Here rage so rage, love, love.
At school, urethral teenager can be seen immediately, he smiles a special smile, walks with a confident stride, often with unbuttoned shirt, he involuntarily look after. Teachers call it the informal leader, make it a personal diary for assessment of behavior, he wears it quietly gets two. and the view looks at the teachers that felt complete impotence adults before this daredevil.
The key to the urethral child to be his Regent, to turn to him for support, help, advice, delegating him his authority. In any case it is not necessary to get involved in pulling the blanket on themselves, to push him, to demand unquestioning obedience — you still lose.
Urethral teen best done by the head of the class, he will lead the team, and that way you will be able to efficiently channel its energy in a positive direction. When a class has a urethral child, in fact, is happiness, you can safely entrust him with control over the discipline of the class, targeting children in high academic achievement and good cohesion of the team.
He is merciful by nature, and make him your ally, not an enemy simply. It is not touchy, easily appeased, you know.
If in the class two urethral leader, it is logical that they will quarrel, and the conflict will be accompanied by aggression. It ended up a fight, which will fight for life and death. It is better to prevent at the root of the reason for aggression is to translate them into different classes, define them with different territory and field of activity.
Anal teen with proper development of innate abilities — obedient, docile child, respecting the opinions of elders. The reverse side anal teen is verbal aggression, resentment, vindictiveness, resentment, an attempt to take the internal stresses to Pets, it is sadism.
For anal child is of great importance to his mother, if she hardly pays attention to him, does not praise for things that he feels don't like him, and resents all the first girls and then women. Kicking classmates on the butt, calling them dirty expletives can cuss out the teacher.
Skin child is aggressive shove all the elbows, he's ambitious, quickly finds ways to get out of any situation. He shows aggression when not getting the desired, for example, a high score (for him it promised a bike), when infringed its ambitious plans. Trying to argue with the teacher, "dangle" right, how quickly breaks down, quickly forgets what he has done. The dermatologist require equal conditions for all, unconsciously feeling that will overtake all that do not like to lose their principle: "To win all means are good".
It should be noted that the negative aspects of the skin of a teenager with the wrong development is the lack of self-discipline, inability to control, limit (for example, he can't organize themselves to come to school on time).
Behaves aggressively with the loss of any material assets, because they are not that bad for a Foundation of psychological comfort.
Muscle teen behaves aggressively towards others just in the wrong education. From birth this child is very calm, his normal condition is monotony. The aggression he starts to show if he was transferred to the state of "war", giving the sports section, where he is that will get the chance to get into the criminal environment, as the sport develops musicnice main thing – the ability to positively harness their power.
The correct development of the child is schooling to work, even hard physical work. Initiating your erogenous zone – the muscle, he this way gets pleasure from the process of work and subsequently becomes a "peace Builder".
Muscle teen one will never put up a fight, it sends the dermatologist and he, along with muscle companions are able to commit violence. Sweet, good natured boy, never bad about him, I thought...
Myshechnykh it is important to be nourished, fed, slept, for a good mood. The satisfaction of natural human needs for him, the greatest joy in life.
So, a group of teenagers attacked a passer-by near the garage, beat him, took the money. Skin the leader of the gang bought on the stolen money watch, and musicnice on the part of the food and the simple, rough — pigs in blankets gathered in large numbers. Ate from the belly. Juvenile offenders, in dire need of occupational therapy.
The top of the vector have a significant impact on the aggressiveness of the teenagers. Visual vector adds emotion in aggressive behavior: "Sasha threw a fit when he saw me with another girl, then grabbed her by the hair, screaming and fighting".
Sound teenagers are the most susceptible of autoaggression, the internal stress from interaction with the outside world they are experiencing deep within themselves as long as the accumulated tangle of contradictions, misunderstanding in one moment will not lend themselves to unexpected surrounding suicide.
Oral teen shows aggression necessarily verbal, it is easy perekryvaet all the rest of his peers and his derogatory nickname "stick" usually for life.
The olfactory vector adds to the aggressive behavior of the teenager soundness — we do not only not prove his involvement in the offense, but will not suspect him. Discreet, subtle child, fulfilling its main function "to survive at any cost", and substituting the other, hiding the evidence of their own socially unapproved behavior.
Thus, the aggressiveness of a teenager trevigny bell for parents and teachers
. Something they are doing is wrong. You need to reconsider your attitude to the child, to the methods of his upbringing.
SUMMARYan Effective means of coping with aggressive behavior teenager, is the awareness of the parents of two postulates:
1. You need to properly educate the child
in accordance with his innate vectors, so he became a Man, absorbed the culture.
2. You must be able to understand the underlying causes of the aggressiveness of the teenager
and teach him to remove the negative feelings without doing harm to both mental and physical to other people.
For example, knowing the value of silence to the sound of a child, parents will need to create a comfortable, calm environment to returning to school, he had the opportunity to be alone with yourself.Parental love
is the most effective and targeted, if you show it systematically, only then the child feels loved and it removes aggression: hug skin teen anal to praise, to admire urethral, to create a closer emotional connection with the audience, to listen to oral, etc.
Aggression in adolescents is not inevitable, much depends on us, their caregivers.published
Author: Olga KNYAZEVA, a psychologist
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki