Almost everyone who had to return home from other lands, felt this effect. He stepped on his native land, it's like you are in some kind of special aura.
No one has you stepping foot in the subway, didn't do anything wrong, and the body reacts. Something seemed to shrink in the solar plexus, barely noticeable tense shoulders, hands and jaw. We feel that we were in a hostile environment. Battle stance
Our mirror neurons, reading something on the faces, the voices, the looks, the smell, instantly, bypassing the conscious mind, lead the body into a state of readiness to aggression. You can be as peaceful and good-natured man, but the brain and body instantly appreciate the environment as unsafe and lead the train on the siding in the operating position
. Conversely, many people say that abroad relax, even if I'm there for work, despite the language barrier and unfamiliar environment.
Don't forget the trip on exchange of experience in England, we went with an English colleague on the narrow streets of the town, we were in a hurry, late for my next meeting. And then in front of the car, out of nowhere appeared a lady, so glib of God oduvan with a stick. And in completely the wrong place, angrily waving in our direction with his cane, started to cross the road. The brakes squealed, tightened the straps, the car stopped, a colleague, a man very emotional, leaned out the window.
Well, I think now I will move in spoken English, know how to be "Where you're going, you old hag!". But he jokingly wagged her finger and said carefully: "be Careful!"
. It's not the fact that he was polite and restrained. I sat next to him and saw that he wasn't angry. A little stress, but once everything is done – then fine. After the old woman he shook his head like a loving parent rocking, looking at the restless baby. What prevents us to cope with the inevitable in life, unpleasant surprises, minor inconveniences, someone's stupidity and carelessness, a clash of interests – not because of something very important, and small things?
Why Russian Internet is full of texts on the theme of "well, No, you just think what all the idiots (swine, cattle, Hama)", several such texts are always hanging on the top of the leaderboards. The reason could be anything: the children were noisy in the cafe, and their parents are not gagged, girls beautiful enough, in the opinion of the author, figures, wear revealing clothes, people who incorrectly, in the author's opinion, Park (cross the street), I love the wrong, in the author's view, music, etc.
Each post received hundreds of comments of one and the same: "yeah, me too, I hate these freaks!", in response to which the answer comes, "Yes you're a freak", and off we go.
It's not bad manners, not of low culture, as often thought, and feelings. It is really annoying.
Rage erupts inside easily, like a match. Like loud kids or someone's bare imperfect knees or the provincial metro, dumbfounded frozen in the doorway, and looking in search of pointers, it's not just people that are prevented or do not like – they are the aggressors. And they need to give immediate rebuff.
Causes of rage
The reasons for this anger are many, and they are intertwined in such a close pattern that is not always clear, where does the action of one factor and the other begins. For the beginning of the aggression.
Although sometimes the concept itself is perceived negatively, and the words "angry" and "evil" in the Russian language the same root, in the nature of aggression is very useful for the survival property of living beings
. It is designed for self-defense, to protect their territory and their offspring, for the production of food (predators), to competition for mates (in males).
That is aggression, although sometimes it can kill itself in the service of life, of procreation
. While the natural aggression is always very functional and economical, if at stake is not worth the life used first its ritual forms: threatening sounds and postures, power struggles without causing serious injury, marking the territory with signs, etc. Than the less prolific and more dangerous than armed from the nature of a particular kind, the less he can afford games with aggression.Urban cats can while away the evening over a bloody fight, tigers in the forest never.
The man himself, from nature, the animal is weak. No teeth, no claws. Therefore, hard-wired, instinctive programs replacement fight for the rituals he has very little tea is not a tiger. So people had to invent ways of replacement of direct aggression: the rituals of politeness to football, from subtle irony to the trial proceedings, national borders and diplomacy to demonstrations and trade unions. We are aggressive and have learned to live with it and learn on, because when we lose control over his aggression, it can be scary
, the examples in history are many.
But that diffuse aggression, which we started a conversation, not like the aggression on the guard of life. This diffuse "aggression", and nowhere with a specific purpose, and that means anywhere, anytime and for any reason, aggression, neurosis, one definition of which: "regular inadequate emotional reaction to circumstances caused by psychological trauma or distress (prolonged, constant stress)". That is literally what we have: the reaction is clearly inadequate reason, tempest in a glass of water, pissed over small things.What kind of psychological trauma that distress is behind this phenomenon?
What lies on the surface is a constant small and not very limited rights. A simple example:
all the stations we now stand at the entrance metal detectors
. OK, the country lives with the constant threat of terrorism, so be it. In Israel, for example,
also are everywhere. But. There all really check carefully. And if you have "rings", you're not going anywhere until the police officers do not understand that. In this framework, put as many as will fit, work on the inspection of handbags, hard, very hard, to quickly. The queue waiting patiently: because it is clear that this is serious and makes sense. We have.
The wide entrance to the station. In the middle of one frame. The rest of the space is simply partitioned tables or barriers. The frame asleep or talking three police officers. People, clanking and rattling, not taking from his shoulder a handbags, are inside. And no one is looking in their direction, it is possible to carry even a Bazooka. But if you suddenly realized that the wrong entrance, came to the wrong place, and want to go back – you will not be released. Because the output is there. Where is it? But there, two hundred meters. Which you have, with children of their suitcases, to overcome first there is allowed to exit, and then back to the point, which you need to return. Perhaps he missed while on his train. Why? Because, that's all.Limitations, lacks any reasonable basis, of course, angered.
Road closures and traffic jams during the passage of the first persons, the closure of the Central underground stations in the output to prevent the actions of the opposition, the requirement to bring Shoe covers in the hospital and school, even the tracks that somehow always lay, not where people are comfortable to go – all this creates a constant background of distress, as if you continually "put in place", make it clear that you have no one to call
It is a feature of a society built from the top down, vertical: here the rights and opportunities do not belong to the people by definition, they descend from above. How many and what you think is right. Here the person does not have "its territory" in principle, and so there are no borders that can be protected. He can at any time ask for documents, they just dictate where he can and where it can't be, it can try to enter the house to check how he is raising children, he does not belong. The border is not that broken – they are broken and erased a very long time. Imagine that person decided to use a natural healthy aggression, to defend their borders, when someone violates.
To rebel, to refuse to comply with stupid requirements, to file a complaint, sue, finally. It turns out that a vertical society is almost impossible. The procedures for upholding their rights, if they are, very vague and cumbersome.
Let's say I want it, controlling his aggression, that is, in a civilized manner, to defend their right to withdraw from the subway in their own city at the weekend where I'm comfortable. Who do I sue? On the administration of the metro? On the police? At city hall? Who makes the decisions and who can cancel it? It's always quite difficult to find out. But even if I do shake, I have a unpredictable time-consuming red tape: the meeting indefinitely can carry and cancel. And if the court is held, what are my chances to win? When our justice system?Okay, let's try another way.
I want way without prior, non-violent and peacefully, to exercise their right. That is still going, though not told. Politely without offending anyone. I just prefer here, there is a special place to exit, I paid for the services of the metro and want to get them in full, get where I'm going, not where allowed. What end? Most likely, detention and court, the outcome of which is also predetermined. And even their own friends and colleagues can condemn me: why climb, just not necessary? Is the smartest?That is what happens:
almost all created by humans are peaceful ways to defend their borders and rights, in a vertical society closed. We can't change the government, can not achieve dismissal of the perpetrator in violation of our rights officials, we have no opportunity to prevent the adoption violate our rights, laws and decisions. Attempts to exercise their rights spur of the moment is automatically considered a crime, and there is always some "law" that we're to blame.But the border-broken! We are hurt. We feel stress.Aggression has arisen, it will not evaporate into nothing. Not being able to be proven "on the merits", it pairs up against the top cover needs to come out.
Evil is passed around the circle
Outlet different people find different. One of the most frequent isthe translation of aggression down.
That is, getting boorish scolding from the boss, be rude to a subordinate. After hearing the attack of a teacher to beat a child. My son, for the first time independently making a long journey, have made a change at the Frankfurt airport, as huge as an entire city. "But I'm told he quickly found his plane on Moscow. You just have to go where your parents yell at children". Habit any stress (and air travel is always stressful) to merge down the hierarchy, the weaker, the children, instead of to care and reducing stress for them – a typical, unfortunately, the behavior of our compatriots.
There are whole systems where aggression is a constant flow from the top down: the boss yells at the headmaster, she the teacher, the teacher for the eighth grade, he weighed a kick first-graders. Can we expect that, for example, employee care, which the authorities on the phone just coated Mat (a reality, alas) something with the received portion of aggression quickly and will meet the visitor with a smile on your face? The following method is also very frequency:redirect aggression horizontally.
That is, simply put, to get angry at everyone around. Any and everyone who, willingly or unwillingly, will stand across. But this choice too is fraught: if you get angry constantly, and anyone will quickly gain a reputation as a cantankerous man with a bad temper.
Myself won't like.
Therefore, there is a good option: to be angry at everyone, and other. No matter what other:
manners, behavior, religion, nationality, gender, special shapes or speech, having (not having) children, residents of the capital (of the province), educated (uneducated) watching TV (not watching TV), walking to meetings (without going to meetings). In the course are arguments that are built long and slender of proof of why to test and show aggression towards them is good and right. There are like-minded people, and now you can "be friends against", at the same time satisfy their sense of belonging.
No wonder this game "friend or foe" as a way of redirection of aggression is very popular.
Finally, you can redirect the aggression is also up, but not up there,whence came the impulse strikes,
it is, as we have said, or impossible, or dangerous, but somewhere up there.
As they say, shoot in the air
. For example, hate "superiors General". To abuse of power, without making any attempt to defend their rights. Also do to hate the government of another country. It's simple, safe and very uplifting. As in the old Soviet joke: we have freedom of speech, anyone can go to Red square and curse the President of the United States.
The welcome and "intelligent" (and also "Christian") option is to attempt to suppress aggressive impulse for yourself.
To lie on the grenade of aggression, covering her with himself. I tried to do this for long can't anyone
. Let not at once, like a grenade, but in a few years to swallow with an effort of will aggression destroys the body, leads to disease and burnout. Person or inferior to the requirements of the environment and start regularly, like everyone else, to be a conduit for aggression top in all directions, or learns to feel, learns that the artificial "Dobrinishte", which so often irritates people, stressed the "cultural" (or stressed believers).
You have to be Holy to absorbing the aggression, not to break and not to pass farther, and the saints, as you know, the field is not sown.Helpless aggressor
However, it is not exhaustive. Redirect that aggression is possible. But you know: you are the problem not solved. Broken boundaries have not gone away. You didn't protect yourself, your child, their territory, their rights. Tolerated swallowed. And for that you hate and despise yourself. And then everyone, seemingly trifling act of violation of your boundaries (Teens night, screaming under the window), you are not just a nuisance and a disgrace (to sleep), this is a question that POPs into my head with a derisive and mocking tone: "Well, what would you do? You, who or what can not? You creep?".
Experience to deal with such a situation there is no waste technologies to protect borders, not even borders there is almost. Scary. Difficult. It is not clear how. And dozens of people tossing and turning in bed, swearing and cursing "those freaks", but no one went downstairs to ask them to be quiet and no one will call the police to cause the police officers. Because: what if they are aggressive? But if they won't listen? Do you think the police will come? Anyway, what I most need, and others suffer.
The paradox is that in fact we are not dealing and excess and deficit of aggression, a healthy aggression, is able to protect. Years of habit to let this energy in the side channel leads to the fact that in the most clear situations when we need to defend its borders, to defend the peace of your loved ones, we are powerless, angry and not doing anything.
Deciding that this is impossible, although adolescents under the window is not a police state and, in General, would be to try. I remember the case:
in the summer at night someone regularly rode under the Windows rattling loudly on a moped. We tossed and turned, angry, looking out the window, long time did not dare to go down. My head is spinning fantasies about how arrogant the owner of the moped, a moral monster, travels at night, revels in his power over the whole district, which he does not sleep and no he can not do anything. Finally went to the yard – he wanted to sleep unbearable. Already rather angry, my husband just got in the way of a moped and when he slowed down, grabbed our tormentor by the collar. And then we heard a terrified voice:
"Uncle, don't hurt me, please!". "Moral monster" was a frail boy of 13 years, who haltingly explained that riding at night simply because he has no rights, and about the fact that the apartments so you hear, he just did not think: on the contrary, was sure that once the night, everyone is asleep and no one will know. Well, it is clear that there for parents who are not worried where the baby two hours a night. Picked up my moped and went for a ride to a vacant lot. We shouted to him to carefully went. It was funny and ashamed of yourself and your fantasies about someone cool and malicious.
Here it contains the cause deeper and more serious: lack of faith in their own strength, the consciousness of his cowardice, contempt and hatred, unable to defend itself, making every occasion a hundred times more painful
. To emerge from nothingness, people again use aggression as a way to feel for a little time, their strength, their existence. To any aggression from the top are always willing to join in and loudly "support" (sometimes louder and more active than even the aggressor), as if it is a symbolic merging with "strong" gives them a pardon from the nothingness. And the streams of redirected aggression do not stop and unrestrained splashing around.
And then we went down the ramp at the airport will become a familiar aura, and our shoulders, fingers and jaw, barely noticeable compressed...
What to do
What should I do? First of all, be aware of all this. Be aware that the position of the perpetual victim is not a position of peace and kindness.
This is the position of a passive, impotent aggression, which is destroying all of us and the fabric of society, because when everything "freaks" — how can there be the social fabric?
To realize that the position that we occupy not only because in it we drove, but by choice. It is beneficial, with all the disadvantages, provided no action and no responsibility. To sit and used to get mad at everything and everyone simply and conveniently.
But if we ever want to stop hearing the question "why Russia is such evil?" and stop trying to "enjoy" spilled everywhere impotent rage, we need to regain their aggression, their healthy anger, their ability to stand up for themselves. To remember or recreate the technology to defend their borders, to learn not to be afraid to say "I disagree, I do not fit", don't be afraid to butt in, to learn to unite with others to defend their rights. There is no coincidence that many people say that a crowd of people at protest rallies, oddly enough, is much more friendly, polite and cheerful than the crowd in the subway at rush hour. When people learn the civilized way to Express their aggression directly at the address they have nothing to be mad at others.
Ultimately, the challenge was to re-build the boundaries at all levels from the bottom up, to alter vertical society for some more interesting and complex configuration. And then it's probably that we're not evil, quite the contrary.published
Author: Lyudmila Petranovskaya
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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