Why close people hassling each other

Not long ago I received the following email:

Hello. I'm interested in one aspect of the so-called manifestations of the good and the bad in people — why do bad parties appear in us more often it is in relation to loved ones? Because, you see, to outsiders, we often try to show themselves better than it really is. And only loved ones can see us "in all its glory", so to speak.






I know this from my own experience — very often in a fit of anger or irritation are pretty ugly, with parents, for example. And then tormented with remorse and reflect on that before someone else do could afford.

Or feel similar to yourself — the man you love and know that he feels the same feelings for you, leads to a burst you so surprised he is there? And where is his dignity, which inspire such delight to you and others? And could not help thinking that to any other woman he would never have allowed it.

What it is — a manifestation of our selfishness and weakness? Because sometimes only the family knows about our these manifestations, and does this mean that we show them their weaknesses?

Thank you.

Sincerely, Victoria.
     

Interesting questions. If the man himself admits his flaws, then he's worth something, because it is a necessary condition to get rid of them.

Let's dig.
 

The world is woven of contradictions

 

If now the humans have declared mortal enemies — any Martians who decided to pump our atmosphere and oceans for their own needs, and the globe to put in consumption, then it would be our entire planet is United in a single pole confront the aggressor. People would despise religious, national, ideological and other differences, and all of humanity would unite in their common struggle against the external enemy.

But alien enemies yet, so people waste energy its natural aggression in an inner struggle:

  • and international market competition,
  • the confrontation of political parties of different ideologies (systems of values),
  • war, scandals, and other race.
Let's take a very close-knit people in the world. Why it rallied? Or rather, against whom? Against the external forces of other Nations. But if external forces disappeared, then within this single nation began to escalate the struggle between the inner poles of various clans and political forces.

How not to break a piece of magnet in half, hoping to separate plus from minus, each piece will still have both poles.

  • If not, the interplanetary conflict (with Martians) — that exacerbated international;
  • if you weaken international — aggravated domestic;
  • to remove the domestic — aggravated intra-city, intra-family, etc.
The world is woven of contradictions — of the poles of the confrontation. Every moment in every place in the Universe is a struggle of opposites.

  • In any government there will always be opposition.
  • Any character with the opposite point of view - the villain.
 

But in the world there is good and bad forces, but only the warring parties with their own interests. There is no good and evil, and there are only opposite energy status.

Chastity beetle, Gypsy moth, bocheva aphids and some other insects are called pests people (ie, poor), because by eating plants, which also operates people, damage the interests of the people. Ladybug, which causes damage to our enemy — the aphid, eating it is considered to be useful (good).

Weeds are bad because the use of them for us, and they are in his life struggle to compete with the cultural (good) plants, which we are not averse to crumble into vinaigrette.

If you develop this concept, raising himself above the interests of the people, then it is safe to say that man is the worst beast on Earth, because it commits far more violence over nature, than all the bark beetles, weeds and parasites. However, we understand that on Earth there is good and bad species, but only species that have adapted to the environment in the struggle for existence contradict each other.

If you remove from the world of contradictions, it will collapse. To remove all evil from the world, a utopia, because it remaining good immediately divided into more than good and less good, i.e., again for good and evil.

Within each person as a piece of magnet, also have internal opposite poles. Each has good and bad. The kindest man might show aggression towards others.
 






Aggression is a property of all life — the basis of conflict

 

All living beings eat each other. Even the most innocent vegetarian kills carrots and horseradish. Our body also once will go to feed the hungry of other objects in the Universe. When we brush our teeth, we're having a end of the world for several generations of bacteria living in your mouth. That's life. Is aggression.

In the conventional sense, aggression is an attack. This willful damage to any of the rude selfish reasons. However, this extreme form of aggression in the narrow sense of the term.

Aggression in the broadest sense of the word is not only the desire to stop in the face of the opponent. Aggression is the desire to make a movement towards the world, is any interference in the Affairs of the world, overcoming the resistance of the world.

The world is covered in controversial issues, and here we are with their needs: "excuse me, please, dear world, that I'm talking to you. Can I pass by you, feel you, breathe you, partially you have a drink and a little bite from you, and will make for you the second part of a single process of metabolism? And don't assume I'm not the aggressor — I'm not asking too much!".

Such simple questions and statements as: "where have you been?", "why don't you call me?", "do as I do", "get a cleaner" — aggression (certainly not in its extreme degree) because they reflect the desire of the individual to spread its influence to others. Libido is also a symptom of aggression (by the way, the ritual movements of courtship and attacks many species of animals are the same, indicating that their overall effect).

Any organization committed to expansion. Every living organism wants to subjugate the whole world: "if you can't take over the world himself, spread his seed, so did my children!" — instinctive motto of every living entity.

Not easy to live a beautiful girls who wants to impregnate each counter in the hope to let their offspring walk on the Universe. Woman wants to be fertilized, but not the first worn-out ladies ' man, and the best and preferably with mutual sympathy.

Every ignoramus in his heart cherishes the hope of victory over the world, but the world is incredibly strong and full of unimaginable greatness.

And every man understands his defeat in the battle of life (we will not here to breed the pointless discussion about life after life, because the subject is not knowledge, and faith).

In General, if you live — so aggressive, because "aggression is the preservation of life"

Konrad Lorenz, Nobel prize winner

 

Living beings have to spend their life energy (aggression) against the outside world, because the world is constantly pressing on them. Life is impossible without movement. The movement is the result of the struggle of opposites: we are moving forward, because fear drives us and leads to pleasure. Calm ruining and maddening.

Every living creature intrudes in the lives of others with their selfish interests is only in virtue of its existence. So people tend to worry about each other.

This aggression in the form of intraspecific struggle. Intraspecific competition is more aggressive than the species (unless the species are not feuding with each other for food or territory like tigers and leopards) — when a tiger stalking an antelope, his face expressed not anger, as when meeting with another tiger, but rather a passion.

In virtue of temporally coincident interests, the people go hand in hand, but in close dormitory inevitable conflicts. So sometimes it's better to be friends at a distance.
 

Hurt the weak. Very afraid

 

People also tend to get more of those who are weaker (you can be lenient, but from time to time in besieged Leningrad, some people ate their dogs and cats). Strong are afraid and therefore try to openly discourage their aspirations for their own good.

What do you think, who often were rude to marshals of the Supreme command of their beloved wives or comrade Stalin? I recall the words of Niccolo Machiavelli: "People are more likely to hurt somebody who's experiencing love than the person to whom fear". Not always, but usually.
 

Why strangers are polite to each other?

 

Let's first answer the question: why is a strange cat usually does not bother us? Obviously, because we don't care what kind of impression about us will develop it because of its stupidity, and we are confident that she did nothing wrong about us not tell. And because we are not afraid of it and generally the person does not believe.

Strange bear we have confused more, even if he won't tell anybody about us of anything bad, because if we like him (as lunch), then he will eat us, and if you do not like (as an enemy), it will crush you — we are afraid of it.

Stranger — not a cat and not even the bear he's got more brains. So we are concerned, what is the first impression of us will develop it (if someone will say: "I don't care about the opinion of others about me", then let them answer the question: why in the grueling heat, he does not walk the streets naked or at least in his underpants, because it's more convenient? I suppose that, in part because he did not want to arouse the sympathy of the police).

The first impression that people try to impress others, like advertising, aims to attract the "client" and often deceptive. In advertising usually do not write: "Bring us your money, instead of take stuff and get out", but often think so.

When dealing with strangers, we tend to advertised themselves, so often behave politely — speak is often not what we really think, and what pleasure lies at the hearing of the interlocutor — in General, try to demonstrate good sides of your personality.

In addition, a stranger to us, yet not a specific person, but the average type. Until we got to know him a little better, we can assume that he is capable of everything you'd expect from the man. This may cause some concerns: what if he's a proper psycho, or a shameless rascal?
 

Relations between close people

 

With relatives all clear. They know us, so we don't have to worry about the formation of first impressions (advertise themselves). We, in turn, know them, so their reaction to our attacks more predictable. If your mood is lousy, or disagreements, then they can disperse to arrange. They love us, therefore, endure. And forgive. However, if the strict dad, the daughter will not be rude like my mom.

So really, if people take out their neighbors, they do so usually because of their selfishness - the source of aggression. And because of his weakness ("who is at home, the tiger is out of its usual sheep" (Theodore Hippel)). Weak people are oppressed at work, angry bosses, to feel their strength, is often played in his household. This behavior is no better than treachery, for it really is. "I feel good when you feel bad" — the motto of unbalanced and unsatisfied pussies.

I dare say that most of the "lovers" hang up on their loved one's shackles, his unbearable jealousy, put him in a prison of their claims and called the violence of love. It is not easy to accept the idea that their loved one, though so dear, but, nevertheless, they do not own (in this world each to himself and if he sacrifices himself or his freedom for the sake of others, he does so voluntarily). Here, of course, a matter of taste — some people like to belong to someone, but such relations — ownership relations, similar to those which thrive on Bazaar market place — not that other as the simple desire to own a person as a thing. It's a passion, based on the gross selfishness (for themselves at the expense of the freedom of the other), which is one step to hatred. This is a common game. Everything in life is a futile game.

"Adults are children, only toys they have others."

Skilet
 

However, with your loved ones do not all. If the person is reasonable, and tolerant of others and generous (which aspires to be a Victoria), then came back home in low spirits, it will leave all your problems outside the door and will not come off on your family.

Strong and solid noble nature. They will never indulge in quarrelsome slovosloviya not only with family, but also with any other people. They are above petty troubles. And shit, especially not for them. If they will bore family, they will show them Forbearance, and will not be offended and kick up a row, but only to engage in constructive dialogues.

"People of small minds sensitive to minor grievances, people are crazy all notice and nothing on offense".

Francois de La Rochefoucauld
 

We understand that our relatives and friends — not the most deserving people on Earth, however, our responsibility (voluntary) — to bring our families and friends what we call good - first and foremost, to spare their nerves. And honorable mission bring them bad, which is also essential for life balance, let him take the neighbors above and unsatisfied aunts in public transport.

Do not have to lose a loved one, then to understand how he was dear to us — is to appreciate it for what it is, here and now.

Give people more than they expect. And take it easy. published
 

Author: Felix Kirsanov P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.orator.ru/rass25.html

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