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A right to be angry without fault to the load
It so happens that child as if just out looking for trouble. I too suffer, and boundaries signify and warn, and actively listen to, and take – and it's not in the horse feed, he seemed arrogant and evil.
I see that he does it not because to annoy us, but because he needs access. He would sit and cry, and for some reason he can't, and “asking for trouble” to the result of an argument after all, to cry and to release themselves from.
This means to me that the previous failures I chickened out and played-distracted, and the child remained nasty feeling that something is wrong, but he can't, I emotionally cheated, and he's like I want to cling to something, and he slips on my evasiveness and smoothing down, and “looking for reasons” and “runs”.
I carefully watch myself. Stood I say, not enough sleep, in the mirror and not liked the plan for the day did not suit me, well, a dozen small annoyances that something to do with nowhere, but inside poison. I am literally watching everything inside is torn under the desire to just sit down and cry.
But “sit and cry” is difficult for me personally, so swallowing another lump and labeling yourself for the nurse, I'm going to growl at everyone. The husband, little children. Sneaky husband instead of me to enter into the required conflict honestly, trying to reassure, hug and sweet-talk, why evil fire flared up even more. And I so vividly saw it: I wanted to use this unfortunate falling out over some nonsense, to snarl, to reply, and to burst into tears of resentment and self-pity.
I look at my children and feel like in these moments, their unbearable they just bad from the inside, and so I want to pity yourself, but they can't, we teach them to be nurses. We in every sentence: “Mamaaaa, I'm not maguuma” say: “You can, you're strong.” He's strong, he can, he has no right to self-pity, so he talks back, run up and unbearable. So we barked down, slipped, and he finally was allowed to cry and ask for pens and wailed “I didn't luiiii”.
My experience is that all significant obtained only through the share of fanaticism and lack of self-pity. And that's the world.
We can't avoid anger and irritation, because the world will never meet our expectations, and we can't help but have expectations.
We can't accumulate it, because it is not always able to throw out.
And we can't feel sorry for yourself constantly, to anger to drop, because it will not survive. And so the aggression is inevitable.
Aggression, or “exit through the anger” – it's just the tears of those who does not know how to cry.
Therefore, when a child is difficult, I say to myself “do not be afraid, it is necessary to pass” and go in a direct head-no, sacrificing the right to be good. Then Pat on the back, while he swears and yells, and immediately see how to him it became easier. Therefore, I do not like the technique of diversion and distraction. Due to the fact the situation which in children remains.
Tessa on his white Board in the room wrote yesterday: “You're the best mom in the world. You hug me a lot.” I teared up, because she's a serious girl and soft and pleasant words buying. And today, barked at them in the morning because I was late and was not going, Tessa walked for a long time the focus I looked, and then said firmly: “Mom, if you're angry, you can go and see what I have written on the Board”.
Such a paradoxical circle: the integrity and peace of mind is when you allow anger and aggression, but not when run from it. A right to be angry gives the other a right to be angry without guilt to the load, heals us from the accumulated bile and resentment. Healed, we become stronger and able to withstand the anger of another, not trying to shut her up or to devalue. Thereby healing it.
19 simply brilliant tips for parents
10 mistakes that will ruin your daughter's life
And then the question arises: what if you can't stand? As wound? And I think the only answer is a vector. It's either “we” treat each other, we are together, we are one, either we each are protected against we, each for himself. We either spiral down to a disconnection and closeness that even the best of intentions, or spiral up, to reach, to oneness, to love. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.womanfrommars.com/thinking-mommy-notes/right-for-dark-side/
I see that he does it not because to annoy us, but because he needs access. He would sit and cry, and for some reason he can't, and “asking for trouble” to the result of an argument after all, to cry and to release themselves from.
This means to me that the previous failures I chickened out and played-distracted, and the child remained nasty feeling that something is wrong, but he can't, I emotionally cheated, and he's like I want to cling to something, and he slips on my evasiveness and smoothing down, and “looking for reasons” and “runs”.
I carefully watch myself. Stood I say, not enough sleep, in the mirror and not liked the plan for the day did not suit me, well, a dozen small annoyances that something to do with nowhere, but inside poison. I am literally watching everything inside is torn under the desire to just sit down and cry.
But “sit and cry” is difficult for me personally, so swallowing another lump and labeling yourself for the nurse, I'm going to growl at everyone. The husband, little children. Sneaky husband instead of me to enter into the required conflict honestly, trying to reassure, hug and sweet-talk, why evil fire flared up even more. And I so vividly saw it: I wanted to use this unfortunate falling out over some nonsense, to snarl, to reply, and to burst into tears of resentment and self-pity.
I look at my children and feel like in these moments, their unbearable they just bad from the inside, and so I want to pity yourself, but they can't, we teach them to be nurses. We in every sentence: “Mamaaaa, I'm not maguuma” say: “You can, you're strong.” He's strong, he can, he has no right to self-pity, so he talks back, run up and unbearable. So we barked down, slipped, and he finally was allowed to cry and ask for pens and wailed “I didn't luiiii”.
My experience is that all significant obtained only through the share of fanaticism and lack of self-pity. And that's the world.
We can't avoid anger and irritation, because the world will never meet our expectations, and we can't help but have expectations.
We can't accumulate it, because it is not always able to throw out.
And we can't feel sorry for yourself constantly, to anger to drop, because it will not survive. And so the aggression is inevitable.
Aggression, or “exit through the anger” – it's just the tears of those who does not know how to cry.
Therefore, when a child is difficult, I say to myself “do not be afraid, it is necessary to pass” and go in a direct head-no, sacrificing the right to be good. Then Pat on the back, while he swears and yells, and immediately see how to him it became easier. Therefore, I do not like the technique of diversion and distraction. Due to the fact the situation which in children remains.
Tessa on his white Board in the room wrote yesterday: “You're the best mom in the world. You hug me a lot.” I teared up, because she's a serious girl and soft and pleasant words buying. And today, barked at them in the morning because I was late and was not going, Tessa walked for a long time the focus I looked, and then said firmly: “Mom, if you're angry, you can go and see what I have written on the Board”.
Such a paradoxical circle: the integrity and peace of mind is when you allow anger and aggression, but not when run from it. A right to be angry gives the other a right to be angry without guilt to the load, heals us from the accumulated bile and resentment. Healed, we become stronger and able to withstand the anger of another, not trying to shut her up or to devalue. Thereby healing it.
19 simply brilliant tips for parents
10 mistakes that will ruin your daughter's life
And then the question arises: what if you can't stand? As wound? And I think the only answer is a vector. It's either “we” treat each other, we are together, we are one, either we each are protected against we, each for himself. We either spiral down to a disconnection and closeness that even the best of intentions, or spiral up, to reach, to oneness, to love. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.womanfrommars.com/thinking-mommy-notes/right-for-dark-side/
