PARENT — CHILD
In childhood you are taught to guilt adults, especially members of your family. In the end, if they feel a sense of guilt and that's good for them must be good for you! If they don't like something you did or said that you called "bad girl" or "bad boy."
Condemned you, not your actions. Throughout his childhood, especially the first five, you were taught to respond to "good" and "bad", "right" and "wrong". Guilt was embedded in your subconscious mind through a system of reward and punishment. At this age you started to identify with the character of their actions.
Parents unwittingly use guilt as a means of control over their children. They tell the child that if he doesn't do that, they are very upset. Their weapons are phrases like "what will the neighbors think?", "you're embarrassing us!" "you disappoint us!" "you could achieve more!", "where are your manners?" This list can be continued indefinitely. Every time you fail, trying to please their parents, they play a trump card. As a result, you develop a pattern of behavior, directed primarily to the satisfaction of the moral standards of others.
To avoid feelings of guilt, say and do what others want from you, every time I come to the conclusion that only in this case will appeal to all. Thus you develop a steady need to make a good impression on others.
CHILD — PARENTS
In contrast to the method described above, children often using guilt to manipulate their parents. Most adults want to be "good" and can't cope with the feeling that their child believes their behavior is unfair or indifferent. To coerce the child uses phrases like "in fact, you don't love me!" or "parents are so-and-so told him he could". He also reminds the elders that they did or did not do, intuitively knowing this creates in them a sense of guilt.
This pattern of behavior was learned from observations of adults. The child does not know the mechanism how it works, only knowing that it is most effective to achieve the desired. Because manipulation is one of the main children's activities, the child does not need much time for learning the lesson.
Wine is a learned emotional reaction. The described behavior is not natural. If your child is trying to force you into anything with guilt, you can be sure he adopted this tactic from a good teacher — you!
WINE THROUGH LOVE
"If you loved me ..." So begins one of the most common phrases used to manipulate your partner. When we say, "If you loved me you'd do it" — we. in essence, we say; "You are guilty, because he had done this" or "If you refuse to do it, so you're not really in love with me".
Of course, we should always show your love and care, even if we have to absorb neurotic scheme of introduction! If words do not work, we can resort to things like silent treatment, the refusal of sex, hurt, anger, tears or slamming doors.
Another tactic is to use guilt to punish their parents for behaviour that is inconsistent with our values and beliefs. Digging into old sins, and a reminder of how they were "wrong," help to maintain the feeling of guilt. While our parents feel guilty, we can manipulate them. This type of relationship implies that our love depends on the special behavior we want from their parents. When they do not obey, we use a sense of guilt for their "fix".
These are just a few ways of introducing guilt into a relationship based on love.
WINE INSPIRES SOCIETY
It all starts in school when you fail to meet the requirements of teachers. You are made to feel guilty for their behavior, suggesting that you could achieve more or of having failed his teacher. Not trying to get to the root of the problem — the erroneous perception of student — teacher presses on the guilt. It brings little value to the training, although an effective means of control.
Society inspires you need a submission. If you do or say something that is considered socially unacceptable, you develop a sense of guilt. Our prison system is an excellent example of the theory of guilt.
If you break the moral code of society, you are punished by imprisonment in a correctional institution. During this time you are waiting for remorse. The more severe the offense, the longer you have to repent.
Then you presumably released as a rehabilitated person, not having solved the main problem: do not fix the erroneous Awareness — namely, low self-esteem. It is not surprising that seventy-five per cent of prisoners are repeat offenders.
Guilt, inspires public education, makes you worry about how others would react to your actions. You are so concerned about other people's opinion that can't be free for the main: to reach their own goals. You seek to consult with others before you do or say something that would upset them.
Why the society is so strong rules of etiquette. For most people the question: which side of the plate to put the fork? — literally a matter of life and death! Their whole life is driven by socially acceptable behaviors, because they can't stand the guilt. Unfortunately, people often prefer to be polite than to be themselves.
Sexy wine has long been part of the American way of life. Past generations have lived with sexual values that are incompatible with the natural desire. Coerced religious upbringing, where all forms of sexual expression was carefully labelled "good" or "bad", "natural" or "sin", people passed their beliefs down from generation to generation like an infectious disease.
If your value system included any form of sexuality that were considered morally unacceptable, you are forced to feel guilt and shame. Things like Masturbation, extramarital sex, pornography, homosexuality, abortion, etc., was "bad" and "sinful."
As a result, today there are many sexual taboos generated by suppressed guilt.
For the average person, since the childhood brought up on the idea of the sinfulness of sex, you cannot enjoy any sexual satisfaction, without guilt. As long as the partners do not understand that ANY FORM of SEXUAL EXPRESSION WITHIN the SYSTEM of HUMAN VALUES AND do NOT cause PHYSICAL HARM to ANOTHER, the RIGHT REGARDLESS of WHAT OTHERS SAY OR THINK, they will never gain a rich and full sexual experience.
Religion has done much for the development and implementation of guilt in the minds of the average person. It is because of the concept of original sin the fault is in the control of religious people.
Through the false concept of perfection many religious faiths introduce a sense of guilt in the minds of those people who don't fit their moral criteria based on their interpretation of Scripture. They begin with the premise that any judgment based on the notion of perfection. They say that perfection is good and imperfection "bad."
Incorrect interpretation of the limited understanding of the true meaning of the word. If you put under a microscope of ten thousand identical items, you will see that no two of them are quite similar.
Each being clearly different from the other: is a biological, psychological, philosophical and metaphysical fact. Any person is an expression of the Creative Mind, so perfection is relative, like everything else. Stephen Wallace says it this way:
Twenty people running across the bridge
In one village, —
This twenty people,
going through twenty bridges
Some churches waiting that two people will equally understand God, Truth and the Bible, condemned its believers to fail in their quest.
Paradoxically, to be "perfect", you have to have flaws. Imperfections are tools that contribute to your development, to encourage all of humanity to be creative. To have flaws is to be a sterile person, not in need of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual evolution. The desire to succeed, unspoiled by guilt, people need in order to achieve the best results.
The man, convinced that all sinful bad", it is difficult to see the value and beauty — Yes, even beauty! — the sins and mistakes. The Church says that sin is "bad", however, few priests will deny that we learn from our mistakes. The difference consist in the fact, do we learn that particular lesson they teach us. Some of the world's achievements belong to the people whose shortcomings have been an engine of creativity.
If you read biographies of great people who have made significant contributions to the development of humanity, could see that they all, without exception, had flaws, many of which society has deemed "sinful." Awareness of this fact will allow you to overestimate in the future, your own sense of guilt.
It was self-destructive and useless. Enough to have the desire to overcome the so-called flaws, sins and mistakes.
This is the most destructive form of guilt. We imposed it on myself, feeling violated your moral code or the moral code of society.
Guilt arises when we look at the past and see; I made an unwise choice or action. We consider their actions — whether it is constructive criticism, theft, deceit, lies, exaggeration, violation of religious norms or any other unacceptable act in the light of our present value system. In most cases, the test wine is a way to prove our actions we care about them, and we are sorry. We both flog themselves with whips for their actions and trying to change the past. Can't understand that the past cannot be changed.
Neurotic always feels a sense of guilt. Balanced whole person learning on examples from the past. Between the first and second there is a huge difference.
Serving sentence for an imaginary guilt — neurotic habit that you should avoid if you ever want to gain confidence in themselves. Guilt one iota will not help you. It will only make you a prisoner of the past and lose the opportunity to take any positive action in the present. Cherishing the feeling of guilt, you elude responsibility for their life today.
Excerpt from the book by Robert Anthony. Secrets of self-confidence
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©