See at the moment how it became fashionable to offer "freedom from guilt". Well, what of it? We normally perceive is pills promising to cure "headaches, joint, regular women's pain"? The natural human desire not to suffer quite applies to uncomfortable feelings. Tormented by fear? Get rid of the fear. Tired of wine? What's the problem? Now cut off!
Meanwhile, professional psychotherapists are not eager to save their clients from feelings. On the contrary, offer those feelings to study from different angles and even — horror of horrors! — experience them.
Normal therapist cannot guarantee its clients full freedom from suffering. Human life on planet Earth is still not 100% of the time like a pleasure trip. And everyone will face difficulties, unfulfilled desires, loss, grief, pain. And he certainly will be the cause of someone's hardship or pain. It is inevitable. And wine in this case — quite right feeling.
It is born of empathy and love for someone we have hurt. And the sense of the feelings to take their responsibility for acts causing severe suffering to another person. And, if you have the opportunity and resources to help another the pain to survive with minimal losses. A man who knows how to survive the guilt, able to stay in the relationship much better than people who shun meetings with that feeling.
We are talking about natural wine, an experience which brings not the most pleasant feeling, but the result of experiences can become personal and spiritual growth, strengthening or rebuilding relationships.
That the person was capable of experiencing guilt so he should grow up in a family where the experience of guilt was legal for all its members. That is, if the child dropped the vase, then he could feel guilty for his embarrassment. From a certain age the child is able to understand that mom and dad are upset. And to have empathy for him and the desire to fix it even without the parents punish or shame.
But parents had the right to realize their responsibility for what not foreseen this turn of events and did not care about the fragile property and the health of the child. And experience guilt for what they rashly yelled at the baby to them is also allowed. No parents fear of losing credibility, showing his humanity.
Guilt requires some action to restore equilibrium in the system. The guilty are not prosecuted, he did not "squeeze out" apology. Do not hide from him the consequences of his actions and feelings this act has caused. Restitution, if possible, encouraged and supported. If the situation is exhausted, it will not be returned for educational purposes. And if the family decided to apologize to each other, regardless of age and status in the family, it is unlikely that in the future growing up in this family people will pay attention to ads "rid of guilt".
Actually, I have a suggestion that to get rid of feelings of guilt want those who have it weakly developed
. But the remains of conscience in the way the final decision to walk over corpses to further their own aims.
But people do suffer from feelings of guilt, will come to the therapist with a completely different query. For example, "I didn't try hard enough and I still unhappy — at work, in the family." Or: "I'm a bad hostess, wife and mother. How do I become better?"
Therapist come the people who, roughly speaking, took five cents, have returned a hundred rubles, but ask the therapist to help them find the pockets of a few extra million to distribute other imaginary debts on interest. That is, in addition to a valid, and often trifling fault (and we all, I repeat, not angels), a person feels the need to almost apologize for the fact of its existence.Psychotherapy does not eliminate suffering.
But she is definitely able to help deal with the excess burden that a person carries with them for different reasons and that causes additional suffering. Serious the storms of life happen in the life of each person, and if the ship is not overloaded, it is much more likely to stay afloat in any storm. Guilt is an important part of our behavior, and get rid of this feeling finally only severely damaging the brain.
Which, incidentally, is the result of chronic poisoning substances, for example, or in the case of serious injury and disease. Sometimes, however, an excess of guilt, a sense of guilt "for everything" — is also a result of malfunction of the brain, a frequent companion of clinical depression or neurological diseases. In this case, it is not impossible to do without a doctor.
Also interesting: guilt and responsibility: experience the difference Guilt — spirituality or immaturity
For those who have suspected after reading this text that it is quite a bit more guilty than the guilty in fact, I propose a simple, but slightly risky exercise. Try to choose one or two "sins" for which you feel guilty. Write them down on paper, in computers or here in the comments. And start a phrase as "I would like to apologize... for what I did to him (it) in the following way: ...". Observe how reduced your "list of debts". Because real wine is always targeted and focused, in contrast to the ballast, which pulls on the bottom.published
Author: Svetlana Panina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©