The theory of holes: do you feel that you lack something?

Today we will discuss the fundamental idea that we use in the diamond approach: it is called the theory of holes. Under normal circumstances, people are full of what we call "holes".

What is a hole? A hole refers to any part of you that was lost, that is any part of you, knowing that you have lost. Ultimately, then, awareness of what we have lost, is our essence. When we are not aware of its identity, it ceases to appear. And then we feel that we lack something.



So the hole is nothing like the feeling of a lack of a certain part of our essence. It may be the loss of love, loss of value, loss of the ability to contact, loss of power — loss of any quality of an Entity. A lot of them. However, when we say that we have lost part of the Essence, this does not mean they are gone forever: they never disappear forever. You simply cut off from them.

When you are cut off from your value, in your actual experience, you feel that inside of you like an empty hole. You feel a sense of inferiority and trying to fill a hole with something from the outside

Let's take, for example, as values or self-respect. When you are cut off from your value, in your actual experience, you feel that inside you is a hole that seems empty. You feel a sense of lack, inferiority, and want to fill this hole value from the outside. You can try to fill it with approval, rewards, anything. You are trying to fill a hole about value.

We have a lot of holes, but we are usually not aware of them. We usually realize our desires: "I want the reward. I want to be successful. I want this man loved me. I want this or that experience". The presence of desires or needs indicates the presence of holes.

These holes are created in childhood, this is partially as a result of traumatic experience or conflict with the environment. Perhaps your parents don't appreciate you. They didn't treat you as if your desires or presence was important, not acted in that way to let you know that you matter.

They ignored your intrinsic value. Since nobody saw and did not recognize your value (you may even scolded her or tried to dissuade from it), you were cut off from this part of you, and what is left is a hole, a lack of something.

When you set someone a deep connection, you fill out your holes a different person. Some of your holes are filled the fact that, in your belief, you get from other people. For example, you may feel appreciated because a particular person endorses you. On a conscious level you don't know what to fill the hole this approval. And when you are with this person, you feel valuable and unconsciously you feel that the other person responsible for your value. What would this person may have given you, you feel it as part of myself; it's part of the fullness that you are experiencing.

Your unconscious does not consider the part of the person that makes you feel full, as an individual; do you think that is a part of you. When a person dies or a relationship ends, you feel that you have lost this person, you feel you've lost something that fills your hole.

You are experiencing a loss of part of ourselves. That's why it's so painful. You feel as if you was cut and something was taken from you. So the wound and the pain around her — the pain of loss. You may feel as if you've lost your heart, your safety, your strength, your will — all that man has filled you. When you lose a loved one, you feel that hole, that this man filled.

When you set someone a deep connection, you fill out your holes a different person. Some of your holes are filled the fact that, in your belief, you get from other people

That's what people say when they argue that "fit" each other. One person approaches the other holes. When two people live together, they can feel the fullness and completeness because they feel each other as a complement, together they create a unified whole.

Very rarely happens when the other person fills all your holes. In your life many people and things, and they still don't fill all your holes. Some holes can remain empty, and this prolongs the feeling of dissatisfaction. And, of course, the holes are not completely filled.

At a time when people change a little or say something that will make you feel bad about yourself, you will feel the hole again. "Oh, he is, after all, did not believe that I'm worth something." You feel angry and hurt because the hole starts to expand. This dissatisfaction continues because the other person isn't always perfectly fill your holes, especially if he also wants you to fill his hole.

S.: When you change relationships, or other people in your life change, then change must happen in those holes that are involved in the process.

A. G.: Right. If any changes occur around the holes starts some movement. Some holes are empty and some are filled. Man has to adapt and find other ways to fill in the holes. It usually means that they have to deal with some of those holes. They must feel their presence and, perhaps, understand them.

 

If you can stay with the pain and suffering from this loss, not trying to cover it with something else, perhaps you feel the emptiness

 

So, now you know why the loss of someone you were very close, very very close, so painful. After how close you were with this person for a long period of time, you are so used to the fact that he will "fit" that you begin to believe that the other person is part of you. To lose someone is to lose a part of yourself.

When you are directly experiencing the loss and separation, you have the opportunity to see that what was filling you wasn't actually you. If you can stay with the pain and suffering from this loss, not trying to cover it with something else, perhaps you feel the emptiness.

You will feel and see the hole. Then, if you allow yourself to feel this absence, this void, you can find the essential part of yourself — something that will fill the hole from the inside, once and for all. And it's not even filling: is the elimination of the hole and identification with a lack of something.In this case, you regain part of yourself. You connect with the part of his being, which was lost and which, as you thought, someone else can for you to fill.

Many people feel a loss of self-esteem when a relationship ends, so I use the specific example values. Starting to investigate the loss, you can stay with what you feel and ask yourself: "How is it that I feel worthless? How is it that I feel like a jerk just because this person is no longer near me? Why do I feel that I have so little value?".

If you stay with that feeling without trying to change it, just giving him attention and trying to understand it, then you will experience a sense of lack and hole. If you understand this shortage and why it started you may even remember the actual event or series of events that led to the loss of values.

 

If you allow yourself to feel this absence, this void, you can find the essential part of yourself — something that will fill the hole from the inside, once and for all

 

The hole is usually filled with part of a person that remembers what was lost, the situation where the loss occurred, and the pain and conflicts associated with it. We have to go through the pain on a deeper level and become closer to the hole itself, to see these memories. When we see the memories of what was lost aspect of Essence that was lost, will start to show again.



So, any deep loss there is opportunity for growth, the ability to understand more about himself, to experience the sensations of the holes that you believe can be filled by someone else. Unfortunately, people usually defend like crazy against a deeper feeling these losses.

It is, first and foremost, they need to avoid feeling hole. People don't know that the hole, or the feeling that something is missing, a symptom of the loss of something deeper -the loss of the Essence that you can regain. They think the hole, the lack of something, that's what they really are at a deep level, and that this nothing more. They think that they have something wrong, but the feeling that something is wrong, there is an unconscious truth about the presence of holes.

 

When we cease to defend ourselves from feeling the holes, we understand that our actual experience is not painful. We just have an experience of empty space

 

People will do anything just not to feel the hole. They believe that if they will not close the hole, it will absorb them. If they approach the hole of love, for example, they may feel threatened by a devastating loneliness or emptiness. Other holes can lead to something that is felt as a threat of destruction. It is not surprising that we don't want to be around those holes!

But in our work we see amazing things: when we cease to defend ourselves from feeling the holes, we understand that our actual experience is not painful. We just have an experience of empty space, which feels as if there is nothing there. There is not threatening anything, but the space resolution. This space allows the Entity to appear. Only the Essence — and only she — can eliminate this hole, this lack on the inside.

S.: Can a hole be manifested as anger?

A. H.: Yes. You can experience the emotion of anger due to the fact that you feel the lack, especially when anger is a way of protection from feeling the holes. Most of the emotions, especially automatic and Intrusive, are the result of the presence of holes. When there are holes, there are no such emotions. Sadness, resentment, jealousy, anger, hatred, fear — all these emotions are the result of the holes. If you don't have holes, then there is no such emotions. You have only Essence. That is why sometimes such emotions are called passions, about feelings, or pseudoculture.

 

In General, our society is organized so that people fill in the gaps each other. Civilization as we know it, is built on the principle filling of holes

 

Our society is designed to teach us how to get from the outside that will fill our holes, we need to value, love, power, etc. from the outside. We talk about how fantastic it is to do something for other people, or to be in love, or having a meaningful profession, as if all this is what gives life value.

We impute the value is not an Entity, a person or thing; we think that person or thing gives life a higher value than giving it the Essence from which something actually depends on the value of life. In General, our society is organized so that people fill in the gaps each other. Civilization as we know it, is built on the principle filling of holes. It is a product of personality. This is where the personality lives. This is what supports and nourishes the individual.

S.: So it was always?

A. H.: I don't think. I think it happened gradually. It took a while to come to dominate the identity of the civilization. The more mechanistic we become, the more our culture requires us to fill our holes. Many people say that in the past had more love and presence, more recognized now. And people were more touch with their essence than it is now. Heard legends about a Golden age?

In the Golden age that people feel the essence of the holes was not. The silver age began when the Entity has decreased and began to appear the hole. Then came the Bronze age. We are now in the Iron age. The most dark and heavy. Iron is nothing more than protection. We can sometimes feel the quality of iron when we feel stiffness and determination to protect themselves. And one way to consider present — as the time of protection holes.

 

People are very scared, if you are trying to fill in the holes just as they are. If the person is not trying to fill your hole, it makes other people feel their own holes even more

 

Allow yourself to endure the feeling holes and go through them on the other side is now much harder because all the society is against this. The society is opposed to Essence. All around you, wherever you go, try to fill in the holes, and the people are very scared, if you are trying to fill holes in the same way as they do. If the person is not trying to fill your hole, it makes other people feel their own holes even more.

Now it is becoming harder and harder to do the Job, but this Job is becoming more and more necessary. That's why it's so important to have a group like this where there's a community of people involved in the task of self-understanding. Here you have the support of many people who allow themselves to feel the holes instead of filling them. It is very difficult — almost impossible — it is for man, if he's doing it alone because his environment set against this.



S.: You said something about the connection between holes and emotions, and that the Entity does not have emotions. I do not understand.

A. H.: If you understand their feelings, get to its essence. But this does not mean that what you feel is your essence.

S.: does this Mean that if I connected with the Essence, I'm not going to feel anything?

A. H.: No, it does not. There are real feelings and pseudocyst. Pseudocyst trying to fill the hole that is the lack of real feelings.

S.: So what in the hole is a false sense?

A. H.: Yes. If you have lost their own value, for example, if at some point you have cut them, there is formed a hole. A hole will be felt as a sense of inferiority or lack of respect. But that's not the real thing. Is no sense of real value or respect for yourself.

This sense of inferiority is often disguised attempt to feel superior, which is protection. But it is also not a real feeling. This is an attempt to hide, pseudocyst. If you get angry when someone does or says something, and feel a sense of inferiority, it is again pseudocyst.

 

Emotions are reactions, while the essential conditions such as the Value are States of Being. They are not reactions to something

 

All these pseudocysts arise because you are not in contact with his real value. They as compensation. They are real in the sense that you feel them, but they're not real in the sense that they are not a consequence of the loss of something real. It's a big difference. When you are cut off from real feelings, something else tries to take their place: and this emotion.

But feeling the emotions, you can see what you have lost, and to experience it. When you come into contact with a sense of their real value, you see that this is very different from pseudocyst that cover loss. Emotions are reactions, while the essential conditions such as the Value are States of Being. They are not reactions to something.

S.: If you have pseudocysts, what is underneath?

A. G.: In this case, what lies behind the feeling of inferiority, superiority, anger, pain, it is a Value that is a certain aspect of an Entity.

Have you read Plato? Remember Plato's theory of forms and ideas? Socrates said that no one can ever teach you. There is only one way you can learn about them just to remember them.

You have a memory of them, although you may not be aware of it. Remembering, you come to the Idea. That's where you come back it's not the emotions, you go back to the Essence. The essence is more real and more substantial than emotions. The essence is as real as your blood. It is not a reaction.



Some people cut off not only from nature, but from his emotions too. Because of this, they are very remote from themselves. They only have thoughts that are the result of emotions. This is how we lose ourselves and begin to identify with our thoughts.

First comes the Essence, then the loss Essence, then, as a consequence, emotions, then the loss of emotion or the conflict around them, and this leads to different kinds of thoughts. So understanding emotions can help to unravel the tangle of defenses with which people try to avoid the feeling of holes. Emotions can be a point where the Essence was lost.

 

Some people cut off not only from nature, but from his emotions too. Because of this, they are very remote from themselves. They have only thought as a result of emotions

 

Many people worry: if you do not feel emotions, then what will remain to feel? The more you feel the Essence, the less you feel emotions. You will still experience sensations, and to feel you deeper and stronger than before, but your emotions will be deeper and stronger. Emotions are only the response of the nervous system, while the entity is not a response of the nervous system. It's something that fills you up. The part of you that maintains a presence.

 

See also: Life as the art of balance

Smothering love: how traumatic love domineering mother

 

Some people believe that the "essential aspects" means "real feelings". But what most would call feelings or emotions are not is the Essence. Love, Peace, Value, Power, and Will are aspects of the Essence. With the Entity instead of experiencing anger, you experience a Force. Instead of feeling inferiority or superiority, you experience the Value. You experience ourselves as a harmonious Presence — full and powerful.

The first part of the second Chapter of the book of A. H. Almaas "Elements of the Real in Man" ("Elements of the real in man").published

 

 

Author: A. H. Almaas

Translation: Elena Senkina

 

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: eroskosmos.org/theory-of-holes/