Log out of the relationship that terrorizes you!

The whole personality structure to the outside is determined by our behavior. This structure of the personality, but above all in nature, it will again push the path of misery, and to change the structure of our personality is possible only through changing their behaviour.

Ally here will be our nature, our natural, true self, the motto of which is "I want" and the main enemy, as said Nietzsche, the Great dragon named "Thou shall". But if you once change your "I want", then it will have a lifetime to fulfill someone else's "needs".

I now again began to attract the tales, legends and myths. I understand that they are tenacious because they have a lot of psychological truth. As a child I always wondered why powerful heroes are forced to follow orders rather cowardly and feeble kings and rulers, instead of one time to knock them on the head.

This is Heracles, who meekly comply with the orders Doesn cowardly, and Ilya Muromets, who allowed themselves to be put in prison, and Andrew, the arrows from the famous fairy tale of A. Tolstoy, who made a lot of feats, instead of having to deal with a foolish king.

Now I understand that it is our inner dragons, cockroaches, worms, bullets (or whatever you call it) is nothing like the existing system of relations, which terrorizes us. Sometimes we even think that this is who I am, and think I live a true life. Unfortunately, my real "I" for external communication and saves us from death.

I will give only two examples

So, in a period of great financial difficulties of our dragon everything deflates and allows us to work on holidays, buy expensive clothes, without which he previously did not allow us to live, not to organize parties etc. But as soon as difficulties come to an end, he again emerges to the surface and eats all the results of our victory, makes you spend money, going to parties, buying unnecessary items of luxury, etc.

The same thing happens during the disease. We start to conduct a correct lifestyle, but once recovered, the Great dragon again terenichski enjoys all the results of our victory. Here we need to defeat this dragon. It is great only when we obey him. As soon as we stop doing that, he immediately gets smaller and dissolves. But we need vigilance and persistent hard work.

In this battle no need to afraid of failures, it is necessary to maneuver, sometimes to retreat, to accumulate forces, to pretend that he succumbed to and even give him a bribe to pretend you're eyeing to conclude a truce. But always remember that until enemy destroyed, a possible relapse.

To understand what you need to change your behavior, change your relationship, it's very easy, but to achieve a change is quite hard, but possible, because we have such a powerful ally as our destiny, our nature. She never change, she will always be on our side.

And if I did not scare you, my dear reader, if you have decided to behave in accordance with their own nature, if you decide to become yourself, then read on.

If not, if you are all happily at work, if you have a beautiful family, don't keep reading. What is the point to do such a tedious thing as you follow the instructions, because if you want to get the result, you need to do what is necessary.When you do nothing, then nothing will.

  • Be prepared for what might not immediately succeed.

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that after a specific and even significant progress will decay.

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that many of your loved ones will at best see you as a fool.

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that many informed people close to you will seem strange and unnecessary.

  • Prepare for fits of anguish, anxiety and doubt, the desire to forget everything and go back to the neurotic still relatively comfortable existence.

  • But keep in mind, if you break the obstacles that interfere with your personal growth, let the Genie out of the bottle, to go back will not succeed.

So, to acquire any skill necessary, according to E. Fromm the following things:

1. Discipline

You need to work regardless of their mood. Unlikely to achieve something, if you will work from case to case. William James said that the acquisition of skill requires continuous work. If you stop the ball wound, he immediately begins to unwind.

Good help in daily journal writing. You can just put the date and to assess how the day went. Discipline should be not only at work but also in private life. Unfortunately, outside the work a person has very low self-control. This is a reaction to the fact that all day he did not what he wanted, and wasted energy. And now he wants to "rest".

2. Focus

It is clear without a special decryption, but is not achieved so easily.People can do several things: to read, listen to radio, watch TV, talk with friends and eat. The man turns into a baby bird with an open mouth. Eats what you put in.

Even Rudyard Kipling put into the mouth Akela, the leader of the wolf pack, contemptuous words, the meaning of which is: people always have something to do with his hands or mouth. He told Mowgli not to hurry. As long as people do not smoke, do not discuss all news, violently gesticulating, they will not proceed. At the time of correction do what you have to do. The rest of the time engaged.

3. Patience

Impatience is one of the main traits of a neurotic nature. Neurotic, visiting, psychotherapist or psychologist, wants 10 minutes to get rid of a neurosis, which originated in early childhood, and become strong and hardy after a workout.

That's why we have fashion bioenergy, hypnotists, magicians, astrologers, fortune-tellers and others Who hoped for a rapid effect, can stop reading this book. Who understands that the effect will not come immediately, and he's not suffering, and waiting. Just like a smart farmer does not tolerate, when ripe tomatoes, blossom roses, will begin to bear fruit the trees, just waiting.

4. Interest

Unfortunately, neuros don't want to be cured. They want to be good neurotics, i.e. not to change as a person, and at the same time have no signs of neuroticism and symptoms of the disease.

The neurotic does not realize that to eradicate neuroticism start gradually. It resembles a poor gardener who, working in the garden, removes only the tops of the plants without worrying about removing root.He doesn't understand, then that would be even worse. He sees no point in learning muscle relaxation and the study of logic and philosophy, as well as the workout will. With his neuroticism, he wants to fight only with medication. Unfortunately, the meds are helping, but fortunately not for long. Therefore, sooner or later, the neurotic interested in the correction of his personality.

5. Humility

Without humility to the vicissitudes of fate can't get out of neuroticism. You need to understand that sooner or later you start to age, you will have to retire and even die. But if you humble yourself in front of these great necessities of fate, old age and death can push a healthy lifestyle.

Life — extend, and to pensions to prepare so that retirement is not accompanied by a decline and rise. Humility leads to objectivity and awakens from a pleasant dream in which live neurotics. And they like sleeping beauty from the fairy tale sh. Pen that had slept for 100 years and woke up and married the 18-year-old Prince. They think that old age will never come. Humility forces us to rely on our own strength, constantly increasing.

6. Faith

I don't mean religious faith, rational faith, faith in science and in yourself and the other person. Love is the absence of jealousy, Affairs, lack of suspicion. Faith must be based on knowledge of the regularities of our world. Then you will not stick your hand in boiling water, will not expect improvement in 10 minutes, you work hard enough on yourself.

If you believe in the person that is not going to offer his services when he'll come. Without faith a man will not be courage, it would not be wise to risk, will not be able to make decisions, for it is not ready to bear responsibility for them. The exercise of faith and courage begins with small things. The first step is to notice when faith was lost when you changed yourself.

7. Activity

Under the activity of E. Fromm understood not doing anything, but internal mobility, constructive and creative use of his powers. This means that I all the time are in a state of active interest to himself. Sleep should be the only situation allowing for inactivity. And the day you need to be sharp in thought. To actively see and hear and not to engage in idle pastime.

8. Honesty

In changing his script honesty is understood as the ability not to gloss over the reality and to call things by their proper names, especially in relation to their personal characteristics. Especially the neurotic people are often away from realizing his cowardice, call it generosity when tipping or covering a heavy table, the discipline if you fear to take risky decision, solidarity if you fear to speak against the group or authority.

9. Methodical

Is the ability to move forward step by step, transgressing from stage to stage, carefully locking all the successes and failures, correcting errors and omissions.published


Author: Michael Litvak


Also interesting: the classification of the "meaning" of life

Michael Litvak: How to learn to play the man, or rather his nerves?


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: litvak.me/statyi/article_post/kak-izmenit-svoyu-sudbu-1


See also

New and interesting