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Understand teenager language: what music to listen to your children?
Parent: "Immediately turn this horror!»
Teenager: "It is not fear, it's the music! *** This is a group, and it is now very popular. »
Parent: "It's the music? And why do they shout? It could not sing properly. Yes, they just howl! And the music? Yes, it's just a gnashing and screeching. »
Teen: "Yes, you do not understand anything ... Get away from me, that I want, and listen»
. We could not even dream ... Such music
Normal conversation in an ordinary family. And again, between us - the abyss
! The conclusion that makes a parent: "Well, again, he does not want to hear anything ..." A teenager thinks thus: "I am here no one understands and does not want to understand ..." And of course, both are frustrated and both deep down want a completely different: understanding, respect, love. Although each is expressed in different ways. But why are they so strange to show what they want to achieve? After all, we want to make it in another way, but ...
Adolescence - time special, important. In it there are serious changes. Teenager becomes independent. He needs a sense of their own individuality, independence from parents. He aspires to become an adult, and therefore resorted to a variety of adult attributes: try to smoke, drink alcohol, boys tend to start more quickly shave and girls - painted
. In addition, most seriously rebuilt hormonal system of the body, changes the metabolism. Quickly and unevenly growing skeleton. The teenager is sometimes similar to the old man shuffling gait, look tired, it all seemed to bend under the weight of all the transformations that take place in it
. There are frequent and unexplainable mood swings. The girls can regularly dizzy. The internal state of a teenager is so heavy that we mistake it for laziness. From our point of view there is no reason to feel tired, even though internal reasons are very real, even if we can not recognize them.
And everything else is rapidly developing a plan of feelings and emotions. Emotional eating plan requires constant: strong and vivid impressions, experiences sharp, new experiments and tests. At this point, the teenager can easily get carried away by extreme sports, can fall in love with horror movies, or, on the contrary, the Japanese anime. Can rebuild their lives podkakoy-libostil dress and behavior, become a goth, emo or punk.
But there is another side to the adolescent's life: the search for meaning
. This is a time of questions:. "? Why do I live", "What shall I do next»
Moreover, these questions do not require unambiguous and fast answers. They only arise and begin to brew in, often not even speaking rationally, deliberately. These are questions for the future. And while there is no way to absorb the answer to this, it is too global and nepodemen. There is only his hunch.
Oddly enough, but this music is now exactly matches the stage of emotional development of a teenager. And let us not confuse the abundance of obscene words and loud screaming sound. Music seems to be destructive, but also within the adolescent all rages: to destroy the old, there is a new one. Including a new relationship with the world, with parents, with peers.
Let not deter strange texts, about the fact that "all bad", and the scary faces heroes on posters that hang in his or her room. They are better than a teenager may express the way he feels the world around us. This feeling is more emotional, it is not formulated in a clear definition, it does not yet have a clear picture of the world. Idols express their own position, formulate problems which he formulated a teenager is not able to.
They relate to a new world, which now surrounds it: the problem of finding its place among classmates and environment, building relationships with the opposite sex. And along with this question: "Why do I live?", "What is the point in my studies?", "Why the world is so cruel, if you need to be like everyone else?". Questions, questions ... And it is very in tune with what can be heard in rock music including. That is why the songs of your favorite bands and artists so valuable and needed a teenager.
When you come back,
Try to take for themselves
The fact that there is neither space nor time.
There is only life, and she was alone.
And you somewhat easier than those,
This had to choose.
Tell me, my friend,
How long is my only weapon you have to wait?
"When you get back" (a group of "Pilot»)
Look at the sides
And look around
You will not see anything,
In addition to slaves and servants
You will not see anything,
In addition to the terrible pain,
Which all the people
Forever will be bound.
Who, if not us,
He will rise from its knees?
Who, if not us,
Can save us?
Who, if not us,
He will say firmly "NO»
? Who, if not us?
"Who, if not us?»
(A group of "Nothing good»)
And all of that was invested in this music a teenager, we throw out of his life, when demand deactivate "it." And along with the music alienate the teen and continues to increase the gulf that separates us. And all because we are not satisfied with the external form in which it is served. The form is contrary to our ideas about what should be good music. And maybe, just good music classical music? Bach, Beethoven, Mozart? But while the classic speaks a different language, it needs to come, but the way is not close.
And we would be good to try to understand the language of a teenager. And for that, you can start with the obvious question. Ask: "What do you find in this group? How do you like them? "But subtly, gently. After all, we easily with parent positions quickly disarm him, to show the insignificance of his arguments. Yes, we can do it, because it is easier to formulate ideas, to argue them, we are able to defend their opinions. But now we need more!
If we're lucky if we are worthy of that trust us, there will be something very important - a son or daughter as can be to share with us that it was important for him, which is expensive in his life. And let's not expect sparkling phrases bombastic style. We should be happy that it happened. This is the beginning of the path to each other.
And as though it may sound strange, but a teenage passion, sometimes we do not understand, including modern trends in music - is the bridge by which we can get to what is now worried about it, to issues important to him. This bridge, thrown from our coast on its shore.
But modern music is so different, there are so many different trends and styles. And how to understand them, to start, is unclear. It is logical to assume that every modern style and genre has its own distinctive features. And if our teenager listens to a group of primarily one style, it is very likely that in them he finds something that currently lacks.
Many styles are those of certain subcultures and youth trends with its ideology and way of life. But the description of youth subcultures is beyond the scope of this article, so let's look only to music and look at some of the most striking trends.
We could not even dream ... Such music
For example, the music of punk rock - it is a clear protest, challenge the foundations and rules of society. The desire to be like everybody else, do not be weak-willed "sheep in the herd." Cherezpank-rokprohodit majority of young men in their teens because they are intrinsically necessary to destroy the base of the hierarchy of values in life parents, to build its own again.
This is because as a child they take their family values unconsciously, now have to come to them consciously. To help in this process we can, giving the teenager more freedom of choice, but while being close to him.
Or another option - for RnB (Rich and Beauty, rich and beautiful). The most accurate it can be characterized by the motto "Take everything from life." This desire is always to be the first successful and famous, like the others, it is completely not looking into the future, living only for today.
And if our "baby" hears dead metal, gothic metal and other hard and aggressive style, then perhaps so he throws aggression, which can not find a more constructive form of expression and transformation. Maybe the school or its surroundings have on the teenager too much pressure, and then the music becomes saving "valve" discharged "pressure" inside. In adolescents can be quite a lot of aggressive energy, and then our task - to find appropriate ways to work with it. Can help and climbing, roller skating, football.
But all this would be ineffective if we ourselves will not be an internal counterweight. Simply put, in us to be a solid foundation, and a real passion for music, painting, theater or any other art form. Then we will have something to refer to it! Yes, our portrait is not hanging on his wall next to the posters of idols. But this does not mean that it does not take us with an example. Beret, and still is! And whether we like samichto-nibudtak to captivate him not moralizing and lecturing, but by example?
And yet we need to understand one simple truth: our teenager became more! Although perhaps we did not have time to notice this, but we have no right to coerce and entice him to our opinion unilaterally. He aspires to become a personality, gaining strength from us independent adult. And because it is time we realize that we need to change is now.
We must stop looking at him as a child. And what is even more difficult, must cease to consider him as his. Of course, he is our son or daughter always, no matter how many years he or celebrated, but now in our relationship with him comes the critical period. We must become his friend, a counselor in the way of solutions to the complex issues and choices. And this can be done in conditions of equality and mutual interest. There is no need, as before, "feed" him our care and concern to the same extent as before. Now is the time a food that is no substitute.
We want to finish the story of one of our familiar story of a girl who at 16 years has replaced more than one dozen of your favorite artists and bands. She listened to the player a lot of sentimental, poignant songs about unrequited love to punk rock. But her father - a big fan of Vysotsky. And now, when she takes the guitar and starts to sing the songs of Vladimir Semenovich, the songs of his own, we quietly behind her. She has to take one example.
Of course, the first steps towards each other are always difficult, because you need to overcome their own boundaries, but believe me, it's worth it! After all, the reward will be a special and incomparable with anything comparable to the joy of mutual recognition. And who, if not us, the first to do these steps?
Authors: Barbara and Paul KUDELINA
Teenager: "It is not fear, it's the music! *** This is a group, and it is now very popular. »
Parent: "It's the music? And why do they shout? It could not sing properly. Yes, they just howl! And the music? Yes, it's just a gnashing and screeching. »
Teen: "Yes, you do not understand anything ... Get away from me, that I want, and listen»
. We could not even dream ... Such music
Normal conversation in an ordinary family. And again, between us - the abyss
! The conclusion that makes a parent: "Well, again, he does not want to hear anything ..." A teenager thinks thus: "I am here no one understands and does not want to understand ..." And of course, both are frustrated and both deep down want a completely different: understanding, respect, love. Although each is expressed in different ways. But why are they so strange to show what they want to achieve? After all, we want to make it in another way, but ...
Adolescence - time special, important. In it there are serious changes. Teenager becomes independent. He needs a sense of their own individuality, independence from parents. He aspires to become an adult, and therefore resorted to a variety of adult attributes: try to smoke, drink alcohol, boys tend to start more quickly shave and girls - painted
. In addition, most seriously rebuilt hormonal system of the body, changes the metabolism. Quickly and unevenly growing skeleton. The teenager is sometimes similar to the old man shuffling gait, look tired, it all seemed to bend under the weight of all the transformations that take place in it
. There are frequent and unexplainable mood swings. The girls can regularly dizzy. The internal state of a teenager is so heavy that we mistake it for laziness. From our point of view there is no reason to feel tired, even though internal reasons are very real, even if we can not recognize them.
And everything else is rapidly developing a plan of feelings and emotions. Emotional eating plan requires constant: strong and vivid impressions, experiences sharp, new experiments and tests. At this point, the teenager can easily get carried away by extreme sports, can fall in love with horror movies, or, on the contrary, the Japanese anime. Can rebuild their lives podkakoy-libostil dress and behavior, become a goth, emo or punk.
But there is another side to the adolescent's life: the search for meaning
. This is a time of questions:. "? Why do I live", "What shall I do next»
Moreover, these questions do not require unambiguous and fast answers. They only arise and begin to brew in, often not even speaking rationally, deliberately. These are questions for the future. And while there is no way to absorb the answer to this, it is too global and nepodemen. There is only his hunch.
Oddly enough, but this music is now exactly matches the stage of emotional development of a teenager. And let us not confuse the abundance of obscene words and loud screaming sound. Music seems to be destructive, but also within the adolescent all rages: to destroy the old, there is a new one. Including a new relationship with the world, with parents, with peers.
Let not deter strange texts, about the fact that "all bad", and the scary faces heroes on posters that hang in his or her room. They are better than a teenager may express the way he feels the world around us. This feeling is more emotional, it is not formulated in a clear definition, it does not yet have a clear picture of the world. Idols express their own position, formulate problems which he formulated a teenager is not able to.
They relate to a new world, which now surrounds it: the problem of finding its place among classmates and environment, building relationships with the opposite sex. And along with this question: "Why do I live?", "What is the point in my studies?", "Why the world is so cruel, if you need to be like everyone else?". Questions, questions ... And it is very in tune with what can be heard in rock music including. That is why the songs of your favorite bands and artists so valuable and needed a teenager.
When you come back,
Try to take for themselves
The fact that there is neither space nor time.
There is only life, and she was alone.
And you somewhat easier than those,
This had to choose.
Tell me, my friend,
How long is my only weapon you have to wait?
"When you get back" (a group of "Pilot»)
Look at the sides
And look around
You will not see anything,
In addition to slaves and servants
You will not see anything,
In addition to the terrible pain,
Which all the people
Forever will be bound.
Who, if not us,
He will rise from its knees?
Who, if not us,
Can save us?
Who, if not us,
He will say firmly "NO»
? Who, if not us?
"Who, if not us?»
(A group of "Nothing good»)
And all of that was invested in this music a teenager, we throw out of his life, when demand deactivate "it." And along with the music alienate the teen and continues to increase the gulf that separates us. And all because we are not satisfied with the external form in which it is served. The form is contrary to our ideas about what should be good music. And maybe, just good music classical music? Bach, Beethoven, Mozart? But while the classic speaks a different language, it needs to come, but the way is not close.
And we would be good to try to understand the language of a teenager. And for that, you can start with the obvious question. Ask: "What do you find in this group? How do you like them? "But subtly, gently. After all, we easily with parent positions quickly disarm him, to show the insignificance of his arguments. Yes, we can do it, because it is easier to formulate ideas, to argue them, we are able to defend their opinions. But now we need more!
If we're lucky if we are worthy of that trust us, there will be something very important - a son or daughter as can be to share with us that it was important for him, which is expensive in his life. And let's not expect sparkling phrases bombastic style. We should be happy that it happened. This is the beginning of the path to each other.
And as though it may sound strange, but a teenage passion, sometimes we do not understand, including modern trends in music - is the bridge by which we can get to what is now worried about it, to issues important to him. This bridge, thrown from our coast on its shore.
But modern music is so different, there are so many different trends and styles. And how to understand them, to start, is unclear. It is logical to assume that every modern style and genre has its own distinctive features. And if our teenager listens to a group of primarily one style, it is very likely that in them he finds something that currently lacks.
Many styles are those of certain subcultures and youth trends with its ideology and way of life. But the description of youth subcultures is beyond the scope of this article, so let's look only to music and look at some of the most striking trends.
We could not even dream ... Such music
For example, the music of punk rock - it is a clear protest, challenge the foundations and rules of society. The desire to be like everybody else, do not be weak-willed "sheep in the herd." Cherezpank-rokprohodit majority of young men in their teens because they are intrinsically necessary to destroy the base of the hierarchy of values in life parents, to build its own again.
This is because as a child they take their family values unconsciously, now have to come to them consciously. To help in this process we can, giving the teenager more freedom of choice, but while being close to him.
Or another option - for RnB (Rich and Beauty, rich and beautiful). The most accurate it can be characterized by the motto "Take everything from life." This desire is always to be the first successful and famous, like the others, it is completely not looking into the future, living only for today.
And if our "baby" hears dead metal, gothic metal and other hard and aggressive style, then perhaps so he throws aggression, which can not find a more constructive form of expression and transformation. Maybe the school or its surroundings have on the teenager too much pressure, and then the music becomes saving "valve" discharged "pressure" inside. In adolescents can be quite a lot of aggressive energy, and then our task - to find appropriate ways to work with it. Can help and climbing, roller skating, football.
But all this would be ineffective if we ourselves will not be an internal counterweight. Simply put, in us to be a solid foundation, and a real passion for music, painting, theater or any other art form. Then we will have something to refer to it! Yes, our portrait is not hanging on his wall next to the posters of idols. But this does not mean that it does not take us with an example. Beret, and still is! And whether we like samichto-nibudtak to captivate him not moralizing and lecturing, but by example?
And yet we need to understand one simple truth: our teenager became more! Although perhaps we did not have time to notice this, but we have no right to coerce and entice him to our opinion unilaterally. He aspires to become a personality, gaining strength from us independent adult. And because it is time we realize that we need to change is now.
We must stop looking at him as a child. And what is even more difficult, must cease to consider him as his. Of course, he is our son or daughter always, no matter how many years he or celebrated, but now in our relationship with him comes the critical period. We must become his friend, a counselor in the way of solutions to the complex issues and choices. And this can be done in conditions of equality and mutual interest. There is no need, as before, "feed" him our care and concern to the same extent as before. Now is the time a food that is no substitute.
We want to finish the story of one of our familiar story of a girl who at 16 years has replaced more than one dozen of your favorite artists and bands. She listened to the player a lot of sentimental, poignant songs about unrequited love to punk rock. But her father - a big fan of Vysotsky. And now, when she takes the guitar and starts to sing the songs of Vladimir Semenovich, the songs of his own, we quietly behind her. She has to take one example.
Of course, the first steps towards each other are always difficult, because you need to overcome their own boundaries, but believe me, it's worth it! After all, the reward will be a special and incomparable with anything comparable to the joy of mutual recognition. And who, if not us, the first to do these steps?
Authors: Barbara and Paul KUDELINA