Your senses are not deceiving you

Continuing the theme of manipulation do you want to uncover a concept that in psychology is called "double the message».

The double message is displayed when two contradictory messages.For example, neverball is one thing, but words — quite the opposite.

To the question "would you like a candy?"I once got in response to candy's outstretched hand, and verbal support of this gesture: "no."

This is an example of such a convex, which in this case is easy to detect the contradiction.

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But the double messages, which are often riddled with communication between people, often seem much less noticeable. For example, parents can tell the child "you should listen to our elders," and "why are you so sleepy in school? Need to be active!".

"Know that I love you and accept you any", but in the case of actions that do not like, the parent/partner can be emotionally disconnected or otherwise non-verbal reject/punish you.

Or here's a textbook example of the formation of schizophrenia: a mother comes to the hospital to see the child, and when he reaches for her, she is non-verbal demonstrates the deviation. And when a child reacts to the suspension, stopping the impulse to hug mother resentfully said:"I'm not happy to see."

In General, double messages is when the brain receives the message that the same thing both black and white simultaneously.

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What kind of reaction is usually on a double message? This is a very interesting place for me. So much depends on the contexts in which it all happens.

For example, flirting can die without double messages. If the host enthusiastically, "Oh, go away, otherwise I do not restrain myself and kiss you" is replaced by a direct message "don't go, I plan to kiss you", then, a certain element of the game peculiar to flirt go along with that excitement that flirting gives rise to. After all, flirting is a dance, built on the spontaneous convergence, the distance, a kind of game where the excitement is only growing if to smell when you need to jump, and when unexpected, but it's nice to approach.

And messages like, "Ah, Goosey, enough to amuse me", the complete translation of serene pleasure from happening, quite a harmless. "Go away, nasty!"in the same steppe.

But if the flirting is based on aggressive and ambivalent messages, then it begins to smell roasted. For example, "flirt" (can't identify without the quotation marks, because it's more like an aggressive attack) may be based on idealization, suddenly wrapping depreciation. For example, non-verbal stream strong sympathy and admiration, and when the second response and the desire for rapprochement can follow shrapnel depreciation "Choi-you unhinge the glove, the rascal!". Or sexual seduction (e.g., Frank, clothes, movements), and the approach of men obmavanie his coldness and neglect. Or the verbal designation "I'm very important(a) need you", and the action is the avoidance of meetings, etc.

Now, in such contexts the double messages often rocking excitation. The main thing to have time to listen to myself and not to confuse one feeling with another. And it's very, very easy. It is a double message provokes feelings of ambivalence, their inconsistency.

For example, the level of sensual arousal of anger can be very similar to the level of sexual arousal. These two feelings can rise simultaneously, but because of the similarity of the level of this arousal can be confused. And if there is no skill to subtly hear myself at the time, as the excitement is overwhelming, to replace anger (which calls for distance) sexual arousal (which calls for convergence) — as two of the Fax to send. Moreover, anger to worry less pleasant than sexual arousal and at that moment begins the most unpleasant and dangerous thing, the name of which — splitting.

Splitting is the process when the mind is not finding a way to find compromise between conflicting impulses, isolates them from each other, thus permitting internal conflict. And all anything, only this mechanism is very, very expensive. Mainly because splitting is the basis of all dependencies (chemical and emotional).

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It is important to say that splitting thing is very common. I don't know a single person who has no splittings. To some extent this protection is for everyone (and maybe there are people without this mechanism, but I was not able to meet them).

I, for instance, going to bed late the night before, set your alarm clock for early morning, being in the absolute certainty that in the morning I Wake up and have time to do exercises before work. When at 6 a.m. the alarm rings, I wonder how one can come up with such nonsense as getting up at 6 am due to charging???

On the same principle all the dependencies: I smoke and know that Smoking harms my health. And when the carcass of a cigarette, often think "ugh, how disgusting, how disgusting, bleh". But in that moment, when I feel a burning desire to smoke, I lose touch with the sense of how I feel when the carcass of a cigarette. I strive to get that itchy arousal, Intrusive sounding like "want to smoke want to smoke." And if myself or some other person tells me that it's bad, somewhere inside I feel shame (which in itself is short because of the ambivalence), and that my impulse to smoke intensifies.

That is, the conflict between the two pulses does not have a layer called "ego-function".

Speaking in plain language, this is the place in the psyche for some reason (and there always are) not formed a resource that allows you to creatively adapt and every time I find a unique and eco-friendly way to satisfy needs that are the Foundation of every desire.

In the same way are constructed the dependence in relations.

Addiction is always accompanied by ambivalence, that is, conflicting feelings — you want to run away, be together forever, the hatred of veiled eyes, the unearthly love, the accused wants the feeling of guilt covered his head. And all this takes place alternately, every state seems to clear, transparent and "forever".

How to grow this beautiful ego-function, which becomes a conductor between the two insulated in splitting parts, bestowing integrity and freedom from addictions?

This is the most important question in psychotherapy in the subject etc. And, of course, some articles of it not to grow. Depending on the degree of splitting, the integration process can take sometimes years. Sometimes it is irreversible, if we talk about the deep pathological processes. But most often, integration is quite a possible, though not quickly. For it to grow again, that the years were collapsing — it's not fast. The same is not as rapid as the formation of this mental devices. None of us is born split. Takes a long time to be in an environment with conflicting messages, to adapt to it and still be cleaved. And that, most often, more than one year long training.

But I still try korotenechko to describe the General direction in this thread.

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1. In itself, the detection and recognition of these two contradictory impulses in itself already contributes to personal integration.

The main enemy in this way — the shame, the prohibition notice such symptoms. Although, this mental defense is not the choice of the person, is a consequence of adaptation to the environment where it was formed. And for that to take responsibility is impossible. But it is possible to assign myself that Yes, now here's a parsley and I can make this something to do is my responsibility.

2. After learning these two contradictory impulses, their immediate integration. That is, to notice and hold the attention and contact with these two pulses simultaneously. That is not only on the level of intelligence to know that there are these two impulses, and at the same time to feel that want, for example, and escape, and approach that there is anger, love, resentment, and gratitude.

Any withdrawal in some kind of polarity (for example, focusing only on how everything is fine) inevitably causes a rollback in the opposite direction — from idealization to devaluation and back. But any pendulum swinging, always go mid. You can reminisce the middle. You can learn to notice when there is a transition from one state to another.

This is important so that to skim (be holistic, and hence independent) from one person or habits is impossible if you are his/her considered categorically bad or good/good. From it is very good it is impossible to separate, because if you put someone or something in a white coat (i.e., projecting on him their "goodness"), then you will inevitably feel like shit next. From the bad cannot be separated, because again a part of yourself somewhere, walking as if on the outside you're standing in a white coat, and on the other (or something) projected their own impulses and qualities, usually expressed in "a fool and is not treated". Any extreme — it is the bell that would look opposite and at the same time keep it not only in the intellectual plane, but in the sensual.

3. Usually, when it formed a stable skill to stay in contact simultaneously with two contradictory needs/impulses/feelings, creative adaptation (the ability every time to find unique and eco-friendly exit of the tension created by this contradiction) is born "by itself".

That is, by itself, the ability to simultaneously stay in contact with two contradictory impulses/needs/feelings already assumes that there is a third element — the part where you see the other two and remain in contact with all parts of yourself, sustain yourself, take and can adjust eco-friendly for themselves and others. So at this stage it is important to consciously notice yourself in those moments when I can keep the balance of contact with all parts of yourself. Clear the feeling and the recognition of this inner balance (and he first experienced as a strong tension, because this "muscle", i.e. skill, just formed) allows you to refer to it arbitrarily, consciously, that in itself quite a powerful resource.

The 4 point. He was here last, but actually he is the first and most important is the development of sensitivity to your feelings and impulses. Your senses are not deceiving you. They always tell you what is important right now, like a compass guiding you in the directions that allow you to hear, to understand, to satisfy myself.


Also interesting: Julia simultaneously: the Unconscious processes

Two poles: the Arrogance and self-doubt


Anxiety, anger, confusion, stupor, feeling of madness, or even a physical feeling of nausea is a natural and appropriate response to the double messages. If they score, wipe, ignore, you may lose a piece of yourself. If you respect my feelings, treat them with attention and sincere interest, they always explain what is happening inside you and will help to maintain the integrity.published 


Author: Ksenia Aleeva


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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