How to get rid of addiction and become free

How psychological dependence is born

The cause and premise of addiction is the absence of love. But not the love that is based on sushi-pushi, on fears, on guilt and self-sacrifice, but the true love that nourishes and nurtures the soul is the foundation and core of your whole life. This love is firm and demanding. It's not crazy, blind love. It is seeing and intelligent, strong and conscious love. This is the love that creates and inspires, fills and allows you to create, because you cannot not create.





It is present in everyone, but can be sick and injured. And if you have that in you, that creative force of love, then you don’t have to prove anything to the world, to yourself, to everyone else. And then all addictions fly away by themselves, like unnecessary husks. After all, any addiction is a surrogate, a substitute for the state of happiness. True happiness is the beauty and quiet joy of walking the Path. It is the state of the Creator.

You may think these words are grandiose, but I cannot find any other words to express this state of happiness. And in the continuation of the topic, I suggest you to see the view of a philosopher, psychologist, business coach and just a wise and very subtle, and at the same time accurate person V.M. Lyubarov:

“All dependencies on Earth are voluntary. They're all on their own. Dependence is something we put on ourselves. And it's almost always unconscious. Dependence, in its essence, is slavery. The worst form of slavery is voluntary. Addiction is a consequence of perceptual distortion. Addiction always increases and grows quite dynamically, especially when a person is not interested in himself.

Formation of dependence

First of all, dependence is formed on evaluation. From self-esteem, from evaluating the environment we hear about ourselves. The fundamental point is that the evaluation is not equal to the ratio. If it were possible to detach evaluation from attitude and perception, the success of a person would come to him. Evaluation is so clingy to itself that it is quite difficult to switch to a fairly simple scheme of attitude to yourself and perception of yourself. Because every day, people who see you are more likely to value than they are. And we often confuse assessment and attitude.

Evaluation is formed by what is introduced as an ideal, as a benchmark for comparison. And the Biblical -- don't make yourself an idol -- is basically an evaluation killing. Dependencies on a person, on an object are formed from the desire to possess this object or from the desire to belong to some exclusivity, to some narrow group of people, to a narrow circle of limited people, to some exclusivity, to some select circle. All these dependencies are based on desire. From the desire for exclusivity, from the desire to be with someone or to belong to something.

Many people are motivated by recognition. This is rocket fuel for many people. Coolness is paired with appreciation and recognition. The terms “best” and “cool” are not related. Trying to prove something with your results to someone is already a mistake, it is a time bomb that will lead to a fiasco. Your life as proof to others is a mistake. Coolness has nothing to do with professionalism. Professionals are very subtle, very quiet, extremely delicate people. Incredibly respectful. They're internally quiet. And they cherish it. And when they say “do not splash yourself”, it is about feeling internal. Coolness and demand are not the same thing. And if you apply this as a starting premise, then you can start living.

Signs of addiction

“Dependence arising from the need for recognition. The need for recognition in the eyes of others is an addiction. The best addiction is dependence on demand, on professionalism, on one’s own success, on one’s own effectiveness. To be free from addiction means to stop looking for recognition in the eyes of others, in the eyes of even the closest person. To forgive is to stop looking for your own worth in the eyes of others. To let go of something is to be free from seeking to be significant in the eyes of others. (V.M. Lubarov)

The body and the psyche are very connected. The body is an indicator, a litmus test, from which it is easy to determine how you live. It clearly shows through disease the state of pollution or purity, how you move in your life and where you are going: in development and up, or in regression and down. The body doesn't lie. It will always tell you the way out and the direction if you learn to listen, hear and listen.

Addictions can be physical (alcohol, drugs, nicotine), that is, they change the biochemistry of your body by introducing it. In fact, it is a mental dependency. It is an easy way to achieve a state of “happiness” without realizing the consequences and destructive power of such “happiness.” It is a quick way to kill the body and automatically the soul.

Mental dependence is formed by a clogging of the mind, consciousness. Through social networks and virtual communication. Through cramming into yourself various information indiscriminately, which already sticks out of your ears, and you have been nowhere and remain there, as you were far from yourself, and did not approach, but only further away from yourself. Mental dependence is even more terrible than physical, as it builds armor and reinforced concrete barriers in the psyche in relation to itself. It's like, "I'm afraid to look in this direction, so I won't look there, but disguise it so that I don't accidentally look there, it's all positive pictures, decorations and other tinsel." Mental addiction does everything to prevent you from doing something in your life to change it. It eats your time, strength, energy, emotions, and you can not, and most importantly do not want to resist it, rolling through life as you have to.

I want to pay special attention to the dependence on children. A common situation is when you, with your pathological “love” based on fear and anxiety, cripple the life of your own child, instead of giving him the strength and ability to live and create his own destiny. Usually, this “love” leads to the dependence of your child. Because addictions and tendencies to them are formed in childhood. And often you have to treat addiction there, in childhood, where the basis for this lay.

My client's account of how she literally tore a child away:

You get used to keeping your hand on the pulse around the clock: how he breathes, what temperature, how he sleeps, how he eats, it is cold or hot, what he does, where he goes, what he thinks, what he wants, etc. But one day you understand that in order to move forward, you need to learn to live independently for everyone – for him and for me without him. Started small, let go for a walk and set the alarm for 5 minutes: 5 minutes I do not control what is with it, then 10 minutes, etc. Then I was able to give to kindergarten, school. Then she was able to admit that he had his own life, let him go into this “his” life and do his own. ?

And just as many women have failed to cope with their blind, crazy, fear-based love, they continue to cripple their children’s lives.

How to kill any addiction and become free:

Recognize and tell yourself that addiction exists. And that's important. Consciousness is so arranged that it can circle you, deceive you: in the morning for whites, in the evening for reds, and play with you in various illusory games, throwing ideas and ineffective beliefs.

You need to understand that both the soul and the mind live in the body, so the first thing to do is to cleanse yourself. Totally, everywhere, in everything, from the body, home, place of work. Clean up all the long-forgotten rubble, piles of clothes, books, papers, projects, cases, unfulfilled obligations and everything else. Order in the mind begins with physical order everywhere. Happiness begins with purity. With purity of thoughts, with purity of life, with actions, with physical and internal purity. And most importantly, with an honest and clean attitude to yourself.

In the east, there is wisdom to pour fresh water into a jug, you need to pour old water out of it. So in life, to change it, you need to remove those ineffective beliefs, habits and actions and introduce new, effective, fresh, others. That is, it is definitely necessary to change not only the way of thinking, but also the way of life. Mode, power, motor loads. Sometimes you need to change your family, your city, your job... it depends on what processes in your life are sick, traumatized, and have led to destruction and failure throughout your life.

And when everything is clear where to go, how to go, and most importantly – why to go, it is necessary to consolidate these new beliefs, actions, this new way of life to the level of automation, to the level of habit.

You are the single most important asset on this earth. And the sooner you realize and accept it, the more beautiful, brighter and more effective you will create your own life.

Author: Irina Nesivkina



P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!

Source: loveunity.ru/stati-ekspertov/irina-nesivkina/16-zavisimost.html