That's why men lose their wives: a psychologist called the main mistake that lead to divorce

Site offers the reader a useful article by an expert on family relations Pavel Zygmantovich. Psychological research has shown that in marriage men and women on average have very different ideas.

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The average woman imagines marriage very well, you can say details — how is the morning of the spouses, as day as night than weekdays differ from weekends, how many times to ride the sea like to visit and whom to congratulate. I sometimes joke that women have a very detailed drawing of where all the details marked with all the sizes, diameters and resistance of the material.

Another thing — men. Our middle brother concept of marriage is very vague. Literally in the spirit of a joke, "Borscht! From the bed!". In other words, the average man wants everything to be good and what is good — is quite weak.

It is important to remember an immutable law — the clearer our expectations, the more likely that the reality is they will not fit. And as soon as she they are not met, we are overwhelmed with emotions — we are, scientifically speaking, frustration (in a simple way-bummer).

But the reality almost always is at odds with our expectations. So the average woman is dissatisfied with her marriage much more often and much more than the average man (and it is clear — his expectations were less than nothing, in reality they are more or less stacked, with what is there to be unhappy?).

Therefore, women are more likely to file for divorce — what's the point of living with someone who you do not like that does not fit in your drawing? One torment.

"Your day — the eighth of March..." do Not think that women are catastrophically wrong in their tendency to have a carefully developed image of marriage. Still you should not assume that the man is sorely mistaken, on marriage with vague notions.

Yes, both options are extremes. Yes, it would be good to represent women was less specific, and understanding men is more specific (especially because it's all very malleable and with due diligence change).

The problem lies elsewhere. The problem is the sexist concept to some men, which can be described in three words: "Woman tells of stupidity." This includes the famous: "Listen to the woman and do the opposite."

And when a woman comes and tries quietly, humanly, and respectfully explain that it is not all marriage is like a man at the head of which lives this concept, just brush from women.

Then, for a consultation with me, these men say, I never thought it was so important to her, she explained that it is really a serious problem, her fault, she was not informed.

In fact, the woman, of course, explained and denounced, just a man because of his concept of shrugged, did not pay attention. Just think, a woman says something stupid she wants to take a walk and a General chat, nonsense, do not bother to watch TV.

And when the woman left, here is not to dismiss here in the brain clearer. But it's too late.

An obvious way a Simple statement is not enough. It should be more specific recommendations to give, right?

Start with the recommendations for women. Dear ladies! Possibly show that the situation is not just bothering you, and that is really serious problem (if the problem is really serious), you need to solve it. It is not necessary to sweep the dust under the carpet. Need to get him out, sort, and work together to throw in the intended place.

Once again. If you, ladies, something's bothering you, it needs to be discussed. If something is troubling you seriously, this needs to be discussed seriously. I have on the website a lot of notes about how to talk to men and generally to conduct difficult conversations. Look in the "Archive", everything is there.

Now the recommendation is to men. Dear fellow human beings! Get rid, please, from sexist concepts. This is, first, useful second, very useful. Think of the anxiety of your women carefully — they are, in reality, not so much, these concerns should be considered.

It is, in fact, normally attentive to close people and what is happening with him. Do not brush off, and give it a value, even if minimal.

I must admit, a bit strange to write all this, but alas, I am regularly faced with men in their heads which are so full of such concepts. It would be strange if women didn't leave them.

Fortunately, again, people may change their concepts, it would wish.

Subtotal. Men should be more attentive to the experiences of women, women should clarify the problems and not sweep the dust under the carpet, do not gloss over problems. Then the chances for a happy marriage radically increase.



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