A practicing psychologist and the author of several books Melanie Greenberg wrote for the magazine Psychology Today article about where the roots are hiding our self-doubt. In her opinion, there are three main reasons. Each of them can be successfully fought, but the main thing — to understand whence grow feet of our fears.
Of course, the paper which publishes the Website
, will not add overconfidence as a wave of a magic wand, but it can be a good start for the beginning of the work.
Scientists who investigate the phenomenon of happiness, found that how happy we are 40% dependent on the latest events in our lives. Worst of all for us the ending of a relationship, death of loved ones, job loss, illness. Because unhappiness affect self-esteem, after testing, we can lose confidence.
In her book "emotional First aid" psychologist guy Witch writes that people with low self-esteem, longer experience their failures. "When we, for example, lose a job, it's like reviving our old thoughts of self-worthlessness and gives them new strength," he says.
It is important to understand that failure is part of life. Before becoming President, Abraham Lincoln was first fired, and then twice failed Congressional elections. If you do manage to get things done, despite the setbacks, it powerfully raises self esteem to a new, previously unattainable heights.
How to deal with the uncertainty caused by the failure
- Give yourself time to recover and adapt to new conditions
- Do not turn in on themselves and continue to do something that is interesting and arouses curiosity
- Communicate more with friends and family to escape from bad thoughts and to feel safe
- Talk about your mishap with the people you trust
- Don't give up and continue to persevere towards their goal
- Be prepared to try a different strategy
Many of us are afraid of situations in which it is supposed to communicating with strangers: parties, large family gatherings, interviews. We are afraid that we will evaluate and may consider not worthy of attention — it makes you worry and feel insecure.
And nearly everyone in the past was a negative experience: participated in the company of peers, teased at school, and this fear of rejection continues to live in us adults. The roots of those fears even deeper, if parents compare you with others, criticized and were dissatisfied with your progress.
Generally, this type of insecurity is based on a distorted idea of how busy the surrounding your person. In fact, people without exception absorbed in themselves and as a tribute to perceive you and your behavior. And if someone judges something only in order to raise their own low self-esteem, and these opinions are usually shallow and based on external. So, should you worry?
How to overcome social anxiety
- Argue with strict inner critic. Remind yourself about your good points: you have a sense of humor, you are a good friend or about painting.
- If you have to talk to strangers, think in advance about topics of conversation: politics, movies, vacation plans, etc.
- You do not need to avoid contact, it will only get worse. Go to a party or a date, even if very nervous. These things are also important experience, but it comes with practice.
- Set realistic goals. It is unlikely you will get on stage and rousing sing "Move Like Jagger", but talking with a couple of guests at the party — it's you on the shoulder.
- Focus on other people. Put on your "observer hat" — see how they Express their emotions and what they say. This will help not dwell on your own feelings, and learn new techniques in communication.
Some people set very high standards in all that they do. They are convinced that they must have the highest grades, the most talented children, the most beautiful spouse, the coolest job. Unfortunately, life does not always happen the way you want, and not everything depends on us. There are things beyond the control: the head-tyrant, unemployment, the genes in the end.
If you constantly feel frustrated because of their own imperfection, then over time confidence will not be over. In addition, self-torture will lead to health problems: depression, insomnia, eating disorders and chronic fatigue.
How to deal with perfectionism
- Evaluate yourself for the efforts you have made is in our power, — not the result, which often does not depend on us.
- Ask yourself: if you will work another 10% perfect, will it affect the result? And if not, not worth wasting time and effort.
- Perfectionism is based on the principle "all or nothing". Try to see not only black and white, but shades. Do you take into account the circumstances when you assess yourself? If you learned something new, even if the result wasn't perfect?
- Self-esteem perfectionists unstable. They are happy with themselves when they have all been perfect and I hate when things are so-so. Learn to love yourself no matter what.
Source Psychology Today
Translation Of The Website
The Author Melanie Greenberg See also
3 ways to quickly give yourself the confidence a psychologist from Harvard
10 qualities that make a person attractive regardless of his appearance