341
A bad friend for Your son
You'd think only boys are "bad" and girls are "good"". Girls, too, are "bad", and some even much worse than "bad" boys. But the point is not who is good or bad. In any case, if it's a girl or a boy, we are talking about the propensity of the teen to build a dysfunctional relationship with their partner.
Girls can be violent as boys. But fighting a girl is not very encouraged in society. Troubled adolescent female violence prefer the emotional over the physical. But this does not mean that physical violence in a couple of the girls do not exist. If we turn to the characterization of "bad", it is easy to see the subjectivity. Who is bad and who is good. A matter of taste. It often happens that "bad" girl doesn't like the parents for some one for reasons known to them.
So, some moms do not like girlfriends with her son, as a class of living beings. It is often the ladies with narcissistic traits that are "raising a son for someone there", but for themselves. When appears on the horizon, some being female, in which their son is interested, mom declares war on the impostor, do not hesitate in means. One of the most common types of weapons, and at the same time justify their actions, search obvious and imaginary flaws of the girl son. As a result of this creative work is an ordinary girl can turn into the eyes of a monster.
There are families where the girlfriend or fiancée of the son has already prepared for a special role. Parents know exactly what a girl should do and how to act. Her desire nobody asks. If a girl will do what parents want, it will be good; if not, or not entirely so, that's bad. What she a man she refers to their son, has no meaning. Parents have the scheme right girl, they know what's best for their child.
In addition, the son's girlfriend may not like his parents. Not that she really has a bad character, but because it is very different from the parent. Can not arrange other things, such as age, presence of children (girls who have already children), social origin, profession, place of residence, etc.
Our society is filled with social myths-ideas about how and who should act in pairs, what it means to be a good girl or guy, how to behave and what to do in order to stay with a favorite partner. I'm preparing an article that walked through the glamorous pages of websites and forums dedicated to the relationship. Was very impressed with what sizes has a tradition of training young people, especially girls, manipulation by the partner. The girl required never to show his feelings, never about what not to ask directly, never speak about their needs, to be silent, if it hurt, and never talk with a partner about how they build relationships. In her eyes the boy must see himself as a hero and a Prince.
On the one hand it may seem that such a cheerful, positive and flexible girl — a treasure trove for the young man. But let me draw your attention to the fact that the boy is actually not the person that you see. Not all girls have such light character. Very often they are silent about the fact that they are not happy, saying that everything is fine. But eventually all the negativity that accumulates will come out. And young people see it all this time deceived and believe his not-so-hero, as it seemed before.
Another fairly common situation is the need of the girls to "check" the guy on how he and where will lead. This "wisdom" is often her family, what it means in the eyes of her parents "to be a real man". Largely these things disturbing and insecure girl. They put the guy in different tricky situation not once, not twice, in order to a hundred and fifth time to make sure he was "good" and not deteriorated since yesterday. Sometimes challenges are growing in complexity, even threaten the life and health, but she is not satisfied with anything. It does not matter that the guy's not trying hard enough, but because of her anxiety and uncertainty remain in her. And now for the girls who have problems with personality and character.
Girl-Narcissus
She thinks she's better than everyone. Ie absolutely the best at everything. There is no such case where she was not the best. She is the most beautiful, the smartest, better than all the singing and dancing, the best cross-stitch, etc. whatever she does, she's all excited. If someone expresses admiration – just jealous, and so is recorded in the list of enemies. To this enemy, girl can be configured very aggressive. Girl-Narcissus believes that it is the best gift that can accrue to the young man. The boys are initially prescribed place at the foot of her pedestal. She pays attention only when she wants something. If she agreed with someone to meet, it means that her partner needs to fulfill all her wishes without exception. Often leads to the Commission of any useless or even dangerous nonsense because "prove your love". She doesn't care, loves her people. She likes the power over the guy and how far he is willing to take risks for the sake of it.
Emotionally she is his friend is not bound, but tied to its resources. Always demonstrated its willingness to go to another, if the boy would stop her delight in the gifts or other tokens. Sometimes her demands sound like: "do something that I like", "surprise me." Because the request is not specific, it is easy to say that she didn't like or she didn't ask for. And if that is the case, it immediately and without the slightest regret leaves her boyfriend for someone who impressed her.
Such girls can be very vindictive. If the ex-boyfriend has some discrediting information, or just something to do with her point of view leaves a stain on her reputation, she's ready to mix it with the dirt that often does. She can spread rumors, gossip, initiate aggression other, specify former partner, etc.
Understanding of the wrongness of their behavior in girls-daffodils no. Based on the basic belief that it is better not, she admits that to do with others, it can so as she pleases.
Guys are often drawn to these girls because they represent a valuable trophy, status partner: "but if I'm with her, my status in the eyes of peers rise, everyone will be jealous of me and respect."
Further, if the relationship tie, young man of all the forces trying to hold them, to satisfy all the whims of this lady. She can leave him, then get back, then quit again. This is where her interests will take shape. But she is not forgiving when you throw it, and ready to retaliate hard.
Girl with borderline disorder
This friend always gets into some kind of trouble. Neither time, nor two, but regularly. Of these troubles, she can't escape, and she constantly needed rescuing. However, after some time it can be found again in the heart of the problem, and it must again be saved. These ladies often already have quite a long history of suicide attempts and self harm (cut veins, etc.) Relationship consist of two phases: "I can't be without you" and "I hate you". In the stage of hatred anger is really terrible: or, insults, physical violence, attempts to inflict serious damage. These girls difficulties with emotional control. They can give a flash of negative emotions to an empty place, to insult, to offend, to break the dishes, izrisoval wall in the stairwell.
With a girl it is not easy to break off the relationship. As if she didn't make a mess, and how ugly she was, at a time when her mood changes, she seems unhappy, cute, defenseless, and inspires faith that it was last time and now everything will be different. This behavioral scenario is usually repeated from time to time and no drastic changes in her behavior doesn't happen. Even when she seems to be going smoothly, the next phase of the wrath it is for 5 minutes can destroy everything she was trying to create.
Such girls are often deliberately trying to get pregnant, but not to marry. It's part of their irrational behavior in different phases. Like first child is desirable, but out of phase they can have an abortion, then falling into depression because of this. Is that to keep the baby, but then begin to manipulate it to influence your ex young man. But again, not for the money.
Girl isteroid
Such persons live partly in the life of their fantasies, frequently fabulous, romantic and pink-ruchechnik. They often create the reality that they like and use it. In moderation there's nothing wrong. This is a typical romantic teenager girl, with dreams of a charming Prince, a diary, pictures of hearts and kittens. She dreams of a beautiful and eternal love, and this is a great transition from the world of fairy tales in the world of adult relationships. But when the hysteroid — over the edge, then the problems begin.
The girl resolutely refuse to understand that she had with a certain young man nothing, and even "deep down" he doesn't love her. In every way it can "create a situation" meeting with the beloved, to give gifts, walk behind him and even ignore the fact that he had another girlfriend. She fills up the object of his sighing poems, pictures, letters, strongly expressed their involvement in his life in social networks.
Isteroid will haunt the guy until, until you find yourself another subject of sighing, and not switch to it.
Dependent personality
It is, in principle, a good girl, but it very quickly becomes fully dependent on her boyfriend. It has nothing to do and nowhere to go without him, not able to solve the problem. Left alone, the girl seems to be totally helpless. It is simply impossible to leave, quit or start to date other people, because it sounds like dependent personality will die. Sometimes young people are forced to drag the relationship on myself because I don't want to feel like villains. A normal conversation about the relationship does not work because a dependent girl often uses the manipulation of the imposition of guilt. Whatever happened between them, the guy who wants to get out of the relationship, is "a hard-hearted killer". Such girls often agree to early sex to her Savior from her left. For them, pregnancy is really welcome, as it is a way to protect yourself from loneliness, to marry, etc.
How about the bad boys and girls can say one thing. They appear near to your child by accident. Very often the structure of personality of a teenager predisposes to the establishment of such a relationship. An important role plays the ability of a teenager to see the problems in the relationship, discuss them and decide.
What you can do parents?Most importantly, in advance, parents come to believe that the girl son will. And it's not only normal, it is "very normal" when a young man has a girlfriend. When it happens, when it is ripe, to have some kind of relationship, it is impossible to predict. And therefore the talk "when you're 14 years old, then girls may think" ineffective. That is, if the boy has a girlfriend, it's not the end of everything, and another step towards his adult life. Parents can only transmit and display the installation on the example, how it should happen and what does it mean "a good relationship"
To understand that not every "bad girl" is really so. Useful to reflect and ask yourself why you feel that it is not suitable for your son even as the girlfriend (the wife is usually the conversation is not even). "Good girls" can pick up "women of wisdom" from the press and the stupidity begin to apply it in practice. But it's not an unrecoverable situation. All the people tend to change adolescents especially. Even the "bad" girl can change.
Recognize that your child may be a source of problems. Even if the girls fit the description of "bad", then for part of it he could be responsible. Ie, "bad girl" is not an alibi and justification. Even if you don't care about "bad girlfriend", keep in mind that the problem is caused by your son, could be repeated in relationships with "good girls". In addition, the child realized that all the fault of "bad girls" would be inclined to absolve themselves of responsibility for what goes in a relationship is wrong.
To tell his son about what happens. The son must have at least a General idea of what the problem the girls are and what are the prospects of communication with them. Should we, for example, is a game of candles to three days to become the boyfriend of the "Queen of beauty".
The talk "about sex" needs to take place before adolescence. The child needs to know about contraception.
The child must be a General idea of what constitutes "the right girl". "The right girl" — an extremely subjective criterion, the fact that this particular teenager like, who would he feel comfortable. If the ideal "someone", the probability of occurrence in a girl's life such a great plan. And the teenager needs to understand clearly not only that he wanted but what he wanted to see his girlfriend. "Reinforced" confidence in the set of qualities to anything fairly common line of thought.
The son needs to be aware of what emotional abuse is, and that to tolerate it does not mean to act like a man.
The probability that the son will find a "bad girl" is always there. Not all Teens are ready the first time to choose a good partner. The words of parents in this age on the topic of "what is good and what is bad" is not always perceived. Everyone should get some experience. To act, of course, is on the situation, but if the lady does not threaten the life and health of your child and others, should be given the opportunity to obtain the same life experience. Even if you are sure that "she will ruin his life". Very often young people get married just because "parents vs", because I believe that the parents are wrong. And Yes, they still break each other's life, but due to the interference of parents.
In any case, if the girl has not appeared, try to behave appropriately, no drama, tantrums and the throwing away of the house handbags and boots girlfriends son. Parents in this condition the impression of the wrong people, whose advice is worth listening to.
Natalia Stilson
source: karpachoff.com
Source: /users/1077
Girls can be violent as boys. But fighting a girl is not very encouraged in society. Troubled adolescent female violence prefer the emotional over the physical. But this does not mean that physical violence in a couple of the girls do not exist. If we turn to the characterization of "bad", it is easy to see the subjectivity. Who is bad and who is good. A matter of taste. It often happens that "bad" girl doesn't like the parents for some one for reasons known to them.
So, some moms do not like girlfriends with her son, as a class of living beings. It is often the ladies with narcissistic traits that are "raising a son for someone there", but for themselves. When appears on the horizon, some being female, in which their son is interested, mom declares war on the impostor, do not hesitate in means. One of the most common types of weapons, and at the same time justify their actions, search obvious and imaginary flaws of the girl son. As a result of this creative work is an ordinary girl can turn into the eyes of a monster.
There are families where the girlfriend or fiancée of the son has already prepared for a special role. Parents know exactly what a girl should do and how to act. Her desire nobody asks. If a girl will do what parents want, it will be good; if not, or not entirely so, that's bad. What she a man she refers to their son, has no meaning. Parents have the scheme right girl, they know what's best for their child.
In addition, the son's girlfriend may not like his parents. Not that she really has a bad character, but because it is very different from the parent. Can not arrange other things, such as age, presence of children (girls who have already children), social origin, profession, place of residence, etc.
Our society is filled with social myths-ideas about how and who should act in pairs, what it means to be a good girl or guy, how to behave and what to do in order to stay with a favorite partner. I'm preparing an article that walked through the glamorous pages of websites and forums dedicated to the relationship. Was very impressed with what sizes has a tradition of training young people, especially girls, manipulation by the partner. The girl required never to show his feelings, never about what not to ask directly, never speak about their needs, to be silent, if it hurt, and never talk with a partner about how they build relationships. In her eyes the boy must see himself as a hero and a Prince.
On the one hand it may seem that such a cheerful, positive and flexible girl — a treasure trove for the young man. But let me draw your attention to the fact that the boy is actually not the person that you see. Not all girls have such light character. Very often they are silent about the fact that they are not happy, saying that everything is fine. But eventually all the negativity that accumulates will come out. And young people see it all this time deceived and believe his not-so-hero, as it seemed before.
Another fairly common situation is the need of the girls to "check" the guy on how he and where will lead. This "wisdom" is often her family, what it means in the eyes of her parents "to be a real man". Largely these things disturbing and insecure girl. They put the guy in different tricky situation not once, not twice, in order to a hundred and fifth time to make sure he was "good" and not deteriorated since yesterday. Sometimes challenges are growing in complexity, even threaten the life and health, but she is not satisfied with anything. It does not matter that the guy's not trying hard enough, but because of her anxiety and uncertainty remain in her. And now for the girls who have problems with personality and character.
Girl-Narcissus
She thinks she's better than everyone. Ie absolutely the best at everything. There is no such case where she was not the best. She is the most beautiful, the smartest, better than all the singing and dancing, the best cross-stitch, etc. whatever she does, she's all excited. If someone expresses admiration – just jealous, and so is recorded in the list of enemies. To this enemy, girl can be configured very aggressive. Girl-Narcissus believes that it is the best gift that can accrue to the young man. The boys are initially prescribed place at the foot of her pedestal. She pays attention only when she wants something. If she agreed with someone to meet, it means that her partner needs to fulfill all her wishes without exception. Often leads to the Commission of any useless or even dangerous nonsense because "prove your love". She doesn't care, loves her people. She likes the power over the guy and how far he is willing to take risks for the sake of it.
Emotionally she is his friend is not bound, but tied to its resources. Always demonstrated its willingness to go to another, if the boy would stop her delight in the gifts or other tokens. Sometimes her demands sound like: "do something that I like", "surprise me." Because the request is not specific, it is easy to say that she didn't like or she didn't ask for. And if that is the case, it immediately and without the slightest regret leaves her boyfriend for someone who impressed her.
Such girls can be very vindictive. If the ex-boyfriend has some discrediting information, or just something to do with her point of view leaves a stain on her reputation, she's ready to mix it with the dirt that often does. She can spread rumors, gossip, initiate aggression other, specify former partner, etc.
Understanding of the wrongness of their behavior in girls-daffodils no. Based on the basic belief that it is better not, she admits that to do with others, it can so as she pleases.
Guys are often drawn to these girls because they represent a valuable trophy, status partner: "but if I'm with her, my status in the eyes of peers rise, everyone will be jealous of me and respect."
Further, if the relationship tie, young man of all the forces trying to hold them, to satisfy all the whims of this lady. She can leave him, then get back, then quit again. This is where her interests will take shape. But she is not forgiving when you throw it, and ready to retaliate hard.
Girl with borderline disorder
This friend always gets into some kind of trouble. Neither time, nor two, but regularly. Of these troubles, she can't escape, and she constantly needed rescuing. However, after some time it can be found again in the heart of the problem, and it must again be saved. These ladies often already have quite a long history of suicide attempts and self harm (cut veins, etc.) Relationship consist of two phases: "I can't be without you" and "I hate you". In the stage of hatred anger is really terrible: or, insults, physical violence, attempts to inflict serious damage. These girls difficulties with emotional control. They can give a flash of negative emotions to an empty place, to insult, to offend, to break the dishes, izrisoval wall in the stairwell.
With a girl it is not easy to break off the relationship. As if she didn't make a mess, and how ugly she was, at a time when her mood changes, she seems unhappy, cute, defenseless, and inspires faith that it was last time and now everything will be different. This behavioral scenario is usually repeated from time to time and no drastic changes in her behavior doesn't happen. Even when she seems to be going smoothly, the next phase of the wrath it is for 5 minutes can destroy everything she was trying to create.
Such girls are often deliberately trying to get pregnant, but not to marry. It's part of their irrational behavior in different phases. Like first child is desirable, but out of phase they can have an abortion, then falling into depression because of this. Is that to keep the baby, but then begin to manipulate it to influence your ex young man. But again, not for the money.
Girl isteroid
Such persons live partly in the life of their fantasies, frequently fabulous, romantic and pink-ruchechnik. They often create the reality that they like and use it. In moderation there's nothing wrong. This is a typical romantic teenager girl, with dreams of a charming Prince, a diary, pictures of hearts and kittens. She dreams of a beautiful and eternal love, and this is a great transition from the world of fairy tales in the world of adult relationships. But when the hysteroid — over the edge, then the problems begin.
The girl resolutely refuse to understand that she had with a certain young man nothing, and even "deep down" he doesn't love her. In every way it can "create a situation" meeting with the beloved, to give gifts, walk behind him and even ignore the fact that he had another girlfriend. She fills up the object of his sighing poems, pictures, letters, strongly expressed their involvement in his life in social networks.
Isteroid will haunt the guy until, until you find yourself another subject of sighing, and not switch to it.
Dependent personality
It is, in principle, a good girl, but it very quickly becomes fully dependent on her boyfriend. It has nothing to do and nowhere to go without him, not able to solve the problem. Left alone, the girl seems to be totally helpless. It is simply impossible to leave, quit or start to date other people, because it sounds like dependent personality will die. Sometimes young people are forced to drag the relationship on myself because I don't want to feel like villains. A normal conversation about the relationship does not work because a dependent girl often uses the manipulation of the imposition of guilt. Whatever happened between them, the guy who wants to get out of the relationship, is "a hard-hearted killer". Such girls often agree to early sex to her Savior from her left. For them, pregnancy is really welcome, as it is a way to protect yourself from loneliness, to marry, etc.
How about the bad boys and girls can say one thing. They appear near to your child by accident. Very often the structure of personality of a teenager predisposes to the establishment of such a relationship. An important role plays the ability of a teenager to see the problems in the relationship, discuss them and decide.
What you can do parents?Most importantly, in advance, parents come to believe that the girl son will. And it's not only normal, it is "very normal" when a young man has a girlfriend. When it happens, when it is ripe, to have some kind of relationship, it is impossible to predict. And therefore the talk "when you're 14 years old, then girls may think" ineffective. That is, if the boy has a girlfriend, it's not the end of everything, and another step towards his adult life. Parents can only transmit and display the installation on the example, how it should happen and what does it mean "a good relationship"
To understand that not every "bad girl" is really so. Useful to reflect and ask yourself why you feel that it is not suitable for your son even as the girlfriend (the wife is usually the conversation is not even). "Good girls" can pick up "women of wisdom" from the press and the stupidity begin to apply it in practice. But it's not an unrecoverable situation. All the people tend to change adolescents especially. Even the "bad" girl can change.
Recognize that your child may be a source of problems. Even if the girls fit the description of "bad", then for part of it he could be responsible. Ie, "bad girl" is not an alibi and justification. Even if you don't care about "bad girlfriend", keep in mind that the problem is caused by your son, could be repeated in relationships with "good girls". In addition, the child realized that all the fault of "bad girls" would be inclined to absolve themselves of responsibility for what goes in a relationship is wrong.
To tell his son about what happens. The son must have at least a General idea of what the problem the girls are and what are the prospects of communication with them. Should we, for example, is a game of candles to three days to become the boyfriend of the "Queen of beauty".
The talk "about sex" needs to take place before adolescence. The child needs to know about contraception.
The child must be a General idea of what constitutes "the right girl". "The right girl" — an extremely subjective criterion, the fact that this particular teenager like, who would he feel comfortable. If the ideal "someone", the probability of occurrence in a girl's life such a great plan. And the teenager needs to understand clearly not only that he wanted but what he wanted to see his girlfriend. "Reinforced" confidence in the set of qualities to anything fairly common line of thought.
The son needs to be aware of what emotional abuse is, and that to tolerate it does not mean to act like a man.
The probability that the son will find a "bad girl" is always there. Not all Teens are ready the first time to choose a good partner. The words of parents in this age on the topic of "what is good and what is bad" is not always perceived. Everyone should get some experience. To act, of course, is on the situation, but if the lady does not threaten the life and health of your child and others, should be given the opportunity to obtain the same life experience. Even if you are sure that "she will ruin his life". Very often young people get married just because "parents vs", because I believe that the parents are wrong. And Yes, they still break each other's life, but due to the interference of parents.
In any case, if the girl has not appeared, try to behave appropriately, no drama, tantrums and the throwing away of the house handbags and boots girlfriends son. Parents in this condition the impression of the wrong people, whose advice is worth listening to.
Natalia Stilson
source: karpachoff.com
Source: /users/1077
