Run, girl, run! Bashny.Net

Three years ago I wrote an article entitled "safety guidelines for choosing a spouse" to his daughters. Then it's, shall we say, theoretical study, after all, girls were not even in their Teens. Now everything is much more relevant — the youth has come. And have been the daughters of some experience with boys, first disappointments, first offense — and a certain amount of bewilderment.

Honestly, even I, with history of marriage in almost 20 years, knowledge of the mass of happy and unhappy stories, and almost every day new issues arise. For example, about family relationships and male psychology. Every time is a discovery — wow, it turns out, and yet it happens! Therefore, the list of security measures it is possible to Supplement a few times a year, so to speak, hot on the heels svejesobranna knowledge.

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Just recently I accidentally ran the networking on a discussion with a man on the topic "some women in the family." More precisely, on the need of the son for men. I, naive, thought it was the remnants of the past, atavism, — all about procreation and so on. It turns out that no, there are still heroes in Russia... but with a full set and motivation "ran away from his wife, because there's even a dog was a bitch." It is possible, of course, that in most of the cases on this subject all exaggerated, when to be witty, when out of vanity, when from harm. But the theme of the indispensable presence of the son of the man is still relevant.

Here on the soil of this barren dispute about the necessity of the son in the family, I thought about the addition to the already written paragraphs. And the first addition will be:

— should pay careful attention to the fact that a potential suitor has a thing. People who are passionately in nurturing an idea of a personal "pen", if you will, at once raises serious doubts in terms of suitability for family life. Unless you pair him with exactly the same thing. And then... otherwise is selfishness, selfishness and more selfishness. A one-sided game. And especially when the idea concerns that a certain dispensation of a family, some hard and fast rules in it. Passionate ideas about the perfect family scare, because it usually means that the idea of "master" will obey everything without question. You can make allowances for age, of course, and boyish, but if it's a grown man... but if even marriage in the past... No, ran from it, anything good it will not work!

— if a man actively says that the family should be he, and his wife in obedience, too quickly to lubricate the skis. The hard-nosed "main" will never understand his supremacy as responsibility, always only as power. No, of course you can hope that he's love will soften and all will understand (especially at a young age), but to guard the girl you want very much.

— "I definitely will have a son" — this statement also should make you think. Especially if it is categorical. Because "I have a boy? — no — who?!"is only a joke funny, but in real life is usually very sad. I do not even take the option when a woman gives birth as long as the boy does not work, especially if all this happens at the initiative of the husband. This, in my opinion, it's just sadism.

I have a lot of claims to this statement. No, I understand the reasons — procreation, the transfer of experience, men's fellowship. But categorical a desire to have a son can result in that not only. From the rejection of his daughter (and wife at the same time) to rejection, in fact, the son who did not meet expectations. For me always it is doubly surprising as atavistic desire is deeply rooted and becomes almost the main family value. He had a son — a man — took place! Especially when it happens to a Christian man. I've learned that the Orthodox, it turns out, there are even saints need to pray that the son was born. And we go and pray! Oh, I would place these saints was fundamentally sent if praying daughter!

Why atavism — well, judge for yourself in the past is longing to have a son had any real Foundation. The successor of the family (when the family were in principle), the worker (the peasant family) assistant. Again, the position in society compared to women especially. Understand why and now the wild people think so. But an adult, intelligent, civilized man, confident, can he focus on the birth of a child of the masculine sex? Is there any difference between a child and a child? What about love?

What do you want, man? Give birth to a son, the successor, names? You don't have any names before God in the light of eternal life, and all the names are equal, and kind sons red, and acts of love. Give birth to a son, to give him your knowledge? And if he doesn't take it? If you love fishing and in the car poking around, and it will be butterflies under a microscope and stamps to collect? Oh, that is the most that neither is sad work, especially for my son. So it's better fishing with friends son it does not need. Or do you want to have a son to talk to him man-to-man? No longer someone to talk to, no friends?

It turns out that in a global sense, a passionate desire to have a son (in our time) it's just a desire to somehow be realized. And most of those who did not materialize. Give birth to a son to say here, I have a son, I'm the man! It's funny, but also very sad at the same time.

Do not think that I deny men this natural desire, and anyone who really wants a son, and recorded in the insecure and irresponsible. The point here is the degree of "volition". You never know what someone wants. We all have different desires power, but we're designed to control them and allocate the main thing in life. And the main thing is love, and that alone should be all subordinated to the life of a Christian. The rest — self-desire-desires — only in addition and subject to strict control.

I don't know why I have to say it, I don't know why it's not printed in each head of an adult, any child, son, daughter, blood or adopted, is more beautiful if you treat him like a child, the love object, not the object the realization of their own desires. If you think not about himself but about his family and about how to make their lives better. If you want your kid's happy, as it turns out, not the way you want it to be. This is not to say that no need to educate him and instill in him what you see fit. But only that we must respect his identity and put it ahead of your expectations.

I'm scared of this psychosis about the sex of the child because it seems to me unhealthy and inherent in the underdeveloped personalities. You see, I think of (passionate, indomitable) preferences between the son and daughter just one step away from that are not considered fully disabled person, for example. (not to mention the treatment of women). And next — all other steps that you know where lead. Going back to the beginning of the article — that's what I'll tell my daughter: 'if a man tells you that he wants sure son, categorically and passionately — run, girl, run! published 

 

Author: Elizabeth Pravikova

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: www.matrony.ru/begi-devochka-begi/