The most valuable lessons I've learned over the years ...
This week my husband and I will celebrate 36 years of marriage.
Some of the evening we celebrated the anniversary of the campaigns in full dress in the restaurant. And some simply exchanged kisses.
And once we were both sick with influenza, and all I remember, it's the sound of our glasses of orange juice and then sleep in the arms of each other throughout the day.
What once was the anniversary of when we were in a quarrel that did not utter even a word.
So he married: for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Every year, together with its surprises and problems, quarrels and pleasant moments.
Here are 36 of the most valuable lessons I've learned over the years:
If you think that someone else your marriage would be much easier, you are wrong.
Most marital problems can be solved. True. Even the most complex.
The word "divorce" - a dangerous weapon. I propose to replace it with the word "disappointment." Anyone's heart will not be broken, if you say: "I am so disappointed that he was ready to scream!»
The term "marital bliss" should be removed from his vocabulary each couple. Marriage is beautiful in many ways, but not without difficult situations.
The notion that your partner will not change, is mistaken. My husband and I met when we were little over 20. And if we remain the same to this day, we would have two naive children, stubbornly insisted that we should have all we want, and that Marriage should not be so complicated as it is really.
Will you have a happy family or not, it depends on you two.
With each of us in his own difficult life. But believe me, if you start to work on at least one of the problems in their behavior, it is a positive impact on your marriage in general. Plus your partner will be very grateful to you for it!
People who are unhappy in marriage, sometimes think that marriage itself is the problem - supposedly the term "marriage" out of date and unusual modern world. But marriage - it is you and your partner. This is what happens between the two of you, it is your creation. Each of you plays a role. Should not create something really worthwhile?
Marriage - a daily lessons. None of us shall take him "all the weapons." When something goes wrong - it is likely a clear sign that you need to gain new skills, rather than to find a new wife or husband.
Fighting in marriage is not just inevitable, it still besides and necessary. None of us will be able to build a healthy and stable relationship are not faced with problems and solving them.
Even the most successful marriage will not be able to compensate for the difficulties that you have experienced as a child. Each of us has his childhood traumas. If you think that your spouse can make you feel safe when you are at the same time do not feel resistance within yourself, then hasten to disappoint you - you're wrong. The sooner you will understand with all this "nonsense" that bothers you, the healthier and happier would your family life.
Love grows not only from the pleasant moments that you share together, but from the tests that you have overcome together.
Marriage - a long negotiations about how two people will work together to conduct business. Money. Relationship. Parenting. Domestic affairs. You can either compete with each other or work together. Cooperation was more effective.
Even the most stubborn of us can learn to give. Believe me, I know whereof I speak.
Much of the frustration of your spouse is not related to you. Although, of course, will be those which will be the fault of just you. So try to quickly determine what your fault.
In difficult periods of life will help devotion. Remember how you promised each other "until death do us part"? Perhaps this is why you hold on to the family of the last forces. But this reason is more than enough.
Marriage can not make you better or worse. It's your own choice.
Complaints and criticism - is not the same thing as change requests.
Discouragement - this is one of the worst threats to the marriage. I have met more than one pair, whose marriages have been destroyed because of the fact that there was no proper guidance manual on how to overcome this discouragement.
Statistics show that 100% of marriages, 50% of divorces. But this is not true. Simply, there are some behaviors that lead to failure. We all understand what I mean. So simply select the correct model of behavior.
It should be good - it helps.
Thank each other as often as possible.
I'm happier than his own life, the less I was annoying my husband.
In any marriage will be present and the conflicts and frustration, and boredom, and "iron" argument, and shut the door before nose. It's inevitable. But your main goal: to do mountains out of molehills.
It is not easy to always keep your heart open.
Love is very important. Maybe she can not heal everyone, but even in the most difficult times, love - this is a feature, it is a reminder to you, why you chose each other.
Marriage is not an antidote to loneliness. Communication, intimacy and communication between couples not permanent. Sometimes we are together. Sometimes not. It is important to be able to comfort and soothe yourself when you need it.
It is easy to live according to the same scenario, year after year. Relationship. Relaxation. Dinner. And how do you spend your Saturday night? Come up with something new. Add spice to your relationship.
Most of happy marriage - it is an achievement of one of the partners, which are accepted in psychology called "guardians". This is a man who is not afraid to face to face with difficulties. The man who in a difficult moment fills his shoulder. In an ideal world you both share the role. A real "play" it can only be one of you.
The best thing you can do during an argument - is to stop it. Rest. Calm down. It is better to go back to this conversation later. Worst of all decisions on the hot head.
Some conflicts can not be solved by compromise. (We can not make half a child or buy half of a tourist voucher). When there is no such thing as "to make concessions to each other", the best option - it is when one spouse says "yes", what would please the other, and that, in turn, sees it as a gift.
Quarrels rarely occur on the true reasons. The place where the soap dish, or what you went into the oncoming lane to overtake another car - are unlikely to cause a huge scandal. If this happens to you, then the fact there are deeper reasons. So we should try to understand what is it that is actually a problem.
There is a huge difference between "happy now" and "they lived happily ever after." None of us can be happy 24/7. And, thank God, we do not need.
When you think to yourself something like, "I should not say" most likely, you're right.
Learn how to make joint decisions. It is very important. Because in case of failure of the plans, you will not find extreme.
One of you must be the first. I must first ask for forgiveness. The first to make concessions. The first to leave the room during an argument. And forgive - also a first. Why it will not be that person in your family?