Writer and philosopher Paul Hudson that occurs during the development of romantic relationships
Love drives people crazy. Or, as the majority interprets love makes people go crazy. The relationship has had its ups and downs - everything in our lives.
Things always seem ideal at first, but inevitably disappoint at some point.
The person you love with all your heart becomes your verbal punching bag.
You let your emotions take over a top. Instead of trying to figure out what's what, you immediately jump on the partner - the only person who needs love, care and support you.
Also, you have to love, care for and support partner. Disputes are an integral party of any relationship. If you have never quarreled, then you never really loved.
Love makes us crazy. It forces us to say and do things we were not inherent.
The relationship should not only consist of yelling, screaming and name-calling - this is only the case if you do not understand love, do not know what to feel and what to do about it.
That's what happens in the development of romantic relationships:
1. Phase "honeymoon" gives us an unrealistic expectation
Romantic love is certainly the most enjoyable stage of relations. This is an amazing time when you soar in the clouds without doping and just happy. Alas, after each lifting recession comes.
Love - is an attraction "roller coaster", where you will then fly up, then sink to the bottom.
In the initial stages of a relationship, we feel emotional lift and let the feelings take us there. Suppose they are not permanent, but how pleasant!
In the end, the time of such emotional "bends" takes place - it is inevitable. It is impossible for life to experience strong emotions associated with romantic love.
The problems begin when we believe that love - it's just such a strong feeling, though in fact it is not even half the truth.
2. There always comes a time when you ask yourself how real your feelings
The human brain is incredibly strong. It monitors all incoming data into it. The problem is that, despite this, there are times when we lose control.
Love - a version of reality. We interpret our emotions like love. We allow ourselves to open up and share intimate with a man who, in fact - a stranger to us. We let the emotion-filled romantic reality literally devour us.
But later, when the emotions subside, we think about how real is the reality that we have created.
What's really funny: we are not to ask someone, because only we are responsible for the construction of all these castles in the head.
3. We are bound to ask ourselves whether this is the final stop
As they say, in the ocean as other fish ... In this world, our attention is a huge selection of partners.
The more we have a choice (as for lovers) - the more we consider the probability that made the mistake of stopping on this man.
Due to the fact that we are constantly thinking about it and we put love into question - the opportunity to experience a truly strong feeling is reduced. Not that love disappears, just every time I meet someone, we think, "What if this is not the person, and the same is waiting around the corner ?!».
If you start to doubt, did not make any mistake by meeting with this man, quarrels are inevitable.
4. Romantic reality disappears and we understand that your partner is not perfect
You've heard the phrase "Love is blind." This is not so. Real love is not blind - it sees all the flaws, mistakes, errors, but accepts them. But romantic love - is an illusion.
Romantic love is based on emotions, which are unstable and therefore believe they should not. Emotions do not themselves have a strong influence on us, we are influenced by the way we interpret them.
When you understand that the ideal picture painted in your mind, and do not correspond to a real person, it can have much to shake.
More experienced people understand that perfection does not exist, and are able to direct the emotions in the right direction.
However, most people gladly dumped their experiences on the subject of love.
5. Sometimes we have problems in order to accept that we are not perfect
Silly. I know. Of course, we are not perfect. Of course, we make mistakes. Of course, we are all walking imperfections, only to work on yourself.
We know that we are not perfect, but then become the defensive, is to offer our partners to make some changes or to compromise.
We do not want to change, because we believe this ridiculous stereotype that we must love the way we are. What do correct me if I am mistaken, they are already doing.
The fact that they ask you to make some changes to improve something in itself, does not mean that they love you less.
It is very hard to get along under one roof two egocentric. Peacefully here, unfortunately, will not solve anything.
You know that you're not perfect, you have a lot of work, but you are not ready to listen to the advice offered by the person who knows you better than you know himself.
6. Do not lose individuality paired quite difficult
It is so difficult because we're both at the same time strive to loneliness and do not want to be alone. We need private space until until it becomes lonely, then we need the companionship and love.
You can choose a middle ground. Honestly. But you need to try as it should. It was a big challenge for me when I fell in love for the first time. On the one hand I was a terrible egocentric, on the other - my heart burns with love.
Learn to understand themselves, their psychological and emotional needs, understand the needs of your partner and find a balance between all of these.
Do not shout or throw a tantrum. You are in adult relationships and behavior should be, too grown-up.
7. Love goes, if you do not understand its essence
As I understand it now, the love - this is not what I had imagined before. When you fall in love - the intensity of feelings knocked down.
This incredibly unique thing that you believe is separate from you. Do you believe that you can not control this process. But this is nonsense.
Love - no more mysterious than physics - many people simply do not understand. Then we swear. We try to inflict more pain to each other, because it gives us the illusion of control.
We are destroying something beautiful that can build by a happy coincidence. For what? For the tale of what supposedly should be love?
If you believe that love - is a mysterious thing, which most people believe, be prepared for the fact that you will not take on the personal front.
You will be hurt again and again, as long as you are able to feel pain. Worst of all is when you are so you hard heart that nothing will feel.