House MD Season 6, Episode 1

Stale pirates directly from filming the series! Reading under the cut.






Prologue.
Big poppy field, jumps on it a little deaf and dumb girl and melodiously humming collects flowers. The sun is shining, birds are singing in the trees, in the background is seen a cameraman in an ambush.
The sun is cloud girl raises her head in bewilderment, rolls his eyes, drops and begins to convulse. From the bushes to her aid rushes naked mother, her lover and the bear-voyeur.

Captions. Dr. House and Ka. boldly striding across the hospital corridors to help patients to either cure them or send them to heaven the holy martyrs.

Action.
Dr. Cuddy:
 - House, I have a deal for you! Little deaf girl suddenly lost consciousness, sandalik right, left kidney, a piece of the liver, and in general, it seems, is about to be bent is not clear from what.

The voice of the director in the background:
 - Where is the medical consultant? Consultant where I ask?

Voice Assistant:
 - Escaped beast !!! For the fifth for the season !!!

The voice of the director:
 - As the fifth ?! This is only the first series !!!

Voice Assistant:
 - And the other four we foolishly allowed to read the script before shooting.

The voice of the director:
 - So, to urgently find a new consultant! As long as we remove, the more that the plot now anyway Guess!

Cabinet House, all sitting think.

House:
 - If we assume that this is also a symptom of a deaf-mute ... anyone have any ideas?

Number 13:
 - And if we assume that she was deaf, and dumb - a full two symptom!

House (writes on board)
 - Great! Make her EKG, HRW, YUEKYRK, pregnancy test and an enema. And ask her mother, she stopped to drink brandy in the morning. It may be withdrawal symptoms.

Dr. Taub:
 - But what's the girl ?!

House:
 - Loggerhead! Cognac easily passes into breast milk.

Dr. Foreman:
 - But she was ten years old, his mother has long ceased breast-feed her!

House:
 - Everybody lies. It can be rozhanopoklonnitsey and feed her secretly in the toilet.

Voice Assistant:
 - Alas, no one consultant within five miles is not found - all know that we've got a shot! I even ran into a nearby clinic, but the doctors had barricaded themselves inside, and began to bombard me with jars analyzes.

The voice of the director:
 - It was necessary to offer them a double fee!

Voice Assistant:
 - I offered. But then they went over to the duck. But I bought a book in the popular medical encyclopaedia, which look beautiful words: atherosclerosis, pork megalopnevmoniya, limfokomonuklearny politsistoartrit ...

The voice of the director:
 - Perfectly! Urgently find there a disease that is accompanied by convulsions, liver failure, kidney blade, deafness, muteness, and anything else that will appear after the enema! And we still continue to shoot!

Chamber girls. Girl lies on the follow-up, all plastered over with wires, pale and miserable. Near scarf biting her mother outside the glass doors crumple confused lover and the Bear.
House passed:
 - They are here not without reason! Look at the way they look at each other furtively!

Dr. Taub, a notepad at the ready:
 - It is a symptom ???

House:
 - It is diagnosed.

Wilson:
 - By the way, House, why are not you in the nuthouse ?! I personally drove you there and propped the door from outside a log!

House:
 - I brought it all. Psychiatrists chipped in and paid me a whole bag of Vicodin, only to never see me no more!

Voice Assistant:
 - We all turned over - is only suitable lupus!

The voice of the director:
 - Lupus has been!

Voice Assistant:
 - And what am I to blame, it is the only crap that happens at all times and under all goes ???

The voice was tired and zadolbali operator:
 - And let it be worms!

Voice Assistant, puzzled:
 - But worms do not have these symptoms!

Voice Operator:
 - And it will be atypical with atypical manifestation of worms! They crept into the liver, brain, kidneys, eyes and teeth, because the girl lowered immunity due to oral contraceptives!

The voice of the director:
 - But why she takes them ?!

The voice of the operator, with inspiration:
 - Protects the honor of his youth!

Voice Assistant:
 - And why is it then ?!
deaf
Voice Operator:
 - And just like that, there must be among these pianos at least one bush!

The voice of the director, got stronger and hearty:
 - So, remove the piece from the past - everything really was !!!

Box from the past. Little deaf girl fun rides on the field and accidentally comes into someone's turd.

Little deaf girl:
 - Shit !!!

The voice of the director:
 - It props, fool!

Little deaf girl:
 - It looks like now! And anyway, I pretty boy Fyodor, I hired an extra day!

The voice of the director, emphatically:
 - Of course, now, what trifles ?! We thank God there are no problems with the budget, the audience noodles sixth year hawala and additives asking!

Little deaf girl:
 - That the noodles, and the second ... props!

The voice of the director:
 - Listen, Fyodor, enter into the role and shut up! You're the actor or ?! Mel Gibson want to be? Or Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Little deaf girl:
 - Ygy-gee.

The voice of the director:
 - For example, take two! Bring a spare props as well, that we have prepared five in the morning! Come on, girl, go! So little deaf and dumb girl fun rides on the field and accidentally comes into someone's turd.

The little deaf and dumb girl, resignedly:
 - Chvyak!

The voice of the director:
- ... And leans surprise pokes her finger ...

Little deaf girl:
-? !!!

The voice of the director:
 - Cant, Fyodor - Schwarzenegger will!

Little deaf girl zazhmurivayas:
 - Tyk.

The voice of the director:
 - ... Pokes her finger to her mouth and brings ...

Little deaf girl:
 - Veeee! Yes, you go to hell, I'd rather go work at McDonald's, there is crap though not forced to try!

The voice of the operator, reconciling:
 - Let it be worms that penetrate the skin! We then another piece of dosnimem, where it carries the finger and falls off, it will also be a symptom!

The voice of the director:
 - Great idea! Where we have a computer with worms Box ???

Voice editor:
 - We crashed it for the fifth time!

The voice of the director:
 - That's it, now the viewers are sure that the worms look like this! Let us not disappoint them!

On the screen appears a huge white worm requisite nondescript, writhing in the requisite intestine.

House triumphant:
 - I am, as always, was right !!! It turned out to be a bear finger podtsepen girl picked him from a bear-voyeur! After a good dose of anthelmintic baby came five kilos of worms and now she is perfectly healthy! However, now it has a long recovery period after all of our surveys.

Bear shyly:
 - Well so ... This is what is now, and I should be treated ?!

Lover girl's mother, in horror:
 - And me? !!!

House triumphant:
 - I knew it !!!

The girl's mother, weeping bitterly told her the truth out into the sunset.

The voice of the director:
 - So!!! Why do we have in this series is not psychology between the characters ?!

Voice Operator:
 - Well, let Cuddy House Hotel chest pinches. Just not much, but then again, like last time, the requisite silicon burst!

Voice Assistant,
 - And let Wilson ?! It's fresh! This will give the sixth season of intrigue!

House (burns).

Wilson:
 - Oh! Oh, you rogue!

The voice of the director, puzzled:
 - In a scenario that was not!

Wilson, coquettishly:
 - Now there is, otherwise I will not sign a contract for the seventh season !!!

Close-up face of House on the entire screen, preispolennoe genuine horror - Hugh Laurie is already signed up for the entire season and took the money forward.

Captions.

© Volha

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