Ruslan Narushevic: Founding marriage in general is not in marriage

Why are there so few happy couples and so many divorces?

Ruslan Narushevich: The main reason is the motivation to build relationships. As a rule, it is a desire to avoid something: a state of loneliness, fear of being alone, not having time to give birth to a child, etc. And the moment a person avoids it, marriage essentially no longer makes sense. A person must build relationships in order to be happy. But at the same time, he should not be afraid to experience negative emotions - pain, fear, anger, shame, sorrow. Building relationships is opening up, and that is a very vulnerable position. The happier a person strives to become, the deeper the feelings, the greater the experiences he risks.

In order to experience, you need a favorable environment where to worry. It turns out that the basis of marriage is not in marriage. A woman and a man should have sources of happiness besides a loved one. Marriage has always been based on a relationship with God. When a person feels the love of God, which no one will ever block and which can manifest through different people, then he is more calm and less greedy. It is easier for him to accept other types of love - parental, and it does not necessarily have to be blood parents, friends, like-minded people.

When a person is full of these types of love, only then is he ready for marriage, as the kind of communication where we give and do not need to receive. Marriage is the only source of happiness. As soon as they meet a loved one, the rest of the sources that pass through the most difficult stages of a person’s fate automatically close and this makes marriages unsustainable.

Why would a man marry?

Ruslan Narushevich: According to Vedic knowledge, marriage is the first place where we learn to serve God. Before that we received love, at this point we begin to learn to give to others. To do this, we choose the most intimate person who will help us tune in, get the first taste. The man lived a sworn egoist, and now he falls in love, he is ready to perform austerity - stand with flowers in the rain, etc.
He is filled with love and begins to give without expecting in return. A man takes care of a woman regardless of whether he receives love from her, affection or not. If the wife is in a bad mood, he will not say to her: What is wrong with your face? I work here, work here, come home, and here you are with your discontent.”

It is necessary to build a relationship on the mentality of abundance – I have enough love, so I need a close person. I had a case where a young man came to an ashram where girls practiced Vedic knowledge. I called the elder and said: I am 27 years old, I have an apartment, a car, a good salary. I don't need all this alone. Ask the girls, maybe someone will marry me. They've been living together for 7 years. I don’t know what their relationship is, but the idea is healthy. A man should marry when he has nowhere to give love, and he wants to share.

If you come with a deficit, you will try to make your spouse a friend, like-minded parent or patron. And close relationships are very specific, they have an element of romance, exclusivity, secrecy, trepidation. One person cannot be the source of all kinds of love.

Are there stages in the development of marriage?

Ruslan Narushevich: There's a material impact on marriage, it's inevitable, as are the seasons of the year. Every marriage is uplifted, then winter comes, people drift away, as if they are no longer connected. But since everything is cyclical, if you behave correctly, you can survive this period. It is not necessary to look for another partner, you need to wait for a new flower.

Everything is fine in the family until there are tests. Sooner or later, everyone experiences the pressures of fate and crises. When fate begins to strain one of the spouses, the marriage suffers a huge blow. A man’s psyche is so arranged, if there is a crisis, he completely concentrates on it and does not notice anyone. He doesn't talk, he's withdrawn, he thinks about his mortgage, as they say in Russia. What should a woman do? She urgently needs to unscrew other taps, other sources of happiness. If she does not, she will either find another man, or she will suffer and be destroyed, make some ridiculous efforts.

But in an unhealthy relationship, the bet is only on marriage. A girl who gets married tries to get all kinds of happiness from her husband, which most of us have accumulated a huge deficit. There is almost no person who can withstand this for a long time, this is under good conditions. But if fate pressed on a loved one, then there is a lack of love. A woman gets into a terrible situation, it seems to her that she is insanely lonely.

On the other hand, this situation often develops with the direct participation of the husband: “I don’t like these friends, so don’t talk to them. I don't have a very good relationship with your mother, so we won't go to her often. Your lectures on Vedic knowledge are some kind of sect, courses in floristics and belly dancing are a waste of money. A woman sacrifices everything for her husband. She thinks that this is a special sign of devotion to her husband, but in fact she saws the bitch on which the marriage is held.

Is it possible that a person has all kinds of love other than marriage?

Ruslan Narushevich: This is considered the only true moment when a woman or a man is ready for marriage. The absence of a spouse is not at all burdensome, but if you ask him, “Would you like to have a spouse?” He'll say, "Yes!" Of course I do.”

What if the person is not shown a partner? Or will it necessarily appear in this state?

Ruslan Narushevich: Fate may not allow you to receive love, but if you want to give it, you don’t need planets for that permission. Perhaps, by fate, we cannot meet for a long time. It happens. But the woman happily waits for this moment because she is full of love.

The Vedas say that happy is the person who is completely satisfied with what he has and wants more. It's the same with a woman. A happy marriage can only be built at this point. When a caring man shows up, a woman becomes even happier, when he disappears, she's just happy. But usually the man doesn't disappear. When he sees such a woman, he realizes that for the first time in his life he has found a person who fully meets his requirements - to be both necessary and free. Absolutely crazy combination. And these families are very resilient. There are few, but there are. It's a lack of knowledge, of support, not of the planet.

If a woman is unhappy by herself, a man can only make her not unhappy. Not a great feat. This man doesn't inspire. Someday he will still want to make someone happy, not just unhappy.

What is the situation of a child in a family with a wrong relationship?

Ruslan Narushevich: In such a family, the child is deprived of unconditional parental love. She just doesn't have enough for him. They say, “Why don’t you hug your mom?” "How you hit your mother!" She's in pain! The exploitation begins, their negative emotions are thrown into this pure heart, and it should be the opposite. Mother should take on literally 24 hours a day, everything that arises bad on the heart of a young child.

If this does not happen, if the child is loaded with his emotions, he loses sight, he is not aware of his nature, his desires. He grows up unable to build relationships. If in this first phase you were not loved unconditionally, that is, you did not tolerate your manifestations of character, then you will not believe that your friends will tolerate them. Or there will be a way of defense – an attack. The circle is closing. We are ugly enough to expect marriage at all. To be successful in a marriage, you need to have a very rich relationship other than a partner, and we do not know how to build them.

There are times when people live together for the sake of children. Is that right?

Ruslan Narushevich: The trouble is that this then greatly disfigures the married life of the children themselves. If a woman lives without being happy, experiencing grief or humiliation, even if the spouses do not swear, the children still feel it. The Vedas speak of the presence of a subtle body in a person and its connection with the subtle bodies of other people through channels. The movie "Avatar" hinted at that. When people are connected by kinship, feelings, love, their psychic channels intertwine. The child is directly connected mentally to the parents, and their channels work as communicating vessels.

This idea is one of the most insidious: “I stayed in the family for the sake of the child.”
There is no “you” and “child”, there is only one. If you suffer, he suffers much more, because the suffering of an adult woman cannot be digested by the psyche of a child. When a daughter sees a mother suffering in marriage, it tramples the very idea of happiness in marriage.

Every child feels a sense of guilt not only for what he did wrong, but simply for what happens in his presence. Every child feels guilty when their parents are unhappy. In my practice, there have been cases when adult women who have their own family, children, felt guilty for the fact that their mother could not marry or was sick. But that is not their responsibility at all. It is not difficult for a child in such a situation to come to the realization: “If I were not there, my mother would not suffer like this.” The mechanism of self-destruction is activated in his psyche. The child begins to get sick, the immune system collapses, attention slows down, lethargy appears, apathy to study, apathy to life, dependence on the computer.

How do you break up?

Ruslan Narushevich: A man stays until a woman expresses all her negative emotions to him, and a woman, respectively, until she does. Otherwise, a woman will not be able to feel sincere gratitude and love for living together, and this will greatly harm the children.

There is a Vedic principle: “The eyes of the son are in the heart of the mother.” The daughter's eyes in the father's heart.” Mental and emotional contact between the son and the father is ensured by the love of the mother, mother and daughter – the love of the father. If a woman’s heart remains resentment, pain, the son will feel this in connection with the father, respectively, the burden in the father’s heart will affect the daughter and her relationship with the mother.

In a situation where a woman is raising a child alone, if she has nowhere to put emotions, she will automatically share them with the children. Therefore, it does not matter whether the woman is married or left, it is important that she does not have in her heart the negative emotions that poison children. If you want to stay, if you want to leave, just be happy. It's a mother's duty. published

From the interview of Ruslan Narushevich “Business Petersburg”

Source: www.dp.ru/a/2010/09/10/Osnova_braka_voobshhe_ne_v/