The secret to a strong marriage

Every couple is faced with crisisThis is absolutely inevitable and normal. As they say, if you see a relationship without problems, then the relationship is no more. But in this frightening phenomenon there is a huge plus, because, having survived the crisis, the union of lovers becomes even stronger and more romantic. The main thing is not to give up and look for ways to overcome difficulties.



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Many people say that the main thing is to survive the crisis after 5-7 years of living together. But in fact, there are several periods when marriage can falter. Editorial "Site" It will tell you when to expect danger and how to overcome the crisis in the relationship at its various stages.

The secret to a strong marriage

1. A year married
   Often, trouble lies in wait after a year in the marriage of couples who had previously met no more than a year. The intersection of ardent feelings and everyday problems can shake not quite settled relationships. In addition, partners begin to see each other in real light with all the bad habits, ailments. Family psychologist Rita DeMaria calls this crisis the “stage of awareness.”
   
   
   
   Ideally, this crisis can not even feel, if before marriage to learn and specify the attitude to money, children, relatives, household chores and other pleasures of family life. We also need to understand each other’s priorities and values. But if trouble has overtaken, it is very important to sit down and talk calmly. Many couples get divorced, especially if they have no children.
   
   It is important to focus on what attracted you to your spouse and what you do for the relationship. Discuss everything, find a compromise. At this stage, it is important to reach firm agreements on all fundamental issues. You need to understand that all relationships are similar and replacing this person will not fix anything.
   
   
   
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2. 3 years married
   The couple enters the comfort zone. Husband and wife feel comfortable and safe with each other, but at the same time there are such unpleasant things as an unopened toilet door and unkempt home clothes, and intimate life is not so diverse. Women lack romance and men lack bodily affection. By and large, there is no special problem, but still something is wrong.
   
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   In this case, it is important to look at yourself from the outside and evaluate your contribution to the relationship and behavior. Try to say compliments to each other, go out more, go on a trip (you can go to another city, not a country). Fill family life with pleasant emotions and to some extent youthful pampering. Come up with family traditions, if they do not yet exist, and allocate one day purely for your relationship - without work, children, household. This will strengthen the relationship, and the eyes will fill with brilliance.
   
   
   
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3. 5-7 years married
   In psychology, there is even such a thing as “seven-year itching”. This is one of the most critical times in marriage. It is often during this period that the largest number of families collapse. By this time, everything has been adjusted to automatism, and this is the biggest mistake. A typical picture: breakfast, a child in the garden, yourself to work, a child to pick up from the garden, go to the store, cook dinner, sex without passion, sleep. You seem to know everything about each other. The future of marriage is uncertain.
   
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   Many couples think about saving a marriage with their second or third child, but children are not the solution. First you need to understand yourself and understand what is wrong. Then talk to each other about how you see your relationship in 5 and 10 years and what to do. The main thing is to speak honestly, so that in the end there are no new misunderstandings. It is important to understand that over the years, needs change, and worries appear more.
   
   It is important to pay more attention to each other. And it should not be a primitive “how are things – normal”, but a dialogue. Don’t worry, it will only get worse.
   
   
   
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4. 10-15 years married
   According to statistics, the average length of marriage In Europe, it is about 11 years old. During this period there is disappointment and separation from each other. A woman has a big load: household chores, work, school success of children. The husband no longer sees her as an attractive woman and can look at young girls. Due to lack of time, the quality of the relationship suffers. Spouses simply lose their emotional connection and begin to live their lives.
   
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   According to family relations experts Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, in this difficult period, it is important to learn to treat everything, including yourself, with humor. Yes, marriage may not have been perfect, but there are many positive aspects to focus on. Laugh more together, and it’s time to lower the bar of expectations and look at the possibilities of a person really.
   
   And again, you need to discuss everything, maybe the husband himself would like to do lessons with the children, and you decided only to do it yourself, accusing him of indifference to children.
   
   
   
   
   
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5. 15-20 years married
   The 20-year crisis of marriage is greatly facilitated by the personal crises of middle age among spouses. The children grew up and left the house, and everything seemed empty. Husband and wife no longer feel responsible to them and start living for themselves. And if a lot of marriage has been missed before, they try to live in a new way and with a new person. Past grievances, the desire to assert themselves in connection with the crisis of middle age can easily destroy a happy marriage. Now the number of divorces after 20 years or more of living together is growing. It’s important to find a new meaning for your couple’s existence beyond mutual support, children and home. Watch your body, go to language classes or pair dances. Visit new countries. This is a great time to enjoy each other rather than ruin everything.
   
   
   
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It is worth understanding that all marriages are similar: bursts of happiness, resentment, quarrels, overcoming difficulties, support, tears. There is no perfect relationship, because each person is selfish and not always able to understand the other. It is important to learn to talk about the problem in time, and most importantly – to solve it, as well as listen to your partner. You need to pay more attention to the analysis of relationships and yourself, so that one day you do not wake up as strangers.

Also, we talked about 5 things in marriage that you can not tell strangers.

Fill your marriage with positive moments, because there is nothing to waste your precious time on quarrels and resentments! Tell us in the comments what helps you survive the crisis in your relationship. Share this article with your friends on social media!

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