Women want to get married... According to the family surveys of psychologists conducted in the EU, an increasing number of men are avoiding marriage. They see in the marriage bond not only infringement of their interests, personal freedom, but also the deterioration financial situation.Fear of liability and possible restrictions, young men prefer to live exclusively for himself.
And fear of marriage increases with education level: more than half of boys and one third of the girl graduates from high school, refuse to create a family. Psychologists have identified the causes of this phenomenon.
Hotel "Mommy"Most likely, many men just don't have the courage to become the head of the family, to shoulder the family responsibilities and obligations, including the care of children.
It is easier to spin into a world of their own interests...
"Mom, what's my shirt size?" — calling of the mother of Oleg (43) on his mobile phone while in the store ready-made garments. He is an engineer, makes good money, but a family not in a hurry. Under her mother's wing, he lives comfortably: a delicious lunch or dinner always on the table, his shirt clean, starched and ironed, he is not concerned about no grocery shopping, no cleaning, or even buying your own clothes — everything you need for overage son buys mother. Only costumes he chooses to, and that is simply because they need to try.
This young man is not a sissy, not a wuss or a weakling. Oleg looks quite manly, loves sports and fishing, drives into the countryside. He's not a womanizer and not a ladies ' man. On weekends and holidays to it regularly comes from the nearby town friend Lena (36), by the way, is also making good money. Vacation they spend together, they have the same Hobbies – scuba diving, cliffs, nature.
Friends and acquaintances are puzzled: "Why don't they get married?" Why? Both quite happy. So convenient, no domestic problems. And the salary they save for the purchase of the future apartment. However, in confidential conversation Lena with tears in his eyes shared with me their cherished dream: "I really want to marry Oleg! Want to have a baby. Know that late delivery is bad and I'm thirty... But I can't put any pressure on him... you Have to wait until he will offer to get married. And it is so good to be home, with my mother, and he is in no hurry...
Of course, I'm sad, even painful, especially in the circle of couples. My mom constantly asks, "Well, you have already submitted an application for registration?" What can I say to her?!"
In the words of Lena pronounced the essence of such relations between a man and a woman. Women think that men do not understand their happiness, and they are just conservative, do not want to change their habits, they have their own ideas about happiness.
In Europe this term (wilde Ehe) is used more often. Two are still living together as husband and wife, but without "printed in the passport" without marriage.
"Wild" marriage is already embodied in certain rules of German law, cohabitation and joint farming recognized by law.
But it all begins with the so-called "trial" marriage. Young people live together, have a common household (thus hidden from the welfare office of their income), raise children together.
But such marriages are very fragile and most often it is women who are constantly in fear: what if the partner will find their "better half", as they say, fade... Such a marriage is sometimes called civilian. However, in Russia before 1917 was considered a legitimate marriage according to religious standards, and civil — marriage civil-law.
Partners living outside the Church or civil marriage, i.e. without the formalization of relations, are considered cohabitants. The Christian model of marriage (as well as the family model in other religions) denies cohabitation, calling to build a marital relationship based on a legal marriage. Husband and wife should become "one flesh," United in spirit and body, mutually open people who have nothing to hide from each other. As before, the main purpose of a family is the birth and upbringing of children.
It's time! Women want to get married
From the letter of a young woman (28): "I live with a guy for six months, but I suspect that it won't last. I really want to get married so much! So infinitely and ticking in the brain: it's time to get married! it's time to get married! I want to be his wife, but how?!"
There are many books on the topic: "How to marry", "How to meet the man of my dreams", "Hunting for men", "How to keep a man" etc. In all of these books this advice: whatever happens, you must do so-and-so. Woman thinks: "If I do this in relation to my partner, then hardly anything I can do..."
Indeed, in specific situations, many councils often unacceptable. But there is something universal, suggested by common sense and proven years of experience. If your partner will be satisfied only with a "wild" marriage and you want to get married, note that saving the relationship is more dependent on women, from its ability, if you want — art, to keep near her man
. Although, no doubt, men very often the first to interrupt the "wild" marriage, met another woman that might be willing to marry.
The fact that the man often is mistaken about what kind of wife he needs, really.
The task of women — was able to bring it to the understanding of what he needed. In fact, man does not need so much, namely that he wanted to return home to his they waited for the way to do their own thing (watch TV, sit at the computer, exercise, etc.). And if he loves children, then promise him bear them! Make it clear to your partner that you may provide only in a legal marriage.
Have you thought about what approaches you can use for your partner? Often analyze their behavior. Perhaps communication with your man you admit any mistakes? Even in the "wild" marriage, there are certain psychological techniques and lures. The main thing that they were positive and varied.
Create the atmosphere of trust, warmth and intimacy. If you moved to residential single men, not in a hurry to set their own rules. Do not try to rebuild his bachelor's lair: not every man will like it. Not Stargates in his living space.
What for you defines a comfort, for it means a change of habits and life patterns. Do not move the furnishings to your own taste, and if you want to do it, then be sure to consult with your partner. Guidance in his house of comfort "for themselves" is perceived by man as veiled aggression. If the partner starts living with you, then try to take into account his habits, without imposing their own.
Make compliments, to which men are susceptible, not less, than women. Don't skimp to "pour a balm for the soul." Constantly remind him that you love him and appreciate. Learn how to make each other gifts, though inexpensive. In Germany, enough possibilities to please each other. Following all these tips, you will be able to "tie" the man to himself. Understand that living together of two equal partners is a creative process, requiring constant effort from both sides.
Unfortunately, in spite of these obvious tips, women often use negative techniques. With a smile, resentment or irritation say: "Again, later is back! You never do anything around the house! Else you'll never tell me that I look good?! And their women at work, I suppose, say that... You're not me driving, I'm tired of sitting at home! You put me homework – I have to pull on my shoulders!" etc.If you really want to get married, be patient and forgiving, not to inflame the conflict, preterites adapt to the partner.
Do not waste mental strength to insist on. It's no use. In response, you risk to hear: "Who are you to me to re -?!"If you love your partner, try to accept him the way he is.
Not to defend his innocence in the attitude of "finger pointing", in a dispute not to resort to the words: "you see, I was still right!" Otherwise, your partner will again go on the offensive.Do not allow your sex life to the boredom and monotony.
Establish it in accordance with your mutual sexual desires.Try to make your partner feel the joy of communicating with you, keep him comfortable
, and in General, think more about him than about yourself. Then he would marry you!
How never to get marriedHere's some bad advice:
- Search for your ideal to a ripe old age. "I have not met my one and only", — this phrase can be heard from the lips of women of thirty, forty and even fifty years. Determine for yourself the maximum requirements to the candidate for a husband, and in any case, don't settle for less!
- Stick to all the men belittle the labels. Remember what a rotten husband, your closest friend, a rare nerd — a neighbor, a horrible, selfish man – her sister, etc., hang at home poster: "All men – goats!", you should be fine.
- Be active and assertive: teach men that you are the huntress and he the prey. Then production you had never seen.
- Fill his price. Constantly tell the man about their victories and past relationships, especially sexual. Don't forget aloud to compare it with previous partners.
- Kapriznaya and flirt. Kichites their mismanagement and inability to life.
- Never listen to a partner, interrupt himif he tries to talk to you, seek superiority over him, and constantly impose on him your tips.
To remove mom from life... Or the importance of languageHow to draw people and events into your life
- If you follow this bad advice, you can be sure that you would be unlikely to get married, even if you really want it.
The author wishes all readers of this article in the new year to find a decent life partner or be the legal spouse your civil husband, if you don't allow the above error.published
Author: Anna Tsipris