Girls who want to get married, there are too focused on results at any cost. But often the result obtained disappointing. Then you read the forums and communities and think, "Well, where are all these girls have just such men? Where they dug up? And why did you decide to associate them with their lives?. »
Why do some of these "pictures" do not even come across, and if they come across, go unnoticed, and some they cling and even get married, have babies, then cry, complain, suffer, divorce ... But we all dream about, to married once and for all.
The reasons that the family does not work or does not happen a lot. Let's look at some.
1. Low self-esteem of women.
When a woman is ready to marry anyone, without distinction, is an occasion to reflect - as she herself appreciates that so easily spreads itself? If in her head there are such thoughts: "Finally something called! At least someone! "Or" What if no one else ever will call?. »
Low self-esteem also forces women to accept civil marriage, even if they do not want. Therefore, women lie in bed on the first date, not realizing that too cheap to give yourself.
Choosing a man of a lifetime - a very important lesson, here on the off chance of firewood can be mangled! And to find a prince, should be the very first to become a princess.
2. Inflated self-esteem.
There is another option. There are those who are looking for, dig, chosen carefully so that bidders are not left at all. For example, a woman wants just an oligarch, a millionaire, a big house, car, money. And although the proverb says that in order to become the wife of a general, you need to get married for the lieutenant, these women are doggedly read books about the seduction of millionaires and less disagree.
Of course, in addition to millions he should have a nice body, good sense of humor, a good soul, and so on and so forth. These girls look disdainfully on ordinary office workers, bartenders and everyone else. "So I came out for this!". Only now, many of his ideal and do not meet. The more that do not correspond to the chosen similar in quality.
Many formulate their high demands otherwise, but the bottom line is about the same. I want something that can not be, but to me it is all very necessary. Someone looking for a very spiritual and advanced, while another would be good and successful and rich, someone wants to brutal, but accommodating, someone who is very sexual and restless in bed, but the faithful, someone just perfect, and someone and the prince on a white horse!
Sometimes she wants to get married so that not even looking for someone out. The main thing to get out - and there is something we make a man of him! She hopes that after the wedding, he changed - dramatically stop drinking, smoking, playing, yelling at her, beat, begin to look, pay attention to it. But this is an illusion. Men do not change just like that. In this it will be necessary to invest so much time and effort, not every one of us will make it. And not the fact that everything will turn out, and it really will change, and the relationship with the saved. Why should immediately put themselves in such conditions? Why marry a man who already have problems with strong drink, drug, attitude toward women? To gather up a few more scars and wounds?
Look at him with wide eyes, think, analyze, try on. Before the start the relationship. And only then make a decision.
And then it turns out that he's so good, when you do not drink, but almost always - drinking. And throw a pity, but also live so I can not. And children already give birth to him, and so much invested in it. Although because once I saw a man he is.
Is not in illusion. You have the right to select. Take advantage of them.
4. Incorrect goal output married.
Many people who want to get married, in fact there and do not want to. They have a very different purpose. For example, to get away from their parents. Or do not work, and stay at home. Or time to procreate. Or wear a white dress and all wipe their noses. Or revenge on someone. Or someone to prove. Or relatives to show a passport stamp. Anything but the most important - life with this man until the end of his days, in wealth and poverty, sickness and health. And what a goal - and a result is obtained. From the mother-gone, but there is no happiness and family.
5. The instinct of procreation.
It often happens that a woman has to go, everything inside is ready and waiting. The case for small - need a "donor", but legally and socially odobryaemo. The man in this case does not choose, or even evaluated as a future father. The brain is clouded by instincts. He has the primary sex characteristics - means suitable. Just to get a child - and then burn the bridges and take a run. Here, by the way, not necessarily to get married. The main goal of his to achieve.
This often occurs in so-called "female clans" of same-sex families where men do not - grandmother, mother, daughter, granddaughter. And so on.
6. Make him marry.
It is possible and it is often difficult. Women are able to be manipulated in such places, and to seek his own, but what will be the result? A friend of mine, after five years of civil marriage has managed to put pressure on her husband - and have a beautiful wedding. And then she wanted children, and five years of talking to nothing lead. She was tired of him in such matters pressure - and just left. And in response I received a reproach: "Well, why did you not put pressure on me?". Just not this happiness - a relationship where all the most important of the men have to squeeze
The man appreciates only those relationships in which the woman he wanted, he decided to associate with her life, he wanted to put her ring on his finger and give his name.
And not when she made it anyway - then pressed, there is pregnant, then the parents to push through
If you want a truly happy family, give up the idea to leave it here for this guy at any cost and by any means. Give up trying to achieve and to who you like to win his heart. It is not our role.
7. Butterflies in the stomach.
Many are looking for not just a good man, with whom they could live your whole life together. They are looking for butterflies in the stomach, which must necessarily happen when you meet "that same". But there is one problem. Love develops gradually, and love with these same butterflies die too quickly.
In order for a person to fall in love, it must be good to know, to learn to respect him, and gradually born a real sense. It may not be as bright as the most butterflies, especially the first time. But over the years it has strengthened, deepened, and has no butterflies with this can not be compared.
Yes, getting married is all the same for the person who you like. Do this only on the calculation - it is silly. Because in this case, you are risking your life with an unpleasant person, and then one day you happen here are butterflies elsewhere. And the family will be destroyed.
8. We need to find your soul mate.
Sometimes it seems to me that we - the generation of people with disabilities. Half-human, who are looking for the second part of the puzzle, perfectly suitable person, mate. Still, for a family it needs to be a whole man, mature, to be able to build the best relationships.
Alexander Khakimov gives a very good example. Halves - this is where we take two different stone and grind them together. After some time, they complement each other perfectly. So what happens in family life. That's right, and not otherwise.
9. The attachment to the past.
Many girls are trying to build something, not letting go until the end of what they have already experienced. Compare all the men with his former favorite, often not in favor of the "newcomers" (to the past-it is already resistant attachment). Surprised that the marriage did not go as well because men have nowhere to come. Next to it is already in place - its past, memories and nostalgia about it
Some have complained for years so that it does not work. But in fact - they are all the time in a relationship with the past. He is even something beneficial, it is not necessary to make efforts to build something, you can only reminisce and complain that men are somehow extinct.
Do you want to build a family? Let go of all that was before. Even if still greatly enjoy. Even if he was perfect in almost everything. Even if the dream for many years to come back.
10. Premature affection.
Sometimes a woman already knows that this man does not go far, but it is already bound to it, and is strong enough. Someone manages to have attached on a first date (he offered her coffee, and she has already presented their common children and grandchildren), but most - after the entry into an intimate relationship. After that we can no longer think clearly and soberly.
Even if a woman sees that it is not the person that they have nothing in common, and the future is unclear, and it is in relation to it behaves badly, but it is still some reason to marry him. Because "love" can not live without it. The reason - in the attachment, which appeared too early, even before she recognized him
First you have to find a man, and only then - to become attached to someone who is right for you. Not the other way around.
And then we first attached ( "this is my prince!" Or "this is my last chance!"), And then began to recognize him, fell into a state of shock. But from the "native" -That will not refuse.
That is why it is not necessary to sleep with a man too soon. It is better to be patient before the wedding - not because it is difficult. At the same time will be eliminated those men who initially set up is not serious, and only you he borrowed. So often recommend taking courtship different men to do all bets on someone one. But take the courtship does not mean all meet and sleep! Do not be confused, please!
11. Women are not ready for family life.
They do not understand where they are going and why. What is marriage, who is the husband who has a wife. What is there to do to be happy, what is the purpose of the family, any responsibilities of spouses, what skills you need to have that all is love and how it differs from love. It is hoped that srastetsya itself, and itself can only collapse. It's the same thing as having no driving experience and the rights to drive the car and be sure that in the course of a day will understand and manage.
We have a disparate images in my head - something we read about in fairy tales, seen in advertising, plus real negative experience of their parents or friends. There are many plants of society that do not help to build family relationships (eg, the same propaganda of "free sex" or mandatory career in a woman's life). A thorough understanding - not. Positive experience - too. Therefore, sometimes married not so difficult, but to stay there for a long time - too heavy task
12. We are not objective.
We are not very well aware of themselves and their own needs. And besides, in the head we have so much garbage that is so difficult to separate from management. We have to close our eyes a lot, too trusting and naive in nature. Therefore, we can not be objective in the selection of male, can not choose her husband's "cold mind».
Therefore, before her husband chose for the girl's parents - and she could accept or refuse. Therefore, many use and enjoy the services of matchmakers - the part is often more visible. Visible and our needs, and our peculiarities, which we would not even thinking for yourself.
So great to have the same person, adult and mature, able to assess your choice soberly and without sentimentality. Senior girlfriend, my mother (if it good and warm relations), dad, older brother, a sister, a spiritual teacher. Anyone - if the man himself is happy to live in a happy family, you apply well and you trust him
13. We do not believe in happiness in marriage.
We believe in the statistics, the evil eye and spoilage, in women's magazines. But deep down believe that all men are walking, they all behave badly without them much better and happy family just pretend. My mother did not work, my sister is one torment, girlfriends complain. Examples of good families do not. And in the belief that I get - zero. While it should have?
Most of the problems in a marriage can be and should be resolved prior to the coming back! Soberly assessing the elect and their strength and capabilities. Then to not be excruciatingly painful and difficult.
First, in any house you need to lay a good foundation, it is stronger than, the easier it is to build a good home. The foundation of the relationship - this respect. The more you respect the elect, the greater the chance of a strong family. And though from everything in this world, we are not immune, yet many a rake and can be bypassed. Especially at the stage of choosing a partner.
Marriage - this is the stage in the life of a girl, when she should be as attentive to the little things. Stage, which will largely determine what will happen next, what emotions it will experience what kind of relationship she has built, how strong is the union.
Author: Olga Valyaeva