Terrible secret: Marriage does not rescue from loneliness Bashny.Net

There are topics on which to write today is quite difficult on the Internet. Not to say nothing, and just people themselves already all know about it and the text for readers just an excuse to say to their opponents, with varying degrees of rudeness, that they are wrong. Well, all approximately represent the range of topics that can cause the flow of the unconscious a certain category of citizens.

When I wrote about lonely, I was aware that the topic is relevant, but I underestimated how much so. You may think that I began to attack the unknown lonely aunt, who in his lonely suffering went crazy. And that's not guessed! He wrote a "neogynona aunt", which demanded to recognize the lie that single does not suffer and do not curse the fate of the villain. After all, they, the losers personal life must be terribly bad. Well, it's just bad to break hearts.

And just like that "falsely claim" that many people live without children and without a partner and not suffering, is just ridiculous. And in General (it was written in one letter threatening caps) to say that living alone is not only not bad, but sometimes even better than family, it's like "put a bomb under the institution of the family". Here, they say, people read You, and quite married stop. And there will be hell and the Apocalypse.

Well, what to say, dear friends... If someone's "family Institute" will explode from the knowledge that one not only deadly, but not too bad... then you need to question the quality of building materials and the skills of the authors of this facility. I understand the reflex of people who seek to preserve what was built at any cost. But to require others to recognize your building a monument of architecture, "netlenkoy", and to give worship is already excessive.





And so now I'm the bomb at this "Institute". I tell you, friends, a terrible secret. Loneliness is not the absence of a stamp in the passport of marriage or the absence of a partner's body in a certain space ( say on the couch).

Loneliness is an emotion. This feeling of dissatisfaction with the quality of social relationships and the lack of a sense of "usefulness" to others. I.e. you can have all sorts of stamps and crowds of friends and relatives around, but you can feel lonely and useless.

Yes, human society needs. I every post about something the public talking about what we pack and the pack we need. But the size of this pack for all different. Extroverts need a lot of people, introverts can live with 1-2 friends.

Whether introverts from this miserable and lonely? Not at all. They don't need more people. They get tired of them. But extroverts may feel abandoned and alone, if they are surrounded by 5-6 people. They need more contacts and a "social diet" they are too hungry.

How many people should be the norm to surround the person? Once thought that about 150 on average. This so-called number of Dunbar (anthropologist). Rather it was determined that we need from 100 to 230 people around, but on average took 150.

It's those social ties, when one knows with whom he is in contact, who is this person, what to expect from her, and also presents how all these people relate to each other. Thus, in order to retrieve and retain this information for others he doesn't need to strain to climb on notebooks. Yes, there may be more friends and less, but the main thing here is how easily you can keep them casual contacts and how these contacts satisfied.

Scientists, by the way does not lie on account of the fact that alone to be harmful to your health, both physical and mental. But again, the harm here is not from the emptiness on the page in the passport "record of marriage", and the feeling of dissatisfaction with social relations.People with a sense of loneliness a much higher level of stress hormones, they have a lower tolerance of complexity and disease. And on average, they die earlier.

Moreover, in recent years it was found that loneliness changes the brain. It has been shown that single people considering images depicting the interaction of a group of people show a lower activation of a brain area responsible for pleasure from social relationships (ventral striatum). Also differently activated, the area responsible for planning the interaction with other people (area at the junction of the temporal and parietal region). Lonely expect more negative consequences from communicating, acting less spontaneously.

Probably. the brain gradually reduces the degree of possible pleasure from communication, since such communication does not happen that the person felt better. And what happens? Over time, a lonely man ceases to get pleasure from communication with people. Moreover, as the level of stress hormones in his blood is elevated, then communicating it will most likely experience some negativity.

Any small little off (not looked, not heard, not the tone used) in conversation may become in his eyes a huge issue that will alienate him from people even more. And then the repeated negative feedback that will show that people around me are just heartless bastards and they are only one disorder and stress.

In addition, there were marked changes in the frontal cortex responsible for control and motivation. To change something, somewhere to go, something socially "catch" there is no desire. It was also shown that single people are much more likely to have problems with dependency and lead unhealthy lifestyle. The frontal cortex is weak, and all desire to eat, sleep and relax razeseasca predominate in the life of a lonely man.

Who suffers more, married or not married, hard to say. Of course, there are some statistics. But there is a catch that the data associated with different subjective States, when the Respondent says he feels something or not feel quite difficult to estimate.

Too many noise factors affecting the response of a person. What does it mean to admit that you feel lonely? If you're married, then you both have to admit that marriage is some kind of garbage comes out. But if you're alone, it seems to be as "discouraged". What people mean by the feeling of loneliness? What would have changed their answers if the company did not conduct the General line that the marriage is the responsibility and purpose of every living being?

However, you will still get the statistics, that is. Statistics of the us, but nothing national our not found. We can say that we have not so, but let's take these figures for example.





Do 51% of the unmarried reported that feel lonely. Among married couples experience loneliness 29%. The difference is significant. But the statistics, the statistics... a Lot depends on how the numbers look and how to interpret them. Note that 49% are not married do not feel lonely. Ie they normally exist in this world. And 29% of marriage did not protect from loneliness.

Are 49% are not married people do not feel lonely "bomb under the institution of marriage"? Nooo, guys. The bomb is a marriage with confidence that this move solves all the problems the rest of your life once and for all. Including and automatically protects against a situation of feeling loneliness and unhappiness in the same Institute.

Such a Union can become a trap. Have you connected with someone who you're not close and at the same time, away from friends, family and acquaintances. You've got a family, you can't walk like I used to. In the end, the man is between heaven and earth. With previous contacts already did, with a partner, too nothing comes out. To change something -- a long and painful process. Life is not changing, the brain, as described above.

 



The best we can do with your lifeIf a man is not married to 40 years...So people fall into loneliness, having the stamp in the passport. This is not a revelation and not a "rare case". This is a banal things. The people in the marriage, imagine, are not happy and it is not uncommon. It can often be less satisfied in marriage than those who live alone. But that is no reason not to marry. Reason to think why come to the marriage. Whether the purpose of joining the Union is attainable? Will not make a marriage you more lonely than you were before the wedding? published

 

Author: Natalia Stilson

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: gutta-honey.livejournal.com/349589.html