Loneliness in the holiday Bashny.Net

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Most of us, anyway, happy holidays. After all, they often bring us back to the carefree childhood, give pleasant memories. In addition, give the opportunity to relax, escape from problems, to change the familiar surroundings. But, unfortunately, there are people for whom the holidays are a real challenge.

I am a psychologist and know firsthand how difficult holidays for single people. However, such a request for psychotherapeutic work addressed infrequently, because I believe that the feeling of uselessness, apathy and bad mood – it is absolutely natural and normal for a single person. In those days, when all the family gather at one table, these people are doomed to lonely sit in the apartment and listen to the neighbors noisy guests heard greetings everywhere heard cheerful laughter, music and clinking of glasses.

Some of them feel overwhelmed, indifferent to themselves and others in their lives feel like they don't deserve love until they do no one cares. Others, however, become overly sensitive, obsessive, often complain about their lives, feeling sorry for myself. For example, one of my clients described their loneliness as "valuenet" of life, as if she was somewhere in parallel.

In my opinion, loneliness is a violation of the most deep, intimate relationship with the world.

In our culture, friendship, feast and the cult of the family existed for centuries. We have been friends over the years. Celebrating the 30th anniversary of the release of school, travel thousands of kilometers grobki, and weddings until recently, the whole village gathered. Unfortunately, today these traditions are weakened. And only older people in the memory you've got the image of a long table, behind which, and holidays, and in sorrow gathered all honest people. Currently, this has rarely meet. Loneliness always considered a problem, but nowadays it has become a special color and depth.

However, the problem does not lie in the solitude, and our relationship to him. Let's examine this phenomenon and determine in which cases you can change the situation for yourself, and when it is better to seek help from a specialist.

Lonely people can be for different reasons. There are those who chose this path, and those who find themselves in this position by the will of fate or tragic circumstances.

A man for whom loneliness is their own choice, can take care of himself, and then – to stay in the holiday one, to call to his friends or to accept an invitation of friends to participate in the party, is a conscious choice of their own. this subject.

This article is likely to be useful for those who are experiencing loneliness because of the circumstances. And here we can draw a classification into types and life situations, so the proposed methods and solutions have been targeted.

The first category of single people I refer those who for various reasons lost their loved ones. This can be a situation of divorce or death of a loved one. Then disturbed the habitual way of life. Especially hard to be alone in the festival for the first time. The man who lost close, for the first time alone on a holiday, has no behavior in this situation.

The feeling of loneliness is not formed in one day, it has its stages, which coincide with similar stages of grief accommodation or separation from a loved one.

In the first stage the feeling of loneliness may be refuted: "I still don't believe that he's gone. I think this is some kind of sick joke or a nightmare. Now I Wake up and everything will return into place". During the "exceptions" people behave as if nothing had happened. It may seem that such a person does not grieve, do not yearn for the departed. In fact, so fire protection mechanisms. When the pain is so great that it is impossible to sustain, it is displaced into the unconscious and the person ceases to feel it.

In the second stage come the bouts of aggression. The pain of loss is still too high, it transformirovalsya in anger at the one who went: "How could he do this to me?!"; over: "How could I be so stupid?!""Why I did it?""What could I have done differently?"And who was a homewrecker or anything to do with what happened. And, of course, to God himself: "If he existed, he wouldn't have allowed it!".

In this period the conversations are almost useless. The best thing you can do is to allow the person to vent, to cry. If you try to regret it, the answer probably will only get resentment and irritation.

Third stage psychologists call "stage whines or sadness." During this period, very sad, complains, grumbles, whimpers, moaning. It all depends on the structure of personality and its habitual patterns of behaviour. This is exactly the time when he can yield to the entreaties and go with you to visit or to the theater, he would look indifferent, as his heart is still not recovered from the trauma of loss.

The fourth stage – "stage of grief and adaptation to new conditions of existence": "I began to get used to sleeping alone"; "I do not remember so often»…

Its name – "stage of grief" – this stage was because, despite the relative stability of the situation and the seeming humility, the human eye is still full of immense sadness. He learns to live a new life, find new friends. Aware that life goes on. However, if he really never recovered from the grief, his eyes will speak for themselves.

To the category of lonely people, have become established because of external circumstances, I would have reacted and couples whose children have grown and left home. Yes, the couple stayed together, but the feeling of loneliness, uselessness and meaninglessness of existence can be formed from them by the same above-presented algorithm, just less pronounced. In psychology, this period of life is called the "syndrome of the deserted nests" when the parents of adult children need to adapt to new changes, another way of life. To aggravate the situation retirement or deteriorating health.

The next category we include people who have not managed to create a family, give birth to a child, and those who remained alone for many years. As a rule, these are people who dedicated many years of work or service ideals. In most cases they have to adapt and learned to live a normal full life. And only during the holidays, in the evenings or when you're sick, the feeling of loneliness can overcome them as keenly as those who are just get used to it.

There is also a category, which includes people who have jobs and families and a wide circle of friends, and like all of them well. However, at heart they are deeply lonely, they are plagued by feelings of being misunderstood and neojidannost this world. As a specialist in the field of psychology, I would classify this category of people to those who may really need help of a psychologist. The fact is that this condition often go into apathy, depression, loss of interest in life. To understand what is happening, the man usually fails because this feeling may be associated not only with dissatisfaction with life, but also be a warning symptom of serious mental disorder in the future.

In the same category and people experiencing loneliness exclusively during the holidays. The reason for this behavior must be sought in the past, perhaps in childhood. For example, when the child was a witness of how every holiday has become a family squabble. Or in a generic system, when a celebration associated with trauma, pain, betrayal, disappointment. In addition, feelings of loneliness and homesickness for no apparent reason "cover" you during the holidays can be one of your ancestors, about whom I forgot, who for many years remained one. Then you can most clearly feel this forgotten ancestor in itself, as the event serves as a specific trigger-a reminder of the days when he was particularly bad. An experienced psychologist will help you see the cause of your conditions and eliminate it.

If you feel that soon the holiday, and you have the heart of a cat scratching, you have the choice to go with this problem to a qualified specialist and to understand what actually happens to you, or, alternatively, for himself to become a psychologist.

Let's say you chose the second path. Then buy yourself a nice Notepad and name it "Itanic". Write in it the options as you would with a business use and a joy to spend your weekend.

Go to the people. It is necessary to adopt a proposal to celebrate the holiday with anyone. If you have no offers, try to find out, maybe someone gathers friends and will be happy to see you, too. Or, for example, find out what events does your city. Often this open the celebration with a program and entertainment part. And again, in recent times, there are many volunteer teams who take care of those who are in the holiday remains the same. You can join and spend leisure time, and benefit to society will bring. In addition, where you are guaranteed to make new friends. Organize the party themselves. If you will not name, is not a reason to stay in a holiday without company. Call friends. Host a themed party. Think of menu and the script. Announce the program and dress code. Hardly anyone would give up the chance interesting and unusual ways to spend time, but the memory and photos of fun warm not alone your lonely evening. Go on a journey. Today, travel agencies offer a dozen solutions for every taste and budget. New experiences, new friends can be a memorable adventure of a lifetime. Stay home alone. The day before you can visit the SPA, do a lot of relaxing treatments. Buy delicacies, to study the program of the television, light candles and sweetness to indulge in narcissism and sambulawan yourself with something delicious. You can choose one of the options and you can certainly invent your own. Then enter in the "Itanic" diverse ways of implementation. Choose the ones you most like.

Let me a few more tips that may help those who feel alone. We live in a world of new technologies and communications. Learn the Internet, Skype, Facebook or any other social network. Learn to ask for help when they feel they need it. Don't hold old grudges, forgive your friends and family. Be open to new acquaintances. Don't be afraid to change old habits and belief systems. Visit exhibitions, cinemas and theatres.

Look around, you are not alone! There are so many others who need your help! Take sweets or gifts and go to the hospital, orphanage, nursing home... look Around, one of your friends, neighbors need help more than you? Give a helping hand. The counter person smile and that smile will certainly come back to you.

And even if this article is not for you because the theme of loneliness is unfamiliar to you, think, perhaps, among your relatives there are those who for the holidays remains undeservedly forgotten and all alone. Invite him to her house. It may, of course, he will refuse, but you will warm his heart. He will know that someone is thinking about it, someone wants to see him, remember him. published 

 

Author: Ishchenko Irina

Source: ishchenko.pro/odinochestvo-v-prazdnik/