SOLO's life or relationship to loneliness Bashny.Net

Relationship to loneliness in modern society is changing rapidly. Life alone much easier. Individualism is not a trend, it is a reality.

We have long been accustomed to the fact that each of us is part of a family, clan, group of people, that our purpose is to live for others and with others. But today the individual life of the individual becomes more valuable. Freedom and personal development are more important than any of these restrictions and even affection. Solo's life is clearly becoming a trend. And this is not a new ideology, a new reality.



In a world more and more people prefer to live by themselves, alone, and this trend is impossible to ignore. But the book of American sociologist Eric Kleinenberg "Life solo: a New social reality" will most likely change the view of many of us about the modern phenomenon of "singles".

Based on dozens of authoritative studies and hundreds of private interviews, Klinenberg shows that we are less willing to share a house with other people. And though in Russia there are plans to fix almost legislatively the concept of "traditional family" in the world this ideal in the past. Today living alone more than half of Americans, about a third of the households consists of one person in Japan, the most rapid growth in the number of "singles" is marked in China, India and Brazil.

Globally, the number of those living alone, during the ten years from 1996 to 2006 increased by one third*. More and more Russians, when they have an opportunity to have your own home, choose the advantages of the free life alone. As the therapist Viktor Kagan, "we can advocate for traditional family values, but are unable to ignore events". To understand them trying Eric Kleinenberg. The collected material and conclusions that he comes to the book "Life of solo", refutes the major myths about those who choose to be alone.
 

The first myth: We are not adapted to life solo

This misconception has been true for millennia. "Those who by their very nature, not due to accidental circumstances, living outside the state, or underdeveloped in terms of moral being, or a Superman," wrote Aristotle, understanding government team, a community of people. This categorization is understandable. For centuries people physically and economically was not able to survive alone. This may sound cynical, but the sanctity of the family and social ties (kinship, tribal, or whatever else) over the centuries was caused by problems of survival. Today this is not necessary. In any case, in the Western world. "A lot of wealthy citizens in developed countries use their capital and capabilities in order to isolate themselves from each other", – writes Kleinenberg. And outputs the four major social factor contributing to the current popularity of living alone.

Solo's life is a valuable resource for creativity and personal development. And this applies to both men and women.

The changing role of women – she can work and earn equally with men and is not obliged to consider their purpose of family and childbearing.

Revolution in means of communication – telephone, television and then the Internet allow you to not feel cut off from the world.

Mass urbanization to survive alone in the city much easier than in the remote rural areas.

The increase in life expectancy – many widows and widowers today are in no hurry to remarry or move in with children and grandchildren, preferring to lead an active independent life.

In other words, the evolution of man and society have overcome many negative aspects of life alone. To the foreground came out positive, which was a lot. "Values continue family traditions give way to the values of self-realization", – said Victor Kagan.

With the rapid development of civilization, we can realize ourselves only if we are socially active, professionally mobile, open to change. Perhaps people were not created to be alone. But also for communication on the Internet or driving a car especially as they have not been established. However, good (in General) do it. The same happens probably with life solo.

The second myth: to live alone is to suffer

Loners – those who live alone, and not those who suffer from loneliness, stresses, Kleinenberg. The reservation is fundamentally important, because these two concepts in most languages and cultures synonymous again live alone, then you certainly lonely. No wonder because life imprisonment in solitary confinement is considered in many countries the punishment is even more severe than the death penalty.

But everyone is so afraid of loneliness? "The one who is underdeveloped as a person who is not able to enter into a relationship with the world alone, in solitude really suffering. He loses ties with other people and finds in himself a worthy companion, – says psychologist Dmitry Leontiev. – And outstanding people – spiritual teachers, writers and artists, scientists, generals, really appreciate solitude as the most important resource of creativity and self-development". Apparently, the number of such people is constantly growing. And grows equally among men and women.

However, no historic change can't take away from women the function of mother. And so the lone woman approaching the age limit beyond which the birth of a child is impossible, can not experience anxiety. And yet women rarely marry only for the opportunity to be a mother.

"My favorite poet, Omar Khayyam is famous lines: "You better starve than eat horrible, and better be alone than with just anyone"says the 38-year-old Eugene, a chemist-technologist.

– Why should I suffer with the unloved man, if I live happily by itself? For the sake of the child? Are you sure that he grows up happy in a family where the parents do not love each other? It seems to me that in such families and suffer from loneliness no matter how many people together under one roof.

This observation is repeated almost word for word the thesis of social psychologist John Cacioppo (John T. Cacioppo): "the Feeling of loneliness depends on the quality, not the quantity of social contacts. Important here is not the fact that the person lives alone, it is important, if one feels lonely. All who are divorced from your spouse, it is confirmed that no life is more lonely than a life with the man you love".

So life solo is not necessarily a pain, and you should not think that alone necessarily alone and miserable. "One manifestation of escape from loneliness is steady, the demand for the communication, – not without irony, says Dmitry Leontiev. – It appears that the training of solitude, training in the use of solitude as a development resource would be much more productive."

 

The third myth: singles are useless to society

Even if we leave aside the legendary hermits and philosophers, whose teachings and revelations have become a serious part of the spiritual experience of humanity, this thesis is not tenable.

Modern urban life is largely formed by individuals and their needs. Bars and health clubs, Laundry services and food delivery service arose primarily because their services are needed by people living alone. As soon as their number in the city reached a certain "critical mass", the city, responding to their needs, creating new services, which came in very handy and family people.

32-year-old Paul works as an economist. Constant girl and to start a family he has not yet committed. Lives alone and is quite happy with it. "I often go on business trips," he says. – To work late or on weekends. Hardly family it will all be good, but I like my job, and I feel like be a real high-class professional".

The lack of communication Paul does not complain, friends he enough. He regularly helps volunteers in search of missing people, but still consults from time to time on economic issues of municipal deputies. So from the point of view of social involvement, Paul did not call "cut piece".

His way of life – a confirmation of global statistics, according to which single people are on average twice as likely to go out to clubs and barsthan those who are married are more likely to eat in restaurants, attend music and art classes and participate in volunteer projects.

"There is every reason to believe she Kleinenberg that living alone people compensate for their heightened social activity exceeding those who live together, and in cities where a lot of singles, bubbling cultural life." In short, if someone today, and stimulates the development of society, it is just the first single.

 

Myth four: we are all afraid to be alone in old age

The refutation of this myth is perhaps one of the most surprising discoveries of the book "Life of solo". As it turns out, elderly people who for centuries have been attributed to the inability to live alone, are increasingly choosing such a life.

"The space fellowship is immeasurably wider than it was even just a century ago, protecting from loneliness, but eliminating the "friction side" – explains Viktor Kagan. – It may attract even the elderly.

"We are different, – said 65-year-old friend, in the morning I need my Cup of coffee and a pipe, for lunch a piece of meat, like a house full of guests to order the house I am indifferent, and it my phone does not digest, Orthodox vegan all day and ready to remove the dust from things, but we love each other – that began to live in different houses, visit each other's homes on weekends together or children traveling together and completely happy."

But having lost for one reason or another partner, the elderly are not in a hurry to get a new or to move in with grown children. The main reason is the established way of life. It is difficult to "fit" the new man. And even harder to "fit" in someone else's house, even if we are talking about the family's own children.

Many older people said that they do not want to be witnesses to the problems of children's families or to feel like a burden to them, and communication with the grandchildren of joy too often turns into hard work.

In short, the arguments are many, but one conclusion: the elderly want to be alone and prefer the solo life. And if in 1900, only 10 per cent of the elderly widows and widowers in the United States were living alone, says Kleinenberg, in 2000 there were already considerably more than half (62%).

Back in 1992, living alone, older people were largely satisfied with life, had more contact with social services and had no more violations of physical or mental abilities than their peers who lived with relatives.

Besides those who live alone, were more healthy than living with other adults – with the exception of a spouse (and in some cases – even those who live together with a partner).

Is it any wonder that older people around the world – from America to Japan, where family values are traditionally strong, is today increasingly prefer to live solo, refusing to move to the children, and especially in nursing homes?

Perhaps many of us, it's hard to accept the idea about the "singles era". Our parents and grandparents practiced very different values, which are conveyed to us. Now we have to make a choice: living together with family or a plans or personal convenience, tradition or risk? Freed from the myths, we will be able to better understand themselves and more sober look at the world where will live our children.published

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: vk.com/etorabotaet?w=wall-37160097_49647