Waiting - a woman's monologue

Robert Christmas, the poem “Waiting (a monologue of a woman)” That's right! I came first, I should have been late. Somewhere on the sidelines... What to do - gave up nerves ... It was like going to an exam, counting the days since Friday. Like, "Meeting Under the Clock"! Under the clock. Here they are. And he's not there. (You've lost your nerve!) No way! I haven’t been on a date for so many years! It's even scary to count... Well, am I happy or not? We'll see. I should have been late. Fool! I did my hair, I got into my new coat, I was in a hurry like a girl. Came running... Then what? Modern woman, modern woman! It is shrouded in fuss, but as before it is divine. A little tired, but as before, beautiful. It is completely incomprehensible, only the heart can control. A modern woman, a modern woman, is sad and thoughtful, then light and solemn. To prove her weakness, to overcome her in audacity in vain men try, hope in vain. Although he does not boast of power, but on her - nevertheless - both official and family concerns. Everything in the world has known, all the adversities have passed, the modern woman remains a mystery. My Romeo's not yet visible. Well, let's wait for him. I'm very modern! Sometimes it takes longing: It is necessary to be flirty (slightly!) and unapproachable (in moderation!). Everything you manage: to seem carefree and buy flowers for yourself, going from work, to wash yourself, to cook dinner, to clean the apartment with zeal unnecessary. A friend to call married and happy, and very wise to hear, to be very patient, to listen to the words and repeat without arguing: "Of course you are right!" Husbands are grief.” Put the phone down calmly and tired. And, gritting teeth, live at all costs! And lounge alone, forgotten like a plant. And wait for another - damned! - birthday. And look in the mirror. And see all the wrinkles. I feel sorry for myself again. More often than not, hate! Carry your sadness. Playing hide-and-seek with fate. And cry at night. I'll be fine in the morning. Going to college and getting angry for no reason. Well, here they are walking down the street - men! Handsome to the selection with dignity arrogant. A smug sex considered strong. How indifferent you are! And how disgusting you, pampered lions! Pulled tigers! Looking at people, ageing the body. Where the hell is he?! And really, where is he? "Ambulance" - around the city, as if on the field the voice of universal trouble, like a flag, rising. (God, maybe something happened to you.) The street turned around. And she froze. The cry is full of heart and memory. He deafens: Make it! Make it! Make it! Once again, a finger breaks off the phone disk. "Ambulance" pierces a frozen avenue... The world looks around. Asking for love for salvation. And – still beyond the control of the crowd of doctors – the strongest friendships and families are collapsing. A singer's throat is not a song, but blood. The voice of misfortune over the city rushes again. It is strange that in these moments, in spite of everything, you believe in the eternal help of a quiet word. An ambulance with an outstretched good hand. Come on, love! Come! I'm not allowed to be single. Come, please, come. Follow me... Stupid arrows in haste, without inventing anything, I have already forgiven you, my lord. It's usually my dream. I wish, not at all suddenly, to be crucified on the cross with cautious and strong hands. It will be hot for us, and then hot for us. And put it on your shoulder. And wake up on this shoulder. You see, I called you my favorite. Don't do it right away. It's better when it's gradual. Better then, better after... Love, listen, it's better... Where will I find the “best” thing? Oh, if you knew, my dear, how terrible and wild it is to advertise yourself in the newspaper: Blonde, quite pretty, kind, of average height... Her interests: home comfort and nature. He has a profession. Looking for a reliable friend. Oh, if only you knew how it all went! And -- difficult. Sometimes, in the dark, I reason very calmly: this loneliness will pass, another will come. The time will come, and the leaves of copper will swirl. In my window will knock the loneliness of death. No, I'm not scared. I know time is cruel. I understand. I accept everything. But only to that loneliness I don't want to give up! I want to be loved! I want to stay alive. I laugh at others and rejoice in the days and dawns. I'm doing stupid things! And I don't regret it. Breathe and hope... Oh, my God, this hurts! You see, my beloved, that I am all in front of you. Tell me the words! Well, please. No more urine! But not in silence, not in silence. Don't be silent! Words speak to me, words speak to me—anything. Whatever you want, don't be silent, love! Speak to me. Without it, joy is not joy. Tell me I'm okay. And that you like me. Tell me you love me. Pretend for a moment! Lie you won't forget me. Lie, I'll believe it. Why don't you just spit and leave? And let him be tormented by remorse! Come on, kiddo, kiddo! You found a good reason to have fun. I will stay to test the will! We'll wait a little longer. Let's slow down... Women have long been accustomed to waiting. What, what, and this we can do ... Birds will hide and hide from the snow. No one is born single. They become them. The winds of winter are carried away and returned. Why, why don't you say goodbye to me? Let me be cold and unlucky, I will endure everything that is due. Loneliness - you're a crazy profession! Desert night. Tears are dark. Silence unrequited... Loneliness is a punishment. And why - I don't know... The night will be over. The pain will remain. The day will turn from the beginning... No one is born single. Loneliness learns. Come on, love! Come! I'm not allowed to be alone! Follow me. Come, please, come! Suffocate, press to yourself and for happiness and misfortune. Get married if you want. If you don't want to, I'll go. The word for marriage is sweet smoke. As long as he comes, we'll see. Let him have nothing in the sense of money, let us put it on, nothing! As long as my house is not empty. Let him come, big and strong, let him smoke! He bets if he's hunting. Let him snore! It's so calm if someone's sleeping around. I wish I didn't drink too much. I loved it a little bit. But, as long as it was... Without him, I will no longer live! Why would I do that? Well, what am I?! Damn it! Don't come! To remember is disgusting. Get out! Get lost! Get lost! I've let the nunny go... I don't want to pick up other people's crumbs from the table. If you want to lie again, lie to another fool! Look, there's a benchmark! I've seen them in a coffin! Alain Delon is a village-scale man. A womanizer! That's all. Coward! Now I know exactly... He thought I would trade my freedom for him? I thought she was in love. What? Didn't work? Eat yourself! The price is three pennies in the bazaar. I'll find them everywhere! Ten grand for every night... Don't call, I won't come! I won't, I won't! How about you? How? You were a tit in your hands. What am I without? It's like no man's land. My pain is moaning. I'd follow you! I would have closed my eyes, quiet as a tear. How am I without you? A bird in the clouds? Howling in the dark at night? The wings aren't those anymore... I drink evil sorrow. I'm mad at my fate. I see her light. Are you there or not? I'm screaming! He's hidden from others. Pain in the temples: How about you? How? Become a faithful wife. Do not turn aside, I will be a faithful wife. Over fate and over home I will be a good sun, over destiny and over home. I'll be a sister if you want. I'll cover you up if you want, I'll be a sister. You say I'll be a slave. If I am a lover, I can be a slave. Who can command a miracle, “Come!”—from his own cry of coldness? I think I've been waiting my whole life. I think I've been waiting almost since I was born. I'll wait till the end! I will wait for death and for the Dale! The sisters of my heart beat in me. Sisters in life and expectation. At this hour, millions of my unfamiliar sisters, without saying anything, repenting of anything, are waiting for a moment to ascend to the high fire, to the fire of true love, and to burn with a smile. At this hour, my sisters on the crest of such a height, extending to immortality, calling tender hands, Waiting for their loved ones under the watch of an all-powerful dream. Under the clock of fate. Under the hours of hope and anguish... In this explosive world of forgotten silence, where sleepless time flies over everyone indifferently, you should never have to wait for loved ones from the war! You should never wait for loved ones in vain! Next to the bronze of kings, fat on lies and blood, next to the bronze of heroes who risked themselves overnight, a monument to the Woman waiting for love should rise! A bright monument to a woman waiting for ordinary happiness. Once again comes winter in the whirlwind of snowstorms and cold. Again for the stars and snowflakes the sky is open at night. I'll wait anyway! I'm sure I'll be happy! I want you to believe this with me. Come on, love! Come! 1982

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