Scene from the movie woody Allen ManhattanThe formula is as follows:
those who like me, not like me. Those who like me do not like me.
I think someone will object: "What is pathological?". Indeed, it is impossible to like everyone and it's impossible to like him. Every person has a certain type that he subconsciously is looking for.
In turn he refers to a specific type which some like and some don't. So if we talk about a specific situation, it can be a completely normal phenomenon, reflecting the ratio to each other of two particular people.
BUT. There are quite a large number of people that clearly followed it is pathological formula of love. And if the partner shows any interest in me, I immediately lose all interest in it. And no matter what it is promising and cute, interesting.
The fact that he was interested in me, makes him less attractive in my eyes. And the reverse situation. You have a partner who's not interested in me, and my head tells me that it's unreliable, flighty selfish, which will not lead to anything good. But it for me for some reason and touches it with him, I want to build relationships.
And the head man seems to understand everything. Reason tells us that the wiser, more rational to deal with someone like you, but the body and emotions stubbornly wanting you to win one against which the mind protests desperately.
Paradoxically, the roots of this mechanism are not against people, but against yourself.
Let's look at this mechanism in more detail, because he appeared out of the blue. It is based on attitude and the attitude is not very good, if not bad.
With self-esteem problems lead to the fact that people of all the people he meets, divides into two categories.
What are the criteria he klassificeret people, I here will not tell, who cares, he can watch a webinar on self-assessment on our channel.
The first category of people, those whom he puts above himself. The second category of people, those whom he puts above himself. Behavior in relation to the first and second groups can vary dramatically.
To those below me I may be dismissive, not to cherish the relationship with them. Can something promise not to run, because relationships with this group of people and I do not much cherish.
You can not say about the people I ranked as the second category. I put them above yourself and in the fact of communicating with them, making their circle increases my self-esteem.
The people I put above myself, I want to please, to earn their position, so I try to do so, they were pleased with me. Can even to curry favor and to sacrifice their interests just to stay with them.
Now we think about this in relationship. I have to imagine are bad, but like you. Then you have something wrong, because I can't like just. I must/need to earn the right to be liked. I have/need something to do to make me interested in the other person. And you're just like me. Like own on your own. Then you have something wrong. So you're worse than me.
Therefore, in my classification I will put you below themselves, and will not cherish the relationship with you. And I'll behave so that you understand how wrong you were. But if you do that my behavior is even more will want a relationship with me, then you really have something wrong. And so you're not interesting to me. You're going to fall in my eyes lower and lower. I don't lose interest in you.
But the partner who ignores me, to which I am not very interesting, and treats me scornfully. The relationship is not interested. Well done. Figured out who I am. So, I will put above himself. And will try to win you so that I/La to tell myself that I'm not that bad. And thus I prove that I can love.
I agree to be patient, to wait. I'll settle for what I'm in the shower do not agree. That does not suit me. If only the partner stayed with me and I was able/La to prove to myself that I am worthy of such a person.
What if I want a summary of the location of the partner? If he suddenly begins to treat me well. I eventually will translate into the category of inferior and lose interest in him.
This often happens to men who seek a beautiful girl, often feeling insecure in the beginning of the relationship. Fearing that she would say no or would you prefer someone else.
In the period when he wants her, he thinks only about her and no one else he did not need. And here he had made, and suddenly a man changes drastically, becomes inattentive. Prefers to spend time with friends. Begins to gaze at other girls.
Women are often guilty of that agree initially on the relationships that do not suit them, only to be together with this man. And then complain that she hasn't considered, inconsiderate, did not take into account its interests. Despite this she can not even think about how to change these attitudes.
In the end, the pathological formula of love is not in the plane of relations with other people, and lies in the plane attitude. Accordingly, it is necessary to solve as much problem in relationships as the problem with his self esteem. published
Author: Boris Litvak
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©