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Find out why your self-esteem is falling and what it means to you.
The level of energy directly depends on self-esteem.
When self-esteem is high and especially when it rises (the moment it rises), the energy literally arrives. You can say a person “dopes with dopamine”. He's happy. In general, for receptors that activate energy production, an increase in self-esteem is a signal that more energy should be released, because the body is on the right path. And when self-esteem drops, on the contrary, energy production should be reduced so that the wrong behavior does not become fixed.
Notice how inhuman this mechanism is in terms of social programs that try to give more to those who are in a bad situation, taking a little from those who are in a good situation. Social programs want to create a level playing field for all, regardless of opportunity (and opportunities include internal incentives and internal efforts).
It looks kind-hearted, however, very often adapts a person to this bad situation, fixes him there. From this (pretty flat) point of view, our brain is cruel: either suffer or find inner supports, make your self-esteem not fall so rapidly, earn yourself energy.
If your self-esteem goes down a little, you don't get any energy. You don't have to wait for it from the outside or buy drugs and destroy yourself for the sake of unearned energy. Otherwise, you will have to live in a low-energy state, and perhaps even die. You didn't do the job, and you didn't build a foothold inside yourself, alas.
Waiting for mercy in the human sense is useless. It is rather immoral, as Nietzsche described nature. It is neither good nor evil; it encourages the development of inner strength. To such an understanding of kindness (= respect) humanity still needs to grow. In any case, a person has no choice but to develop this inner strength in himself.
Of course, any effort is stress, and the body tries to avoid stress. Therefore, many people are willing to increase their self-esteem through illusions. And it acts almost like drugs. It helps to delay stress for a while, take energy on credit, and then face the question of not only lack of energy, but also large debt. How it works in love, I have already written, but I will repeat. And then I'll tell you how it works in other areas, like family resources or work or image.
Love.
If a person has frustrated a resource, he or she has limited access to the flow of energy from this side, cut off the resource partially or completely and cannot feed his or her self-esteem. It's not meaningful to him, it's not nutritious, this currency isn't convertible, meaning it's worth nothing. If he wants to receive energy from a resource, he must raise its importance, that is, connect this resource with his self-esteem. And the greater the importance of the resource, that is, the connection of the resource with self-esteem, the greater the ability to receive energy from it. This is why people, especially women, fall in love so easily. At first, they can look sour at the boyfriend, evaluate him low, and then suddenly fall in love, that is, associate their self-esteem with him. Now, any attention he takes, every touch he takes, increases his self-esteem and gives him a lot of energy.
That is, self-esteem increases when something very meaningful to us gives us feedback and we feel important to the other side. As long as a person is not in love, the importance of the other is zero, and no matter how much he is in love himself, it is impossible to feed on this. When a person is in love, he can feed on the love of another and so on. His self-esteem soars from any positive assessment of this other, it is tied to him.
Do you know what that means? When an insignificant person evaluates us low, we don’t care, our self-esteem is not related to them. He can rate us high, we won't get high, he can rate us low, we won't get anything again. We were, and will remain, isolated from his assessments. Its significance to us is zero. Another thing is when a figure is significant and especially very significant, that is, it completely determines our self-esteem, completely affects it. Every smile of such a person makes us rise to heaven with euphoria, but every evil word makes us fall low.
Do you understand why it is important to have not one power source, but many, many different connected resources? Not just love, but something else. So your self-esteem depends on a lot of your success in different areas, and failure in one place does not mean a total collapse of the entire energy market.. You will move your attention to another area and be able to recover. And by restoring, correcting things in the area where you failed. If all your “money” is in one place, losing here will cost you dearly.
Frustration isn't the answer, you know why, right? You can cut off your self-esteem from love, from work, from friendship, from family, you can turn everything into green grapes, imagine yourself an “unattached” Buddhist, craving pure bliss (the illusion of your own significance for the universe), but there will be very little energy, or you need to move to another world, to the world of illusions, where you reign = go mad. There is no connection to resources, no energy from them. Therefore, resource frustration is not an option: the more resources are connected, the better. The resource of love is not worse than others, and in many ways even better, because it is included in the four main cross (image, love, family, work) that creates the main core of the personality.
If the resource of love is connected, that is, a person is in love, but the balance is not achieved (equal importance on both sides), he experiences suffering, hunger, self-esteem falls, and it is scary to return to frustration. This is especially scary when the resource of love has already replaced all other resources, and if a person cuts off this channel, he will be left without energy at all. So man takes credit for illusions. He begins to believe that he is loved (or loved) and at the same time further increases the importance of the second person, so that one look and rare calls are enough to feed self-esteem and high. Thus, he gets rid of stress, but increases his minus. And when he begins to be aggressively pushed away, his pain and the fall in self-esteem will become catastrophic.
Family
Family is parent-child. The higher the importance of parents, the more energy from their love, understanding, approval. If the relationship with parents is not very, there is a desire to cut off the connection, devalue them, untie, so that their criticism does not concern self-esteem at all. But since parents are usually attached, they will aggressively seek contact (more violent than any minus) to blame, cry, and can turn life into hell, because completely uncoupling from parents is very difficult, even if you suggest that they were maniacs and sadists in childhood (which is usually an illusion).
Now with the kids. Complete frustration is childfree position. No need for kids. These are snotty little larvae (the level of aggressive frustration that is necessary when you need to tear away a resource that constantly wants to connect, for example, it seems that “the whole world is forcing me to become a mother”) or simply creatures of which there are so many in the world (calm frustration, indifference, when the resource is completely disconnected and does not flow already). The last type of frustration is only bad in that it deprives oneself of a source of energy and partially overlaps other resources that are associated with it. In general, self-esteem does not fall, but this energy will not work either.
Not at all. loving mothers. They get a lot of energy from having a baby.. But if they don't have enough other resources, if they've had their child's lessons supplanted everything, they can start to inflate the importance of their motherhood. From one of the important spheres, motherhood is transformed for them into the main business of life of any person, into the only thing a woman should do, into the main measure of her own importance (and the importance of others). You’ve probably seen the “maternities” in these descriptions. Such a woman looks down on childless women, can think and talk only about children. All physiological details seem to her objectively important and interesting to everyone (except for childless freaks, but they are jealous). She seems like a great figure in the world.
Of course, such a crazy woman is constantly faced with the fact that the world does not consider her a majestic figure. She is given to understand that her function is largely biological and does not cause piety. They don't give much money either. No respect or respect. More precisely, respect is that, but moderate, and for the addict of motherhood - it is negligible. She wants to be recognized as more important than the work of scientists. In her picture of the world, motherhood occupies 90% of the entire value system. And it hurts her that her painting doesn't match up with others'. She believes that her picture is correct and harmonious, while others are ugly and distorted. But since the world does not give feedback, self-esteem falls, and when children grow up and begin to say “get off, get out”, the world begins to collapse. Therefore, a woman quickly gives birth to a new baby, and the circle of friends begins to limit women’s communities, where you can talk about your greatness.
Work.
Linking your self-esteem to work is even easier, because work is the most socially approved resource for most people. However, there is less room for illusion in this area. You can exaggerate the importance of a job the size of a house, but any reprimand from your superiors, comparing your salary with the wages of others, the failure of the project and other objective assessments will bring you to the bottom of the pit. You’re nothing in the realm that matters to you, that defines who you are. Unbearable stress, and even the credit of illusions will not take much. Therefore, you can not determine your value by work alone, there is also family, love, friendship and other resources.
Due to the fact that it is difficult to get an increase in self-esteem at work, most try to keep the work resource half-frustrated: “if vodka interferes with work, give it up” and “the horses will die from work.” There is no motivation to invest in work, but it does not work especially badly on self-esteem. It works, but not much. The value of the work is reduced, the resource is semi-disabled. It is clear that such a demotivated person does not threaten special success at work.
This is dangerous because most work takes up the bulk of the time. And the person who has frustrated this resource feels as if he is wasting time without getting energy. Hence the sense of vanity and meaninglessness of existence. Therefore, it is undesirable to especially disappoint the work resource, it is better to develop it gradually and be sure to have other resources for support and support.
Image
The image is similar (and with all resources). You can frustrate the image resource: look like hell, walk the devil in what, think only about the convenience of clothing, care about hygiene only insofar as, and do not care about attractiveness at all. Why bring anyone in? Yeah. I am not a thing to admire, and the sympathy of people I absolutely do not need.
Many fragmenters of the image resource with pathos say that people for whom their appearance is important reduce the value of a person to her appearance. Yes, to reduce the value of personality to appearance is the other extreme. Addiction of image resource is called. But to consider the appearance is not significant at all, the impression made on people who have absolutely no value is a blocking of the resource. And Image is a very important resource that is involved in all other resources. This is the very principle of communication, establishing connections, the ability and desire to please people. Blocking this resource is fraught with the fact that most of these frustrations begin to maladapt and avoid social contacts. But if a resource is only partially frustrated, a person simply does not know how to receive energy from it, but somehow adapts and does not produce a repulsive impression.
As for those who associated their self-esteem with the image, here everything will depend again on how the resource will be pumped. The pumped resource provides stable feedback. A person is able to like and establish contacts with people. His self-esteem will always be nourished. Even if he fails in the sphere of another important resource (if the resource is not pumped), he will always be able to turn to the image: get a haircut, buy a new shirt, communicate with someone, get acquainted, and so get the support and support necessary, “come to himself”, or rather return to himself – return to normal self-esteem and normal state of energy.
If the image is extremely important for a person, he desperately needs attention, approval of his appearance, sympathy of people and wants to charm, but he fails, he fails, his self-esteem can rapidly fall and drag him to the bottom of the pit. And here again he will have to either turn to illusions (inspiring himself that everyone likes him), or look for a circle of support (friends or soo who will sing him praises, and there you can close yourself from the other world, namely close, and not just relieve stress and go out again, this is just useful) or frustrate the resource, suggest to yourself that “I am not a thing to like” and “who are all these people to evaluate me”, but you can be frustrated if there is a resource to shift your attention, and if there is nothing, it is too scary.
It is not only the pumping of important resources that ensures stable self-esteem and good energy tone (although pumping resources is the best thing a person can do with himself). Among other things, there are special techniques for maintaining self-esteem without illusions, methods of working on your self-esteem (in addition to working on resources). I will talk about how to raise and maintain self-esteem later. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/157209.html
When self-esteem is high and especially when it rises (the moment it rises), the energy literally arrives. You can say a person “dopes with dopamine”. He's happy. In general, for receptors that activate energy production, an increase in self-esteem is a signal that more energy should be released, because the body is on the right path. And when self-esteem drops, on the contrary, energy production should be reduced so that the wrong behavior does not become fixed.
Notice how inhuman this mechanism is in terms of social programs that try to give more to those who are in a bad situation, taking a little from those who are in a good situation. Social programs want to create a level playing field for all, regardless of opportunity (and opportunities include internal incentives and internal efforts).
It looks kind-hearted, however, very often adapts a person to this bad situation, fixes him there. From this (pretty flat) point of view, our brain is cruel: either suffer or find inner supports, make your self-esteem not fall so rapidly, earn yourself energy.
If your self-esteem goes down a little, you don't get any energy. You don't have to wait for it from the outside or buy drugs and destroy yourself for the sake of unearned energy. Otherwise, you will have to live in a low-energy state, and perhaps even die. You didn't do the job, and you didn't build a foothold inside yourself, alas.
Waiting for mercy in the human sense is useless. It is rather immoral, as Nietzsche described nature. It is neither good nor evil; it encourages the development of inner strength. To such an understanding of kindness (= respect) humanity still needs to grow. In any case, a person has no choice but to develop this inner strength in himself.
Of course, any effort is stress, and the body tries to avoid stress. Therefore, many people are willing to increase their self-esteem through illusions. And it acts almost like drugs. It helps to delay stress for a while, take energy on credit, and then face the question of not only lack of energy, but also large debt. How it works in love, I have already written, but I will repeat. And then I'll tell you how it works in other areas, like family resources or work or image.
Love.
If a person has frustrated a resource, he or she has limited access to the flow of energy from this side, cut off the resource partially or completely and cannot feed his or her self-esteem. It's not meaningful to him, it's not nutritious, this currency isn't convertible, meaning it's worth nothing. If he wants to receive energy from a resource, he must raise its importance, that is, connect this resource with his self-esteem. And the greater the importance of the resource, that is, the connection of the resource with self-esteem, the greater the ability to receive energy from it. This is why people, especially women, fall in love so easily. At first, they can look sour at the boyfriend, evaluate him low, and then suddenly fall in love, that is, associate their self-esteem with him. Now, any attention he takes, every touch he takes, increases his self-esteem and gives him a lot of energy.
That is, self-esteem increases when something very meaningful to us gives us feedback and we feel important to the other side. As long as a person is not in love, the importance of the other is zero, and no matter how much he is in love himself, it is impossible to feed on this. When a person is in love, he can feed on the love of another and so on. His self-esteem soars from any positive assessment of this other, it is tied to him.
Do you know what that means? When an insignificant person evaluates us low, we don’t care, our self-esteem is not related to them. He can rate us high, we won't get high, he can rate us low, we won't get anything again. We were, and will remain, isolated from his assessments. Its significance to us is zero. Another thing is when a figure is significant and especially very significant, that is, it completely determines our self-esteem, completely affects it. Every smile of such a person makes us rise to heaven with euphoria, but every evil word makes us fall low.
Do you understand why it is important to have not one power source, but many, many different connected resources? Not just love, but something else. So your self-esteem depends on a lot of your success in different areas, and failure in one place does not mean a total collapse of the entire energy market.. You will move your attention to another area and be able to recover. And by restoring, correcting things in the area where you failed. If all your “money” is in one place, losing here will cost you dearly.
Frustration isn't the answer, you know why, right? You can cut off your self-esteem from love, from work, from friendship, from family, you can turn everything into green grapes, imagine yourself an “unattached” Buddhist, craving pure bliss (the illusion of your own significance for the universe), but there will be very little energy, or you need to move to another world, to the world of illusions, where you reign = go mad. There is no connection to resources, no energy from them. Therefore, resource frustration is not an option: the more resources are connected, the better. The resource of love is not worse than others, and in many ways even better, because it is included in the four main cross (image, love, family, work) that creates the main core of the personality.
If the resource of love is connected, that is, a person is in love, but the balance is not achieved (equal importance on both sides), he experiences suffering, hunger, self-esteem falls, and it is scary to return to frustration. This is especially scary when the resource of love has already replaced all other resources, and if a person cuts off this channel, he will be left without energy at all. So man takes credit for illusions. He begins to believe that he is loved (or loved) and at the same time further increases the importance of the second person, so that one look and rare calls are enough to feed self-esteem and high. Thus, he gets rid of stress, but increases his minus. And when he begins to be aggressively pushed away, his pain and the fall in self-esteem will become catastrophic.
Family
Family is parent-child. The higher the importance of parents, the more energy from their love, understanding, approval. If the relationship with parents is not very, there is a desire to cut off the connection, devalue them, untie, so that their criticism does not concern self-esteem at all. But since parents are usually attached, they will aggressively seek contact (more violent than any minus) to blame, cry, and can turn life into hell, because completely uncoupling from parents is very difficult, even if you suggest that they were maniacs and sadists in childhood (which is usually an illusion).
Now with the kids. Complete frustration is childfree position. No need for kids. These are snotty little larvae (the level of aggressive frustration that is necessary when you need to tear away a resource that constantly wants to connect, for example, it seems that “the whole world is forcing me to become a mother”) or simply creatures of which there are so many in the world (calm frustration, indifference, when the resource is completely disconnected and does not flow already). The last type of frustration is only bad in that it deprives oneself of a source of energy and partially overlaps other resources that are associated with it. In general, self-esteem does not fall, but this energy will not work either.
Not at all. loving mothers. They get a lot of energy from having a baby.. But if they don't have enough other resources, if they've had their child's lessons supplanted everything, they can start to inflate the importance of their motherhood. From one of the important spheres, motherhood is transformed for them into the main business of life of any person, into the only thing a woman should do, into the main measure of her own importance (and the importance of others). You’ve probably seen the “maternities” in these descriptions. Such a woman looks down on childless women, can think and talk only about children. All physiological details seem to her objectively important and interesting to everyone (except for childless freaks, but they are jealous). She seems like a great figure in the world.
Of course, such a crazy woman is constantly faced with the fact that the world does not consider her a majestic figure. She is given to understand that her function is largely biological and does not cause piety. They don't give much money either. No respect or respect. More precisely, respect is that, but moderate, and for the addict of motherhood - it is negligible. She wants to be recognized as more important than the work of scientists. In her picture of the world, motherhood occupies 90% of the entire value system. And it hurts her that her painting doesn't match up with others'. She believes that her picture is correct and harmonious, while others are ugly and distorted. But since the world does not give feedback, self-esteem falls, and when children grow up and begin to say “get off, get out”, the world begins to collapse. Therefore, a woman quickly gives birth to a new baby, and the circle of friends begins to limit women’s communities, where you can talk about your greatness.
Work.
Linking your self-esteem to work is even easier, because work is the most socially approved resource for most people. However, there is less room for illusion in this area. You can exaggerate the importance of a job the size of a house, but any reprimand from your superiors, comparing your salary with the wages of others, the failure of the project and other objective assessments will bring you to the bottom of the pit. You’re nothing in the realm that matters to you, that defines who you are. Unbearable stress, and even the credit of illusions will not take much. Therefore, you can not determine your value by work alone, there is also family, love, friendship and other resources.
Due to the fact that it is difficult to get an increase in self-esteem at work, most try to keep the work resource half-frustrated: “if vodka interferes with work, give it up” and “the horses will die from work.” There is no motivation to invest in work, but it does not work especially badly on self-esteem. It works, but not much. The value of the work is reduced, the resource is semi-disabled. It is clear that such a demotivated person does not threaten special success at work.
This is dangerous because most work takes up the bulk of the time. And the person who has frustrated this resource feels as if he is wasting time without getting energy. Hence the sense of vanity and meaninglessness of existence. Therefore, it is undesirable to especially disappoint the work resource, it is better to develop it gradually and be sure to have other resources for support and support.
Image
The image is similar (and with all resources). You can frustrate the image resource: look like hell, walk the devil in what, think only about the convenience of clothing, care about hygiene only insofar as, and do not care about attractiveness at all. Why bring anyone in? Yeah. I am not a thing to admire, and the sympathy of people I absolutely do not need.
Many fragmenters of the image resource with pathos say that people for whom their appearance is important reduce the value of a person to her appearance. Yes, to reduce the value of personality to appearance is the other extreme. Addiction of image resource is called. But to consider the appearance is not significant at all, the impression made on people who have absolutely no value is a blocking of the resource. And Image is a very important resource that is involved in all other resources. This is the very principle of communication, establishing connections, the ability and desire to please people. Blocking this resource is fraught with the fact that most of these frustrations begin to maladapt and avoid social contacts. But if a resource is only partially frustrated, a person simply does not know how to receive energy from it, but somehow adapts and does not produce a repulsive impression.
As for those who associated their self-esteem with the image, here everything will depend again on how the resource will be pumped. The pumped resource provides stable feedback. A person is able to like and establish contacts with people. His self-esteem will always be nourished. Even if he fails in the sphere of another important resource (if the resource is not pumped), he will always be able to turn to the image: get a haircut, buy a new shirt, communicate with someone, get acquainted, and so get the support and support necessary, “come to himself”, or rather return to himself – return to normal self-esteem and normal state of energy.
If the image is extremely important for a person, he desperately needs attention, approval of his appearance, sympathy of people and wants to charm, but he fails, he fails, his self-esteem can rapidly fall and drag him to the bottom of the pit. And here again he will have to either turn to illusions (inspiring himself that everyone likes him), or look for a circle of support (friends or soo who will sing him praises, and there you can close yourself from the other world, namely close, and not just relieve stress and go out again, this is just useful) or frustrate the resource, suggest to yourself that “I am not a thing to like” and “who are all these people to evaluate me”, but you can be frustrated if there is a resource to shift your attention, and if there is nothing, it is too scary.
It is not only the pumping of important resources that ensures stable self-esteem and good energy tone (although pumping resources is the best thing a person can do with himself). Among other things, there are special techniques for maintaining self-esteem without illusions, methods of working on your self-esteem (in addition to working on resources). I will talk about how to raise and maintain self-esteem later. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/157209.html
