The story of a man who didn't believe in love"I want to tell you an old story about a man who didn't believe in love. It was the ordinary people like you and I, but it stood out it mind: he was convinced that there is no love.
Of course, first he tried to find her, and watched the others. A big part of his life was spent in search of love, but in the end he came to the conclusion that there is no love.
Wherever that man came, he certainly told everyone that love is just a fantasy of the poets or fiction of religion is designed to manipulate the weaknesses of the human mind and to control people, to force them to believe. He said that love does not happen — that is why none of the humans would never find love, no matter how we try.
The man was very intelligent and could speak convincingly. He read many books, he went to University and became a respected scientist. He knew how to speak in public, able to communicate with people of different levels, and his logic was flawless. He said that love is like a drug: it brings happiness, but it creates strong bonds. To love can be addictive, but what happens if they don't get their daily "dose"? But in love, as in the drug, the desired daily dose.
He also said that the relations between the lovers are exactly like the relationship between an addict and a drug dealer. The one whose demand is higher, like a drug addict, and the other for the seller. Manages the relationship who need love less. The dynamics are clear, as in any intimate relationship one usually likes stronger and the other does not like and only use those who give him all his soul. Understood and how they manipulate each other, understandable actions and reactions. Anyway, the relationship is the same as that between a drug addict and a drug dealer.
Addict — one whose need for love is stronger — lives in constant fear. He is afraid that will not receive the next dose of their drug, love. He thinks: "What am I going to do if he or she is going to leave me?" This fear causes the addict has the desire to possess: "That's mine!" Addicted, he becomes jealous and demanding — all because he is afraid not to get another dose. And the seller can manipulate the addict, changing the dose: giving then more, then less, then nothing. The one whose demand is higher at the mercy of the seller and will do anything to keep his thrown.
Then the man began to explain that love doesn't happen at all. What is called "love" — not that other, as fear; such relationships are based on manipulation. Where is the respect? Where is the love that people pronounce words? There is no love! In the face of the priest, in front of their loved ones, young couples give each other a solemn promise to live together till death, to love and respect each other, to share grief and happiness. They promise to love and honor each other. A lot of promises... But after the wedding - a week, a month or a few months - no one fulfills these promises.
The war begins for control: who will be who to manipulate, who will be the seller and who is a drug addict. Several months later, the respect in which they swore to each other not in sight. There is only mutual resentment and emotional poison; both cause each other pain. Little by little everything is growing, growing — and then they suddenly can't understand where is the love. But they stay together because they fear loneliness, gossip and condemnation of others. And they are afraid of their own opinions, self-judgment. But where's the love?
The man often said that he had seen many older couples who have lived together for thirty, forty, fifty years, and they are all very proud of the fact that live side-by-side for so long. However, arguing about their relationship, they said: "We managed to save our marriage". This means that one of them is entirely surrendered to another. At some point someone gave up and decided to just endure the suffering. The one whose will was stronger, and the dependence is less, won the war, but where is the flame they call love? Now they treat each other like things: "She's my...", "He's my...".
Then the man moved on to the reasons that did not believe in the existence of love. He explained that he went through all this, but will not allow anyone to manipulate your mind and to lead his life under the guise of the idea of love. His arguments were very logical, and he managed to convince of the correctness of many people. But one day the man walked through the Park and saw on the bench a fair lady. Noticing that she was crying, he felt a pang of compassion. He sat down next to her and asked if anything to help. He asked why she was crying. And imagine: she admitted that she is bitter because the world no love.
— It is amazing! — exclaimed the man. — A woman who doesn't believe in love!
Of course, he wanted to know her better.
— Why do you think that there is no love? he asked.
— Long story... — she sighed. — I got married very young, I believed in love and other illusions, I was hoping to share with that man my whole life. We have sworn each other fidelity, respect and love. And got married. But soon everything changed. I was a faithful wife, I took care of home and children. And the husband persistently made a career, and for his success outside the home was much more important than family. He lost respect for me, and I him. We cause each other pain, and at some point I realized that she never loved him and he loved me. But kids need a father anyway, so I justified staying with him and in every way supported him. Then the children grew up and started living separately. I have had no more reason to stay with him: why, if there is no respect, no kindness? And I know that even if I married someone else, everything would be exactly the same. After all, love doesn't exist. What's the point of chasing that which is not? But I'm still sad. Love does not exist.
The man perfectly understood her. He hugged her shoulders and said,
You are right, there is no love. We are looking for love, we open your soul and become vulnerable — but find only selfishness. And it hurts us, even when we think everything will be fine. No matter how many times we get married and get married again and again happens the same. So why try to look for love?These two were so much alike, they were best friends.
It was a great relationship: mutual respect, one never upset the other. Every minute of communication brought them joy. Between them there was neither envy nor jealousy, nor attempts to impose his control, nor the desire to possess each other. With the passage of time the relationship has only gotten stronger. They liked to chat together it has always been interesting, but apart they are very bored without each other. And one day, he went on a business trip, the man suddenly came up with a crazy idea.
"Hmm, he thought — and suddenly my feelings for her is love? But because they are so different from anything that has come before. This is not what the poets say, as asserting the priests. I'm for her is not the answer. She doesn't owe me anything, I especially do not need — and without it, I can take care of myself. My head does not come to blame her for their troubles, we don't tear each other your anger. We just are very good together, we like each other. She does not reproach me, do not cause any trouble. I don't feel jealous when I see her with others. I don't feel envious of her success. Maybe the love is still there, just she's not, as is commonly believed?"
He couldn't wait to get home and talk to her, to talk about his weird idea. But as soon as he spoke, she said:
— I understand what you mean. I have long thought about it, but was afraid to admit because I know you don't believe in love. Perhaps love does exist, and we just didn't know what it really is.
They decided to become lovers and to live together. The amazing thing is that nothing in their relationship has changed! They are still respected and supported each other, and their love became stronger. They were so happy that their hearts sang of love even in the most mundane minutes.
That man's heart was so overflowing with love that one night a miracle happened now. He looked up at the stars, found the sky the most beautiful — and the power of his love was so great that the star rolled down the sky and fell right into his palm. And then there was another miracle: his soul merged with that star. He was incredibly happy and he rushed to your lovely lady to put the star in her hands and to prove thereby his love. But at that moment, when the star formed in the palm of her hand, she for a moment hesitated. His love was too overwhelming. Star slipped out of her hands and broke into millions of pieces...Still wandering in the world of ancient man, proclaiming that there is no love. There is the light of a beautiful woman — she sits at home by the window, waiting for one person and wipes away the tears, remembering the Paradise that was once in her hands, and she, to doubt, lost.
That's the story about a man who didn't believe in love.
Who made a mistake? Want to figure out what was wrong? A mistake made by the man: he decided that he will be able to give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness, and mistake was trying to put it in her palm. Happiness never comes from outside. He was happy because radiated love; she was happy, because it, too, radiated love. But as soon as he gave her the responsibility for their own happiness, she dropped the star and broke because they simply were not able to bear this responsibility.
No matter how in love with him that woman, she could not "make" him happy though, because could not read his thoughts. She just couldn't know what are his hopes, what he wants.
If you take your happiness and give it in wrong hands, it will sooner or later break. If entrusting your happiness to another, necessarily lose it. Happiness comes only from within, it is a consequence of love, and therefore everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Responsibility cannot be transferred to another, but the first thing you do in the Church on the wedding — exchanging rings. We transfer your stars in the hands of the bride or groom are hoping to make a companion happy. And no matter how much you love a person, we never become what we want to see the other.
This is a major mistake that most of us allow in the beginning: we believe that we will make a happy companion, it never happens. We make promises that don't hold back, and certainly doom ourselves to failure." published
@ Don Miguel Ruiz "Mastery Of Love"
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©