Simple secret to a successful relationship

Ninety one million three hundred ten thousand one hundred two

Leave for a time tamer of the shrew with their building, ask women. Women, you want to know the simple secret to building a successful relationship?

In vain some people think that this is no secret that a universal and simple recipes do not exist. Something does not happen, but here it is. And it is known from ancient times.

The secret sounds simple: never make the steps to reach in response to the indifference or aggression men.

Also always good to encourage any proper man. But the main is the first. Never under any circumstances violate this rule from the beginning. From the very beginning of the relationship – this is very important because if you never comply with this rule and suddenly begin abruptly, may have the opposite effect. What I will tell you later.

But if from the beginning, consistently and clearly to build a relationship field in which to receive your love and intimacy will be possible only by giving you the same love and intimacy, and nothing else, where every step back partner will lead to a reduction of your interest, draw you into a relationship with an imbalance will be almost impossible. You will always have a man who values you, and everyone who does not cherish, will have to you access.

It seems that this rule is not only logical but also simple. Why make the step to intimacy with those who are indifferent or aggressive? Isn't that the most healthy reaction is to pull up the hand from cold or fire? Isn't mutual warmth and mutual pleasure is pushing people towards convergence?

Unfortunately, this is only for people in a holistic and Mature. People are immature so fragmented and inconsistent inside that to comply with this rule, they are required unimaginable strength. But in order to understand where to apply it, a round table.

For the first time about the internal fragmentation of the psyche and personality was written by Pierre Janet. This is a brilliant psychologist who worked before Freud and even before Breuer, the author of the concept of "interiorization" on which is built the whole theory of unconscious processes, and almost the whole psychology of the 20th century. Jean Pierre is less known to those who used in all his discoveries, because he leaped forward and wrote a lot of paradoxical. In his books he described various psychic phenomena and "energy system", in fact, quite accurately explains many phenomena, is still considered a mystery. Jean studied women somnambulists and hysterical to understand the mechanism of mental automatism. The main conclusion Jean: good mental health is characterized by great plasticity and at the same time integrity, processes agreed and at the same time, have greater flexibility, so people with such mentality are practically not amenable to suggestion. Unhealthy psyche, "weak" as it was called Jean, uncoordinated, fragmented, each part is valid in itself, but to keep at least some consistency, plasticity broken, ideas are fixed, many are Intrusive. Except in cases of obvious pathology when fragmentation and fixity of the psyche of a large, possible normal of underdevelopment, which happens at a young age, therefore young people are contradictory, suggestible, prone to extremes and become infected affect. All I'm trying to tell you in this blog is that the lack of development of the personality, people behaving infantile, but being deprived youth benefits, more suffering. And brings suffering to the relatives.

For normal well being of person she needs at least a minimum of personal supports, it can feel as THEIR own and on their own to support. Unformed personality required minimum of external resources and supports that feel its existence and security, the generated identity for a long time can do only internal. Unformed personality breaks down quickly in extreme conditions, easily influenced, quick to catch the ideas, immediately losing "myself". Formed person long enough to resist and survive without any external supports. Its reserves are limited, but they can last a very long time, depending on the forces of integration of the personality and power of the inner core. But this is a digression. It's about the fact that if the personality is not fully formed, but still devoid of external supports, it turns into what Janet wrote: fragmented, inconsistent, unorganized entity, is not capable of self-control.

If no one takes control over such a person, she stands in the chaos of feelings, ideas, emotions. She then bored, then anxious, then somewhere bears, it is subject to almost any external movement, and it is difficult to resist, because her personality is fragmented and no part of them does not outweigh. It includes the Department responsible for the sense of duty, the division responsible for fun, the division responsible for planning, the Department that protects from stress. So a person that doesn't care, something very concerned about, want to break away and fly, on the contrary to behave strictly according to the rules, that she likes to be disbanded, it is disgusting such hints. It is no exaggeration to say that such a person is looking for "host". Of course, looking is not constant, this would mean the unity of its goals, and goals change, and in fact generally there are no goals. But in moments of fatigue from his mate, anxiety, chaotic world or the boredom and monotony of one word in moments of awareness of his inability to manage his life, such a person really wants to find someone who can be trusted themselves.

After such long digressions should be clear why the woman, especially the young or have just emerged from the symbiosis (parental or marital), or simply failed to grow up or an identity crisis and domestic demolition, can not build a relationship consistently. A simple recipe is too complicated for her, she wants one or the other, and most importantly can't hold back any emotions, and emotions appear in her very different. In response to the rudeness may occur a passionate desire to be close to the moment to relieve stress, and in response to the affection suddenly start boring and unbearable need to be sarcastic. Guilt is replaced by aggression and Vice versa. She literally "can't control myself", is stupid and destructive, instead of being reasonable, confident, correct, and thus attractive for the same intelligent, confident and the right people. No. She scattered, disheveled, broken in power and emotional meaning. It is flammable, cools, filled with energy and de-energized at the time. The number of holes in her mental field is incalculable, and as soon as one is delayed, there is a new.

Sometimes this is noticeable both in appearance and behavior and speech almost always. Therefore, reasonable, confident and the right people to avoid her. Drawn towards her by those who feel its weakness and chaos inside. She's like a flower that exudes nectar, too cloying or even too toxic for people looking for a healthy relationship and mutual love. But the people who have within the same chaos, are drawn to it, because they see in her. Or they have a rod, but a very specific, more like the trunk of a bumblebee, and they fly into the flower to collect honey. However, this is not honey, and flying — not the bumblebees, and the poor — not flower. So the legs stick a little vampire, he becomes enraged and tears along with the petals. And sometimes finds a way to drink nectar, not preceives, but it is rather a poison or alcohol, quickly comes in a drunken frenzy. Or another scenario: a carnivorous flower closes its petals and begins to eat these insects brain. In General, the stories are many, they are exciting and all about passionate and painful relationship, beautiful or ugly, destructive both.

It is true that the majority of bitches (though not all), secretly or openly looking for a "handler", so bring down any man, all his chaos, and the hope that he somehow arranges it or go to hell. Unfortunately the line often pull them.

There are two most popular interpretations of the phenomenon of "bitchiness", conventionally male and conventionally female. Male: parents spoiled, selfish woman it is easier to quit than to fix it, but if everything is not running, a woman will heal the love and respect to the man, she refuses his selfishness and become a good wife. Female: bitch – frustrated men the woman, forced to behave as self-defense or out of revenge, treated with love, tenderness and tact of a loving man.

As we can see, two interpretations offer different models of behavior for the partner of a bitch. The male calls to rigidly impose conditions and if the conditions are not met, quit because "so it does not like". Women's calls, on the contrary, long and hard to gain the trust of a bitch, in all her quirks and jolts, to gradually "melt an icy heart".

In fact, both models perform poorly. And both good under certain conditions. The first model works, when the conditions men are not hard and clear, but very fair, he is consistent, he is honest himself, he's an interesting woman, he does not obey her, but not offend her.

In order to organize a more chaotic and contradictory partner and build the correct field relations, very, that is only, it is important not to offend and not to cheat. Need to watch yourself and be very tactful, do not be provoked. In response to his rudeness it is better to politely to say good-bye, thus giving him to understand their behavior and to feel guilt. If the man himself has time and again violated the borders, attacked and behaves tactless, it is impossible to understand where he is guilty, and where the other, and therefore it is impossible to build the field. In this case, more chaotic partner can easily pull the second into chaos and the second will marvel at his own insanity. To have a normal relationship, communicate better with more organized (as a person) with a man more stable and Mature than yourself. And if the partner is less organized, should be very(!) to be careful and be doubly stable.

This fair but firm and consistent position really has a chance to charm the bitch and force her to recognize the man whom she wants to entrust the leadership: being trustworthy, fair, and strong. But is it okay to give a lead over someone, even the kindest? Of course not. However, it can be better than to freak yourself and others, destroying their lives. The latter, in General, is the same discipline, not only one, but all in a row, randomly and haphazardly who turned up. It is best to take your identity into your own hands, at least gradually. And sometimes this can help the partner if he won't cast it on himself the leadership, and gradually return it to where it should be. But this crucial point later. Until dwell on the fact that such a model can work and create something like a harmonious pair. But this man should show himself a very decent man (you can trust), and the woman should be not so much a bitch, how many unbalanced, inconsistent, emotionally unstable person who seeks to get rid of it. A bitch learned how to live in the chaos and somehow co-exist with his own demons, giving them shares. Therefore it is so easy under the power of man will not go. But about it further.

Female model of taming bitches (here it is "love, be patient, win the trust") men are criticized and considered a trap. No one wants to love, to endure, to conquer, to be used at the end, Yes, even humiliated. From this picture, any man prepared to become a monk, if all women turn into bitches, but for now just look for flexible women. Men don't see the logic in showing women their weakness, when they expect them to force. However, under certain conditions, the female model also works. And increases in the eyes of female virility. If a man fails to maintain his dignity, not grovel and show only one weakness – love, and the rest – strength, he could afford to "win a woman." At some point, showing your love enough, he can make it clear that his hope exhausted, the relationship without reciprocity not interested in it anymore, and most of the "bitches" are not able to let go of this man and run after him, agree to get rid of bitchy behavior. Basically, it's all the descriptions are the same as in a male model, just from the other side.

If you use the model in a straight line, they do not work at all. "Hard to bend" bitch it means to be sent away immediately or accepted and vindictive humiliated a little bit. "To gain confidence" through his own humiliation – it means to lose not only her respect, but his own. In short, any model – is nonsense, all that matters is inner harmony and your own rod.

The main thing that you need to pay attention to is the fact that effective behavior in both models, it is, in fact, the behavior is very Mature and internally stable person. Immature and unstable both models will use too much and you screw up. His emotions are all the time to stun and blind him, because the bitch has a remarkable ability to blow up the brain. In any model of the partner will behave exactly as it behaves very hysterical and unstable girl: fuck you, then apologize, then disappear, then to demand something, then again to change your plans. This is the best way to protiviti partner, which is the desire to have normal relationships. But the partner or the partner with the same chaos inside that may come to mind. Another question, where these souls will be together.

Incredibly, people Mature able to pull the immature partner in the plane of relations that will help him to Mature. This is a relationship with a high degree of confidence, but also with the preservation of the borders, with great warmth, but the balance of deposits, with divided responsibility for shared space, but personal commitments, with saturation energy of the external world, without the symbiotic closeness, but without the cold distantsirovaniya relations. Unwilling to develop personality will not be able to put up with such relationships, will fly from them at an early stage, and the person aspiring to development and are prepared for it, will find the relationship beneficial. For seized in the chaos there is a huge amount of people like them, ready to dance with them around the witches ' campfires, drinking each other's tears and blood and do love magic. published


Author: Marina Komissarova

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©



See also

New and interesting