95% percent of the people in positions of adjustment. Let's see, what is the difference between adaptation and adjustment in the relationship?
What is adaptation? There is a certain situation with some person and in the relationship is something new, and make it new for you is not breaking or violence. You go ahead and do it voluntarily. For example, your young person says: "I don't like your perfume, you can use the other?". You understand that to affect the sense of smell is impossible, as this man himself has no control is a stronger person. You say, "Okay, I'll wear anything else spirits" — are you adapting to the situation.
What is the situation if you adjust to? You neglect their interests for the sake of another person.
The difference in these 2 concepts: adaptation — this is your new behavior in a situation and you voluntarily and knowingly when you meet another person, given his, and his interests. Adjustment — you wreck yourself c benefit for themselves and for another person. For example, your man tells you: "let's Go to the movies" and you go to the movies or not, but in order not to upset him, you say, "let's Go." Go to the movies with him, sitting, looking curves, because the movie you don't like. You didn't want to go to the movies.
In the same situation get out of adjustment in adaptation. You can go to a movie and suddenly find that the movie you'll love it. So first, you make an effort to go to a movie and to please her man, and then you like the movie, and you have to adapt and get pleasure from viewing.
The adjustment often comes from a sense of duty. Parents can ask for money, and you have strapped for cash and do not want to give, but... they're your parents..."duty calls". After all, who would help them if not their own children. It is the adjustment based on the sense of duty. While the notion of duty is to be efficiently, ie you do it not willingly, but by ethical motives.
So you're hooked on someone and can't do. The other person has the leash, he can pull you. Debt is one of the parties is of such quality as responsibility. Remember the "Little Prince": we are responsible for those who tamed.
For example, I shared the concept of duty and a desire to help. I am helping my mother with money-not out of duty, I just think she needs help, it's my personal desire. She every month to send money to the card, she receives them and ringing back to me. If I offer her the amount more than usual, she said to me, "no, I have enough".
What is an adaptation in the broader sense of the word? When you create a new product and learn to do what has never been done before. You are beginning to generate new qualities. And adapt to reality.
For example, in 90-e years You have worked as an engineer and You were fired from the Institute, when You decided to go to work as a Shoe salesman at the market. You begin to learn the skills of the seller, to learn to understand the shoes, what types of footwear is, who is the manufacturer differ from the other models, what types of material are used in its manufacture, what is the cost etc. All 90-e years for the CIS countries is the adjustment, most people passed it.
People survived as best they could, because it was made involuntarily. Although a small portion of people just thought change adaptation, and was happy to learn something new.
Now largely the people in relationships, they adapt and adjust. I was very prone to adjustment. I found it easier to do what I do not like to have relations with man have been preserved. I sacrificed themselves tactically and strategically to win. Although I'm still strategically lost.
There is an important point: if you're going by the person you withdraw the energy one feels and shows to you aggression. You don't understand what causes such aggression from your partner, you don't behave aggressively.
There are grandmother — the God's dandelions, and how will affect them, you'll see where the devils are found. Donning the mask of "benevolent man" is also adjustment.
What else can threaten you for the adjustment in the relationship? A person starts at best answer you harsh words or aggression, and in the worst case — hitting, physical violence and massacre you. Why men can hit a woman? Due to the fact that it is at the level of energy shoots from male energy, adapting to him, he can not explain in words, it just feels and through violence, through such a rigid method that stops the vampires from the female.
By the way, I used to have in relations with my young man, too, was sometimes the adjustment. In one of the conflict, when we started to understand he told me: "I don't need you to adjust me, it hurts me. Say directly what you like and don't do anything you don't want! Communicate on equal terms, and not sacrifice their interests for me."
Now let's see what is the reason for Gating? Lack of self-love. Once self-love is not enough, you go back to the adjustment. People who have solid self – esteem- they are not rigged. They know how to adapt, know how to negotiate with people.
If You see that you fit in, it's important to do? Accept that you are a victim. A victim is a person whose problems are to blame everyone but his parents, wife, husband, boss, neighbor, President, etc. the Victim does not take responsibility for their choices. Once You have a problem – once everything is written down on others.
Adaptation very constructive quality, I like it very much. Recent years I communicate with new people, create new projects — it's interesting to me is the adaptation to the new.
Friends, let us learn to adapt and let's get rid of the habit to adjust to other people. Strong men like to be on an equal footing in the relationship. They appreciate people with their own opinion. The ability to build relations on an equal footing is an art. But it is available to everyone.published
Author: Olga Danilova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©