Than activity is different from obsession? Bashny.Net

For women especially this problem is actual. How to behave active and not be Intrusive? But men are also often worried: don't want to intrude, and the activity to be necessary.

The main difference between the activity from obsessions — in goal.

Activity goal — to captivate a person along. And the purpose of obsession — actually, to be imposed, that is, to hang on the man.

It goes without saying that an obsessive person might not feel that it hangs. Nobody wants to think bad about yourself. But that is what is happening. All activity obsession is that he wants to punch or push the personal boundaries of the other and stick to it for solutions to their problems. It is so annoying to Intrusive people, that is what they do not like.
 

Nineteen million three hundred eighteen thousand six hundred seventy four

It is quite another normal human activity. She has a very different vector: it is not directed to attack personal boundaries of the person, and to some private goal, a man entice. That is, its not attacking and not pressed for its activity, and offered him his activity as the additional useful power.

In human communication, actually, it's very simple. If something is annoying, so I see this as a desire something to take away. If you like something, so in this I see the desire to give. As in the sandbox in three years, the laws are the same.

Looks in adults, however, are much more complicated than in the sandbox. Sometimes obsessive people like to give something wants to help and care, however, second this is very annoying. Just annoying that the visibility to "give" all the same "take". Give a man if he did something unnecessary, superfluous, and to take while trying need: a minimum of time and attention to capture, and often also to assert themselves, to feel more powerful. So obsessive people, even with their "care" often send out. And sometimes even more aggressive.

Unfortunately, the obsessive may not see or feel their obsession, consider yourself just a very active person and don't understand why its activity is not welcome. You don't have to be passive?

Passive is no need to be, but the purpose of their activity it is impossible to make another person, especially one who you do not like. Direct vector activity to something else, and the man will offer to join. And if he does that, I wonder what he sees in you no compulsion. On the contrary, I admire that he once met such an active person.

Activity is pure spontaneity, that is, the flow of precious energy. She likes everybody, if not destroys anything and especially not trying to break the boundaries of the person. In the latter case the activity turns into a dangerous aggression that makes you want to defend.

How this difference looks in real life?

I'll start with paradoxical at first glance of the example is simple and cynical. To a very nice man at the bar who wants to spend time alone (almost like in our last game) joins is not very nice, drunken woman. She wants to meet him for sex or just to socialize. It is perceived by the man as a person obsessive, but if insists on familiarity, as aggressive and extremely unpleasant woman. He regrets that immediately took two hundred grams of whiskey, and now, you can either quit and leave, either to drink, to get away from this creepy aunt.

But we'll see, if suppose a man entirely unsympathetic, went to the bar, not off to find the lady, and it suddenly comes up to meet you albeit drunk, but very beautiful woman? The situation changes radically, isn't it? Now she is not only not Intrusive, and a real miracle. At once, zamuhryshka stick to these beauties? Not only as the stars he favored.

It seems that the vector activity of women remained the same, changed only the data characters, and the perception was different. In fact, because the data was completely changed and the vector. A nice man saw that in the case of communication, and even more sex, he will not get any bonuses, just lose time and energy, self-esteem not only does not rise but fall, he literally "fucked", and unsympathetic drunk lady will win. She looked in his eyes like a beggar, who asks to buy her something completely unnecessary for a decent amount of money because she was hungry. Unsympathetic man saw that he was literally offering a prize in the society of a beautiful woman, and he was just concerned about the search of female companionship. Take it with a woman nothing, only to give, that is, he for no reason what offer great bonuses.

This cynical example shows that the persistence and activity are measured, mainly the bonuses that people can get. Straightforward to approach and to offer a woman to talk (or man, whatever) you can only if you are sure that she craves this communication or your image will certainly prosignals her from communicating with you it will raise your self-esteem. If you are a woman, often quite beautiful appearance (and you won't be perceived as Intrusive, will be perceived as a wonderfully active), and if you are a man, perhaps one only beautiful appearance is not enough, you also need to show their higher social status, but sometimes with only one beauty can be the risk. That is, people bleed the image is almost never perceived as Intrusive, trying to meet someone who have the image bleed less.

Pumped image — a free ticket to enter in the boundaries of others. Even more power has the fame, but it is also — the image is a known face, popular among the other person. Popularity in a narrow circle has the same power, if a person considers themselves to this narrow circle, this circle is important to him.

If interesting object on the image and popularity markedly superior to you, do not attempt to offer herself to him, it would be an imposition, an infringement of his time and energy, and he will take it aggressively, even if you hide and I will answer politely.

I have considered the most flagrant and cynical example, but more often is a question of more or less equal persons, one of whom is interested a little more and looking for the answer to the question: how to be active, but unobtrusive.

Here the rule is the same. That activity is perceived as a gift, not an imposition, it should always have some bonuses for people.

For example, for some reason, you decided to call your new friend (friend). Keep in mind that a sudden call has long been considered bad form (because of the availability of messagerow), if it's not about the short friend, mother or wife (although they can behave more sensitively and not to invade personal space suddenly). You need to ask in writing for permission to call and if the person permits, to dial the number.

Already this ritual many to make difficult. And rightly so. If you have nothing to offer a man, except yourself, can be worth while to use more unobtrusive form of communication, somewhere in social media? To invade other people's closed borders is hard and frustrating and it is completely normal. No need to invade. They need to be opened first. That is, the person has to open them, seeing that he is interested.

So the activity needs to be directed not to attack the borders of the human ("here I am, let go") and indirect intent.

And, of course, this goal should be included in the area of human interests.

Two main mistakes that people make who are trying to talk on the subject is:

1. The questions (especially the request for the educational program)

You must be very hard to like person, that is, he must strive with all his forces to converge with you that he wanted to spend the time answering your questions. To answer questions is a waste of energy and not getting. It's the satisfaction of your request, not his. A person must have a motive to spend the energy. If he is not interested in close contact, do not ask him any questions. They either rejected it immediately or quickly tire and you will want to obstruct you more.

2. The discussion (especially if you are not an expert)

You should not just like a man, but to be in his perception the real star, to debate with you his happy. In all other cases, he feels frustrated because you make him in a dispute, especially a dispute is stupid, and if you are in the topic, the debate will definitely be silly, no doubt. But even if you are sure that you are in the subject, your confidence a little, the person also needs to be sure. And still it can be tiring. He was not the initiator of the dispute, and you. That is, you are the aggressor. You offer him, though humorous, but the battle. And what a win for him? If you figure a minor, then no, even if he wins the debate. That is, no bonuses from communicating with you continuous losses. Lost, and hatred for you in fact.

So do not ask questions and discuss, if you want nice to join the interests of the individual.

Only!() method — look for the point of intersection of their interests and his. The place where your knowledge, skills, ideas, thoughts, views, jokes, estimates can be attractive to him. And direct its activity there, not to attack the interests of the individual. Strain the intelligence, the intersection can be in the most unexpected place. But if you this place will find you can be active, not afraid to look Intrusive. And people will be glad of your activity. This activity will make you more beautiful in his eyes, show, smart, interesting, useful, and non-sticky tossing, suck energy, as if you began to claim the attention to the person, which is not interesting for him (he does not show interest).

I suggest you dream up on a theme of common interest. Maybe these examples have been in your experience (when it was necessary to connect their interests with the interests of another person, who were in another plane), or maybe you just simulate such a situation in imagination.

Of course, it is easier to be active and not look Intrusive when dealing with someone who is already with you in one plane of interest, you have one job, some friends, one hobby. Then you can talk, ask, tell, and feel great as there is no attack on him, but only the General topics. This is the simplest case (though there are pitfalls).

But the question is now about more complex cases. Common themes there, and they need to create. It is impossible to pull a person into its territory (he did not have and that is persistence), it is impossible to climb on his territory (you will not need them yet and that's the obsession), you need to simulate the common space of his and his interests and invite him to speak on this topic.

Try to remember or invent?  published 

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/160004.html