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Hidden poison in a relationship
You know the feeling of tiredness and irritation after a conversation with a certain person? It seems to be just well sitting with a friend over a Cup of coffee, led an interesting discussion... Where do you feel fatigued, as if you are squeezed to the last drop, or anger, or resentment?
Depreciation it looks like a hidden poison which drop by drop poisons everything. Distinguish it difficult, but necessary, because the only way it is possible to resist.
The main message devalues interlocutor: what is important to you, in fact, was complete bullshit. It is possible to devalue the interests, work, Hobbies, relationships, and even thoughts or feelings. And if you recognize the open rudeness easily, the depreciation is often hiding under the mask of secular matters, and even caring interest.
For example, you started an interesting new work project that you are madly passionate, but it takes a lot of time and effort. You are very excited and ready without end to share with their loved ones, "burning" idea. Someone carefully listens and supports you, asks clarifying questions, comments... And your cousin, pitiful looking you in the face, asked: "Well, and also you work something in time? Personal life, probably, no?"
You like the gut hit. It would seem that this told the elderly aunt? But the subtext of this phrase is: "what you now carries a load of crap. Important personal life, and its something you just no."
Or you complain to a friend that a colleague is behaving unpleasant: rude, refuses to share information, pointedly ignores you. And in response to hear: "come on, come on, in all offices. Need to get used to". In fact, you just explained that your discomfort doesn't matter because of such troubles most people experience.
It is also possible to invalidate a thought, an idea or any creative expression. I still can't forget the comment, more than a year ago, written by a friend to my note in the social network. It was just one sentence with a question like: "What motivates you to write such incredibly long posts?.. It touched me very much, because in the post I shared what seemed to me important and interesting. Depreciation hurts: all the approving comments and "likes" I forgot, and a single derogatory response still remember.
Perhaps worst of all, when the depreciation becomes internal. The voice that tells you: "What nonsense!", — the sound begins not outside, but in your head. I often hear from clients is heartbreaking, in my opinion, saying that their unrequited love, anguish because of professional lack of implementation or anxiety — nonsense, with which to come it is a shame. But why ashamed? — But because in the world are suffering much worse: planes crash, killing someone's loved ones, starving children. As if all the world's ills are not confined in the end to personal suffering of individual people.
How to resist depreciation? The most important rule: stop trying to devalue themselves. Your feelings, interests, values and thoughts by default, important and have a right to exist. This idea should become an axiom. And then the alignment of the external borders will gradually work itself out.
The friend that doesn't understand your feelings, you can just say: "You know, for me it is really unpleasant situation. I understand that all faced with office turf games, but this isn't helping". It often helps to appeal to our own experience of the interlocutor. It makes a man remember how he felt in a similar situation: "Maybe what happened? As you come out of the situation?"
Mom or tactless aunt, whose heart aches for your unsettled personal life, should try to calmly explain your current priorities. It is very important not to make excuses, but to explain, having placed points over "i": "Business, which I am doing now is very interesting to me and important. I'm going to complete it, even if in the next six months I anything else no time".
If you know that the chances for a constructive dialogue with relatives are negligible, is to laugh it off or walk away from an unpleasant topic: "I heard that this fall in fashion fierce careerist, not interested in personal life!.. By the way, Auntie, how are you feeling this weather?"
Unfortunately, your way will certainly meet people for whom the depreciation of others became a way of life because they feel their power and control over what is happening. From these characters it is better to stay at a distance possible: to alter their you can not, but the trauma over and over again will get.
Again, this would be easier if you approve the value of their own feelings, experiences and thoughts "from the inside" as a law. You — important, all your feelings have a right to exist and recognition, and your thoughts and ideas are interesting to you first of all. If someone they seemed trite or boring — let pass by. Or criticize constructively, you have to listen to their opinion, and not just felt like something useless and meaningless.published
Author Yana Filimonova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.matrony.ru/obestsenivanie-skryityiy-yad-v-otnosheniyah/
Depreciation it looks like a hidden poison which drop by drop poisons everything. Distinguish it difficult, but necessary, because the only way it is possible to resist.
The main message devalues interlocutor: what is important to you, in fact, was complete bullshit. It is possible to devalue the interests, work, Hobbies, relationships, and even thoughts or feelings. And if you recognize the open rudeness easily, the depreciation is often hiding under the mask of secular matters, and even caring interest.
For example, you started an interesting new work project that you are madly passionate, but it takes a lot of time and effort. You are very excited and ready without end to share with their loved ones, "burning" idea. Someone carefully listens and supports you, asks clarifying questions, comments... And your cousin, pitiful looking you in the face, asked: "Well, and also you work something in time? Personal life, probably, no?"
You like the gut hit. It would seem that this told the elderly aunt? But the subtext of this phrase is: "what you now carries a load of crap. Important personal life, and its something you just no."
Or you complain to a friend that a colleague is behaving unpleasant: rude, refuses to share information, pointedly ignores you. And in response to hear: "come on, come on, in all offices. Need to get used to". In fact, you just explained that your discomfort doesn't matter because of such troubles most people experience.
It is also possible to invalidate a thought, an idea or any creative expression. I still can't forget the comment, more than a year ago, written by a friend to my note in the social network. It was just one sentence with a question like: "What motivates you to write such incredibly long posts?.. It touched me very much, because in the post I shared what seemed to me important and interesting. Depreciation hurts: all the approving comments and "likes" I forgot, and a single derogatory response still remember.
Perhaps worst of all, when the depreciation becomes internal. The voice that tells you: "What nonsense!", — the sound begins not outside, but in your head. I often hear from clients is heartbreaking, in my opinion, saying that their unrequited love, anguish because of professional lack of implementation or anxiety — nonsense, with which to come it is a shame. But why ashamed? — But because in the world are suffering much worse: planes crash, killing someone's loved ones, starving children. As if all the world's ills are not confined in the end to personal suffering of individual people.
How to resist depreciation? The most important rule: stop trying to devalue themselves. Your feelings, interests, values and thoughts by default, important and have a right to exist. This idea should become an axiom. And then the alignment of the external borders will gradually work itself out.
The friend that doesn't understand your feelings, you can just say: "You know, for me it is really unpleasant situation. I understand that all faced with office turf games, but this isn't helping". It often helps to appeal to our own experience of the interlocutor. It makes a man remember how he felt in a similar situation: "Maybe what happened? As you come out of the situation?"
Mom or tactless aunt, whose heart aches for your unsettled personal life, should try to calmly explain your current priorities. It is very important not to make excuses, but to explain, having placed points over "i": "Business, which I am doing now is very interesting to me and important. I'm going to complete it, even if in the next six months I anything else no time".
If you know that the chances for a constructive dialogue with relatives are negligible, is to laugh it off or walk away from an unpleasant topic: "I heard that this fall in fashion fierce careerist, not interested in personal life!.. By the way, Auntie, how are you feeling this weather?"
Unfortunately, your way will certainly meet people for whom the depreciation of others became a way of life because they feel their power and control over what is happening. From these characters it is better to stay at a distance possible: to alter their you can not, but the trauma over and over again will get.
Again, this would be easier if you approve the value of their own feelings, experiences and thoughts "from the inside" as a law. You — important, all your feelings have a right to exist and recognition, and your thoughts and ideas are interesting to you first of all. If someone they seemed trite or boring — let pass by. Or criticize constructively, you have to listen to their opinion, and not just felt like something useless and meaningless.published
Author Yana Filimonova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.matrony.ru/obestsenivanie-skryityiy-yad-v-otnosheniyah/
