In his youth, friends - this is our world, and when we grow up, they often unfortunately recede into the background. But friends are still very much needed - for the bustle and routine of daily business conduct and we miss them mental conversation. And when, finally, we get to meet and talk excitedly and we can not stop talking.
Why friends move away in time and what to do in order not to lose them permanently? Website published an article by journalist Julie Beck, in which she answers these questions.
Friendship - is freedom. In its beauty and weakness. H3> In the hierarchy of relations of friendship is at the bottom - important for us lovers, parents, children - all of them are beyond friendship.
Friendship - is a unique relationship, because in contrast to the family ties (Pap mothers, sons, daughters), friends we choose. A marriage or a novel, they also do not like, because I do not have a formal structure. If you do not talk to their parents or husband / wife a month - between you obviously something wrong, and with friends is a common thing.
However, study after study shows how important it is for the happiness of friends and even to human health - and mental and physical. Although friendship and is changing as people grow up and grow old, friendship expectations are unchanged.
"And the 14-year-old, and the centenarians describe a close friend of the same. This is a man with whom we can talk, we depend on and with whom we feel great. Changing only the circumstances in which these qualities manifest friendship "- says William Rawlins, a professor at Ohio State University.
The voluntary nature of friendship makes it more vulnerable than other more formal ties. Friendly relations people donate in the first place, if they are forced by this circumstance, as a priority - always a family, a husband or wife. And besides, if a child or for Masha Vasya could just run to the neighbor's house and call a walk, now in the best case, a select few hours a month together to drink beer or wine.
The most beautiful thing in friendship - this is freedom. We ourselves choose our friends and make friends with them, not because they are obliged to, but because we like it. However, freedom has a downside - as easily and at any time may be interrupted friendships.
How does friendship with age h3> In the childhood friend - the one with whom fun to play, and in adolescence between friends there is support and understanding. Youth - the best time for friendship, during this period it becomes deeper and more meaningful. At this age, a person is looking for those who share its values and views on the important things. And it is in youth a person can devote as much time to your friends. Independent Make new friends wherever appear. Good friends have more than a really deep relationship. Discerning Plant a few really close friends over the years and maintain a relationship with them. This method is not perfect, because the loss of a friend can be an ordeal. Golden Mean It is best to combine both ways: not to lose touch with old friends and make new lives for, while moving and changing jobs.
According to recent studies, young people spend with friends from 10 to 25 hours a week. It is the most active period for the construction of social relationships - between the ages of 20 to 24 years most of the day boys and girls carried out by interacting with different groups of people: classmates, friends, etc.
When people approach middle age, friendship is running out of time because of responsibilities at work and at home. Of course, much easier to cancel a meeting with other than contact with the child or a meeting at work. Very often it is true friendship helps us to grow, to understand who we are and where we go from here, but when we grow up, it is no longer time for the people who helped us to make important life decisions. And it's very sad.
In adulthood, the way to make new friends is changing - we agree with our colleagues, friends, children - and, mainly, because perforce spent much time together. As a result, the ability to make friends just like that, at the call of the heart, can atrophy.
Over time, when people retire, and their children grow up, they again begin to appreciate the simple pleasures and prefer to spend time on something that makes them happy - communication. Many build relationships with friends who have lost touch, and even give birth to new ones.
How to make new friends
Throughout life, people acquire friends and maintain friendships in different ways:
What helps to keep the friendship h3> Many people are able to maintain friendships for life. But how do they manage to get through the most dangerous period - the average age of all its obligations and bustle?
Will people communicate when grow up, depends on their commitment to each other and the time that they are willing to spend on communication. Sociologist Andrew Ledbetter from Ohio University studied the relationship of several dozen of the best of friends and found that the more they time together in his youth, in 1983, the closer relationship they had in 15 years, in 2002. In other words, the more you invest in Today, the friendship, the stronger will be friends in the future.
Other research has shown that it is important for people to feel that their contribution to the friendship equivalent - that they get as much as they give. Dedication and the ability to give - another pledge of friendship for life.
communication in social networks is not enough h3> The development of modern technologies allows friends to communicate not only in person. The more ways you use - SMS, email, funny link social networks and personal meeting - the stronger your connection. If all your own - it's just Facebook, with some certainty we can say that such a friendship is doomed.
There are several levels of preservation of friendly relations. The first - to do a minimum of body movements that relations are not interrupted. It is enough, and online communication. Send "Happy Birthday" in social networks and photo layknut - is also a way to save the friendship. However, mechanical methods, such as respirator.
The next level - to maintain a certain level of intimacy. To do this often enough, too, online communication, especially if you live far from each other: write an email, a text message with the words of support.
But if you want friendly relations even higher level of friendship that brings real satisfaction, Internet communication is not enough. "Live" conversation with a friend will never replace messages in the network. Just talking face to face to bring those feelings of warmth, closeness and support that we so need.
The main enemies of friendship: courtesy and circumstances h3> «It is important to understand how much the friendship depends on the circumstances of life, - says Rawlins. - Think about how much we have to do in life - work, care for children and parents. Friends same - independent people and adults can take care of themselves, so we often exclude them from our hectic schedules ».
Study Emily Langan, professor of social interactions Wheaton College has shown that people feel that they should be polite with his friends and is too afraid to impose their society. We can not, as a child, yelling rudely at the window, "Bob, come out!" Or just come to visit as a youth.
People understand that friends have their cases, and can not require a lot of time and attention to his person. The saddest thing is that it is a mutual process. That's what friends are beginning to drift apart, even unwittingly. Just out of courtesy.
But what makes a friendship fragility, makes it also flexible. Rollins Study participants noted that continued to regard each other close friends, despite long periods of "silence».
It's sad that when we grow up, we have less time to spend with friends and rely less on them. But we learn a new "adult" friendship that gives way to other commitments, but not interrupted, no matter what. This may not be the ideal relationship, but such is life.
In the end, friendship - is freedom.
What about you, you have real friends and how often do you manage to communicate?