My boyfriend on Saturday, he returned with a party in honor of the birthday of a colleague and told me an interesting story. After the N-th bottle of champagne, when a crowd of guests from 40 people have already started rocking, relaxed and made friends, my Clement overheard a conversation between two girls. One is French, the second was born in Sri Lanka, but the last few years living in Paris. Lankina (and Yes – I had to Google that word) complained that the constant arguing with my fiance, living in the States, about the upcoming wedding.
He want a big ceremony and celebration for *** people in a French Chateau, and she wants to wear a cocktail dress and quietly in a circle of best friends to uncork a couple bottles of wine with good music and delicious food. Further – more, we need to decide who will move after the wedding. And if Chateau number of guests and the length of the dress is still possible to find a compromise, then settle somewhere between the us and France so that both were comfortable, it does not work. And nobody wants to concede. Guy Niomi (the name of the girl) uses the "iron argument": the woman is easier to adapt to a new place and career she's not as serious as he had, anyway – a woman should be where her man is.
This phrase in my head has been a slight short circuit. "A woman should be where her man" — as once said by the personnel Manager in the company where I worked. Then, eight years ago, this idea really resonated with my inner state. I was going to move her boyfriend in Kiev, he studied at the correspondence Department and was basically ready for new perspectives. Three years ago, the scenario was repeated, but with a slightly different background: I had a good job that I loved, and my whole life is just okay and it came in some kind of rut in Kiev. But love, as we know, descends suddenly. And call to Paris. Neither in the first nor in the second case, there was no option – who will move. There was only the need to my decision. And in both situations, I went on about their feelings, what is not regret. Never wanted to return to the past and, applying the theory of butterfly effect, to go some other way. "What if I hadn't moved?" — such questions I don't ask. But now, as an adult, I began to ask myself other questions. In particular – does a woman have to be there, where is her man?
I have an objection. In the sense – object to the form that the woman "shall" be sure to follow your partner for life. When you're under thirty, especially keenly feel how much you just "have" to this society. The woman should support the man, to inspire him. A woman should be wise. The woman should be the rear, a safe haven for men. In addition, you have to be a good mom, wife, mistress. You must evolve, be interesting, look good. And most importantly – you must be moderately intelligent, moderately strong, moderately feminine. Together, these "should" somehow make women a kind of Annex to the man, for his success, well-being and mental health, finally. I already feel like nostrils disagree with what I just said. But think about it – how often in your life man hears of this Directive, aimed at building a relationship with a woman?In the best case he said that he is the breadwinner and the breadwinner.
Grandma Chanel claimed that the woman by 30 years did not turn out beautiful, just stupid.
What about women who, on reaching Mature age, have not learned to be happy separately from men? Man, of course, need people. We are so constituted that we need to witness our own lives. But how in this world of sad stories, when the relationship breaks due to the fact that the whole world women are confined to the male. When love becomes so much that it turns into a pillow, and smother you. The strongest relationship that I've seen, usually when people really well together, but separately is fine. When everyone has personal space, and no it does not infringe. When no one binds you to itself and not manipulated. When any action harmoniously to add the prefix "inter". When a compromise periodically are two, not one.
And in this sense I understand very well, Niomi that refuses to move overseas just because "a woman should be where her man". Agree how much it means very wording. Why is it that a man tied to a career, and a woman to a man? Why concessions must go only it? This whole situation could look different if two people sat down and made a list of "pros" and "cons" – who is REALLY easier and less painful to change your life. In the end, such a global solution, when it is taken incorrectly, it can lead to many conflicts in the future. And the worst thing is to arouse guilt from the partner for whose sake you have sacrificed.
For example, this winter I realized how much unfinished business was left behind me in Ukraine. And along with that came the realization that I don't feel tied to the place if you seriously want to live with half a year in Kiev. And it just is included the mechanism of compromise and non-interference in the personal space: a man who loves and respects me, said "Cool, go – remember the romance of long-distance relationships". After all, a Frenchman and a Ukrainian woman, to know what it is, and that is possible only with the prospects. When you both know it's just a phase and it will end. But in conversation with friends, when I talk about the desire to live in Kiev, I immediately ask: "what is your husband?" "What about your husband?" "What about the husband?" "And the husband let you go?" Still never said, "what about Paris?" or "Wow, cool!" It would be great if in these matters was less emphasis on gender roles. Want, people were just simply together. Just happy. Just next. Just respect the wishes and needs of each other and were not selfish, who pull a blanket everyone in the party. In addition, I feel that the less extruded society woman that she is actually a woman.
He would have to know how it will end, Niomi and her American fiancé. I hope that both of them have the patience to be loyal to each other. And most importantly – the strength to be honest with ourselves. P. S. For statistics — how many stories do you know when the man left work to relocate for his beloved in another country? I – one. published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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