What causes sacrifice in relationships

Self-sacrifice occurs in a woman for several reasons. Sometimes this is blind love, which requires a powerful egocentric man, forming an idol worship complex in a woman.

Sometimes a woman comes to sacrifice through a progressive inner need to save a man or even form a mission. The latter, by the way, is akin to monastic tonsure and is often characteristic of Slavic women. But whatever the reasons, they all lead a woman into a “high-risk group” because, by sacrificing herself, she often opposes a full-fledged project of her own.









Remarkable in this sense is the story of Tatiana Lappa, who despised herself for the sake of her beloved. Psychologists ask: Can a woman expect love from her chosen one if she does not love herself? If you look at the photo of Tatiana Lappa, the first wife of the writer Mikhail Bulgakov, depicting her in old age, perhaps you can embrace amazement. A woman seems noble and majestic, and even at the age when they no longer remember femininity and charm, she looks proud, heartfelt, even courageous. Well, in her youth, without exaggeration, she was an amazing beauty, a lively girl, capable of both a strong, truly masculine act and rare patience. Sometimes it seems that it is this selfless masculinity against the background of abandoning his life project in favor of the project of her husband and ruined it. And I can’t believe that such a woman can be left behind, especially after such sacrificial steps that she made.

Recklessly devoted to her husband, Tatiana, from the very beginning of mutual relations, as it were, included a program to excommunicate herself from love. This mistake was the result of frivolity: helping her beloved to get an education, she did not bother about her own. It was then that a kind of double slope appeared: the man climbed up all the time (almost always thanks to her help), and the woman descended down. But Tatiana, living exclusively for her man, did not understand much and did not learn to understand.

In the first years of life together, the husband only thought about doing something bizarre for the young wife, surprise her, entertain her. This is common to many lovers. And it blinded her, lulled her vigilance and will. Tatiana lived for one day, completely trusting the man and not thinking about the future that should be won. In the absence of the desire to achieve self-sufficiency, her blatant infantility manifested itself, because the radiance of youth for a woman, if she only seeks harmony, should eventually replace the ability to become someone in society. That doesn’t contradict the goal of being attractive for as long as possible.

Tatiana, or Tasia, as Bulgakov affectionately called her, was ready to endure fantastic difficulties - with her he would have crossed the desert and not noticed that it was difficult for her. But she did not take into account that for a man, the path of self-realization is more important than love and stronger than the notorious well-being - with comfort, warmth and an enthusiastic wife nearby. See also: The secret of the marriage of Vera Nabokova. Sacrifice to madness, earthly to insanity. Both, it would seem, should have become her advantages, but with a husband who is carried away, detached from reality, sometimes hovering in the clouds of virtual perception of life, these qualities have become vulnerable places for women. But those who knew her personally claimed that she was alone and really loved Mikhail Bulgakov.





It seems absolutely certain that Tatiana “understood everything from half a word, was tuned to the same emotional wave with him.” And he got used to this wave and somehow stopped appreciating its sacrifice. Sacrifice is never appreciated! Bulgakov looked up to heaven and did not see his Tasi there anymore, but saw other women whom he had to join in order to solve his main task - life-mission. Tatiana cured him of typhus, risking infection and not fearing it. Healed from drug addiction. Because of a loved one, she decided to have two abortions. The wood itself was cut, the stove was melted, the inexhaustible energy of a lifelong devoted friend always beat in it. Literally, she took him by the hand to the start, to the first applause. “Taskin’s help for me is not countable” – these are the words of the writer himself.

But for this uncompromising struggle to return her husband to the world of successful people, she unforgivably forgot about herself. He grew up, she remained nothing, and it eventually destroyed her. You could see how Bulgakov began to treat her as a “servicing staff”, splashing out all the negative emotions on her. The effect of incongruity is obvious here, which often serves as a destructive mechanism of marriage. Even if it is made of genuine, deep love. The refusal of one of the partners from personal spiritual growth predetermines cracks that can no longer be repaired. Thus, as we see, great love in itself can be sacrificial, suffering, and even masochistic. But harmony in a pair never coexists with sacrifice.published



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Source: 5sfer.com/6445-k-chemu-privodit-zhertvennost-v-otnosheniyax.html