You'd be surprised! Why people are late Bashny.Net

"I can't help but be late." and "Why am I doing this?"

Lateness is just a way of expressing hidden aggression toward someone you’re late to.

To be late, not to come at all or “for good reason,” to come two hours late or at the end of the event is one way of presenting your aggression. Not directly, not openly, but in a hidden, veiled way.

People wait, get angry, worry, waste their time, are in limbo, everyone has nerves on the limit, count on you. You disrupt meetings, negotiate, be late for your best friend's birthday, show up at the end of the event. And when you come, present a “respectable reason” – traffic jams, a sick child, an unexpectedly collapsed urgent work, a broken nail or “just forgot”.





Those you're late to want to kill you. And the late innocently claps his eyes, crushes and nods to the imperfection of the world and his inability to reach, to reach on time. And he is very offended when he is rightly accused of being late. “It’s not me, it’s the world. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

Here it is hidden aggression – a person makes a nasty, some aggressive attack, but does not take responsibility for it.

They often don’t really understand what’s going on. It tries, it gathers, it does everything possible, but the space is so organized that cars break down, the Internet shuts down, computers hang up, children get sick, bosses call, customers go crazy and everything happens that you can not get there on time or at all.

It’s like the whole world is against... it’s not really the world against, it’s me.

The first step is to bring your real feelings back to the subject of your lateness. Not the ones you want to experience, but the ones you actually experience.

It could be fear.
“I don’t want to come because I’m afraid. What I fear is the tenth case. Not much, but I am afraid.

Alert.
"I don't like all this..."

Anger.
" They're all assholes. We have to go, but only idiots are gathered.

Contempt.
"Nothing, they'll wait... Tea, not gentlemen...

Envy.
" Well, again they will be there so smart, successful, successful. And I will feel like a fool.

Loss of meaning.
" In fact, it’s just a waste of time. This is a completely meaningless formal meeting. For a tick. You have to go, but what nonsense to go there!

Magically, when awareness occurs, the clouds dissipate and the world is no longer intrigued. You can recognize your true feelings and choose whether to walk or not to walk. If you walk on what terms. Reclaiming responsibility works wonders.

This does not mean that everything is controlled, and force majeure does not happen in life. but if lateness is a norm for you, then this is no longer a force majeure, but your way of interacting with the world and people.

For which you will read your anxieties, embarrassment, fears, envy, fears, contempt and shame. There is a lot of hidden aggression in this way. You can guess about it not only by your feelings, if you are honest with yourself, but also by the reaction of people around you.

Usually people are very unhappy when someone does not fulfill their obligations, violates time limits, ruins their plans. And even if you try not to show it, you feel it.





Time is a boundary. The violation of this border is perceived as barbarism, vandalism, invasion and destruction, violation of my rules, conditions, borders, agreements. The destruction of my world, the violation of my laws and external conditions.

Violation of temporal boundaries, as well as violation of any other boundaries of the personality - spatial and physical, gives rise to retaliatory aggression. The need for boundaries is one of the basic, meta-needs of man. These are human needs that are always there and do not depend on anything.
Other meta-needs include the need for security, intimacy, and interaction.

This means that if you jeopardize, for example, a person’s financial security – do not fulfill obligations, break agreements, do not pay bills, then you will be very angry.





One way of concealed aggression is not to pay off debts or pay what is your responsibility to pay.

Being in time, as well as in contact with their obligations, means taking back responsibility for their actions and decisions, regaining adulthood and freedom, getting out of the role of a “victim of circumstances” and a child who cannot help but go to school, therefore lies, skips and gets sick.

You are an adult now and the decision is yours.

P. S.

I have a suggestion for you to explore your nature of lateness.

How does this happen to you?

What are your late arrivals?

Where does “click” happen and you fall out of time?

What is the most difficult time for you?

Where are you going?

What scares you, repels you, causes anxiety?

What are you “resisting”? What are you trying to delay?

Take a few days for this job. Watch yourself.

What seemed to be the “irresistible force of fate” or the “individual personal inability to be on time” will be revealed to you in a new light. Your own mechanism and the motives that drive it will come out of hiding. If you want to, you can change it. published



Author: Irina DYBOVA



P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!

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Source: dybova.ru/blog/