One of the most common women's issues – "Where are the strong men?" Immediately turn your attention to the fact that care is a strong women that is smart, successful, independent in all senses. Well, or aspiring to it.
You can, of course, with a smile to say that while they did themselves and their career, "weak" women have been doing make-up and dismantled all strong men, but it would be far from the truth.
The truth is that strength and weakness are relative concepts. Next to the one person you feel strong next to others – is weak. If you want to get the space for living, awareness of our own strength – you'll go to the first if, on the contrary, I want to complain-complain – go to the second.
You've probably already guess where I'm going with this, but I — still — ...Strong men and strong women share one and the same property
– both like to be strong, they are proud of their strength, self-respect for power. And, at the same time — need to confirm what they think, see, recognize how strong.
That is why they will look for a partner who will be able to give it to them. This will be the one who is weaker, younger, less experienced, less successful, less significant, not as smart, occupying a lower position, etc. And it's not something that is done consciously – just at the stage of finding a partner for a relationship they will feel calmer and more confident (in his power) with such person.
On the other hand, strong people are ashamed of the manifestations of its weakness
, although secretly sometimes I wish to find someone who at least for a time relieved them from the burden of power, and stayed strong for two.
Women say: "So wants to be weak around someone. Where do we get this? The one whom I wish to obey and trust him – reliable, strong and worthy. Let him first prove that he is stronger than me!" Strong men act otherwise, if you can afford it, they look at you with sad eyes and say "I'm so tired, why would I do that, what's the point?.."
They say that in both cases, of course, not partner, and close friend/friend — if there is such, or a therapist (which, of course, safer). If partner is accepted at keep the tail gun, because if he stops believing in the power of our hero, it will be a complete collapse.What do you think would happen if in the life of our strong character will be a yet-more-powerful partner?
Still unfamiliar, but one who — like — and ordered a strong man. We can assume that he will face the experience of anxiety. Strong anxiety. And what reason to trust him? And suddenly he "pomatrosil and cast"? And suddenly hurt? What if I get attached and he doesn't? Etc. in Short, to relax and to rush into the arms of a strong man for our tired from the burden of the hero, will be not so easy.
A small note: he is strong, it has become a reason, I guess? Apparently, when he was weak, for objective reasons (that is – a child), he had somehow not sweet. And certainly the last thing he wants to return to that terrible, dependent position.And our hero will start to check its potentially strong partner.
Pin up, to compete, to play, to manipulate – that will come up. A kind of reconnaissance. Maybe they will get along (fun in the relationship may be enough), but this is unlikely to be a cute and fluffy couple, but rather their Union will be like a war with infrequent intermittent truce or armed neutrality. In short, not to rest. And wear no one will be removed.
And while wins our hero will at first rejoice, then grieve about the other-more strong, who all the same would have been stronger. And during losses – so much to be frightened that the partner will notice the weakness and cast (for this very weakness) that will feel either extremely depressed and vulnerable (and hide it), or with even greater fury and determination to rush into battle. In General, anything good.
Well, more, I think the oil painting I've sketched out.
Then – "diagnosis and treatment"...Each of us unconsciously committed to health, to balance.
We, in all senses, is a self — regulatory system. In particular it relates to a paired relationship. A partner who is near us is the "reflection" of our "diagnosis". Reflected the most urgent needs of our inner world.
Often what you do not like in a partner (especially if it somehow were inherent also in the top ten of your previous partners) – you need to feel a certain way around him
. And this applies not only to issues of strength and weakness.
By the way, here lies the reason for the universal and ineradicable desire to change partner "for the better". With hope: "maybe he will change and win my inner monster, instead of adapt to it? I myself as not good..."
Illustrate. That's not a strong woman to be weak and to rest a bit from their strong business — something inside resists. But – it hopes — will the Other-more-strong – a Knight In Shining Armor, and released from the Great Inner Dragon, forcing to be strong. (Women's language: "prove that he's stronger," which translated, basically means: "take away all my Affairs and concern myself and do everything better than me." Which, by the way, does not happen). And there will be peace and quiet in the inner world.
Good hope. Healthy. But, alas, not feasible...
Don't throw yourself!The story of sneakers
But "treatment" is clear – meet your Dragon find out more about it, learn how to interact with him, leaving space for other things besides the main task (e.g., "to be strong). In short, take care of yourself. With or without. Together with a partner or separately. Individually or in groups. Then there is a chance to make their life easier, give yourself the right to be weak sometimes.
To stop, finally, "change" the middle – and then he will change himself (if love survived). Or get away from you (when love is gone) to make room for the one you dreamed of. Because you will have a different inner world. And he will need a new "reflection" for a new "diagnosis". published
Author: Victoria Pekarskaya
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©