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How to get out of resentment of a lifetime
Bashny.Net
The July evening. Sticky, hot sweat pressed against the closed Windows. Whirring fan, creating the appearance of coolness.
On the bed, crying from fear and pain eight year old girl. She just fell off the swing. A huge “boat” a few times held it out on the gravel upside down. Somehow the young girl managed not to injure the face, but... right breast scheana to impossible to watch. Swollen bruised mess.
The frightened mother sitting there, not knowing what else she could help. Her face tense with compassion and horror. As if it's her Breasts flecked with sharp gravel road.
Time passes, dad is back... and declares that there is no medication and more it to the pharmacy will not go.Adult woman holding on for dear life, she tries to be reasonable and to “control the situation”: called the doctor, found out what to do, sent her husband to the pharmacy.
– You go!
“Go myself! You go! You go!..”
”I always do everything myself! You were never there when you were needed! Never!!!”
A hot wave of resentment is covered his head. Furious words of pain, resentment, and unspoken tears burst out and explode in fiery fireworks. Integer glow of anger and righteous vengeance. Much more than can be expected in such a situation.
“You never, never there when you were needed! And now that you're here, you act like you no!”
A violent slam of the door, and a woman in the street. Resentment is choking a lead ring. Unbearable physical pain, as in acute sore throat, grasps the throat, not giving neither to swallow nor breathe.
But neither scrollable thoughts of outrage, no permission to release, finally, resentment or speech claims to the husband does not bring relief. Throat more and more acute compresses that block pain.
“You never, never around...”
“A “NEVER” is when?” – a question to himself from somewhere in the area of self support.
A son in his 8 months he fell and hit his head on the floor. The ambulance brought them in a zip with a suspected concussion. A picture made and released. And now she wanders with her child, hastily wrapped in a blanket, in this vast dark territory, realizing that he had completely lost and has no idea where to go next....And right before my eyes POPs up a late autumn evening and a huge dark area Zipovskaya hospital, where it is not clear where the entrance and where the exit is, where not lit no lamp, and only the emergency Department as a beacon that glows in the dark. And she, a young mother, one with a heavy, ringing from the screaming bundle. Wandering among the trees and tangled asphalt tracks, trying to find a way out of the hospital-monster.
A child torn hands, the Windows cry cry awakened, outraged patients. Tears of despair and resentment veiled her face. “His only and beloved man is not around. Now, when you need it”.
This pain and hurt was carried through life. It has been many years, but it seems that fingertips still remember the baby camel blanket.
... Ah, here it is when NEVER!
Once all the details came back to mind this situation, the throat immediately released. The pain is gone, like a bird, soaring from his perch. Flapped its wings and flew away. As if it never was.
And this, quite unexpectedly, came the realization: “But in other cases he was! Sure was!”
He was with her daughter when she was the only time in my life I was in the hospital. He held her all the time on his hands, whispered something in her ear, amused and soothed. And now, when she is so hurt he wants to be with her. Not seeing any incomprehensible medicine.
In many other cases, he experienced no less than ours, even when he wasn't around...
All curtain. Gestalt is completed.
Between the first and the last case was 15 years ago.
For several years I have been working with different women as a psychologist and coach. And I meet the same mechanism of retention and nurturing of resentment.
Something happened in the past. The case itself, because of its severity and pain, were forced out of memory. Or even happened “as if forgiveness.” But resentment remained. As in that joke: “Spoons were found, but the precipitate remained”.The mechanism of capsulization grievances in the following:
THE PRINCIPLE OUTPUT OF GRIEVANCES:
BEHOLD THE ROOT
“What makes me angry?
For example: the Child threw the sneakers in the hallway.
What exactly offends me in this?
The fact that he can't hear me, no notice, no respect, does not appreciate my concern ?
Or that he, in his carelessness very similar to me, and his shoes are a constant reminder of my own nesobrannosti?
Or I feel not good enough mother, and not accustom the child to order?
It is clear that the last two argument toward myself. In the first of them is to accept their complacency. And if you want something to change, to begin to change itself or together with the child.
In the latter case, too, it is about accepting yourself, some not so. When it is an accepted fact, the “evidence” in the form of scattered baby sneakers no longer evoke feelings of shame.
But in the first case, when the scattered shoes is a sign of disrespect to talk to your child.
Maybe once explaining why it is so important to you, not every day for many years, to say – “remove the shoes”.
THE PRINCIPLE OUTPUT FROM THE RESENTMENT OF A LIFETIME:
What causes such anger?
That in all this the worst?
It is important to formulate and convey a particular claim. Very often people do not even suspect that he has managed something to hurt you.
In the dialogue you can get out of their own ideas and to hear the other side. And the other hand, if she's honest with you and not inclined to confess, it would be quite a different opinion on this issue.
And if you do not immediately fall into the guilt of unjustly offended by an innocent man, then you will be able to reconstruct your view of the situation and find completely new ways of interacting, something you never tried before.
Dialogue enriches life, makes it live, giving the opportunity to meet with the man himself, not his image in your head.
The rules of “serious conversations”.
Finding the cause, you may be able to immediately see evidence of the opposite, and the pain that had been tormenting you for years, drop out myself.published
Author: Irina Dubova
5 conditions required to reach
Don't throw yourself!
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: dybova.ru/news/kak-vyjti-iz-obidy-dlinoyu-v-zhizn/
On the bed, crying from fear and pain eight year old girl. She just fell off the swing. A huge “boat” a few times held it out on the gravel upside down. Somehow the young girl managed not to injure the face, but... right breast scheana to impossible to watch. Swollen bruised mess.
The frightened mother sitting there, not knowing what else she could help. Her face tense with compassion and horror. As if it's her Breasts flecked with sharp gravel road.
Time passes, dad is back... and declares that there is no medication and more it to the pharmacy will not go.Adult woman holding on for dear life, she tries to be reasonable and to “control the situation”: called the doctor, found out what to do, sent her husband to the pharmacy.
– You go!
“Go myself! You go! You go!..”
”I always do everything myself! You were never there when you were needed! Never!!!”
A hot wave of resentment is covered his head. Furious words of pain, resentment, and unspoken tears burst out and explode in fiery fireworks. Integer glow of anger and righteous vengeance. Much more than can be expected in such a situation.
“You never, never there when you were needed! And now that you're here, you act like you no!”
A violent slam of the door, and a woman in the street. Resentment is choking a lead ring. Unbearable physical pain, as in acute sore throat, grasps the throat, not giving neither to swallow nor breathe.
But neither scrollable thoughts of outrage, no permission to release, finally, resentment or speech claims to the husband does not bring relief. Throat more and more acute compresses that block pain.
“You never, never around...”
“A “NEVER” is when?” – a question to himself from somewhere in the area of self support.
A son in his 8 months he fell and hit his head on the floor. The ambulance brought them in a zip with a suspected concussion. A picture made and released. And now she wanders with her child, hastily wrapped in a blanket, in this vast dark territory, realizing that he had completely lost and has no idea where to go next....And right before my eyes POPs up a late autumn evening and a huge dark area Zipovskaya hospital, where it is not clear where the entrance and where the exit is, where not lit no lamp, and only the emergency Department as a beacon that glows in the dark. And she, a young mother, one with a heavy, ringing from the screaming bundle. Wandering among the trees and tangled asphalt tracks, trying to find a way out of the hospital-monster.
A child torn hands, the Windows cry cry awakened, outraged patients. Tears of despair and resentment veiled her face. “His only and beloved man is not around. Now, when you need it”.
This pain and hurt was carried through life. It has been many years, but it seems that fingertips still remember the baby camel blanket.
... Ah, here it is when NEVER!
Once all the details came back to mind this situation, the throat immediately released. The pain is gone, like a bird, soaring from his perch. Flapped its wings and flew away. As if it never was.
And this, quite unexpectedly, came the realization: “But in other cases he was! Sure was!”
He was with her daughter when she was the only time in my life I was in the hospital. He held her all the time on his hands, whispered something in her ear, amused and soothed. And now, when she is so hurt he wants to be with her. Not seeing any incomprehensible medicine.
In many other cases, he experienced no less than ours, even when he wasn't around...
All curtain. Gestalt is completed.
Between the first and the last case was 15 years ago.
For several years I have been working with different women as a psychologist and coach. And I meet the same mechanism of retention and nurturing of resentment.
Something happened in the past. The case itself, because of its severity and pain, were forced out of memory. Or even happened “as if forgiveness.” But resentment remained. As in that joke: “Spoons were found, but the precipitate remained”.The mechanism of capsulization grievances in the following:
- This resentment has changed the perception of all future actions of a loved one. Now no matter what or how he's doing, even though he is a hundred times around, remains in the head: “he's never around”.
- At the same time in the hearts, at the peak of pain and despair, it was decided on revenge, contempt, dislike - something from the category of: “Let them understand how it was hard, painful and lonely.” The years passed, the situation forgotten, but one day decisions – like those Japanese soldiers who were forgotten on one of the Islands during the great Patriotic war and found after forty years – continue to serve until the entire form is canceled.
- As soon as there is a situation similar to something from the first, there is an explosion of aggression, pain and resentment. And this reaction is not appreciably adequate to what is happening in the present. Surely you've noticed how spoiled iron dress or abandoned child in the middle of the hallway running shoes suddenly take you out himself. And this offense puts on an incredible high degree of internal disturbance. “But this situation is your outrage?”
- These “candles” of aggression can be infinite. Until you see what you're so angry, you just need to get out aggression. And every time you explode with new power, depleting yourself and loved ones.
- Driven inside, the encapsulated grievances very strongly poison and impoverish our lives. We could live and be happy, a hundred times already agreeing about everything. But bear these mute witnesses of the past and continue to live according to the decisions of us 15-20-40 years ago.
- Blocked, not shown aggression, driven inward resentment, not perceived, but the constant anxiety is what is the basis of the vast majority of psychosomatic symptoms.
- Very often the root of the problem – the situation that started it all, is not Magistralny. It was essential for us then, and now it's just a small event on the timeline. But it is worth to try and see him. And pull out from his soul the pain that created around himself such a strong inflammation.
THE PRINCIPLE OUTPUT OF GRIEVANCES:
BEHOLD THE ROOT
“What makes me angry?
For example: the Child threw the sneakers in the hallway.
What exactly offends me in this?
The fact that he can't hear me, no notice, no respect, does not appreciate my concern ?
Or that he, in his carelessness very similar to me, and his shoes are a constant reminder of my own nesobrannosti?
Or I feel not good enough mother, and not accustom the child to order?
It is clear that the last two argument toward myself. In the first of them is to accept their complacency. And if you want something to change, to begin to change itself or together with the child.
In the latter case, too, it is about accepting yourself, some not so. When it is an accepted fact, the “evidence” in the form of scattered baby sneakers no longer evoke feelings of shame.
But in the first case, when the scattered shoes is a sign of disrespect to talk to your child.
Maybe once explaining why it is so important to you, not every day for many years, to say – “remove the shoes”.
THE PRINCIPLE OUTPUT FROM THE RESENTMENT OF A LIFETIME:
- Look for the seed of resentment, the basic claim.
What causes such anger?
That in all this the worst?
- Dialogue
It is important to formulate and convey a particular claim. Very often people do not even suspect that he has managed something to hurt you.
In the dialogue you can get out of their own ideas and to hear the other side. And the other hand, if she's honest with you and not inclined to confess, it would be quite a different opinion on this issue.
And if you do not immediately fall into the guilt of unjustly offended by an innocent man, then you will be able to reconstruct your view of the situation and find completely new ways of interacting, something you never tried before.
Dialogue enriches life, makes it live, giving the opportunity to meet with the man himself, not his image in your head.
The rules of “serious conversations”.
- Transformation in itself.
Finding the cause, you may be able to immediately see evidence of the opposite, and the pain that had been tormenting you for years, drop out myself.published
Author: Irina Dubova
5 conditions required to reach
Don't throw yourself!
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: dybova.ru/news/kak-vyjti-iz-obidy-dlinoyu-v-zhizn/
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