10 myths about monogamy: Natural or imposed rule

OUR ENTIRE CULTURE is BUILT ON the IDEA of a Union of MALE AND FEMALE is so strong that even LGBT people, standing at the forefront of demographic change, often unconsciously copy this model of relations.

But where did the idea of the desirability of the nuclear family, although many within it sooner or later becomes crowded and boring? Understand if correct the most common ideas about monogamy and the arguments in its favor.

1. People are monogamous by nature

Studies by ethnographers and anthropologists of behavior in different cultures show an incredible variety of sexual and mating behavior in humans. In Russia before the last century it was widely snokhachestvo.

Teenagers of the island Mangaia with the approval of the whole community the practice of promiscuity, and boys are trained to meet partners. In the Trobrian island in Melanesia circulated a ritual Orgy when women seeking men for sex and in case of refusal, threaten to bite off your eyebrows.

Indian nation, the Mure building dormitories for children and youth, and they were doing anything and with anyone you want. The nationality of Chugach (AK) there is polygynandry: the brothers marry women-sisters from the same family, and when one of them goes hunting, while others remain at the woman's time-husbands. Distributed in Tibet, and polyandry and polygamy depending on the region and access to resources.

The matriarchal moso ethnic group in China, produces girl at the age of 13 own room with a private entrance, a marriage they have in principle no, the sexual life of women happens in secret and is purely a personal matter. The moso traditions have survived to the present day, the first mentioning is Marco Polo, trapped there in 1265.

And James cook in 1769-m arrived in Tahiti and discovered that local sex publicly and are pleased to invite sailors to take part from the team cook. It is therefore reasonable to assume that even if monogamy is an innate human trait, the cultural traditions of her so easily suppress that to appeal to natural inclinations is futile.

2. Monogamy is the child of morality and the achievement of civilization

Well, let monogamy is not natural, but we're not animals, and highly developed creatures, easily capable of moral paired relationship, right? Unlike. Church, state and social institutions of centuries and cherish skewer to limit sexual behavior, severely punished for failure, but it doesn't stop people no matter who you are and what you'll pay for it. Even if you're an American President or a British Prince.

The Catholic Church pays an incredible amount to hundreds of victims because highly qualified priests were not able to remain faithful to the left or right hand. In contemporary China, "third girl" — stratum prestigious professional mistresses for wealthy men.

According to surveys, a quarter of Russians calls common cause of divorces is infidelity of a partner is the first thing people think of, and not in vain. When the tabloids reported a breakup of another celebrity couple, I take bets on who the first "go left".

We believe that monogamy is good — and real actions — is bad, but it turns out that behave "as expected" not, regardless of place of residence, age and social status.


3. Women are by nature monogamous, but not men

A common version of the polygamous men that women are given for food and emotional intimacy, and the sides never look invented by Victorian gentlemen. Darwin and other holders of a sufficient income, a decent education and the masses of free time has made an invaluable contribution to the development of the natural Sciences generally and the study of the origin of species in particular.

However, their explanations of the collected material sinned cognitive distortions, ingrained upbringing. The question in the format of "Can a human female, this pure angel in crinoline and without their own income, to crave physical contact with different males?" the answer was, of course, negative. In the view of the gentlemen the woman was born for fidelity, and sex suffered is that because of the love for the Motherland.

Subjective factors of perception affect the rating so much that since the XIX century, the myth only grew stronger, despite several serious objections. First, why do women need these liars and how do you manage to stay close to those who are lying and cheating? Second, how can we explain the existence of monogamous homosexual male couples? Third and foremost, with whom men cheat, if a woman needs only one partner, and the others are well, not interesting?


4. Women cheating on men with polygamous alpha males for the best genes

The stereotype is the opposite: only monogamous men, though not all, but only "not man enough". The women without exception are liars, using the resources of faithful men to raise children conceived from secret lovers macho, which in turn also loyalty are no different.

Sexist fantasies of greedy manipulators, sucking all the juices from several men, very popular among the injured fans of conspiracy theories, and aggressive supporters of the anti-feminist movement.

But it is better to look at the facts: in developed countries, approximately half (one third) are born to single mothers without any support of parasitism on the faithful and careful miners. And in families where the husband is and he believes his wife, on average, only 2% of children are from traveller fellow. Moreover, the picture again varies depending on cultural characteristics: in Mexico, the figure is 11 %, among the religious Jews — 0,4 %. Do not pull on the universal model.


5. For women natural monogamy because they aren't interested in sex

It would be better to say that women don't really care about what will be left defenseless, deprived of the opportunity to earn and forced to single-handedly take care of the children. Once women gained access to education, employment, social protection, effective contraception and independent decisions, it was found that the sex they are very much interested.

Moreover, women need more sex than men: they need more time to achieve orgasm than men, and they are capable of multiple orgasms. As excited woman should be able to repeat immediately after orgasm, again and again, as a man often is satisfied with a single discharge.

Mark TWAIN in "Letters from Earth" notes that a woman is able to roll any man and it still will not be enough, and capable of almost their entire lives, unlike men, who wasted few decades, and the daily use is limited.

Ovulation in women is hidden and does not manifest itself externally, unlike animals, we can and want sex at any time of the menstrual cycle, even in the days when the possibility of conception is radically reduced, but the partner never knows for sure. Women have a clitoris — a body not fit for anything more than receiving sexual pleasure.

A woman can even learn to orgasm from stimulation of almost any part of the body and incredibly diversified sexual pleasure. Among women more common bisexuality than men, and female sexual experience can be much wider for men, including the ecstatic experience of a mystical nature without special practices and psychoactive substances.

The female Homo sapiens is sexually the most endowed creature on the planet, and her interest in sex plummets only when it refers to serving the interests of men without taking into account the needs of women.

But even in conditions not conducive to the development of desire, natural female sexuality breaks out. Women wear a burqa and stoned to death for adultery, are left with no money, children and for the protection of families, millions of girls around the world still mutilate the genitals to reduce libido.

Unsatisfied desire for a long time were classified as hysteria, witches were burned, corsets, chastity belt and shoes limit mobility and ability to escape from the supervision — and in the process skewer the myth that woman do not need sex, she is ready to provide it in exchange for various benefits. However, somehow we survived without losing desire.

6. Monogamy is cost effective: it drags a mammoth, she sweeps the cave

About the evolutionary advantages of monogamy is often said in the context of nursing offspring. When man became upright and with a lot of clever head, to be born, he had actually underdeveloped and totally dependent, and then for years to ripen, hanging on the parent's neck.

It is logical to assume that forced to breast-feed a woman can not produce enough food for itself, it requires the provider and assistant, and the division of labor — the natural home production in the cell and the model of the "sex in exchange for food."

However, it is more logical to go and see the tribal hunters and gatherers and lived in primitive condition to the present day. Evolutionary biologist Jared diamond shows examples of studies on two different continents in Paraguay and Tanzania: women collector without toil provide themselves and children a sufficient amount of food, and the calorie content even higher than the prey of the hunter.

Hunters bring meat to his wife and children, and the whole village. And rightly so — in small communities it is extremely important cooperation and the ability to rely on neighbors in time of need. If a hunter always brings a prey for all, that when he, say, break a leg, neither he nor his family will not be left without meat.

By the way, women in the studied villages regularly go for a walk, but their marriage is not affected. And I prefer women for adultery, successful hunters, and there is a theory that they were including to show his prowess and get something on the side, and not for the sake of the beloved and shared the cave.

7. Men want confidence in their own paternity

The value of fatherhood appeared relatively recently — in the transition from hunting and gathering to the cultivation of the soil. Before (about 95 % of the time of existence of the human species) people were living in monstrous by our standards in poverty and almost without property, but not too strained. Women Bushmen kung San of the Kalahari desert and now spend in search of food for the whole family about 15 hours per week — two days in the usual numbers.

The rest of the time they sleep, go to visit other villages, have fun, perform rituals and do needlework. But the transition to agriculture made possible the emergence of significant surplus products and began the battle for natural resources. Female reproductive function is also turned to the resource, because children are working hands and the more hands on the field, the more prosperous the household.

Friedrich Engels after reading the classic work of the founder of the theory of social evolution Lewis Henry Morgan's "Ancient society, or the Study of the lines of human progress from savagery through barbarism to civilization," wrote his "Origin of family, private property and the state". According to Engels, agriculture gave rise to the owner, the opportunity to leave a legacy demanded native heir, and reproductive function of women has become a profitable object of sale, therefore, female sexuality took control and invented for her monogamy.

But the collectors of the idea of personal fatherhood especially did not touch, and do they know about the intricacies of conception and fetal development? Modern collectors, which did not touch the benefits of secondary education, often practice very common fatherhood, when all the men of the tribe take care of all children.

For example, a researcher Kulina tribe Donald Pollock found that those believe that a pregnancy begins when a woman will get a high enough seed, it required literally to pump sperm. Therefore, woman has sex with anyone who she likes in the hope to get from every some attractive qualities for your child. And the men mentioned above moso believe their own children only my sister's kids.

For the child this approach is much more profitable being in a monogamous pair family it is always someone will care, and thus dramatically increase the chances of survival. So, evolution and survival of the human species on the female side of the disordered relations and different models of distributed paternity, monogamy and the requirement of only one official father — the invention of the Patriarchy.

8. Monogamy is a way for men to ensure the transmission of their genes

Not at all. If the partner is infertile, the partners there is a serious genetic incompatibility or they are carriers of the same recessive genes that can ruin their offspring, monogamy is everything for the worst. In a world without genetic tests are much smarter than to have sex with different women, some of them will give birth to your children, and some of those will survive.

The woman makes sense to have sex with different men for the same reason: if a man is sterile, or incompatible, or non-viable offspring, its genes are not passed on to descendants, and besides it only gets the extra labor to birth before dying children, and in case of inability to get pregnant and bring up a child — exhausting too frequent menstruation.

Malcolm Gladwell cites research Beverly Strassman explaining how to the last couple of hundred years, regularly giving birth and breastfeeding women was higher than hundreds of periods throughout your life.

Now about 400, the other estimates tend to 500 (due to earlier menarche, earlier it was 16 and not 12 or 13 as of now). Even quarrelsome effect of premenstrual syndrome some researchers explain the need to deter partner to clear the space for other men and want to stop the efflux of blood (however, there are other versions).

Renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher in his work explains in detail how man was created by cooperation, collaboration and a tendency to avoid conflict within the community. Fisher — adept evolutionary of monogamy, but actually its calculations more logical fit in the justification of promiscuity.

To model the social softness of the man received the unique tool of struggle for the promotion of their own genes, namely the large penis the large and thick (erect state) among all hominids. Apes have a penis in relation to body size, the smaller the smaller females free behavior.

For example, gorillas keep harems and garamammadli — huge and powerful, to deter potential comers from their females and they have a tiny dick and sex is purely symbolic. In addition, the shape of the head of a human member, in the opinion of some researchers of sexual behavior, and even intended to "bail out" in the process the sperm of the previous visitor of the vagina.

We used to think that men by nature aspire to be the woman first, but nature suggests that it would be good for every day to be your last — no matter how many of them there before you were. Thus, the competition between different males reproductive reproduction is preserved, and remains a possibility to effectively maintain social balance.


9. Monogamy parents — the only way of survival for the offspring

In the conversation "for monogamy" argument, you can hear the story about how all of those male monkeys kill the cubs born to a female from another father. But people kill, not just to strangers, so let's not denigrate monkeys. Besides, apes are not a homogeneous mass, among them many types with a variety of sexual strategies.

For example, Gibbons are monogamous, living in pairs, not big companies, like people, and rarely have sex solely for reproduction. Small gorillas unlucky loser does not remain anything, but the aged owner of the harem could easily push aside the more young and strong females to miss him will not. Male chimps can fight over a female.

But bonobos, the closest standing to man on the evolutionary ladder, practicing matriarchal, promiscuous sex, and General fatherhood, alone among the great apes have sex face to face, and even came up with the sexual interaction between females. They are rubbing genitals and so establish peace and love in your society — to such an extent that among males, the Bonobo is a very low stress level.

The famous Primate researcher Frans de Waal says that the origins of human morality in monkeys can and should look for, but in fact, the evolution of morality does not care, she just goes through new opportunities and to survive those who are lucky, and the existing strategy works in the current environment.

And don't forget about all of the same distortions of perception. For example, we consider the behavior of Gibbons as a faithful partner, but Gibbons have no consciousness and culture, allowing them to make ethical choices in favor of loyalty — they simply follow laid in their reproductive strategies. At the same time "cuckold" bonobos will never understand the concept of promiscuity, but the mortality rate of males is they have two times lower than the pugnacious chimpanzees.

10. Only monogamy provides a necessary emotional intimacy

Every time we talk about the opposites of monogamy, come to mind promiscuity with strangers, the danger, the inevitable opprobrium and a tragic ending. However, our ancestors lived on a planet with incredibly low density of human population and could be a lifetime to meet not more than 150 people.

150 — the so-called Dunbar number — describes the maximum number of friendships that a person is able to maintain simultaneously. Christopher Ryan and Casilda Get in the book "Sex at the dawn of civilization. The evolution of human sexuality from prehistoric times to the present day" indicate that now the tribes, who number more than 150 people, split into two, because life in this community requires a thick friendly interactions.

150 (i.e. the upper bound) seems a large number, but if you have sex with all of them who cross age, likes and sexual orientation, it will not exceed the average number of ties of an ordinary citizen of the big city. Moreover, the community can and sleep with different people, and sharing the parenting, and housework, and food that only strengthens communication and understanding. Even modern polyamory often tend to a stable relations with a minimum number of participants and Swingers often are family friends.



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The desire for novelty and change partners, so inherent in man, does not negate the modern ideal of profound personal connection that provides the satisfaction from life and moral support. We all need love and intimacy, but it is time to recognize that sex is not the price for the relationship, not the path to building a family that he can be a meaningless pleasure, or, conversely, strengthen existing friendships.

Sex is part of life, which we can use as you want or not use at all. However, the confidence that one partner will automatically make someone happy and thus obliged to rejoice in monogamy and nothing else to desire, it is not realistic.


Author: Olga Strahov


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.wonderzine.com/wonderzine/life/sex/219199-one-love-or-not


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