The differences in the education of the "wild" tribes and the "civilized" society from birth. Part 3
Condemnation, especially reinforced by the stigma of "you Always...", is also very bad for the child, for it assumes that he is expected unsocial behavior. "Oh, you caught Napping! Again lost a sock in it!" or "What am I to do with you!" or a hopeless shrug, or a common statement like: "All boys are rascals", implying that children are inherently bad, or just a facial expression, showing that bad behavior was no surprise — all this is equally devastating to the child as a surprise or praise for social behavior.
Using a child to do what is expected of him, adults may be at the root to ruin his creativity. Suffice it to say something like: "Better paint over the linoleum in the hallway, otherwise you'll spill paint all flooring." The child will say to himself that to draw — it means "he want" and he will need a truly extraordinary inspiration, contrary to the expectation of the mother to draw something beautiful. How would adults or expressed disregard for the child — smile or cry — the result will be the same.
If communication with the child we believe that it is inherently a social creature, we need to know its inherent expectations and tendencies, and how they manifest.
Not allowing little girls to realize deeply inherent in them the desire motherly care of kids and directing their caress on dolls instead of real children, we, among other things, provide a disservice to future children of these girls. A little girl brought up in the conditions of the Channel, have not yet learned to understand the instructions of his mother, and already behaves in relation to babies exactly as they require from time immemorial. When she grows up, she'll already be so well-versed in the care of children that she would not come that the child can be treated differently, or that it is necessary to reflect. As all childhood she was engaged in younger children in your family or the neighbors when the time comes for marriage, she is nothing to learn at doctor Spock, her hands are strong and can carry a baby, and she knows uncountable quantity of ways how to hold the baby when you cook food, dig in the garden, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, sleep, dance, bathe, eat or do anything. In addition, she feels it instinctively — what actions do not correspond to its nature or the nature of the child.
Because the girl was busy with real kids, not dolls, she is never tired. Apparently, care of babies the strongest manifestation of human nature, and endless patience and love required to Babes inherent in every child, whether girl or boy.
The fact that the child is physically weaker than adults and depend on them, this does not mean that can be treated with less respect than an adult. About it very clearly says]: "Assume the dignity of the student before they will appear, in this respect the identity and communicate with him on equal terms."
We should not doubt the desire of the child to cooperate!
In my memory remained very vivid memory, once for the matinee on February 23 in kindergarten my parents and on behalf of the tutor together did five fur caps for boys. They were almost like the real thing, and we wrote yellow paint some words on the rim. Now I realize that I'm hardly a four year old could neatly write these letters (although all the letters were already familiar), but I was left with a clear feeling that we did it together as a family and with pleasure.
If the child since the earliest childhood give choice, his ability to argue develops unusually well, be it decision making or appeal for help to the elders. Caution corresponds to the level of responsibility, and therefore the error is reduced to very minimum. Taken in this way, the decision does not go against essence of the child and conducts to harmony and pleasure of all concerned. I remember at seven years old was already able to ride a bus to the other end of the city in a dance class or to the clinic for periodic examination, because had chronic disease for some time. Parents trust me because they both worked all day. So I brought a rather early sense of independence and responsibility for their lives. In this case, for me it was very strange to see that some children up to middle school every day drove to school. And I know that these children were not alone. Unfortunately, this too Intrusive care by the mother or father in childhood contributes to human insecurity and irresponsibility in the future.
Also I have always a surprise if someone of the women were afraid to write two to three year old toddlers with older children (if age difference is small) because in my experience this happened all the time with my younger sister, and no emergency occurred.
For anyone who tries to implement the principle of continuity in practice in a civilized society, perhaps, the most difficult will be to trust the child's ability to care for their own self-preservation. Most at least will sneak a wary eye on the children, risking that the child will catch this eye and will interpret it as expectation of him failing to save himself.
Children of every age group learn concepts relevant to their level of development, following on the heels of the older children until, until we reach a full understanding of all figures of speech and do not acquire the ability to understand adults and all the content of the speech they had heard from infancy.
In our system we try to guess what and how much a child can learn. The result is a contradiction, misunderstanding, disappointment, anger and a General loss of harmony.
If the adults in whatever was trying to get the child to understand anything, then there is a conflict between the level of cognitive abilities of the child and what he feels is expected of him. If the children you have to try to listen and understand what they can understand at their level of development, there is absolutely no indication of what information is, according to adults, the child has to learn that and prevent this devastating conflict.
2. The consequences of the lack of necessary childhood experiences in adult life
If the principle of continuity was not met and subsequent events in a person's life do not meet the nature of experience that led to his behavior, he is inclined to influence events so that they became similar to initial experience, even if it's not in his best interest. If he is used to loneliness, unconsciously will arrange their Affairs so that to feel similar loneliness. All attempts from its party or from circumstances to make it more or less alone will face resistance of the person inclined to preservation of its stability.
The person tends to support even usual level of concern. If you suddenly find that nothing to worry about, it can cause deeper and sharp excitement.
For someone who used to live "on the edge", complete security and tranquillity become as insufferable as the fall to the bottom of the abyss. In all these cases is the tendency to maintain what was supposed to be a complete well-being laid down in infancy.
Attempts considerably to change the settled circle of contacts or a view of success and failure, happiness and misfortune encounter resistance of the built-in stabilizers in us, and our intentions fly away from them as from a wall peas. Conation is rarely able to break the fortress of habit.
So life was tolerable, some people need often fall into poor physical condition (proneness to accidents), and others need to become on all life cripples to survive in the conditions of huge demand for maternal care, in entertainment or in punishment. The third has to do themselves fragile to support the right attitude to them of the family; such people really fall ill, only when others treat them too badly or too well.
One such example is one of my relatives. She was born the third child in the family and the child remembers that the eldest sister, brother and parents always paid more attention and care, in addition sister always protected from any business Affairs and physical stress, due to poor health. Because the youngest daughter was not very wanted child (which, by the way, she accidentally overheard adults), it is always shifted chores, she got wearing sister clothes, and often all the best food went to older brother and sister (it was the 50-ies, the food was intense). In her stories to attract the attention and affection of her mother, she often ate in the winter icicles and snow to be ill and to be treated like my older sister. But by nature she was a healthy man, and she failed to get sick.
Later, she married a man, an orphan with living parents, and unknowingly cared for him as her child (since he in turn got no experience of maternal affection) that it was fine. Then they had three children, she managed to create between the children and her good human relations, but when they become independent, she had all kinds of diseases. She became a frequent patient of hospitals. And adult sons showed the utmost care and attention to it. Largely, the cause of the disease remains the relationship with her husband, but while the children were young she can take care of all four men, according to her, her health was strong. That is, the time has come when the people close to make up for her lost experience what she unconsciously took.
Thus, every person from childhood unconsciously creates attitudes, norms, standards of behavior for life, with which it will compare all the rest with which everything will measure and counterbalance. Its stabilizing mechanisms will work for maintenance of these norms.
Such mechanisms are useful for some cruel trap, a kind of life imprisonment in a portable prison, what they do not even realize it.
Most people of my generation, as children did not receive full experience on hands at mother, so many of us there is a need for evidence of its accuracy and appeal, we continue to subconsciously seek these experiences and expertise in a specific and inherent nature order. The unsatisfied need for impressions manual "period" is waiting for your satisfaction and leaves traces on further development of the body and thinking.
This can manifest itself in various forms.
Hatred to itself, uncertainty is commonplace in our society. The only difference is the degree of their neglect that depends on when and how the lack of various experience affected our innate qualities.
The feeling of happiness already ceases to be a normal state of a person and instead becomes his purpose. The goal one tries to achieve through various efforts that bring short, but sometimes and more long lasting result.
The most common manifestation of the lack of "manual" experience was, perhaps, a deep sense of anxiety and discomfort in the here and now. The person feels a vague uneasiness, like something important, but elusive, lost and forever lost.
The thirst for gain that something often is that people associate their well-being with the achievement of any event or possession in the foreseeable future; in other words, "I'll be happy if only..." followed by the desired event or object, such as: new suit, new car, promotion or salary increase, other work, possibility to go somewhere in holiday or to move to the desired place for good, husband, wife or child (if still there) for the application of their tender feelings.
When the desirable is reached, this foreseeable future, as unattainable as in due time mother, is soon filled with another "if only". The pursuit of remote desirable becomes a new stage in achievement of the lost wellbeing wellbeing here and now.
Vital energy of a person is supported by hope of achievement of several objectives in the future. Strap height the desired goals depends on how the mother cheated the man in the infancy experiences "manual period."
Oddly enough, the majority of fabulous rich men aspire to become even richer, the people standing in power, dream to be more omnipotent, thus their languor and passionate aspiration finds a form and direction. But those few who have achieved all, or almost all, are compelled to live with unsatiable melancholy and thirst.
In marriage it is most obvious. The constant children's need of both partners to parent attention sounds in the phrase, "I love you, I want you, I can't live without you." The first two statements are quite normal for a Mature man, but the usual "I can't be without you", though is accepted in our society and even carries a romantic shade, means requirement to stay the child surrounded with parent care and heat.
Often there prevails the desire to be the center of attention (that is the transformed requirement of that attention which is necessary for the baby, not the teenager or adult), and partners by default turns playing the role of the mother.
Divorce between husband and wife can also be seen as an echo of foregone experiences in childhood. For people with "high needs" those who in their infancy were so deprived of attention and experiences that can not accept a person with their needs and requirements for such a search for a permanent partner — it is an endless and fruitless process. Betrayed them in early childhood, leaving wallow in a sea of deep and desperate longing for something inexpressible. The fear of another betrayal is so great that when a person finds a potential partner, and even create a family with him, then realizing it runs in horror, in order not to expose yourself and your partner repeated the test a "betrayal" and once again not to remind myself that he doesn't love unconditionally, just as required for his inner child. However, due to the closure of the circle "shoots from betrayal" and obsession with ourselves, and are committed continuous "betrayal", A and continue life as opportunities to change partners, without getting on with ordinary men or women and seeking to find the "perfect" relationship with someone more important than themselves.
Difficulty in finding a suitable partner are aggravated by the peculiarities of our culture, for example, the love heroes created by television, novels, advertising. The idealized and embellished characters created by a cinema, create the viewer the illusion that this is the "right" and "gentle as a mother" people. For some reason we like to them children's trust and endow actors with aura of perfection and qualities of their characters.
In relations between sisters and brothers a lack of proper experience in infancy turns into constant rivalry, envy, jealousy to parents, and even sometimes hatred between them.
The most striking example is Gemini. Among my relatives there are twins sisters, they are adults and have grandchildren. But the relationship between them is difficult to call the nurses ' station. Between them I have always felt the rivalry and the need to prove their existence and correctness. One of them divorced her husband almost immediately after the birth of her daughter, and the other one married late, tried to save the marriage, even when her relationship with her husband reached unbearable suffering (their children by that time were already adults and had their own families). From thirst to be different from her sister, she went all in, delivering pain and her husband and children, and themselves, if only not to divorce and not become like her sister alone. Both of them are not sufficiently balanced emotionally, with the first ever lost work because of conflicts in the teams. The second didn't allow herself to conflicts in the society, impose their views as a sister should behave and what to do. In his youth, the first sister was more attractive and had more success with the young people than the second. The second focused on your education and learning, in order to succeed in the other. But the education they received same. And if to be attentive, we can say that they are very similar in their actions and deeds, their algorithms of thinking are identical, but they can't stand it when they say that they are similar not only in appearance but also in character.
Some well-known psychoanalysts like Freud or A. meneghetti in his writings claim that a sense of rivalry between children is natural in nature. In twins, sibling rivalry starts even in the mother's womb, as the struggle for space and the struggle for the affection and attention of parents. But after considering the book Jean Liedloff, I came to the conclusion that it is not. Because children in the womb initially feel that this is their natural environment, and the fact that close to the beating heart of another man, it is also natural for them. They can't compare the situation with another, that is, if they were alone in the womb, especially not having awareness. Since they are provided with everything necessary, they are comfortable (and in no other way, because the inherent nature), and reasons for fighting them may not arise.
What happened in the childhood of these twins, why they unconsciously hate each other. The reason, in my opinion, was directly linked to the time after childbirth. Girls were born very small, less than two kg, and the doctors were convinced that one of them, the weakest will not survive. This happened in the countryside in the early 50-ies, when there was severe living conditions in rural areas, and to feed two kids, working on the farm from dawn to dusk it was very hard. It's hard to say now, would be for the parents of these girls relief, if the only survivor was a daughter, but inevitably in the minds of parents postponed that life is worthy only one of them. From that moment, the sisters have become, by default, divided into healthy and weak. That is the one that was more weak, beginning in childhood stuttering, she tried always to prove to parents that has a right to exist and love others the same as her sister, she has achieved more in life social status, despite the absence of the internal state of rightness and peace. But this fact proves also that man in himself is ready to bring certain qualities, having a goal, even unconsciously.
If to speak about the attitude of the older child to the younger, having received all necessary experience, being on hands at mother in infancy, and in good faith, the eldest child quietly accept the arrival of a new kid who will take his place, because there is no reason for the rivalry, because none of his wants and needs are not infringed.
Early experience influences the attitude of an adult to work. When the baby gets everything you need, while doing nothing, it naturally gives way to a growing desire to do something yourself, you have to work. If the person is in early childhood and have not experienced what it means to be absolutely passive, then it remains a penchant for pushing buttons, saving your work. (this is why we have such an attitude to work). Pressing the button is akin to feeding a child signal to the mother about any outstanding needs, but unlike mother's button will precisely make the desired without any reservations. The desire for work, extraordinarily strong people who lived in "lullaby of civilizations", we are eroding; it can't appear on the background of total unwillingness to take care of themselves. Work becomes for most of us a bitter necessity. And then any appliances which saves a couple of simple movements, becomes for us a symbol of lost comfort.
People otzyivyi from start to finish your boring working day behind a computer screen and dealing only with pieces of paper and conclusions, will realize the internal expectations in something like Golf. Not suspecting that charm of Golf in its absolute uselessness. If player forced to do all this violently, he would think it's probably some kind of sectarian sentence with hidden meaning.
The secret of appeal of attractions in their seat belt, otherwise than to explain our addictions to roller coasters, rides with the "dead loop" and the Ferris wheel, but the lack of experience, where we would be in full security, thus constantly changing the pose whereas round us continually unforeseen threats.
On the ride man enjoys in those circumstances which in real life would cause him panic. No wonder, because we're safe. Only for this feeling we are ready to lay their money on tickets.
How many people spend their entire lives in search of proof of his existence! Racers, climbers, and other daredevils, adoring to play with death, often simply try to approach as close as possible to the edge between life and death, to feel that they are really alive.
Effects of early treatment of children, we can also observe people, accustomed to the carelessness. They get dirty, slurp, thrown around the garbage, only to leave evidence of its existence, to draw attention to his person.
Men seeking to have a women like a Casanova, trying to prove to themselves that they are worthy of love. Every moment in the arms of each of the women contributes to the replenishment of lost experience. Too, perhaps, can be said about slutty women.
A Martyr suffers in a reproach to the surrounding, focusing on the amount of their suffering, that it was credited to his account in the future. The reason of tendency to such behavior only that mother roughly endured each time when the child was hurt.
The actor often feels requirement to be on stage in front of a large audience of admirers to prove that he is really the center of attention, although in reality it irresistible gnawing of doubt about it; from here his unrelenting desire to be in public.
Unfortunately, exist also such, also deprived in the childhood which endure the pain and discontent on others. The most obvious example of the involuntary sufferer is the child, who beat parents, victims and deprived in the childhood.
The advertisers have learned to play on the feelings of the parent deprived of the warmth of the audience. Advertising slogans for their popularity suggests what is missing from most modern "civilized" inhabitants: "If you buy something, you will again feel happiness and contentment", buy "Paradise" or "Take everything from life", or "You too belong to the generation of Pepsi", "Jeans Levis — freedom of movement", "New IKEA settles your life" — all accompanied by shots with "happy" happy young people.
Prestigious furs, cars, a residence etc. surround the person, creating the illusion of self-sufficiency and security in a hostile world. Our culture can continue to inspire us what to have and what not, but we really just want to be at odds with itself.
We are a way of life to which we are not prepared by evolution, thus to cope with these unnatural conditions becomes extremely difficult for our abilities are defective because of the transferred deprivations in infancy and childhood.
Morality is a kind of feeling of course in its various manifestations.
The fact that people are increasingly losing the light-heartedness and peace of mind, cannot be attributed only to the loss of man's place in the Mainstream of the Fishery in early childhood and the lack of appropriate treatment and surroundings.
While we do not consciously understand the need to unite in a single Channel, and do not strive to comply with God's Providence, any external changes will be useless, doomed to immediate distortion and inevitable destruction.
Here I want to give an example of the creation of kin estates by the ideas of the books of Vladimir Megre. I'm with her husband participated in the creation of one of the ancestral homes. We came out of this project precisely because people are being disconnected as a geographically and, primarily, in philosophical principles, are unable to define common objectives, moreover, most do not understand the need to do this and sought to embody the characters described in the books just to meet their own needs and desires. Many readers of this series of books unconsciously feel that the above images of the future, will regain lost experience, and then inevitably both they and all the neighbors in the settlement will be happy. But no one thinks that the degree of "inferiority" at everyone. And everyone expects to fill only their specific experience. As it is obvious that such internal disunity hindered and still hinders the clearance of land for settlement, the establishment of a new settlement. In raising such issues as the unifying idea, the purpose of the settlement, Express this in the lexical forms of the foundations of the future society, and much more, arose stormy and sometimes hysterical reactions of people (because unconsciously they strive for this).
So, I'm sure most of anastasiaweb. All this suggests that to begin to change society, and to return to the cultural origins need not externally visible — Estates pond in this garden, embroidered shirts, etc. are all related attributes. You must start with changing attitudes, awareness of the causes of our miseries, the conception which would unite the hearts and minds of the new society. Moreover, in today's society, the trends of its development this concept needs to be vital and sustainable, taking into account all aspects of life. One of these concepts, in my opinion, is Koba.
The stability of a system (including Mankind on the planet) need a force supplementing a tendency of development and prevent unwanted changes in system, namely force of resistance.
A certain number of events in the history of mankind has undermined our internal resistance to change is a few thousand years ago (these events, in my opinion, the most plausible set out in the "Dead water" and the works of IP USSR).
Evolution and progress (no evolutionary change) have a huge difference. They are diametrically opposed, since the fact that evolution is painstakingly creates, contributing to the diversity of forms and more specifically adapting them to our requirements, progress destroys by introducing norms and circumstances that do not meet the true needs of the people. Anything that can make progress is to replace the "correct" behavior is less appropriate. It replaces difficult simple and more adapted less adapted. As a result, the progress breaks balance of difficult interconnected factors as inside, and outside the system.
Evolution brings stability, and progress vulnerability.
Long before that, as among primitive people began to appear in isolation, tribalism, social structure, and later statehood, they instinctively, and most importantly, unmistakably knew how to look after the kids. Their lifestyle doesn't change from generation to generation, accordingly respect the continuity of generations and transfer of knowledge.
But over time, the part of humanity that moved (or helped her "escape") from the Channel. Ancient knowledge began diligently to eradicate it, based on intelligence, and as a result, today an army of researchers working tirelessly to figure out how we should behave towards children, one another and ourselves.
We, captives of intelligence, forgot our congenital ability to define what we need, so that I can not understand where our true requirements, and where distorted. The more a culture relies upon the intellect, the more restrictions we need to impose on members of society to maintain it
Our minds began to intervene in the region, millions of years administered a much more refined divisions of the psyche called "instincts".
If instincts were conscious, we instantly would have gone mad, because the mind by its nature can not simultaneously solve several problems, while the unconscious takes an infinite number of observations, calculations, comparisons and actions and without any mistakes.
Yes, human choice behavior is much more than the animals, allowing a greater number of errors. However, if human development is in the General Direction Fishery, it develops and the feeling of this bed, allowing you to make the right choice and intelligence in this case is to get the custody and protection of his bed. So, if you have experience, necessary for formation of ability to choose, and the relevant environmental conditions make human choices can be almost infallible.
We need to consciously take in order the principle of succession and continuity back to work, creating their own unique Direction, taking the best from past experience.