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Divorce. You're a fighter or something.
Not every man is ready to leave the family “with one suitcase” – in the mass consciousness this is the height of nobility. As a lawyer, I don’t really call for that. A “good divorce” is when the interests of both parties are taken into account, and a compromise is found, and the necessary documents are signed in the pre-trial order.
Unfortunately, many people know firsthand how difficult it is to agree with two people when grievances, thoughts about a failed marriage, longing, anger, fear of a foggy future interfere with thinking and acting rationally. A combination of mutual grievances and claims often turns yesterday’s partners into irreconcilable enemies. But emotions are a disgusting adviser in dealing with issues that require detailed strategy and tactics and careful action.
A man, as a rule, ascribes to himself most of the material achievements during married life and is not inclined to share them with his ex-wife. The woman, in turn, includes the program “squeeze everything” and begins to manipulate her ex-husband with the use of prohibited weapons – children.
As a result, the spouses resort to resolving disputes in court, while keeping silent about the true reasons for the divorce, not talking to each other, not clarifying the ideas and motives of their actions in marriage. In a word, they are extremely careless! Such understatement does not allow the representatives of the plaintiff and the defendant to effectively perform their duties in the interests of the parties, court cases are delayed for many years, and the acute stressful situation of divorce becomes chronic.
In addition to the fact that a difficult divorce steals time and money, one should not underestimate its negative impact on the health of all parties to the conflict.In fact, it is not a complicated legal procedure.
Women have a protective mechanism that allows them to experience the tragedies of life more gently. Since they are more expressive in nature, they tend to show their emotions to the surrounding world and thereby gradually get rid of destructive thoughts and painful feelings. To come to peace of mind, it is often enough for them to cry out to friends or relatives, to gush in solitude, to scandalize at work, to behave, let us say, not too adequately.
But close people, friends and often even colleagues will take almost any escapades with the understanding: “She’s having a difficult period!” The fact that many women allow themselves to dissolve in front of children who are already in stressful conditions is a reason for a separate conversation.
Men in society are traditionally given the role of a kind of “boa”, calm in any situation.It is customary to be restrained in their emotional manifestations. Everyone is dominated by the principles hardened since childhood: “men do not cry”, “you are a man – grit your teeth and endure”.
Very few people decide to resort to the help of a professional psychologist or psychotherapist in moments when life, as they say, “hits the head.” And if in a situation of divorce proceedings, a man allows himself to demonstrate his tearing feelings, he, at best, will receive the label of "crazy" and false sympathy for "real men" with an offer to drink and spit "on this bitch."
Perhaps that is why among divorced men, the level of alcoholism and related diseases, as well as physical ailments and depression is many times higher. A divorce almost never goes unnoticed. But alcohol is not the most successful variant of emotional anesthesia. The problem with the help of a glass will not be solved, but it is elementary to purchase new ones.
In short, men are much more likely than women to get a whole package of psychosomatic diseases and functional disorders. Strictly according to the formula “all diseases from nerves”. On which organ and with what force psychosomatics will hit, it is impossible to predict in advance. More than likely problems with blood pressure, decreased sexual function or on the contrary – not healthy and not controlled hypersexuality, sudden mood swings, increased irritability, even aggressiveness.
However, the first and most important rule of survival in a divorce situation is: Do not fence yourself off from experiences, splash out negative moods and emotions in a constructive way and in a socially acceptable way. If the physical form allows, the introduction or increase of sports loads is very indicated.
Boxing, swimming, fitness. Buy a bicycle and dumbbells. Remember that there is a bar next to the house. You will have a rather serious operation, akin to a military one, and a long happy life after that. Therefore, take the time and effort to ensure that your fighting spirit settled in the body of a fighter, and not prematurely aged "soldier without words of love."
“Like behind a stone wall”: all is well, but nothing good
7 signs of emotional exhaustion
And please pay attention to your health! If you have neurotic reactions: “jumping” pressure, tormented by insomnia, reduced appetite, you experience mood swings, sexual disorders, tics, panic attacks – do not rush to take alcohol “to relieve stress”. To preserve and strengthen mental and physical health will help only a specialist - psychotherapist or family psychologist. published
Author: Alexander Khaminsky P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: haminsky.livejournal.com/2723.html
Unfortunately, many people know firsthand how difficult it is to agree with two people when grievances, thoughts about a failed marriage, longing, anger, fear of a foggy future interfere with thinking and acting rationally. A combination of mutual grievances and claims often turns yesterday’s partners into irreconcilable enemies. But emotions are a disgusting adviser in dealing with issues that require detailed strategy and tactics and careful action.
A man, as a rule, ascribes to himself most of the material achievements during married life and is not inclined to share them with his ex-wife. The woman, in turn, includes the program “squeeze everything” and begins to manipulate her ex-husband with the use of prohibited weapons – children.
As a result, the spouses resort to resolving disputes in court, while keeping silent about the true reasons for the divorce, not talking to each other, not clarifying the ideas and motives of their actions in marriage. In a word, they are extremely careless! Such understatement does not allow the representatives of the plaintiff and the defendant to effectively perform their duties in the interests of the parties, court cases are delayed for many years, and the acute stressful situation of divorce becomes chronic.
In addition to the fact that a difficult divorce steals time and money, one should not underestimate its negative impact on the health of all parties to the conflict.In fact, it is not a complicated legal procedure.
Women have a protective mechanism that allows them to experience the tragedies of life more gently. Since they are more expressive in nature, they tend to show their emotions to the surrounding world and thereby gradually get rid of destructive thoughts and painful feelings. To come to peace of mind, it is often enough for them to cry out to friends or relatives, to gush in solitude, to scandalize at work, to behave, let us say, not too adequately.
But close people, friends and often even colleagues will take almost any escapades with the understanding: “She’s having a difficult period!” The fact that many women allow themselves to dissolve in front of children who are already in stressful conditions is a reason for a separate conversation.
Men in society are traditionally given the role of a kind of “boa”, calm in any situation.It is customary to be restrained in their emotional manifestations. Everyone is dominated by the principles hardened since childhood: “men do not cry”, “you are a man – grit your teeth and endure”.
Very few people decide to resort to the help of a professional psychologist or psychotherapist in moments when life, as they say, “hits the head.” And if in a situation of divorce proceedings, a man allows himself to demonstrate his tearing feelings, he, at best, will receive the label of "crazy" and false sympathy for "real men" with an offer to drink and spit "on this bitch."
Perhaps that is why among divorced men, the level of alcoholism and related diseases, as well as physical ailments and depression is many times higher. A divorce almost never goes unnoticed. But alcohol is not the most successful variant of emotional anesthesia. The problem with the help of a glass will not be solved, but it is elementary to purchase new ones.
In short, men are much more likely than women to get a whole package of psychosomatic diseases and functional disorders. Strictly according to the formula “all diseases from nerves”. On which organ and with what force psychosomatics will hit, it is impossible to predict in advance. More than likely problems with blood pressure, decreased sexual function or on the contrary – not healthy and not controlled hypersexuality, sudden mood swings, increased irritability, even aggressiveness.
However, the first and most important rule of survival in a divorce situation is: Do not fence yourself off from experiences, splash out negative moods and emotions in a constructive way and in a socially acceptable way. If the physical form allows, the introduction or increase of sports loads is very indicated.
Boxing, swimming, fitness. Buy a bicycle and dumbbells. Remember that there is a bar next to the house. You will have a rather serious operation, akin to a military one, and a long happy life after that. Therefore, take the time and effort to ensure that your fighting spirit settled in the body of a fighter, and not prematurely aged "soldier without words of love."
“Like behind a stone wall”: all is well, but nothing good
7 signs of emotional exhaustion
And please pay attention to your health! If you have neurotic reactions: “jumping” pressure, tormented by insomnia, reduced appetite, you experience mood swings, sexual disorders, tics, panic attacks – do not rush to take alcohol “to relieve stress”. To preserve and strengthen mental and physical health will help only a specialist - psychotherapist or family psychologist. published
Author: Alexander Khaminsky P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: haminsky.livejournal.com/2723.html
