A love triangle starts with a square

So long lived without books, no furniture, no utensils, old

the couch that — before there - was a triangle with the perpendicular,

restored the familiar upright on two merged points.

Brodsky

 

 

This article is not about getting out a love triangle. And not even about how best to behave in it. This note is an attempt to look at what happens before you receive the love triangle.






Relationship is work. Work on yourself. Not over others, namely, on himself. Relationship requires openness and support each other. Family is not just living near people.

The family performs important functions:

  • Safe environment

  • Support and adoption

  • The creation and upbringing of children

 

Let's order. What is a safe environment. This is the place where you can tell his terrible secret and above you will not laugh, tease. Where you can take risks and try new things. Where you can relax from the hassle of the outside world.

That is, it is a place where you can be yourself without fear. Where you can do, to relax and to be Frank. Safe environment, ideally, is a family, a place without physical and psychological violence.

Support and acceptance is an opportunity to be different. That is different. To be not similar. To have an opinion. It's not the baby talk and not pandering. It's not "uchi-way" and blind admiration. This is an adult position where people respect each other and allow the other to vary.

The creation and upbringing of children, in my opinion, it is the function of the family. It may be the subject of separate notes. Then briefly write my opinion: better for children to grow up in full families. This allows the child to get the necessary for life set of scripts.

Children raised in orphanages are very different psychologically. This is due to the specificity of institutions. Children have basically no privacy and constantly occurs a violation of boundaries. In addition, there is a permanent regime, which cannot be changed or cancelled. Also children's homes are characterized by isolation from society, lack of skills that children receive in the family — handling money, responsibility, interaction with other people.

Single-parent families due to the absence of one parent can't give a number of ideas about the relationship between people. And the child of single-parent families are formed in different scenarios than the child of the full family.

So,the execution in the family of these three functions allows a person to feel safe with your loved ones. So what happens when a love triangle? As strange as it may sound, but cheating is not the source of family problems. Cheating only indicates the presence of family problems. Actually, adultery is the outward sign of having a couple of problems.

Change, contrary to popular belief, both men and women.

First, there is a love triangle, there is discontent and quarrels, claims and innuendo, insults and other forms of manipulation. And when all that separates loved ones further and further, then that creates the idea to meet their own needs somewhere on the side. Sometimes she appears as a harbinger of the breakup in an attempt to prepare "alternate airfield", and sometimes as a way of obtaining needed without separation.

Each person has needs: food, sleep, sex, safety, love, recognition, support, acceptance, care and more. And also the needs have understanding of the best way to meet those needs. When these needs are not being met in the family are satisfied or not, then there is discontent.

These grievances grow up and stand behind the man. They are, depending on the patterns of behavior present in partners, can manifest themselves in scandals and quarrels, and may in silence and rejection. But the essence remains the same. The General scheme looks like this:

Necessity is the impossibility of satisfaction – dissatisfaction – search for a meet

Quarrels, lack of understanding, dissatisfaction – all of this is generated by lack of contact with a partner. The lack of candor and intimacy. And here we return to the beginning of the article, where I wrote that the relationship is work. It is work on yourself. It's a risk to open up and talk with a partner about what you do not like and what would you like to change. How would you like to change that. Is overcoming his fear of being misunderstood, look silly or ridiculous. Fear of being a "pervert" or "not such as all".

 



Accelerate in the direction of happiness

The man waiting for his Equal

 

Of course, it is easier to find someone else and hope that it is here that everything will be fine. In fairness, I must say that sometimes the second or the eighth contact is more successful. Just more puzzles develops by itself, without effort.

And long-term relationships require risk and courage, openness and trust. But they are able to trust and share, to make risky steps in the world knowing that the house will support you and in case of success and in case of failure. Feel loved and to love not only when the sun shines, but when it went behind the clouds.

That's it for me.published

 

Author: Denis Osin

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.b17.ru/article/54915/

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