Best I gave my daughter

For five years my Hands Free journey, I realized that the best gifts are not those that we give in the box. The best gifts are those that require dedication, time and heart.

And I want to share with you some of my gifts, I feel better. I hope that my painfully honest story will inspire some of you to start giving gifts that improve life for many years and influencing the one who receives and one who gives, and probably in the whole world. It is, however, possible.


Best I gave to my husband – TAKING


The first ten years of our married life I have often thought about what I would like to change in my husband. I wish he was more open. Listened to me more carefully. I dreamed that he would be alone to notice when you need to clean the house will look me in the eye when we talk, and quiet to chew gum. I really wish he hadn't raised such a fuss when it comes to birthdays and holidays. (How dare he?!)

I spent a lot of time dreaming about what my husband will be someone else.

Once we had a tense moment. Before any new experience, I'm usually very worried and anxious. My husband is quite another – and he told me to relax. I said, "For me it's a new experience! I'm worried. Are you still not understand? I am what I am. I will not change. And that's fine. I may not need to change anything".


And in that moment when I stood in front of him, wishing that he saw and loved me for who I am, I finally saw him as he is.

And stop dreaming about what he would change, I once noticed that he became more open – at night when the lights were off and I was completely immersed in us. I noticed that he listened when I said "This is important". Noticed that he took a lot of household chores, which I didn't even notice. I realized that he wasn't trying to outdo me for the gifts, he just liked to give, and besides, he had the talent to accurately remember what people are like. And when he chewed his gum, " I reminded myself that the time will come when I will miss that sound, and then he even seemed (almost) soothing.

Best I gave my husband – ACCEPTANCE, and it turned out that I shared with him this gift.


Best I gave my oldest daughter the FREEDOM


The first six years of life Natalie I was expecting a lot from this little feisty child. On her fragile shoulders she carried a great weight, obtained from a woman who wanted everything to be perfect and followed its General plan. Natalie quickly picked up my perfectionist tendencies. It was hard to imagine. In her eyes froze the expectation of defeat, and she bit her lip from anxiety.

One day I noticed that the door to her room, often closed, and the reason has not escaped my notice that my daughter preferred to spend time alone and not in company critical mother. I realized that if you want to participate in conversations, joys, secrets and sorrows my precious child, I have less to monitor and to criticize, more to release and promote.

I started to recognize all the things that Natalie was doing right, instead of having to point out that, in my opinion, was "wrong." I noticed that in some cases her "mistakes" in General it is not necessary to specify. In the end, she grew up and studied and she needed the freedom to try, to fall and to rise again, no criticism behind the shoulder.

When we spent time together, my goal was to make her day better, not to distract unnecessarily. Over time, I learned to step back and watch as my baby uses her organizational skills and creative thinking, leading the neighbor's camp, delving into complicated medical books and protecting those less fortunate. Every night we talk heart to heart in her dark room and she tells me about how is going to help the world. She knows that in spite of the errors and crashes that inevitably happen on the way, I will always support her.

The best gift that I asked my eldest daughter, was the FREEDOM to try, to play and to win. And it turned out that I shared with her this gift.


Best I gave my youngest daughter the TIME


By the time my youngest daughter was four, I've managed to give her clearly to understand that her approach to life in the style of "need-to stop-smell-roses – a real pain for me, effective mother. But until I heard the eldest daughter is the younger utters a demoralizing tone, I thought about what a blow put both their own children.

That day I looked Avery in the eyes and said, "I'm Sorry I forced you to hurry. I love that you are doing everything at their own pace, and I'd like to be more like you."

Both daughters looked equally surprised by this unusual recognition, but face Avery directly beamed my approval. And I knew that if I keep my oath, and I will try to be like her, it will change our lives.

Whenever possible, I allowed Avery to set the pace. I praised her when she did something that was not paying attention to others. I began to notice with her. I saw the joy she feels when slowly puts on her favorite pajamas, gently sprinkle cinnamon Apple juice, gently comforting a sad classmate or waiting patiently for his grandfather. My child is a Remarkable, and I quickly realized that these children are beautiful and rare gifts to the world. Then I realized that she was a gift to my frenzied soul.

Now this kid writes music. This painstaking process behind a guitar and a laptop, but she has the talent, confidence and patience, she can cope. First of all time now on the side of Avery; no need to hurry when you eat a vital message for a busy world.

The best thing I gave my little daughter – TIME and found that I shared with her this gift.


The best thing I gave myself PERMISSION


I would have missed a very important gift if I didn't mention that presented itself. None of the above gifts would have happened if I hadn't given myself permission, permission to stop being someone who can "do anything" with a smile on his face, while the spirit is slowly dying inside... permission to turn off the noise of the outside world and follow his heart... permission... permission to use their own mistakes as stepping stones to a better version of yourself... permission to cry permission to enjoy... permission to breathe. I would not be who I am today if I hadn't given myself permission to write, at least ten minutes a day, and hope to become an author, which will help others to grasp the most important on-the-fly.

Five years ago I gave myself PERMISSION.

It was a gift for my husband and children, and to all with whom I shared their truths and hopes. I still don't really know how to give material gifts, but got the skill to dig deep in search of the most important thing I can give.

I hope that this article will help you to feel less stress about what to pack in a box, and concentrate on finding gifts in the depths of his soul. These gifts of time, presence, forgiveness, and acceptance – affects not only the recipient but also the giver, and on the whole world. For those who wonder how to begin to give such meaningful gifts, whether for yourself or those you love – this elegant quote shared by my friend Kathleen:

"Be softer with you you're the one who's breathing, someone else's memory, a house for a lifetime" – Nayyirah Waheed

Yes. Oh yeah. Meaningful gifts start with in order to be softer.

Be softer with you.
Be gentle with him.
Be softer with her.

Be gentle.
Be gentle.

We will not be mistaken if will be softer, kinder, more open, forgiving and accepting. With love it is always good to start with.published

Author: Rachel Stafford, translation: Olga Shurukht


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©




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