daughter Education - what is important to remember

recently I talked with a mother who has four children. The two older sons and two younger daughters. My mother complained it to the daughters. What's sons did not know the problems, but these girls .... I asked what the complexity, the answer surprised me a bit, though something was not surprised at all.

"That's over 12 years old. She is a typical blonde. She does not need anything at all. Just any nonsense - dancing, singing, drawing. As if it will earn in a lifetime. Learning does not want to. The school does not want to go. Today, I got up and said she's not going anywhere, because nothing is learned. And she can see whether the absence is better than the deuce! That she does not go to school, because today is ugly. That she had nothing to wear. That is not in the mood. The Institute does not want to. At least the soup cooks. How will it live - can not imagine. So tired of chasing her! »

I did not even ask about the younger. And thoughtful. I Thought, because it is not the first time I hear about such problems with girls. And because I had heard for me is not a problem. I would be happy, that increases a woman, she has the right values ​​within guidelines and preferences. Although - it is now so I think

. When I was in high school and college, along with the boys laughed at the blonde, who themselves can not do anything, did not realize anything. And it is very sad when then these same boys thus blondes gave flowers and drove in the movie, and I, all so smart, stayed at home and without flowers. Once it seemed to me that I should all be able to do myself and that if anything happens, I will not be gone. To be able to provide itself. To be able to re-stick wallpaper itself. And even finish this nezhensky University.

I can remember a childhood - a special love for man's games, activities. That I, Robin Hood, the midshipman, then Malchish-Kibalchish. Never in the games I was not a princess, Cinderella, I felt a strange, all the other princess seemed boring. But the knights! Pirates!

My friends, of course, were boys. And this determines the class - cops and robbers, war, battle. Most of my life I lived a boy. This is a special way affected my life, my health, my relationships. And as long as I bring my boys, I often wonder - and how to bring up girls? The answer I found a lot - in the scriptures, in the lectures of the Masters, in dealing with those who do good turns to educate girls. I will try to organize these postulates.

In fact, collecting it all, I had a feeling that it is such a childhood I wanted. And now I have to re-live many of these items, re-cultivating a girl. It seems to me an excellent criterion of what a list of good and practical.

Educate a girl - a huge responsibility

To begin with, the boys bring up easier. For many reasons. Boys are born "blank", and they have much to learn, much to invest in them (if we talk specifically about the values ​​and attitudes). Not so scared to make a mistake somewhere, if the boy is not yet grown up, many more can it grow. It is difficult - if there are no men. And if a man has, and it is good, then this is enough.

With the girls anyway. We are born already complete. The maximum total value, the principles already laid down, and the ministry in us, and care, and love. Again, I remember the story of Momma beginning of this chapter, and again convinced of it. Therefore, the task of parents there are more - not to break. Do no harm. Do not burn all the good that is in it. Agree, a huge responsibility. And the cost of failure is higher. If you break something that you do not create - how to fix

? Girls sensitive, vulnerable, touchy. Therefore, any failure of emotion, any increase in votes, the punishment may dislocate her psyche. And to make her a real "Robocop", or permanently hurt child.

The girl - Princess

. It has been said a million times, but the root of the word "girl" - "deva" - which means divine. This is about the completeness with which the girl has come into this world, and about a special test for the arrival of her family.

And if you translate it into more understandable to us the level of each girl - Princess. Princesses are different. There are very soft and the hard-working, there are very creative and easy-going, there are also fighting the princess, but even they - Princess

. Seeing the girl in his divine spark, even if it is far from the classical understanding of the girls - is not sitting still, fighting with the boys, do not like to cook. You just got the princess of the family of warriors. So you both put on fate. But even with such a character is - a princess. Maybe she will not be wearing a beautiful dress and style your hair beautifully. Maybe it will be indifferent to the crown and ornaments. But it is still worth to treat her like a princess. Best regards, respect and admiration.

Confidence in its beauty. Dress up, indulge.

99 percent of women consider themselves not very beautiful. Even those who consider all other beauties. Because in the early years, we have heard the epithets of their curves or bony legs, long or humpback nose, thin or too plump lips and other body parts.

The largest contribution to this made by the parents, or rather my mother. They, of course, love. And it turns out not so. Mom tries to make a beautiful daughter in his understanding of beauty, but who said that her true understanding? And some mothers and does unconsciously compete with her daughter, so are trying to explain to her that she is not very good.

Therefore, if in respect of his daughter, you can not prevent the appearance of such estimates in the negative direction - this is already a victory. And if you still will be constantly telling her how beautiful she was, how pretty her eyes, hair and everything else, the self-esteem of your girls will be much better.

Perturbation foresee that it is conceited and puffed up, it is possible and to praise. Do you really think that's possible? Or so we tell ourselves that we are praised enough for us to have grown by normal people?

Dress up their princess, pamper them. Let them a child will play his party princess to have a good foundation for further development.

Proper training - what is useful

It seems to me that all the time I'm talking about. But it is worth saying again. Teach a girl that she is useful in life. Do not make it to school to cram everything in the top five, especially the fact that she does not like. Rejoice in the same way and triples in chemistry and fives for labor. Because none of the chemical formula and no physical law of life it is not useful. A self-esteem can easily kill, like nerve cells. Or ask the wrong direction of development, to make you happy.

And learn to what any school does not teach. How to be a woman, how to build relationships, how to cook the same soup and bake pies how to iron a shirt like to style your hair. Here is what she definitely come in handy in life. What exactly it is necessary and important. But where is this taught?

Save her purity

Again - if a girl is born already full, filled with all the best, then our task is to save all. Save it clean - both physical and moral. For the girl afraid of, not only premarital sex. There are other sad things - alcohol, smoking, drugs, jargon speech. Besides excessive attachment to money, gadgets, fashion, fast food, TV consumption. Temptations in this world a lot, and some do not seem quite so scary. Just ask yourself the question - whether it carries the benefit of my daughter? And not lost if this is its cleanliness -. Whether physical, emotional see, whether intellectual, spiritual if

The hardest thing in this place that start talking about this need as early as possible. Because when the time comes - it will not be ready to listen to you. If from the very childhood, she would know that the man she should be the one that the bed only after marriage, if it is the norm in her eyes as a child, the greater the chance that a teenager, she will opt for purity.

The values ​​instilled from the cradle, especially girls. Because they have and so all is laid inside, it will be close to what you tell us. She was like a fairy tale, where the princess is only one prince for life, and they live is not always easy, but together. She was like a fairy tale of how evil sorcerer wanted to deceive and steal the princess, stole her kiss, and the princess refused and escaped. And so on. Cast your girl always how important cleanliness. By his example, an example of the heroes of cartoons, fairytales and books.

Respect her father

Although this cost item would be put first, I decided to put it in the middle, so I did not eat. Just kidding, but only a fraction of a joke in every joke. Indeed, every time I say that the father of children must be respected, come across a wild resistance of women. Especially those who are already divorced. The arguments vary, but usually it's so-and-so and respect not for that.

Just think that you are casting a daughter. Even without saying a word, just one smile can give her a sign that men - pettiness. And she will remember it for a lifetime.

Once you have chosen this man to father her daughter, carry the responsibility. Remember only the good things that happened between you and talk about her daughter. As often as possible. Encourage them to chat, because for girls daddy - this is the first novel. If he will give her a feeling of being wanted and love, it will be easier to live. If she will feel his protection and support, it will be easier to build relationships with men.

And if he does nothing special does not, you do. Tell her how Dad take care of her when she was crumbs. As he bought her first dress or shoes first. As we all bragged about her photos. As defended once in kindergarten. Collect such valuable detail and tell, tell. Do not be possessive, do not share a child, do not measure, who did more and who less. You goal - to help her to be happy, not to reduce bills

. If Dad is ready to close, and the daughter of the attention - help him. Ask him to give her flowers on holidays as a real princess. Let sometimes they will go to the cinema or to the theater together. Delegate it to fully protect his daughter - in all circumstances. Education, training - all of it is your task, and time with my daughter you need to spend more. And why not then tell her a lot of good things about her father? And good for you to exercise, and she - as a balm for the soul.

And the best thing that you can do in this case - to be happy next to her dad. To her dad loved you, admired you, provided attention. The girl is very fond of my father, and therefore tends to be the one he loves the most. If the husband loves you more than anyone else, she wants to be like you.

Do not criticize, give feedback only when it is very necessary and very gently

Women are very vulnerable. From early childhood. Any careless word hurts. We often seek girls "temper" and to prepare for a difficult life. Therefore, it is better we start to criticize, correct, so they are used to. But what we achieve this?

It conducts research. If the woman behind the man began to laugh at someone, 90 of 100 women took it personally, and turned around to check. That is, we are so sensitive to criticism, so tense, that any words behind perceive as told us.

Do not criticize girls. You are welcome. Remember how discouraged when you tried, floor soap at home, and my mother immediately pointed to the dirty corners. Remember how anything you do not want to do after you poke his nose in the greasy dishes, a mistake in the exercise books, the seam curve incorrectly imposed a shadow.

In most cases, it is generally better to remain silent. Girl and she certainly see the curvature of his stitches. And if it is on tyknut may stop sewing at all. I was a smart teacher works at the school. Probably why I'm so afraid to sew. And even with a strong desire and beautiful machine at home, I can not start. Because for any mistake we hit on her hands, saying, "filthy pens!". And as punishment somehow made the whole class has a white sauce. Without anything. Just because we have not guessed to bring this sauce garnish.

Where feedback is necessary and important, try to do it very gently and delicately. Not directly. Maybe we should just drop a hint, and she'll understand. Experiment to experience this side.

A lot of creativity is never

The female energy is closely connected with the work. If the girl is not nothing so to do, sooner or later it will cover apathy, depression. Creativity is different and each girl chooses something for herself. In this moment. After some time, her tastes may change - and that's fine

. If she stopped loving music lessons, do not stand over it with a whip. Let her take a break from music - and maybe it will come back to this hobby. Let her try different - dancing, singing, painting, embroidery, knitting. Suppose she chooses what she is close. Allow her to start a new, let her throw the old.

For girls the main thing - is to maintain a creative fuse. And do not get a degree of musical and art school, grade in gymnastics and dance beat. Let her be creative, not for the result, and enjoying the process. Do not expect these hobbies usefulness, completeness, success and graduation. And you see how her eyes would shine with joy.

And as the growth of girls do not put a taboo on work. After that we easily allow children in the five to ten years, fifteen is considered "an exercise in futility" and "burning the time." Creativity does not necessarily become a profession for her. This is her way to accommodate different situations, reduce stress, learn about the world and herself, to open your heart. And not only that.

Protect it

Be sure to protect. From bullies and bad people. From those who are undermining her self-confidence. From the attack at school - do not expect that she will understand. So it will become isolated only in yourself or learn how to fight and survive. It is necessary to you? On the harmful effects of obscure people - it would be good to know who your daughter is talking to someone listens. From excessive temptations of this world. From night walks alone. From that mud, which in the world is enough. From excessive burden on her mind. From beatings and punishments, shouting and insults. From the huge expectations - your best, by the way. From excessive labor at home - she has a lifetime washable, ironing and cooking. From too much responsibility, especially for younger brothers and sisters. From your same negative emotions, which you can easily dislocate it. From your quarrels with her husband and the father of her daughter. From your difficulties at work. From your unfulfilled dreams that are so eager to implement due to her.

If a girl will grow in an atmosphere of love and care, both in the greenhouse, it will be easier to build relationships in the future. It will be able to maintain its purity, vulnerability, innocence, modesty. Remember that before women all their lives were under the protection - first her father, then her husband, then her son. It was scary and silly, if a woman is suddenly left alone with all that is happening around her. And the first stage - the stage of child protection - one of the most important. It is a basic, fundamental.

Praise for a reason, not for the actions

Returning to the subject of praise. As I said, the girl can and should praise. As often as possible. But it is also important to understand the difference - how to praise. Boys, we encourage the activities, so praise only for the actions. That is not "you're so strong," and "you're so cool dad helped with these heavy bags." Or "you're so caring," and "you did such a cool bird feeder!". Thus the boy adjusted to a life full of important things.

If we do the same thing with the girl (as we usually do), the girl begins to live in the model, "I just can not love." And love it will start to earn a variety of ways. For parents, it is convenient - it will be a lot of things to do at home and at school. But for most girls is the worst you can imagine. It can never be satisfied with what has been done. It will be difficult to receive love and attention. It truly is considered that the need to sleep with anyone who paid her bill in a cafe. And so on.

The girl should be watered just. Talk to her about her qualities. Talk to her about what she was smart, pretty, kind, affectionate, talented. Just. Not adhering to the results, activities, actions. That it is not focused on action, not on the results and on the qualities and processes.

And more often hug her enveloping tenderness touch with love!

Be a good example for her

And this item as is always the most important. No matter what you say, it is important that you do. If you talk about respect for the men and call her husband by name, she will learn that it is - to treat men down. If you are talking about creativity, and themselves plows on unloved work, do not take care of yourself and do not have a hobby - she absorbs your model attitude towards life. Если вы курите, то о какой чистоте для дочери можно говорить. And so on.

Дети слышат, что мы говорим, но следуют они тому, что видят. Это отличный повод начать меняться самой, чтобы стать такой женщиной, какой вы хотели бы видеть свою дочь лет через двадцать-тридцать.

И самое главное здесь – быть счастливой. Чтобы она понимала, зачем ей все это. Зачем ей сохранять свою чистоту, зачем развивать творчество, зачем строить отношения. Если она видит пример счастливой матери, этот вопрос не возникает. А если эту счастливую маму при этом еще и обожает самый лучший в мире отец – то у девочки нет других вариантов. Ее сердце будет стремиться по освещенному вами пути – и это лучшая форма защиты для девочки.

У меня есть уверенность, что все это важно для каждой малышки. Малышки, которую вы держите за руку, укладываете на ручках спать или той, с которой вы теперь разговариваете о жизни. И не менее важно это для той малышки, которая внутри вас. Ей, скорее всего, чего-то не досталось. А это значит, что вы можете ее удочерить – и долюбить ее и добаловать. Купить ей туфельки Золушки, отдать ее на танцы, много хвалить, создавать заново для нее хороший образ ее отца…

Исцеление вашей внутренней девочки станет отличной базой для того, чтобы иначе относиться к своей дочке. Differently. С большим вниманием, с большей любовью. А детям ведь, по большому счету, ничего другого и не надо.

Автор: Ольга Валяева