Why More is better than me

Most people tend to evaluate themselves based on the successes and failures of others. Therefore, social networks, where users only show their best side, causing many severe stress.

Around it turns out that:

a) to evaluate themselves by comparing with other, normally, everybody does;
b) self-assessment through comparison with others in an era when so easy to feel and not be fraught with frustration.

Very often, due to the profiles in instagrame, contact, facebook, and anywhere else we see only one side of the coin: Success at work (without the sweat and labor of blood for 24x7), amazing journey (without heat syncope, humidity and mosquitoes the size of the dog) beautiful sunrise (no bags under the eyes), press "polosochkoj" and elastic ass (not hundreds of thousands of hours of the same sweat, blood and corns in the gym).




We do not see the price of these beauties, and we feel sad, why we do not have, because our head immediately thinks someone something is easy, but we do not. "It is clear - our head decides - with us that something is wrong." We are not so successful, not so productive, some do not like ... Of course, if we see that successful people are observed at the neurologist and drink nootropics, for example, the picture would be different (more honest and less traumatic), but the same nobody shows.

And even if we realize that behind the beautiful picture there is always something else, some kind of price that people pay, we still run the risk to slide into depression.

What can you do about it?

Go back to the healthy "point of assembly»

Firstly, it is worth remembering one simple fact (simple, but long, bear with the number of letters).



Each era has its own human mental disorder that almost deified. Depression in the period of decadence, dissociative disorder seventies personality, schizophrenia hippie period, psychopathy period dashing nineties.

If you think that in this age there is no such, then hasten to disappoint you: now the whole world is committed to the manic phase of bipolar affective disorder (it is the same: the manic-depressive syndrome)

. There is nothing to laugh at, I'm completely serious: here these here productivity, success, push the pedal to the floor sneaker your Lamborghini, party, shining, we still manage to life and we are kings - typical of patients in the manic phase bipolyarschikov

. So the first thing that it is desirable to do when you come across a social network on the hyper-successful Masha, who has two degrees, doctoral degree, pumped ass, very clean home, an amazing husband, a successful business, one child - Olympic champion, second - I find a cure for cancer (all), and at the same time she was only thirty, then the question of internal criticism: "and what do you got?" - honestly answer: "Well, actually I'm just mentally healthy»
Tired - normal. I want to sleep and eat - okay. Something not have time - normally
. Not normally - when this is not

. Collect yourself in a heap


So we commend ourselves by comparing with others. I sincerely believe that we have made such evolution: the fall is important to collect not less food than collected neighbor, because who knows when spring comes. Comparing yourself with others - this is a good method for the calibration of its state, as well as an important component of social interaction (we are, after all, part of the society)

. And comparing ourselves with others can be very useful: we can find inspiration, a new source of knowledge, understand that you need somewhere to pull their tails / coaching change / get a new education. Evaluation good about the people who are nearby, can be an excellent method of self-stimulation with a "NO».

All of this work, when we are happy with themselves.

It is necessary to wash over PCA, once we get tired, get under stress or overextend - everything can unhitch the horses. If we have violated the health or integrity of the individual - build yourself a fort of blankets, as a child, because most likely you will want to lie face in the pillow in there

. We're regularly evaluate not only others, not just yourself against a background of others, but also ourselves as a whole, and if our self-esteem sags, expect trouble: surrounding instantly start, not saying a word, to live better than you know more than you, and in general, be more intelligent and more beautiful than you.

If this happens, then, lie down face in the pillow in the fort of blankets, assemble themselves in a pile. Take yourself all of the approximate to the level of the plinth and try to find within a couple of answers:

For that I am dissatisfied with myself?
Whose voice speaks to my inner critic?

I have here, for example, the harmful resident soul mimics a angry mother in childhood. She often stopped to talk to me, if I myself led disgusting, and it was very painful. Today my inner critic pumps internal dissatisfaction, but silent, scoundrel, and it is not clear that it went wrong again.
(Just - Mama had nothing to do with it, my mother is the most wonderful in general, this is an internal glitch)

. As we agree with the critic? Each has his own, so that you know better.

In my sluagh, for example, if the cause of the dissatisfaction can not install, I remind this inner figure that she, in fact, is now behaving like a parent. So vividly tuhes tore off the couch and started to take care of me. Soup cooked? Where are my mittens, heathen? You found me a teacher of the Polish language? And who will find me? I as a child, can not do anything. Sidi, googly. Will criticize when will normal parent. And while I have you walking without a hat and without the soup sit, I'm sorry, here's a piece of cloth, shut up in it.
(And no, I'm not schizophrenic, it is quite a work psychological technique).

The trick here is to figure out what went wrong (if the reason for the dissatisfaction there is an objective and correct it), and agree with this voice in my head that incite to drive us into the thick inner when placing someone else's success inner demons hell.

Restore self-esteem


And self-esteem for the "self", we can it even slightly the control, despite the fact that it depends on external factors billion.

Take something that is familiar to you and where you are al (bake a cake, tie a sweater, disassemble the gun, read five books a week, sleeping with pleasure, in the end, each of us has a talent).
Evaluate where you objectively done ( "red diploma / Shelter / coaching younger sister to a difficult test" - anything goes). If memory is tight, and the frustration that everyone lives better than you - a systematic phenomenon, roll up your sleeves and
Strengthen the "support" of personality: study, work, family, love, image, health, etc.

Chat with your friends (do not follow the page on the social network and talk heart to heart).
Build a family. Work with passion. Take care of health. Take image. Start learning something new (I, for example, when sagging self-esteem rush to learn foreign languages, and I like it comes easily enough).

In a word, decide what you want to do is you (and not Masha-doctor-Sciences-ass-as-nuts), that gives you strength and energy, and do just that. Charged and recovered, because even I know that each of you - well done.