There is no perfect ... Bashny.Net

I'll reveal the secret

There is no perfect

We are with you is not by chance,

Not by chance you and I!

The words of the group "Animals" songs



Simply go ... Slam the door ... Spitting on the move claim rebukes offend ... and revel in a sense of "nikomunenuzhnosti" ... angry and not talking ... Forget and not remember ... out of life ...

Harder to stay ... Talking about his resentment, anger, powerlessness, fear ... Despite the strong feelings to be with others, to listen to him talk and negotiate.

You can get away from each other. From myself I will not leave. And You will come to each other. Come with their familiar look, feel, complexes, fears, resentments, problems and their solutions in a familiar way.

The circle is repeated. With each other and are the same!

Even if you go away from anyone who does not understand, does not hear, does not accept, does not believe ... in short all who does not suit you, does not correspond to your image-presentation, you still stay with me - not ideal

It is difficult to be with others and themselves. Meet with non-ideal, to experience it, to give up on it, to meet and to accept the reality of the Other and reality itself. Especially, if the feelings are going wild. And they are going through the roof, because the conflict is trying to stab each other in the Achilles' heel, the benefit of all the years of living together weaker partners are well-known place!

And then keep in contact with another is very difficult. More Jung once said that the senses and the mind are on different poles of the same line. In short, the more at the moment presents the feelings, the less there is less reason ...

This requires the ability to be in dialogue with others and in dialogue with them to others. Ability to meet, negotiate and find a compromise.

There is no perfect ...

The above ability is quite rare, and, in my opinion, is one of the most important criteria for personal maturity. Most often it is possible to observe the polar positions, which essentially ignoring others, or ignoring you. In the first case is environmentally unfriendly act in relation to another (the way sociopath), in the second - not harmless in respect of the self (the way neurotic). Both - it's something about the idealization and infantilism

. Way idealist - negorrigiruemaya hope for the existence of a perfect relationship, perfect for me the Other, my half, you want to look, sometimes a lifetime

. Way psychologically healthy, mature human personality - the ability to accept the reality, the ability to negotiate, the ability to BE IN THE DIALOGUE

. Agree - it means - hear themselves and others and to find a compromise

. And for this we need to stay, stop, stay, listen to yourself and others, try to understand what he wants and what you want. And here we must accept the idea that the other is what it is. He has the right to be the way it is. And the goal of his life not to be for me and be like I want to, so I came up with it! Said another, look at it, discover its features, evaluate and adopt them, to accept his otherness, and not try to alter it. It is not easy, and for some and unattainable. Often this is not enough for a lifetime.

A similar happens in intrapersonal space.

Here we can observe the same processes as in interpersonal conflict. Only here we see no conflict between the self and others, and between I and I, the conflict between the two parts of the Ya One of which is identified with the I, and the other - with the not-self is not taken Y. The most common conflicts inside I are conflicts between I want-and-I must and I-want-and I want to.

I want to rest. Sit back, would not answer ... I have to work, to grow professionally, to succeed ... I want to eat chocolate, cakes, and I want to be slim and slender.

Each part has the right to vote, each worth some important need. Missed, unrecognized, rejected part will demand attention, recognition and different ways to break through on the mental stage of life. Most will do so indirectly, detours. Rushes, masquerading as a psychic and somatic symptoms, unexpected actions, accidents ... It will take revenge ...

How to be here?

And it will work here is the same principle of dialogue - intrapersonal dialogue. The same process-steps, as in the case of interpersonal conflict:

Spotting - to recognize - recognize the necessity - to take - let be- find a compromise - to agree

. It is important to understand that all that is in me - it is important and necessary. Nothing is too much, there is good and bad. "Surgical" setting is unacceptable and even harmful. A suitable and useful is to install a "holistic" with the adoption of the idea of ​​the importance and necessity of all that is given to me.

And for dessert, a few unusual and less common (in contrast to the widely known), the parable of the two halves ... I would say that this parable to psychologically mature people, while traditional - for idealists

. There is no perfect ...

The parable of the two halves

Philosopher threw an apple in the palm, turned it over, looking from different angles, and said thoughtfully:

 - People believe that their souls are like apples

.  - In terms of? - An interest in his pupil

.  - More precisely, half - recovered philosopher. That's about.

He carefully cut the apple in half and put it on the table. They have such a belief like for each person there is a perfect match. Like God, before sending the souls in the world, dissecting them in half, into male and female halves. As the apple. Here roam the halves seek each other. And they find? How do you imagine it? What is the likelihood of such a meeting? You know how many people in the world?

 -. Many

 - That's it. And besides ... well, they will find each other, and what's next? Do you think that will make a whole apple and heal in peace and harmony?

 - Well yes. And is not it - surprised Trainee

.  - No, not

. The teacher picked up on apple half and lifted them to his face:

 - Here are two souls go straight from the tin in the world. And as the world comes from the human souls? Philosopher with a crunch took a bite of one half. - World - he continued with his mouth - is not static. And cruel. He grinds all by itself. One way or another. He cuts a piece, or bites, or even grinds to puree baby. He took a bite of the other half and for a while was silent, chewing.

The student looked at two stubs and swallowed.

 - And now, - solemnly proclaimed philosopher, - they meet! ... He joined bitten polovinki.- And that they fit with each other? ...... HET !!!

 - And look here now - Teacher took several yablok.- cut each in half, down at random the two halves of different apples - and what we see

?  - They are not suitable, - The student nodded

.  - Look no further. Adding two different halves together, he nipped at the same time with one and with the other hand and demonstrated results.

 - Well, what do we see? Now they form a pair?

 - Yeah, - The student nodded thoughtfully Now they fit together perfectly.

 - Because the world is not biting them one by one, and together

! Loving each other become one people: enjoy life together and together take the blows of fate, learn to understand each other perfectly, support each other and encourage them to achieve success. And over time, some couples learn from each other, even habits are similar characters and complement each other ... The second half is not born, but becomes.

Author: Gennady Maleychuk